BE MY SUPERMAN AND SAVE ME...
the rest of the week sucked. I had nothing to take my mind off of Alexander. I tried to read one of my favorite books but realized they were all romance novels and gave up on that idea.
I was never a really big TV fan but I decided anything was better than wallowing in self-pity and loneliness. Big surprise, there was nothing on TV all week. The first time I turned it on it was some pregnancy show and all the movies playing were romantic comedies.
I couldn't take it anymore so on Friday I decided that I would e-mail mom and let her know that I'm still living. I missed her, she was my best friend next to Alexander. My computer took so long to load I almost gave up and threw it out of the window. I was never a violent person, so the thought kind of surprised me, but with everything that was going on the idea of throwing the computer out of the window didn't seem so bad. I knew it wouldn't hurt the computer, it isn't alive although it would brake, but the idea of finally having some control over my life was very appealing. I thought about throwing the computer out of the window for a good five minutes.
I ended up not throwing the computer out of the window but instead sat at the desk tapping my fingers impatiently. It was taking so long to load. When it finally did load and I successfully exited all pop-up windows I went to check my e-mail. Dark M Press AOL dot com password nyx. I choose that as a password because it was easy to remember being Alexanders last name, but I tried not to think about that.
I had one message in my inbox and I figured it was my mother scolding me for not contacting her sooner but I got the surprise of my life. The computer screen read 'one new message...sender Dark M Peror' I will let you have one guess as to who that is. Yeah, it's Alexander. We thought it would be cute if we had matching Screen Names.
It was late one night and we were sitting in his room at his computer desk discussing the pros and cons of aim.
PROS
.chat with friends
.make up fun names and prank the very friends you chat with.
That was as far as we got for pros. For cons we had
CONS
.people can instant message you even if you don't want to talk to them
.you can get pranked as well
If you are wondering why we even bothered making a list, we were extremely bored and needed something to do.
Anyways, we ended up getting aim so we could talk to each other when we were apart, although that wasn't very often. We said that we wouldn't give the screen names out to anyone else so no unwanted instant messages would pop up.
It took us half an hour to decide on the appropriate names for us, We had come up with a few silly ones like Seattle Hott boii and Seattle hott gal, or da best guy eva and da best girl eva. I know that they were pretty dumb but it was fun to make them up anyway. After much debating we picked Dark M Press for me and Dark M Peror for him. He said I was his queen of the night and I told him he was my king. So they seemed appropriate. We used to say that we would rule the night together. I don't know why, but it sounded really cute at the time.
My hands shook as I clicked 'open'. I was afraid of what he would say, and that if he was apologizing I would run back to him. Which would not be in my best interest. I waited for the computer to load my message. I took a deep breath and began reading...
(a/n I so wanted to end there but I won't)
'Isabella , my sweet. I love you more than life itself, never forget that. I'll see you soon.'
It was a very short message but it still upset me more than you can imagine. It made me think of that night because that was the same thing he said that night 'I love you more than life itself' I was upset because it made me remember what I was trying so hard to forget. What did that whole 'never forget that mean'? Was he threatening me? And 'I'll see you soon' what was I to make of a statement like that? Did he know where I had run off to?
I never told him where my dad lived. We rarely talked about my dad. It upset Alexander because he had never really known his father. Only what his mother had told him. He had always wished for a dad and I think that was a main part of why he wanted to be a dad so much, so he could be there for his children like his dad was never there for him. So we never talked about our dads.
I know my mother doesn't always think things through but I know she wouldn't have told him where I was. I left to get away from him, and him knowing where I was does not help with that, so I know she wouldn't tell him that.
What am I suppose to do now. I need help, major help. I had to talk to someone, but who?? The only person who knew what happen was Alice. That actually wasn't such a bead idea. Ok. I'll talk to Alice, she makes me feel better. That what I need a friend, Alice will help. I didn't even bother turning off the computer and I bolted out of the door.
Tears blurred my vision the entire ride to the Cullen household. I could barely drive I was shaking so bad. I knew it was ridiculous to behave this way, but I couldn't stop the tears or the aguish that accompanied the thoughts I had about Alexander. Its been two months and I still can't get him off of my mind. Then he e-mails me and makes it worse?
I pulled up to the Cullen house and got out of my ancient truck. I was happy I still remembered how to get up here. I ran to the front door and knocked softly, I was in pain but no need to hurt their sensitive ears. I had assumed that Alice would have seen me coming and would have answered the door but it wasn't her it was Edward. He looked surprised at first but then I guess he noticed the state I was in and looked concerned
"are you alright?" he asked quietly.
I shook my head "is Alice home?" I asked anxious to see her.
He shook his head. "I'm sorry, is it something I could maybe help you with?"
I made the mistake of looking into his eyes then, they held nothing but concern and another emotion I couldn't quite place. He was staring right back into my eyes with an intensity that almost stopped my heart.
"You need to talk" was all he said before he gestured for me to some inside. I wasn't sure how he could know something like that. How did he know I needed to talk and that I wasn't sad for another reason, on that didn't require talking. He motioned for me to sit on the couch while he did the same thing.
"What is it that bothering you Bella?" he asked softly. I looked down, I couldn't tell him why I was so upset. I didn't even know why I followed him inside. Well yeah I do, I was captivated buy his eyes. "I-I can't tell you" I stuttered through more tears. He put his index finger under my chin and forced me to look at him.
I could still see his perfect features through the tears.
"I know that we just met but you can trust me" he said. He sounded genuine that I almost gave in and told him, almost. I knew I could trust him, I could clearly see the honesty within his eyes but I couldn't bring myself to tell him. When I remained silent he suggested
"Shall we go somewhere then? It may help you relax" I couldn't help agreeing.
The car ride was quiet except for the soft melody of classical music, it helped me loosen up a little bit. After about 10 minutes Edward broke the silence "there is some walking involved, but exercise is good for you" he said with a small smirk
"is that why your in such great shape" I replied jokingly. He was a vampire that's why he was in such good shape. I surprised myself by talking I hadn't said anything in a while and I wasn't sure if I would talk at all. He seemed surprised too and his smirk grew into a crooked smile that made my heart speed up, just a bit. I knew he could hear it but he didn't say anything. I was happy he spared me the embarrassment.
After some more driving in silence he broke it again
"What are you thinking" he asked curiously. I wasn't really thinking about anything, for the first time in months my mind was clear of worries, and I wondered if it had anything to do with being next to Edward. But I had a feeling that if I said 'nothing' he would think I wasn't trusting him again. I settled on
"Just wondering where we are going" for some reason that made him smirk again.
"It's a place I like to go to clear my head and get away form it all" that made me feel better because that was exactly what I wanted to do.
We came to the roads end, constricting a thin foot trail with a small wooden marker.
" there is a nice little meadow back there but I don't think its best to have you walking in your..." he searched for the right word "condition" he concluded. He seemed slightly upset as he said this and I couldn't understand why.
"But there is also a nice clearing up this path as well, I think it's more suitable for today". He said while stepping forward, I followed silently.
We walked in a calm silence, it wasn't awkward because there was no need for words at that moment. I'm not sure if we walked for that long or if it was my 'condition' but after awhile I became tired. I sat down on a wooden bench that was beneath a large tree and hidden in the shade. Edward sat down across from me and gazed deep into my eyes. The feeling returned, that strong pulling at my heart. It overwhelmed me quite a bit. I had the sudden urge to kiss him, touch him, something.
"Isabella" he began "tell me what it is that is troubling you, I may be of some assistance, and I so badly long t to understand you."
He looked concerned and frustrated at the same time, I guessed it was because he couldn't read my thoughts. I looked down for a moment and then returned his gaze, big mistake. Looking into his eyes made me feel compelled to tell him not only my secret, but everything about myself and I longed to know everything about him too. I let go, I couldn't hold it any longer.
" I just want to forget" I whispered quietly. If it wasn't for his vampire hearing I know he wouldn't have heard me. His expression turned curious but he waited patiently for me to continue. I don't know what called out to me, making me trust him but I think it was a combination of the intense sincerity of his gaze and my need to let this all out.
"I wanted a chance at a fresh start, but with the pregnancy and the e-mail and everything else I don't know what to do I-" he cut my rabbling short
"wait Bella slow down and start from the beginning"
I took a deep breath to prevent myself from hyperventilating. I did as I was told and started from the beginning. I started from when I first met Alexander at the party and I told him about Alexander becoming my boyfriend. I told him about the rape. How it made me feel; dirty and worthless. That was the hardest part of the entire story. I cried but Edward made me feel a lot better by Wrapping his arms around me and whispering that it was alright.
"He wasn't always like that" I continued. I recalled all the fun times we spent together, like when we had gone to the amusement park and Alexander, like any good date, won me a giant stuffed animal. Remembering that night made me smile. It was also the night we had our first kiss, on the Ferris wheel.
" and all I want is to forget" I concluded.
He looked thoughtful for a moment before replying
" forgetting is not what you need to worry about" was all he said. I didn't get it. How could I not worry about forgetting? It's what I came to Forks for in the first place .
"What you need to do isn't 'forget' but rather embrace it and allow it to make you stronger" he continued.
"Make me stronger?" I asked sarcastically. If anything it made me feel weaker. Like I should have been able to fight him off or stop him in some way. I was on the verge of flipping out but he was very calm and patient with me
"I know that it made you feel weak, not preventing him, but if you keep living like this-"he gestured toward me with his hand "-then that is what truly makes you weak because you are letting him win, by allowing him to have this much power over your life."
He was right but I could I possibly stop? I couldn't help but think of Alexander. I stayed silent while processing all Edward had said.
"I know that it seems hard to stop thinking about him, but time heals all wounds." I realized now that he had been talking like...like...on no!!
" I thought you couldn't read my mind" I said slowly, to prevent my voice from cracking.
"I can not" he replied much to my satisfaction. I let out a sigh of relief. I wasn't sure what I would have done if he could hear my thoughts.
"However" he spoke again "I can clearly see what your feeling by looking into your eyes, I can see the large amount of pain your in, its quite easy to guess your thoughts by using your eyes, they have a depth to them that I have never encountered on anyone else" I widened my eyes briefly, that was exactly what Alexander used to do, look into my eyes and read my emotions, but I was certain that he was the only person who would be able to do that. I was wrong I suppose. I realized what he said about my eyes having depth. Could he be referring to exactly what I say in his eyes? I didn't really have time to think about it too hard because he spoke again
"Also, listening to your music helps, I too play the piano, and know what it sounds like to release ones pain through the keys"
"Your musical?" I asked excitedly.
He nodded and we launched into worlds longest conversation about music. We both listened to the same music. It was very entertaining, and occasionally one of us would make a music related joke and we would crack up.
It was beginning to get dark and I knew I would have to leave soon. I looked up at the sky sadly. I'm not sure why but today the sunset was extra beautiful. It is always beautiful but I think the look-a-like a Greek god sitting next to me helped. I sighed thinking about how badly I didn't want to go home.
"You must leave" Edward said. I smiled, loving how he could analyze me with such ease.
"Yeah, it's getting late and I still have to cook dinner" I said looking into his deep honey-colored eyes.
The drive home was a lot of fun. I felt better now that I had been honest with Edward. I really did enjoy myself, and I think I may be falling for him. I doubt he feels the same way though. I mean c'mon I'm damaged, impure and pregnant. What could he possibly want with me?
We had a contest on the way home of the corniest jokes ever made. I was using all the classic your momma is so stupid and he was using your momma is so fat. I'm not even sure how we got to your momma jokes but it was an enjoyable experience anyway. We laughed extremely hard the entire way back to his house.
When we walked in everyone seemed surprised to see us together, except Alice who had a knowing glance. She winked at me and I pretended not to notice. We greeted everyone as we climbed the stairs. I had no idea where we were going but Edward had motioned for me to follow him, so I did. I couldn't help but trust him completely.
"My room" he said as we came to a halt at the end of the hall on the third floor. He opened the wooden door leading into his room. His room was very simple, cd's a carpet and a couch, but it was still very nice.
"Please have a seat" he said catching my gaze. We talked a little bit more, about nothing and yet about everything. But I knew I had to leave. I had to make dinner for myself and Charlie. With everything that had happen I wasn't sure if I had eaten today or not, I couldn't remember. That can't be good for the baby. I touched my stomach lightly thinking about my baby girl, Nanette. I had some money saved up but soon I would have to get a job. Eventually I would have to tell Charlie and hope that he doesn't kick me out.
"I need to go home" I said after awhile. I wasn't sure how much time had passed it seemed like nothing when I was with Edward. He nodded in understanding, and looked like he was a little saddened by th idea of us parting, I took comfort it that thought.
I was walking out of his door and on my way outside when he stopped me
"Bella" he said. I turned around to let him know that I had heard him call my name.
"Would you be at all willing to spend time with me again tomorrow evening?" he seemed almost nervous as he asked. I had to admit I liked this side of him, a lot, it was very cute.
I smiled kindly
"it would be my pleasure" I responded trying to mimic the flow of his perfect articulation. His eyes brightened and he offered to walk me outside to my truck. I said goodbye to the rest of the Cullens, on my way out, I had a feeling I was going to be seeing a lot more of them in the approaching days.
Edward's head shook in disapproval as my ancient truck roared to life. I resisted the urge to either stick out my tongue or stick up my middle finger, playfully of course. I chose to wave instead.
When I got home I made dinner, it was pretty late but Charlie still wasn't home. I was greatfull for that because I didn't want to be questioned of where I was when he got home and I wasn't there too, I would soon run out of lies and would have to tell him the truth. That could wait though, because I had other things on my mind other than Charlie and his reaction to my pregnancy. Surprisingly, my thoughts where not of Alexander but rather, of Edward. They were, of course, good thoughts, of what we would do tomorrow and what I would wear.
The phone began to ring mid-day dream. There was only one voice I wanted to hear, anyone else would be a disappointment.
"Hello" I answered. My voice surprised me, I actually sounded happy. Not like before, with false happiness, it was genuine this time.
"I'm going to be late, so don't wait up for me" oh. It was only Charlie, my smile faded a bit, but my good mood didn't.
"Alright" was all I said before he said 'bye' and hung up. Shrugging I made my way upstairs to my bedroom. I was exhausted, I had been through a lot today. I guess confessing takes a lot out of a person.
I was very astonished by my dreams that night. Instead if the nightmares I actually had a dream. I dreamed that I was running through a forest, from somewhere rather than to somewhere, I guessed due to the aggressive nature and urgency of my run. I looked behind me and Alexander was there chasing me, and when I turned around I ran straight into Edwards loving embrace, something about Edwards presence made everything else fade away, even Alexander. That wasn't just in my dream but in real life too. Im not sure what the dream was supposed to mean, I'm not a dream interrupter, but maybe, just maybe Edward really was sent to save me. I could only hope.
IMPORTANT!!!!
I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO UPDATE 2MORRO, LIKE I WOULD WANT TO. I'M GOING TO SEE MY FRIEND IN A PLAY. ITS HER OPENING NIGHT AND I HAVE TO GO BECAUSE SHE CAME TO THE OPENING NIGHT FOR THE PLAY I WAS IN. WE ARE A BUNCH OF DRAMA KIDS. ANYWAYZ ILL UPDATE THE NEXT DAY...ITS EDWARDS AND BELLAS DATE CHAP. I CANT WAIT 2 WRITE IT. ITS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN...OK BYE !!!