Chapter Six
It was terribly cold and dark. Alex felt as if a frozen blanket wrapped her. Something slick and sticky covered the ground, and she struggled to keep her balance. Light blazed in front of her, briefly blinding her. She stumbled toward the light. Whatever covered the ground grew thicker as she moved closer to the light's source. She fought to stand and stared at her hands; crimson goo covered them. "Blood," she muttered. "It's blood." Something heavy and wet dripped on her head, and she looked up to discover Bobby's body hanging over her. Great gashes marked his body, and blood streamed from them. She screamed.
A terrible pounding reached her through her screaming and sleep. She fought the damp tangle of sheets surrounding her.
"Alex!" Bobby's frightened voice joined the pounding. "Are you all right? What's wrong?"
"Oh, God," Alex thought. "I woke him up…Probably woke up the whole hotel…" She struggled out of the bed, but her right leg caught in the sheets and she fell on the floor.
"Ow!" she yelled.
"Alex!" Bobby's voice grew increasingly frantic. "Are you ok? Alex!"
She kicked her foot free of the sheet and lurched to her feet. "If I didn't wake up everyone, he will," she thought and stumbled to the door.
"I'm all right," she called. She slipped the chain free and unbolted the lock. She swung the door open to reveal a deeply worried Bobby, dressed in his T-shirt and boxers, one hand raised to knock on the door and the other holding his gun. For a moment, Alex didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the sight.
"Alex…you're hurt." He reached out to touch her chin, and Alex realized she'd managed to bite her lip hard enough to draw blood.
"Oh, Damn!" she said. "Here, for God's sake get in here before everyone sees you."
He followed her into the room and placed the gun next to the TV. "Yea…I guess I do look kinda ridiculous." He ran a hand through his hair. "Are you ok? I thought I heard you…"
"It's nothing," Alex said hastily. "Just a bad dream. I can handle it. You should get back to bed."
Bobby studied. Alex was doing a good job of controlling her voice and body, but her hair was damp with sweat. He looked at the bed, where a wrestling match appeared to have just occurred.
"You had a bad dream," he said thoughtfully. "One of…"
"Don't worry, Bobby." Alex turned to the room's closet and began to rummage through it for extra sheets. "It was just a dream…Go back to your room and get some sleep."
He stepped tentatively to her. "Which one was it?" he asked gently.
"I…I don't remember…Please, Bobby…you need some rest…"
"Alex," he said wryly. "The chances of my getting any real sleep are pretty low. If I'm going to be awake, I might as well help you."
She stared up at the closet's highest shelves. "Oh, Damn…They would be up there…" She reached as high as she could, but the bedclothes were just out of her reach.
"I can help you," Bobby said as he moved closer to her.
"You'd think…" Alex jumped to try to reach the shelf. "They'd know a short person would occasionally stay in this room and need an extra sheet."
"I can reach them…"
"No! I'm supposed to be helping you!" Alex cried out.
Puzzled, Bobby looked at her. He touched her lightly on the shoulder, and Alex spun to face him. "No!" she cried again and slapped her hand against his chest. He grunted more in surprise than pain."
"Alex…"
"No! No!" She raised her hands again and let them collapse by her sides. She began to cry. "No…no…"
"Alex," Bobby said gently and wrapped his arms around her.
She struggled for a moment, but he was too warm, too safe, too strong. He guided her to the bed and tenderly sat her on it. He held her and made small, comforting circles on her back as she cried.
"Sh-sh," he said softly. "It's ok…Don't worry."
"I…I'm sorry…so sorry…Tonight…of all nights…" she blubbered.
"Alex…Like I told you…I'm not getting any real sleep anyway." He touched her chin lightly. "This at least lets me help you a little."
She stopped crying. "Happy to oblige," she said in a strained voice.
He held her so that his chin rested lightly on her head. "So, which one was it?"
"It…it was the one…where…where you…you're being hurt…" She hated the weakness in her voice.
"That one." His voice rumbled in her ears. "That one always upsets you a lot."
"Yea," Alex said shakily. "I can deal with things happening to me…but you…"
His lips brushed her hair. "I'm sorry I haven't been helping you much lately."
"Bobby…for heaven's sake…I'm not your responsibility."
"But I'm yours?" he asked softly.
She meant to give him a peck on the cheek, but he turned his head as she moved. Instead of his rough stubble she found his large, full lips. Her body flushed with want and need, and she saw his eyes widen and flame. Bobby was suddenly kissing her, kissing her with so much passion that Alex thought she might be dying and then thought she didn't care if she was. His right hand held her head, his fingers sending sparks thought her hair.
The world spun around him. "Alex, Alex," he thought. "She's here…she's mine…Oh, God…please…" The spinning ended, and his mind cleared. "No…No…Stop…This is Alex…She trusts you…She lets you sleep next to her because she knows that you'll protect her…Oh, God…What…What am I…" He jerked away, his arms dropping at his sides.
Alex gasped at the abrupt loss of contact and clutched Bobby. "What…Bobby?" His eyes were staring at the bed. "Oh, God," she thought. "He thinks…What are we doing? But I want him…need him…love him…"
Before he could pull away from her, Alex wrapped her arms around his neck.
"It's all right," she whispered. "Whatever you want…Whatever you need…Please…let me help you…I want to help you…I…I…" She gently pulled his head down; his eyes were tightly shut. "Please…open your eyes, Bobby…See me…"
He shook. "I…I can't…If I open them…"
"You can't hurt me," Alex said firmly. "You're incapable of hurting me…You are a…good man…a good son…"
His eyes sprang open, and the pain and the passion and the love in them shook Alex to her core. She forced herself to hold his gaze.
Bobby looked in Alex's eyes and found compassion and love. "I can't…can't fight it…her…I don't want to…fight it…"
They desperately kissed each other.
She was on the bed, with Bobby draped over her. His hands and mouth created flames on her body.
"Alex…beautiful, wonderful Alex…Forgive me…Forgive me…Please…Please help me…help me…Please…let me get lost…Please…" The words flooded from him.
"Bobby," Alex gasped. "Oh…please…"
Bobby hesitated in his devotions to her body. He raised his head. "Alex?"
"Bobby." She gently gripped his head between her hands. "It's all right…I want you…"
He shook his head. "No…No…This isn't right."
Alex took a deep breath and reached for the bottom of her T-shirt. "It's all right," she said, proud her voice didn't shake. She pulled the shirt up and over her head.
Bobby gasped. "Alex…You're…You're so beautiful…So wonderful…I…I…"
Alex reached for him. "Please…come to me, Bobby…Please…let me love you…let me…"
"Alex!" he cried and fell into her arms. He was everywhere, touching, kissing, stroking her body with a need that terrified and thrilled her. At some point he removed her pajama bottoms; at another, she managed to get his boxers off. He had dreamed of her, wanted her, for so long. Now that she was with him, the reality was greater, more wonderful than any thing he imagined. He was lost in her—lost in the smell and touch of her—in the smell of her skin and the soft coos and cries of her mouth. For the first time in months, Bobby's mind wasn't full of fear and anger and pain. His mother, his brother, all of his past were gone. There was only Alex—beautiful, wonderful Alex. He wanted to pace himself, to memorize her body and her responses, but it had been so long since he'd been with anyone, and now he was with her. He was insider her almost before he knew what happened. He heard her cry out, and he responded with a shout of his own. "I may be hurting her," he vaguely thought, but his body was too far ahead of his mind. He thrust one, two, three times, desperately trying to think of her, to please her. As the most intense orgasm of his life threw him into oblivion, he thought he heard a cry.
He was at peace. For the first time in months, perhaps years, he was at peace. He rested in her arms. She was soft and warm and lovely, and his mind filled only with her. No thoughts buzzed in his head like angry bees. Sex had brought him oblivion and exhaustion in the past, but this gave him a profound sense of joy he'd never experienced. Alex moved slightly beneath him, and Bobby realized he'd collapsed on her. He raised his body on shaky arms and slipped as gently and carefully as he could from her. Alex made a sound that might have indicated either pain or pleasure—perhaps both—and he stared down at her.
"Oh, no!" he thought. "What have I done? The night before…the morning of…my mother's funeral…My partner…My best friend…The best thing…The one, true thing…The one good thing in my life…I've hurt her…Oh, God…What have I become?"
"Bobby." Her voice was soft and kind and gentle. He didn't understand. Why wasn't she angry or afraid? Why hadn't she kicked him out of the bed and headed for the phone to call the police?
"Please…" he whispered. "I'm sorry…so sorry…"
"Bobby," she began.
"Please…Please…Wait until after…after the funeral…I'll…I'll turn myself in…Just…please wait…"
"Bobby." Alex fought to keep her voice calm. "What are you talking about?"
"I…I hurt you." His voice was muffled by the pillow, but Alex thought he was crying. "I…I'm sorry…"
Alex touched him on the shoulder; he shuddered. "Bobby…look at me."
"I…I can't…Not after what I…"
She pressed against his shoulder. "You did not hurt me…The only way you ever hurt me is when you shut me out…Like you're doing now…"
He gave way to the pressure and rolled on his back. His chest heaved with his effort to control his tears. One arm was flung over his eyes. Alex tenderly rested a hand on his chest.
"Bobby…look at me…"
He shook his head. She pulled his arm away from his eyes. His eyes remained tightly shut, but she could see tears glistening on his lashes.
"Bobby," she said again. "You did not hurt me…Far from it…"
He blinked and looked at her. He tentatively reached to touch her chin.
Alex rested on Bobby's chest. "This was a mutual thing."
"I…I…" He seized the strength and love he saw in Alex's eyes. "I'm so…It's all…so much…But…Thank you…I…when…when we were making love…and right after…I…I don't know when…I've never been so happy…so at peace…Thank you…"
Alex couldn't stop her tears. Bobby gently brushed them off her cheeks.
"I didn't mean to make you cry," he said.
Alex smiled at him. "It…was wonderful for me, too. I don't want to sound silly…but it was…the best…just…" She shrugged. "Just great."
"I'm glad," Bobby said. "I wasn't very considerate."
"Well," Alex said. "If you can do that to me when you're not being considerate, I'm not sure I could survive it if you were."
He smiled at her, and Alex thrilled as she saw the Bobby of before his mother's last illness. A shadow appeared in his eyes.
"But…the day of…What have I done?"
"Bobby," Alex said softly. "I was in on this too."
Bobby shivered, and Alex realized the sheets were tangled and damp. "We should change the bed if we're going to get some sleep."
"The bed in my room is ok," Bobby said. "If you want…"
He sat on the bed and was suddenly shy. He grabbed his clothes and tried to avoid looking at Alex.
"It's not like you haven't seen me," Alex said gently.
He tilted his head toward her and handed her clothes to her. "I'm sorry," he said. "I…I'm confused."
Alex slipped the T-shirt over her head. "Between you and me, I'm a little overwhelmed myself." She was stunned by how calm she sounded and felt. She'd just made love with her partner—her deeply troubled partner who was about to bury his mother—but she felt no shame, no guilt, or fear. "It finally happened," she thought. "And it couldn't have happened at a worse time…But…no matter what happens…I'm glad it did…"
Alex followed Bobby into his room. "You're sure," he said as he pulled back the covers of the bed. "I didn't…"
"You didn't hurt me," Alex said as she slipped between the sheets. She looked up at Bobby. "No matter what…I will never regret it. I'm glad it happened."
Bobby turned off the light and lay beside her. He wrapped his arms around her.
"I didn't mean for it to happen. It's a terrible time. But…But it was wonderful…You're wonderful…The best thing that ever happened to me…But…I …I can't see beyond tomorrow…I…want to be honest with you…I…I…"
She held him tightly. "Let's just get through tonight and tomorrow, ok? Just remember that I'm here."
He took a deep breath. "Ok."
END CHAPTER SIX