Hello again!
Thanks to thelastunicorn and laustic for the reviews! Thanks so much! And thanks to catgrl106!
I didn't get as many reviews this last time so I hope this chapter is better. Actually it's a lot longer than most and some questions will be answered about Tsuzuki. Anyway, hope you like it!
Now on with the story!
-Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away
(We're all out of time
This is how we find how it all unwinds)
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
(We're all out of time
This is how we find how it all unwinds)
The sacrifice is never knowing-
-Pushing me away By: Linkin Park
-Chapter 16-
-The next day...-
"You're leaving!" Tsuzuki yelled when Watari stated that he would be leaving. Even Hisoka seemed to be surprised by this news.
"Well, I have to get back and work on my experiments; I know they must feel lonely without me being there." Watari said.
"But Watari! It's been nice, you being here and all." Tsuzuki said.
"I know but I really do have to get back Tsuzuki."
"I know..." Tsuzuki pouted.
"But hey, I'll see you in a few days." Watari said. As soon as he finished speaking he realized what he had said and muttered an apology.
"Don't worry about it." Tsuzuki said with a small smile.
Watari struggled to smile back, but eventually succeeded before turning to Hisoka.
"I guess this is good-bye Bon." Watari said, the sadness evident in his voice.
Hisoka nodded, not looking up Watari. Watari looked over to Tsuzuki, who simply shrugged his shoulders. Watari then stepped forward and pulled Hisoka into a loose embrace.
Hisoka was shocked and was about to struggle, but realized that this might be the last time he would be able to see Watari again, so he slowly accepted the embrace.
Watari pulled away after a moment and said good-bye once again, before teleporting away. Tsuzuki and Hisoka looked at each other but said nothing.
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-Later that day...-
Tsuzuki and Hisoka had remained relatively silent throughout the day. Without Watari there to help lighten the mood, the reality of the situation began to weigh down on them.
Tsuzuki was pacing around the room, while Hisoka was sitting, reading a book on his "bed". Tsuzuki then thought he saw something in the corner of the room, behind the staircase. He walked over to it and pulled out a small radio. He was shocked that he had never noticed it, before he saw a small note.
Tsuzuki,
I left this here for you and Bon to listen to. I didn't think you two would be up to talking too much and sometimes... music helps... just helps you know? Good luck Tsuzuki.
Watari
Tsuzuki smiled to himself and walked back over to Hisoka to show him the radio. Hisoka looked up from his book as he saw a radio waved in front of his face.
"Watari left this for us." Tsuzuki said, sitting down next to Hisoka.
"Do you mind if I turn it on?" he asked.
Hisoka shrugged his shoulders and turned back to his book. Tsuzuki took that as a yes and turned on the radio. He scanned a few stations before finding one that he liked.
-pre-chorus
when i die, will they remember not
what i did, but what i haven't done.
it's not the end, that i fear with each breath.
it's life that scares me to death...
chorus
when we built these dreams on sand,
how they all slipped through our hands.
and this might be our only chance.
let's take this one day at a time,
i'll hold your hand if you hold mine.
the time that we kill keeps us alive.-1
Tsuzuki thought about the lyrics. To be honest he didn't really care what a song sounded like as long as it had good lyrics and a good overall message. Music tends to bring back various memories though. All Tsuzuki wanted was something to break the silence but instead he was being treated to a walk down memory lane. Why was this happening now? He didn't know but couldn't do anything to stop the memories that began to play in his mind.
He remembered wanting to die, how he had cut his wrist over and over again to try and find some sort of salvation in death. Yet he knew he could not truly be happy. He had caused so many people pain in his life; he was hated after all. He was afraid of life, afraid of causing others more suffering. He had tried time and time again to atone for his sins, but now it seemed as if they would never go away, and Hisoka was just one more sin to add to his list.
Tsuzuki shook his head and changed the station, unaware that he had let his shields fall enough that Hisoka could now feel his emotions.
-When I was a very small boy,
Very small boys talked to me
Now that we've grown up together
They're afraid of what they see
That's the price that we all pay
Our valued destiny comes to nothing
I can't tell you where we're going
I guess there was just no way of knowing
I used to think that the day would never come
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...-2
Tsuzuki remembered how the boys in the village hated him. Hated his eyes, demon eyes. For that reason he was seen as being different from everyone else. He was a demon that everyone hated, yet he had done nothing wrong. They feared him and fear turns to anger, which turns to hatred.
One night he was running from them, but they soon caught up and beat him. They had left him bleeding and covered with bruises in the dirt. He could practically see the small fireflies hovering near him as he laid there in the grass, waiting for morning to come. And how even when the morning came things were still the same. Tsuzuki didn't like this train of thought either and once again changed the channel.
-The world drags me down
And the world turns around
Oh the heads that turn
The world and the world, yeah
Make my back burn
The world drags me down
The fire in your eyes keeps me alive
The fire in your eyes keeps me alive
Oh, the heads that turn
Im sure in her youll find
Make my back burn
The sanctuary
And those heads that turn
Im sure in her youll find
Make my back, make my back burn, yeah
The sanctuary-3
Tsuzuki shook his head, this is not what he planned on doing, remembering his past, but that's just the way things go. He forgot how music seemed to affect him, and all it was doing right now was bringing up some painful memories, but this one wasn't as painful.
He remembered that even though it seemed like the whole world hated him, that there was one person who didn't, his sister Ruka. She was the only one that cared, that loved him, and he had loved her. She would tell him how beautiful she thought his eyes were and that the other boys were just jealous. She would always clean his wounds and bandage them up, since they didn't have any parents. She took care of him; she was his family.
Tsuzuki didn't know why he didn't have parents and Ruka never said anything about them, so he never asked. Besides Ruka was more than enough. Tsuzuki smiled to himself, but the memory slowly began to change...
He saw blood, her blood, and her cold body lying on the floor...
Tsuzuki shook his head and quickly reached to change the station, but was surprised when he saw Hisoka lean over and change the station.
"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki asked confused.
But Hisoka just shook his head and mumbled "Baka" before sitting closer to Tsuzuki.
Tsuzuki was stunned, how did Hisoka know that he wanted to change the station? Or was it just coincidence? Tsuzuki was about to ask when he felt a weight on his shoulder. He turned and looked and saw Hisoka leaning against him.
"Hisoka?" he asked, very confused.
Hisoka didn't answer, but looked at the radio instead. Tsuzuki smiled and put an arm around Hisoka before focusing on the music once again.
-Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort, suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arms bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight, chance are that I might
Mutilation out of sight and I'm contemplating suicide
Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late and I was empty within
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself and no love for another
Searching to find a love upon a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils-4
To think that Tsuzuki had almost made it through the whole song, but he wasn't that lucky. The song practically screamed suicide.
After Ruka died, and he wasn't exactly sure how that happened, he ended up in a hospital after trying to commit suicide for the first time. He remained in the hospital for eight years, unable to function, unable to die. Tsuzuki tried many times to escape his life, but failed each time.
Eight years passed by before he was finally able to complete the task. Up until his last moment he was alone. The only ones who came and saw him were his doctor and a nurse or two on occasion. Other than them he was alone, and most of the time he can't even remember. To him, Asato Tsuzuki died at age eighteen, when his sister died.
Tsuzuki looked down at his wrist, at the watch that conceals his scars, the proof of his suicide. He just stared as the songs switched. He saw another hand reach over and take hold of his hand.
Tsuzuki looked up and saw it was Hisoka's hand.
-Perpetual motion the image won't focus
A blur is all that's seen
But here in this moment like the eye of the storm
It all came clear to me
I found a shoulder to lean on
An infallible reason to live all by itself
I took one last look from the heights that I once loved
And then I ran like hell
Wings won't take me
Heights don't phase me
So take a step
But don't look down
Take a step
Now I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall
I think I'm at the edge now but I could be wrong
I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall-5
"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki asked, after a moment.
"You don't have to hide everything Tsuzuki." Hisoka replied.
Tsuzuki was confused. He was sure he was shielding, but then how did Hisoka seem to know?
"You dropped your shields." Hisoka stated, hearing Tsuzuki's thought.
"Oh... sorry about that." Tsuzuki mumbled.
"It's okay, really. Don't worry about it."
Tsuzuki nodded and continued to stare at his wrist begin pulled into another memory.
It was one of his first cases. Simply really: go and see why a certain person hadn't died yet. But that wasn't the end of it at all.
The person was afraid of Tsuzuki and ran from him, saying that he wasn't ready to die and that he was afraid. His name was Misaki.
Misaki ran to the top of a building, trying to get away from Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki had originally befriended the boy, as per instructions, to try and get some information about why this kid didn't die.
Apparently he was supposed to get hit by a car, but a man pushed him out of the way, dying in his place. Unfortunately the kid had to die, so that was Tsuzuki's job. But he couldn't do it, and was trying to explain that to Misaki, that was before the boy decided to run.
And he was left trying to talk the boy out of doing something stupid.
Misaki didn't want to die, but when he stepped back too far he fell. Tsuzuki jumped off the roof to follow but was unable to catch up; even after trying to teleport he failed.
Misaki died just as planned, but that day did something to Tsuzuki. It took something from him, something he would never have again, but he wasn't sure what it was. All that he knew was that a part of him died that day...
Tsuzuki felt himself embraced.
You're so cold, but you feel alive
Lay your hands on me one last time-6
"Hisoka?"
"Please stop."
"What?"
"What's happened to you wasn't your fault." Hisoka said, embracing Tsuzuki tighter.
"It was Hisoka." Tsuzuki replied.
"NO it wasn't!" Hisoka yelled.
Tsuzuki was shocked; Hisoka had never acted this way before.
"Baka. Not everything is your fault. What's happened in the past, and even what's happening to me- none of this is your fault." Hisoka said, looking right at Tsuzuki.
"But Hisoka..."
"No buts. Do you honestly think you are responsible for what my parents have done? Tsuzuki, Things happen that are beyond our control and you need to realize that. You can't save everyone, and you're only doing your job." Hisoka said firmly.
"But what about Misaki and the others like him that I've hurt, what about them?"
"They were already supposed to die, once again not your fault." Hisoka replied.
"I should have been able to do something Hisoka..."
"Like what?"
Tsuzuki didn't answer.
"Tsuzuki you are human and we only have so much power in this world." Hisoka said.
"But I'm not human." Tsuzuki said.
"So you're an angel, not that much of a difference." Hisoka said, still not letting go of Tsuzuki.
Tsuzuki pulled away from the embrace. "I'm a demon Hisoka." Tsuzuki said sadly.
"What are you talking about?" Hisoka asked confused.
"I'm a demon. That's why I was always hated, that's why I do the work I do, as penitence for my sins." Tsuzuki said.
Hisoka gave Tsuzuki an incredulous look. "What makes you think you're a demon Tsuzuki?" Hisoka asked.
-Suffering from something
We're not sure of
In a world
There is no cure for
These lives we live
Test negative for happiness
Flat line, no pulse, but eyes open
Single file like soldiers on a mission
If there's no war outside our heads
Why are we losing?-7
"Because of my eyes and..." Tsuzuki started but was stopped when he felt a hand on his cheek.
Hisoka brought Tsuzuki face so he could look in his eyes and shook his head.
"I think they're beautiful."
"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki asked as a few tears began to fall.
"Don't cry Tsuzuki. Please don't cry." Hisoka said, wiping away Tsuzuki's tears.
-Chorus: x2
I don't ask for much (Life less)
Truth be told I'd settle (frightening)
For a life less frightening, (Life less)
A life less frightening (frightening)-7
Tsuzuki was shocked by Hisoka's actions. He was afraid the boy would become closed off again after seeing Muraki, but this was just the opposite.
"There, that's better." Hisoka said, sitting back and letting out a small smile.
"Hisoka?" It seemed that's the only word Tsuzuki could get out.
"Baka."
-Hang me out to dry
I'm soaking
With the sins of knowing
What's gone wrong
But doing nothing
I still run
Time again I have found myself stuttering
Foundations pulled out from under me
This breath is wasted on them all
Will someone answer me-7
"You and I aren't different at all." Hisoka said after a moment.
"What do you mean?"
"We're both seen as demon, as monsters, but that's not true. The only reason I know this is because of you, and I hope that I have returned the favor." Hisoka replied.
"But how can you be so sure?" Tsuzuki asked, still hesitant.
"Do you think I would trust a demon?"
-Chorus x2
Is there a God tonight
Up in the sky
Or is it empty just like me? (Just like me)
A place where we can hide
Out from the night
Where you are all I see (Where you are all I see)-7
"You really trust me?" Tsuzuki asked.
"Yes Tsuzuki. I trust you more than anyone else."
"Really?"
"Yes"
Tsuzuki faced Hisoka and smiled, even as he began to cry.
-So blow a kiss goodbye then close your eyes
Tell me what you see (Tell me what you see)
A lifetime spent inside this dream of mine
Where you are all I see-7
Hisoka brought Tsuzuki back into an embrace as Tsuzuki hid his face in Hisoka's shirt. Hisoka rubbed small circles on Tsuzuki's back, while holding him close.
"You're human Tsuzuki. You're human. Don't ever doubt that."
Tsuzuki just clung to Hisoka tighter. Hisoka smiled as he held Tsuzuki.
For the first time in a long time Tsuzuki cried until he was content.
-Chorus: x2
I don't ask for much (Life less)
Truth be told I'd settle (frightening)
For a life less frightening, (Life less)
A life less frightening (frightening)-7
-End Chapter 16-
Songs:
1. Rumors Of My Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated By: Rise Against
2. True Faith By: New Order
3. She sells sanctuary By: The Cult
4. Last Resort By: Papa Roach
5. Ready To Fall By: Rise Against
6. So Cold By: Breaking Benjamin
7. Life Less Frightening By: Rise Against
And that's all. I hope you liked this chapter. It took forever to write. Just so you now these are some of my favorite songs so I hope you liked them. Just four days left! Thanks for reading and please review!