Chapter Thirty
"Why didn't anyone tell me?" asked Harry.
Snape sighed and motioned for everyone to sit down.
"When James and Lily were killed," he began, "I rushed to the Hollow. I search the rubble in the short time that I had, and I found William. But before I could find you, Harry, Hagrid arrived, and I fled, fearing that, because I was a Death Eater, he would, understandingly, blame me for the attack."
"But you weren't really a Death Eater," added William.
Harry nodded.
"He was Just Pretending™!"
Severus nodded.
"I took William to Germany, and left him in the care of my cousin, Vlademia,"
"She's a vampire," whispered William to Harry and Ron.
"A German vampire?" said Ron.
William shrugged.
"She likes lederhosen,"
Snape cleared his throat.
"Sorry," said William, "we're listening."
"Meanwhile, Hagrid had found Harry and, on Dumbledore's orders, took him to his Aunty and Uncles' home. They pretended to hate him."
"Why was that?" asked Harry. "I never really understood."
"It was Albus' idea," drawled Severus.
"Oh," said Harry, "I guess that does make sense."
"And when Harry arrived at Hogwarts, I also pretended to hate him,"
"That could have seriously traumatised him," interjected William.
"He once jumped off the Owlery roof," said Ron.
"I was fine, wasn't I?" demanded Harry.
"Moving along," stated Snape, "I never thought I would be able to tell Harry that truth, but, before the start of the school term, I was firstly drugged and then dismissed from being a Death Eater."
"So you came to see me," said Harry.
Snape nodded.
"I also tried to find William, but Vlademia had sold him to a band of travelling gypsies from the warm blood of a cockerel."
"Harsh," commented Ron.
"The band was travelling around Europe," said William, "and when we arrived in Britain, I took my chance – and escaped!"
"And here you are," finished Harry.
"And here I am," agreed William.
"There's one thing I don't understand," said Ron.
"Just one?" muttered Severus.
"Who was speaking in that really deep voice before?" asked Ron. "It wasn't you, William."
"No," said William, leaning over the back of the couch and retrieving a large grey cat, "that was Hank."
"Hey," boomed that cat, "got milk?"
Everyone seemed to accept that Harry had a long lost twin brother fairly easily and things soon went back to normal. Except for the fact that Colin Creevy spent an unnaturally large portion of his time hanging around William; Hank the Talking Cat attempted to engage other felines in philosophical discussions with usually violent results; and Rachel Grey began inventing poisons to help Severus in his quest to wipe out the population of America.
"For the last time, Rachel – No! I will not help you go on a killing spree!"
Rachel shrugged.
"It's really more of a rampage,"
Louise threw her hands in the air.
"Will somebody back me up here, please?"
"You shouldn't kill all of the Americans," said Fred.
Louise nodded happily.
"The French are much worse," added George.
"Argh!" shouted Louise. "You're impossible!"
And, with that, she stomped off.
"Hmm," said George, "who would have thought there'd be a person out there who didn't want a mass American genocide?"
Fred shrugged.
"Where do you think she's gone?" asked Rachel.
"Send the entire Sixth Year on an excursion to America?" repeated Dumbledore.
Louise nodded.
"I think it will help international relationships," she said.
"What a cracking idea!" beamed the Headmaster. "You'll leave on Tuesday!"
Louise checked her watch.
"That's tomorrow," she said.
Dumbledore gave a Level Two eye twinkle.
"Better start packing then," he replied happily.
"Right!" said Sirius, bouncing on his heels, "is everyone ready?"
The students nodded and murmured affirmatives.
"Get a hold on the person next to you," said Professor McGonagall, "and do ensure you don't let go too soon."
"Ten seconds," drawled Severus.
"TEN," said the students, and Sirius.
"NINE,"
Harry grinned at Draco and squeezed his hand.
"EIGHT,"
Rachel Grey sulked as she held onto Neville/Alex and stared at Severus, who was gripping Sirius Black' shoulder.
"SEVEN,"
George patted his pocket to check that his Super-Dooper Extra Large Maxi-Pack of Dungbombs was secure.
"SIX,"
Louise grinned at Fred, who was winking at Ron.
"FIVE,"
Ron winced as Seamus tightly gripped his hand.
"FOUR,"
Lavender Brown hummed as she tried to remember which number came next.
"THREE,"
Blaise Zabini blew a kiss to Ginny as she waved him off.
"TWO,"
Hannah Abbot grinned happily and gripped Justin Finch-Fletchly's hand as they shouted the last number.
"ONE!"
Professor McGonagall was the first to feel the tug behind her navel. The sensation travelled quickly through the group and – with an impression of rushing air and fast spinning –
"Welcome to America!"
"Attention, students," called Professor McGonagall, as the group chatted and shuffled around the hotel lobby. "You will be staying in rooms equipped for four, the groups for which you may decide amongst yourselves."
The students quickly shifted into groups.
Ron looked around the lobby and groaned.
George grinned and ruffled his younger brother's hair.
"Looks like you're in with Fred, Louise, and me, mate,"
Fred winked.
"Don't worry," he said, "we'll be quiet."
Professor McGonagall cleared her throat.
"May I remind you, Mr Weasley, that this is a school trip on which you are representing the entirety of Hogwarts and, as such, no hanky-panky shall be tolerated."
Fred saluted cheerfully.
"Yes, ma'm," he said, "there'll be no hankys or pankys from our group."
"I'm sure," drawled Professor Snape.
Dean Thomas slipped in a large puddle.
"Awww, man," he groaned, "this isn't water."
Rachel Grey hurriedly wiped her mouth.
Sirius Black appeared, carrying with him and large handful of keys.
"Come and get 'em!" he called.
"We begin our activities tomorrow at seven o'clock," added McGonagall, "be sure that you are ready to leave at that time."
Fred and George each slung an arm around their little brother's shoulders.
"Come along, Ronniekins," grinned George.
"Roomie," added Fred.
"Great Merlin," groaned Ron.
Louise winked at him.
"My Silencing Charms are awesome," she said reassuringly.
"But, then again," said Fred.
"She's forgetful," concluded George.
Ron gulped.
"Look at all the Muggles!"
"Shut up, Hank," hissed William.
The grey cat huffed.
Louise fell over.
"It's easier to walk if you look in the same direction as your feet," suggested George as he helped her up.
"I keep seeing People I think I know," explained the brunette.
"Look, Harry!" said Draco. "A giant talking mouse!"
"It's a costume, Drake," replied Harry lovingly.
Ron sighed happily as he chomped down his third hotdog.
"I love Disneyworld," he said.
"Mommy, mommy," shrilled a little boy, pointing at Rachel, "is that a vampire?"
The group of teens turned to look at Rachel, who was wearing a long black cloak with a pointed collar and her massive black hat.
"No," said the boy's mother, uncomfortably.
Rachel adjusted her sunglasses nervously.
"For Frond's sake," hissed Louise, "would you just smile at them or something?"
"They look suspicious …" added Fred.
Therefore, Rachel smiled at the American Muggles.
"HOLY HELLS!" shouted the woman.
"VAMPIRE!" shouted a random man.
"RUN!" yelled George.
"RUN!" agreed the Americans.
"I had a redskin!" protested Rachel.
Professor McGonagall sighed.
"Nonetheless," she said, "we will be leaving earlier than expected – we really can not afford to linger."
Rachel looked at her feet.
"Sorry," she said.
"Perhaps you should just try to dress a little … less like Professor Snape …" suggested McGonagall gently.
Rachel looked up at her with terror-filled eyes.
"You're going to tell Louise, aren't you?" she whispered.
Professor McGonagall nodded sadly.
"I'm sorry, Rachel," she said, "but it's for the greater good."
Louise clapped her hands together happily.
"You look great!" she trilled. "No one will suspect you of being a vampire now!"
Rachel continued to stare at her reflection in disbelief.
"I look so … chipper …" she muttered.
Louise nodded cheerfully.
"Yup!" she said. "And look! I even fixed your hat!"
Rachel took in the brightly coloured hate and its new motif of happily bouncing bunnies and sweet little baby squirrels.
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
Louise grinned.
"You betcha. Now, come along, my fluorescent friend - we've got canons to gawk at!"
"Wow," said Ron.
"Sure is a big hole," said Harry.
"Don't you think that the reason that people come to see this natural phenomena because it relates to the emptiness of life?" asked Hank.
Will rolled his eyes at his cat's antics.
"Yeah," he said, "I was just thinking that exact thing."
"This is boring," said Draco, "it's just a hole."
Harry nodded.
"It could use a little livening up," he said.
George winked at Fred.
Louise grinned at the twins.
"I dare you to," she whispered.
"Can anyone explain to me why the Grand Canon suddenly filled with green, glittery water?" drawled Snape, glaring at the assembled students.
Louise whistled innocently.
"Frost," snapped Severus, "give me your wand."
Louise reluctantly pulled her wand out of her sleeve and passed it to the professor.
"Prior Incantatem," said Snape, flicking the wand sharply.
A large, slightly translucent, pink cloud issued from the wand, and hung in the air for a few seconds before dispersing.
"You're the one who died all my underwear!" gasped Neville/Alex.
Louise sniggered.
Severus rubbed his temples slowly.
"Weasley," he demanded.
"Yes?" said Fred, George, and Ron in unison.
Snape held out his wand impatiently.
The Weasley boy handed their wands to the professor.
"Prior Incantatem," repeated Snape.
The translucent images of a piece of toast, a large flower and a berét appeared in the air.
Professor Snape sighed and returned the wands to their owners.
"We'll be leaving for New York in the morning," he snapped, "as soon as I finish explaining what happened to the FBI."
Rachel sighed dreamily as he swept from the room with a final billow of his cloak.
"OMG!" squeaked Lavender Brown. "I, like, so totally love your top!"
"She's talking to you," whispered Will in Rachel's ear.
Rachel scowled.
"I'm going to kill Louise."
"At least today seems to be going smoothly," said Professor McGonagall.
"I wouldn't expect it to last," replied Professor Snape, eying the Sixth Years suspiciously.
"Hey, look!" shouted Professor Black. "A brown duck!"
"What?" cried Justin Finch-Fletchly from where he was standing next to a huge group of chattering tourists.
"He says it's a bomb!" yelled one of the more paranoid onlookers.
"BOMB?!" screeched a woman with purple hair.
A man in a black suit put his finer in his ear.
"We have a bomb threat on the Statue of Liberty," he muttered, "repeat, bomb threat, Statue of Liberty, over."
Harry looked up to see a horde of helicopters breaching the skyline.
Professor McGonagall sighed heavily.
"I'm going to kill Albus."
"Today we will be visiting the Amish people," announced Professor McGonagall, "and it would be appreciated if nothing unexpected happened during our visit."
The students nodded obediently.
"We'll be travelling by coach," said Professor McGonagall, "this way, please."
"Finally!" declared Ron, leaping out of the coach. "Fresh air!"
Harry and Draco followed a little less enthusiastically.
"Who are the Amish anyway?" asked Draco.
"They're Muggles who don't like using new technologies like cars or the internet or hairspray," explained Harry.
Draco gasped.
"No hairspray?" he said in shock. "What about wax?"
Harry shook his head sadly.
"How do they live?"
"So," said Ron, "they're kinda like Squibs?"
Harry shrugged.
"Guess so," he said, "I mean, they don't use Muggle stuff, but they can't do Magic either so …"
"Follow me, please," said Professor McGonagall, "Annette is going to demonstrate butter churning."
The small woman standing next to the professor smiled and waved to the students.
Draco gaped.
"What is she wearing?"
"Have you ever build a barn before, Harry?" asked William as the group made their way down a long hallway towards the exit.
Harry shook his head.
"Nope," he said, looking around at the group, "have you seen Draco lately?"
"Nope," replied Will, "have you, Ron?"
"Nah," said Ron, "he's probably just lagging behind."
Harry peered over the group.
"I can't see him," he said.
"Hey, George," yelled Ron, "is Draco back there with you?"
"Nah," shouted George, "we haven't seen him since the butter churning."
Harry sighed.
"We better go find him,"
"No need," said Will, pointing to where Draco was being dragged towards the group by Professor McGonagall, who seemed to have a grip on his ear.
"What's he done?" wondered Ron.
Professor McGonagall muttered something quietly to Professor Snape, who rolled his eyes and sighed heavily at the blonde boy.
Harry glanced out the window.
"Oh, he didn't …" he groaned.
Will and Ron followed Harry's gaze out of the window to where they could see a small group of Amish children, all with spiked up hair and smart new vests.
"Oh, he did," sniggered Ron.
Will shook his head in disbelief.
"Only Draco," he said, "would pull a Queer Eye on the Amish."
"You know, Louise, I don't think I will poison all of the Americans," said Rachel.
Louise smiled.
"Good to hear," she replied.
Rachel nodded.
"They'll probably start a war with someone soon, anyway," she continued, "and then I won't have needed to bother."
Louise rolled her eyes.
"Louise, dearest," said Fred, flinging an arm around her shoulders, "feel like a dip?"
"Down the massive waterfall right in front of us?" replied Louise. "I'll pass."
Fred sighed heavily.
"Well, I guess I'll just have to tell George that we'll have to resort to Plan B …"
"Oh, gee," said Louise, "I'm so scared."
Fred grinned.
"You should be,"
"Alright, everyone!" called Sirius. "It's time to blow this joint!"
Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape cast quick Notice-Me-Not spells over the group, and Sirius produced a small model of Big Ben from within his robes.
"Same deal as before," he said.
The students quickly arranged themselves so that the entire group was connected, and waited for the countdown to begin.
"Counting down from five!" shouted Sirius.
"FIVE!" yelled the students.
Rachel smirked happily as she held Professor Snape's hand.
"FOUR!"
Louise gave a small yelp as George aimed an Aquamenti Charm down the neck of her robes.
"I dislike you immensely," she said, as the twins chuckled quietly.
"THREE!"
Will winced as Hank licked his ear.
"You're just doing that because you know I can't let go, aren't you?" he hissed.
The cat giggled.
"TWO!"
Harry sighed happily.
"This has been a really nice trip," he said.
Draco nodded.
"Let's visit again sometime,"
"ONE!"
Ron grimaced as Seamus pressed himself against him.
However, he didn't have to suffer for long, as, once again, the group felt he familiar tug of the Portkey and, in what only seemed a few seconds, they came to a sudden halt in the Entrance Hall of Hogwarts.
"Thank Merlin," said Professor McGonagall, and promptly left for her office.
"I need a drink," mumbled Severus.
"Wasn't that fun!" grinned Sirius, as Snape billowed away towards the dungeons. "Let's do that again!"
"Welcome back, everyone!" said Professor Dumbledore. "Would you like a sherbet lemon?"
"I'd like to know what's in those sherbet lemons," muttered Fred.