Chapter Fifteen

T'was the night before the Family Picnic; there was quiet in Hogwarts. Only two were stirring, and they weren't mousey-sorts.

Louise Frost winced.

"What's wrong?" asked Rachel Grey.

Louise shook her head.

"I just had the most awful bit of intertextual pose run through my head."

Rachel nodded absently and held up a small phial.

"I think this should work," she said.

Louise read the instructions listed in the textbook before her.

"Well, I'm no potions prodigy," she said, as Rachel grinned smugly, "but it looks pretty good to me."

Rachel rubbed her hands together and cackled evilly.

"Soon he will be mine! All mine!"

Her cackling soon expanded into full blown maniacal laughter.

Louise rolled her eyes.

"Whatcha gonna do next, Rachel? Give yourself a lame-arse name and get a pet snake?"

Harry squeezed Draco's hand as they navigated their way through the crowds that made up the Family Picnic.

"Don't worry, love," he said, "the Dursleys' will love you."

Draco fluttered his long, pale eyelashes.

"I do love it when you call me that – it's so very English and doesn't make me think of a sad, unfulfilled middle-aged couple that stopped having sex twelve years ago at all!"

Harry grinned.

"Good-o."

Harry spotted his family and waved happily.

"There they are, Drake!"

"Oh, I love that name too! It really doesn't make me want to look around for male ducks!"

"Pleasure to meet you, Draco," said Uncle Vernon, shaking his nephew's boyfriend's hand.

Dudley gaped. The blonde was HOT! And talking to him!

"Quick!" said Dudley's brain. "Say something intelligent!"

"Gahhhh," said Dudley, drooling slightly.

Draco raised an eyebrow.

"I can see the family resemblance."

Aunt Petunia tittered happily.

"Mams and Sirs!" said a kilt-clad Dobby. "Time for lunch it is!"

The small, green, wrinkled House-Elf that had appeared in an earlier chapter scowled at Dobby.

"Sue your arse I will," he said threatening.

Dobby gulped.

"Lunch!" he squeaked, and quickly popped away.

"Right," said Ronnie tensely, "there is an egg exploder around here somewhere boys, and it's your job to catch them."

Fred and George saluted their younger sibling.

"Will do!" they said in unison, and with lovely British accents.

"Now," said Fred, "if I was a prank master extraordinaire –"

"- which we are –" inserted George.

" – I would be –"

" – behind the Broomstick Shed!"

The twins grinned at each other and stealthily made their way to the Broomstick Shed.

Louise looked around her, a puzzled expression on her face.

"I could have sworn I heard somebody humming the Mission Impossible theme song …" she said.

But, shrugging, she dismissed the idea and re-commenced transfiguring grass into purple emus.

Suddenly, she felt a hand on each of her shoulders.

"Aha!" said two voices in unison. "We've caught the prankster!"

"D'Arvit!" muttered Louise. "Foiled!"

She spun around to face her capturers.

Three sets of blue eyes met and something magical passed between them.

"I think –" said George.

"- I just fell in love." finished Fred.

"OHMIGAWDTWINS!" squeaked Louise, and then promptly passed out from the hotness of it all.

Twin looked at twin.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Twin One?" said Fred quietly.

George nodded.

"I think I am, Twin Two."

"IT'S KIDNAPPING TIME!"

George hoisted Louise onto his shoulder.

"To the Weasley Mobile!" cried Fred, pulling out his wand.

And, with a few prods to the right bricks, the back of the Broomstick Shed merged itself into the entrance of a Very Secret TunnelTM.

The two red-heads and their unconscious quarry cannonballed down the tunnel, navigating the hairpin turns with expert ease, before coming to a sudden halt in a spacious room; which was empty aside from a Mysterious Covered ObjectTM.

Fred whipped off the purple cover with a flourish to reveal … a bicycle built for two!

"To Weasley's Wizard Weezes!" cried George, and, with that, the teens were pedalling their way over the Scottish countryside to London.

Rachel Grey groaned as she absently watched what looked like a flying bicycle vanish out of view over the Friendly Forest.

"Where's Louise when I need her?" she muttered, and turned her attention back to the matter in hand.

"Dorian," ground out the Headmaster.

"Albus," replied Rachel's father tensely.

The two men then proceeded to glare at each other.

Rachel rolled her eyes and adjusted her large, broad brimmed hat.

In another area of the Family Picnic, Hermione Granger sipped a chilled glass of pumpkin juice.

"This juice tastes funny," she said, wrinkling up her perfectly proportioned nose.

But she drank it anyway.

A few hours passed and Rachel Grey wandered back to where her father and her Headmaster were still glaring at each other.

"So, who's for croquet?" she said brightly.

The men gave no sign that they had heard her, or even recognised her presence, and continued to stare.

"Ha!" said Dorian suddenly, snapping his fingers before Dumbledore's face. "You blinked! I win!"

Albus gritted his teeth.

"I'm a good guy," he thought, "I really don't want to AK him."

But still his fingers twitched …

Remus and Sirius sat happily on their picnic rug, eating tuna sandwiches, watching their offspring play and listening to the Wizarding World Wireless.

"Oh!" said Remus suddenly, and leant over the adjust the volume. "It's our song, Siri-baby!"

"I'm on the hunt, I'm after you," sung Sirius.

He growled playfully.

"Up for a quick shag, Moony?"

Remus threw his sandwich over his shoulder, where it quickly collided with the back of Colin Creevey's head.

"Let's go," he growled.

"Kids!" he added, in a much less seductive tone, "Make sure you stay where Harry and Draco can see you!"

The pup-kids nodded and resumed their game of tag.

Sirius scooped up his lover and winked.

"Kitchen table?" he said.

"You know me too well," replied Remus, as they disappeared so quickly you'd think that they'd disapparated.

Only you can't do that on Hogwarts' Grounds.

Hermione nodded proudly.

"Glad to see I'm not the only one who's read Hogwarts: A History," she said.

Harry and Draco paused in their discussion on the Appleby Arrows vs. the Wigtown Wanderers as a large shadow passed over them.

Harry shielded his eyes from the sun as he looked upwards.

"Oh, hello Neville," he said.

"Hi," said Neville/Alex, "I just wanted you to meet my uncle – Ian Rider, Very Secret MI6 Agent!"

Harry nodded to the tall man who stood beside his classmate.

"Nice to meet you," he said.

Neville/Alex looked slightly disappointed.

"Does the name Obi-Wan Kenobi mean anything to you?"

Harry and Draco shook their heads.

"Bollocks," muttered Neville/Alex.

"What's that small silver cylinder with the red button on the side hanging off your belt?" asked Draco.

"Ahhh … it's a … different type of wand …" replied Mr Rider.

"Oh yes?" said Draco. "Do show us."

Harry blinked at the bright blue light that shot out of Mr Rider's 'wand' with a quiet snap-hiss.

"Whoa!" he said. "It's so shiny!"

Draco nodded and turned to face Neville/Alex's uncle again.

"You're obviously gay," he said, "and compensating for something."

Ronnie plopped down on Harry and Draco's picnic rug.

"I can't find Fred and George anywhere," she pouted, "they went to find the prankster and I haven't seen them since!"

"Hmmm," said Draco, "have you checked behind the Broomstick Shed?"

Ronnie nodded.

"Yes, but all I found were some purple emus."

Harry shrugged.

"I'm sure they'll show up," he said, "they've probably already caught the prankster and are busy punishing them."

"They have been gone an awful long time though," said Ronnie, unconvinced.

"Probably just driving the point home," reassured Harry.

"Hey, look at Grey," said Draco suddenly.

Harry and Ronnie turned to watch the girl in question.

"Whoa," muttered Harry, "that sure is a big hat."

"There must be a foot of shade on all sides of her!" said Draco, impressed.

"I wonder what it's for?" mused Ronnie.

Harry shrugged. "Dunno."

"I guess she could be a vampire and the hat is to prevent her from burning up in the dim British sunlight," suggested Draco.

Harry and Ronnie glanced at each other, and promptly dissolved into fits of laughter.

"No offence, Draco," said Ronnie, when she had calmed down a bit, "but that's about as likely as Grawp running from Minister Of Magic -"

" – and winning!" chimed in Harry, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.

Draco pouted.

"Who's Grawp anyway?" he grumbled.

But before either of his companions could reply, a large snowy owl swooped from the sky and began attacking Harry's mop of jet-black hair.

"Ow!" shrieked Harry, "what in Merlin's name is wrong with you, Hedwig?!"

The bird in question peered over Harry's head so that she was thus able to glare at him.

"Inconsiderate boy!" she screeched. "You haven't been to visit me for weeks! And you forgot my birthday!"

"I didn't!" winced Harry. "I was just busy trying to organise a surprise party for you!"

Hedwig appeared mollified by his reply, which, on a side note, wasn't actually true.

"Good lad," she chirped, and flew off as quickly as she had arrived.

"What. The. Hell?!" stated Draco, conveniently forgetting that he'd never even heard of religion before.

Harry rubbed his head gingerly.

"Blasted bird," he muttered.

"Harry," said Ronnie, in a tone that implied that she was about to imitate a Howler, "mind telling us when you apparently gained the ability to speak Ornothovokels?"

"Say what?" said Harry, still rubbing his head.

"You spoke Owl!" yelled Draco.

"Stop being such a drama queen," said Harry, "so I'm awesome in yet another aspect – it's hardly surprising."

Draco scowled and flicked his hair.

"I am not a drama queen," he pouted.

"Yes, Draco," said Ronnie, in a tone that indicated that she thought the boy had a comprehension level similar to that of a flobberworm, "you are."

Draco pouted a little bit more.

Ronnie sighed.

"I guess you're right though, Harry," she said, "being overly magical seems to be something that just comes naturally to you."

"Unlike any sense of fashion," added Draco, eyeing Harry's sweater, "which seems to have avoided you completely."