Oh the Ships We Sail – Chapter 2 – Filch and Trelawny
A/N: Welcome to chapter two, there are no warnings for this chapter. R&R please!
Disclaimer: None o' this is mine – all JKR's, ya hear?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Argus Filch, long time caretaker of Hogwarts, was a bitter and angry man. Of course, he had a reason to be, several, actually. No one in the school respected him, he was a Squib, and worst of all his lodgings in the castle were what amounted to a slightly larger than standard size broom cupboard. Filch was rather resentful of Dumbledore as he had offered more money and more days off to that twit Dobby than he had ever offered to Filch. His broom cupboard was damp and stingy and smelled like that of old rat droppings, hence why Filch was out and about catching students all the time. No one likes the smell of rat droppings.
Sybil Trelawny, also wandered the castle a lot, and was also rather resentful of Dumbledore. She was not a Squib, however after hearing what Firenze said about Divination she certainly felt like one. How dare Albus let that Pomp teach here! And insult the subject nonetheless! Such ridicule Trelawnly did not take lightly, and thus was the reason she wandered around the castle half drunk most of the time.
It was on of these drunken rampages that Trelawny discovered Filch coming out of his broom closet. She giggled drunkily, "You – hic – just came – hic – out of the – hic – closet! Ha ha hah ahaahaha ha ha."
Filch was not astounded by her obnoxious laughter as he had ran into her several times before. So many times, in fact that he was beginning to find it rather cute. "That," said Filch matter-of-factly, "is my room you're making fun of!"
Trelawny looked astounded, "Oh you poor dear! You know my living quarters are quite spacious if you'd like to bunk with me. I could always –hic- use the company."
It was Filch's turn to be astounded, but then he was filled with glee. No more rat droppings! No more dampness! He was moving up (quite literally) in the world! With a nod of his head he accepted and made his way to his broom closet to lug up his personal possessions. Carrying his toothbrush and comb he made his way up the stairs to where Trelawny was waiting for him at the foot of her tower.
"Where's your –hic- cat?" she asked, dazedly running her fingers through the remains of his hair. "Doesn't she enjoy following you places?"
"Mrs. Norris? Oh, she's off on her rounds. She'll know where to find me, though – always does. Do you have any tea? I'm quite parched."
And so Sybil and Argus made their way up to the living space and Filch sighed contentedly as he sniffed the air and found many rich aromas greeting his nose. Spices, perfumes, one might say it smelled like an intense candle shop, or an exotic temple. The students of course thought her classroom (which was adjacent to her rooms and held the same smell) smelled like a brothel, but they would never say that within her hearing range.
The tea that Sybil wound up making was a rather haphazard version of Earl Grey. More than once Filch had had to stop her from dumping sherry in the kettle. That sat for more than an hour just talking. They talked on topics such as how they both disliked Dumbledore, how neither of them liked Firenze (as Filch often had to clean up after him), that they both felt like failures in the Wizarding world, how Sybil had thought Fudge was a candy for the longest time and not the Minister of Magic, and all the juicy tidbits of gossip floating around the Hogwarts castle.
No one had ever suspected that Filch was a gossip hag, but that didn't stop him from being one. Rumors such as Lavender Brown's latest boyfriend being Blaise Zabini and one such that implied Professor McGonagal liked tap dancing all escaped his lips. They were returned by Trelawny's fervent gossip bits that Parvati Patil was a Death Eater, Draco Malfoy was afraid of pea soup, and that Dobby was in fact a werewolf.
Never had either found someone that they had so much in common with, it made them ecstatic. Even as the sherry wore off and Sybil sobered they were having a good time. All at once the good times came to a peak when Trelawny said, "I love you. Marry me!"
Filch was very shocked indeed. But giddy with glee, nonetheless, "I love you too! Of course I'll marry you!"
And so it was decided. A week later Filch and Trelawny were married. At the ceremony Lavender Brown was the head bridesmaid and Mrs. Norris was the Best…. Cat. It was a happy wedding, held at Hogwarts, with all the students watching in slightly sickened amazement. The cake was excellent.