Chapter Fourteen
The Gryffindor 'boys' walked stiffly up to their dormitory, desperately in need of a shower before their next class.
Dean groaned.
"I never want to re-pot another Howling Marigold as long as I live," he muttered.
Ronnie nodded in agreement as she picked dirt out from underneath her fingernails.
Harry scratched his head and caused a small avalanche of potting mix.
Seamus sighed happily as the shower washed the dirt from his face.
"This is the best thing since self-slicing bread," he said.
Murmurs of agreement echoed around the communal bathroom.
But, suddenly, their happy sounds were replaced with screams of terror as the water turned a dull red …
Word spread quickly that the showers in Hogwarts rained blood. Rachel Grey ran to the nearest tap and began to drink the liquid that dripped from it.
"Hey! This isn't blood!" she exclaimed indignantly. "It's just red cordial! Bollocks!"
"Oh …" she said belatedly, noticing that she was receiving some odd stares, "I mean, hooray! The plumbing isn't filled with the bodily fluids of humans!"
And everybody smiled and nodded and continued on with their education.
After an uneventful lunch, Ronnie, Harry and Draco made their way to Potions, their progress hindered by other students occasionally forgetting to breathe in the presence of so much Rippling Quidditch Toned MusclesTM, and thus passing out in all kinds of inconvenient positions.
Draco sneered. "You'd think that they'd never seen two really, really ridiculously good looking guys before, wouldn't you?"
Harry grinned, and several students got blood noses.
Ronnie shook her head as she ushered her two friends into the Potions classroom. Because she and Draco had never really hated each other – they had just been Just PretendingTM!
Almost immediately after they were seated, Severus swept into the room, flicking back his ebony hair as he did so.
"Today," he began, "we will be brewing Felix Felicis, the most powerful plot device … I mean, luck potion invented to date."
He flicked his hand and detailed instructions appeared on the board.
Snape looked smug.
"That's right," he said, "that was wandless magic. So, not only am I am Master Occlumens, a Master Legilimens, the best Potions Master in Europe and the new face of Pantene Pro-V, I can also perform magic without the need for a wand. Your arses are so totally whipped."
Harry rolled his eyes.
"Looks like he got some last night," he whispered to Draco.
Draco smirked and raised his hand, ignoring Harry's suddenly anxious spluttering.
"Yes, Draco?" said Severus.
"Is it true that you got –"
Suddenly the door slammed open, rendering the rest of Draco's sentence inaudible.
Snape glared at Rachel Grey, who was now dragging a large bloody corpse into the classroom.
"Look what I found, Sir!" she exclaimed happily. "A Re'em!" Their blood is a vital part of strength potions – which we're doing next week!"
Snape continued to glare.
"Miss Grey," he said, his voice frosty, "you are ten minutes late. Sit down."
"But, Sir!" said Rachel. "A Re'em!"
"Now!" snapped Severus. "Or you'll be receiving a detention."
Rachel grinned.
"A detention, Sir?"
She looked up at him through lowered eyelashes and began walking slowly towards the Potions Master.
"I have been very bad, haven't I, Sir?"
Snape seemed to have difficulty swallowing.
"No," he said, in a voice distinctly higher than usual, "no detention, just … just … sit down."
Rachel pouted, but did as she was told.
Severus looked at the large golden ox body which currently resided in the middle of his classroom and then banished it to his private laboratory.
"Well?" he said to his class, most of whom were looking nervously at the large pool of amber coloured blood left behind. "Get to work!"
Harry sat down heavily in his usual seat and pulled out his History Of Magic textbook.
"How you doing?" said a strange voice.
Harry looked around confusedly.
"Huh?" he said.
"Eloquent as usual," said Ronnie as she took her seat.
"Hey, baby, what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" said another voice.
"History Of Magic," said Ronnie cautiously, looking around to find the origin of the voice.
Hannah Abbott took her seat and a loud wolf whistle pierced the air. She scowled at Seamus, who was just sitting down.
"My place or yours?" said yet another voice.
The four students look around the classroom, getting more and more confused.
A few more people arrived and sat down.
"What's your sign?"
"Was your father a thief? Because you've stolen my heart."
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?"
"Where are they coming from?" whispered Ronnie.
Corny pickup line after corny pickup line filled the air as students continued seating themselves.
"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together."
Professor Lupin walked in and sat at his desk.
"I hope you know CPR, baby, coz you take my breath away."
Professor Lupin looked confused.
"What?" he said.
Blaise Zabini raised his hand.
"Sir," he said, "my desk is hitting on me."
Whoever was orchestrating the pranks seemed to be on a roll, for as the days went by the frequency started increasing.
It wasn't uncommon to see students with their hands glued to doorknobs, or candles replaced with disco balls.
The moving staircases seemed to have been supercharged and no door would open unless it received a performance of the Time Warp first.
On one memorable day, all the first years were turned into clocks; and on another, Draco Malfoy found that whenever somebody sneezed near him he would instantly lose all his clothing.
Several girls were later seen actively trying to catch pneumonia.
However, it was a quiet Friday morning when it appeared the Prankster had finally gone too far …
Ronnie grinned as she took her usual seat at breakfast.
"Scrambled eggs!" she exclaimed happily. "My favourite!"
She quickly piled her plate full with the eggs and reached for her fork.
KABOOM!
The eggs suddenly exploded in a shower of pink sparkles and golden ribbons. Several people got whiplash as they turned to view the furious red-head of Gryffindor table.
Ronnie picked a single golden ribbon from her hair.
The Great Hall held its breath.
"This," said Ronnie quietly, "has gone far enough."
She rose from her seat, all eyes in the Hall glued to her every move.
"NOBODY MESSES WITH MY EGGS!" she roared.
"HARRY!"
The boy in question whimpered and attempted to hide behind his boyfriend.
Ronnie whirled around, her fiery hair billowing out behind her.
"IT'S TIME TO CALL IN THE TWINS!"