I dont own transformers, the view, american gladiator, or barbara walters(i think thats called slavery)
The troops sat there, defeated. Ratchet's laser scapel burned away at layers of pink paint that splattered the armor of Optimus. Bumblebee was laying flat on his back, facing the sky. Sam had his hands on his hips and was looking out at Ironhide, prancing around the 'remodeled' home. He knew that he would have to explain this to Lennox, and when hed did he wanted to report a mission accomplished. Failure was not an option, they had come too far.
Sam clapped his hands together, to stir the weary Autobots. "Okay guys stay with me." There was a whir as Bumblebee rose to a sitting position and faced Sam. Ratchet abrubtly stopped clearing the dried paint off of his leader and did the same. "Look we cant just do everything he says. I should have realized that he's in advanced stages of chick-dom, following his every whim only makes things worse." Sam wiped some sweat off of his brow and looked at the Bots. "Alright guys we need a new plan of action. We need to take the offense here."
Ideas bubbled up in Sam's head, barely contained by his rapid speech. " Alright look for example, with Mikaela. When she gets upset at me its usually snappy remarks and pouty faces, alot of sarcasm." Each robot understood those actions, Ironhide had done a splendid job with them. "But when she gets into an argument with another girl, things just.." He put his hands together and brought them apart suddenly. "Explode! I mean, women are really vicious to eachother. We need to fight fire with fire."
Ratchet nodded his head and run a quick internal scan. "My archives indicate a televised broadcast where women frequently battle eachother for supremacy. Perhaps that could work." Sam shook his head fom side to side, rapidly. "No we are not going to use American gladiator.I made a promise to myself..." Sam, noticing that he had let out too much information stopped speaking, and Ratchet continued. "No Sam, i am speaking of 'The View'."
The teen swallowed hard. Had it really come to this? The sigle television program that made his blood boil and his throat burn. The more he thought about it though, the more he considered perhaps it was a neccesary evil. "Alright, what are you suggesting?" Ratchet stood at full stature. "I have run a statistical analysis of each warrior on the program. The combatant designated 'Barbara Walters' seems most often victorious." Sam nodded his head in agreement, Walters did have a way with shutting up women.
"Are you sure you want to do this Ratchet?" Ratchet looked from side to side, then indicated his chest. "Me? Have you gone daft? I was implying that it be Bumblebee." After hearing this, the Yellow automaton slowly began to inch backwards, and he was soon surrounded on all sides. "While working on his vocal procsessor i created a rapid acess link to his system, should things go wrong we could terminate to program 'Barbara Walters' immediately."
Bee looked down at Sam, his optics pleading, begging. Sam looked up at Ratchet, and then ran over to stand next to Bumblebee. The cybertronic being looked overwhelmed with releif, Sam was on his side. Sam wouldnt let the others do this. "Ratchet," Sam said, putting a hand on Bumblebee. "That is...A fantastic idea!" Bumblebee tried to back up more, but the semicircle around him soon closed.
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Ironhide was sitting down, leaning back on Lennox's home. He held a paintbrush and was coloring the tips of his robotic fingers a very bright green. He brought the painted fingertips up to his mouth and feigned blowing. The latest episode of 'The hills' Resonated quite will with him. He could live the lavish life. Bumblebee blocked out the sun as he made hiw way around the corner of the house. Ironhide dropped his hand, and looked up at the newcomer.
"Um, excuse me your blocking out my sun." When Bumblebee stood his ground, arms crossed, Ironhide began to get annoyed. "Hello? Can the little bee buzz off? Your starting to offend me." "It's a fact that it is much more comfortable to be in the position of the person who has been offended than to be the unfortunate cause of it." Ironhide was taken aback. "And what is that supposed to mean?" Bumblebee took a step foward. "Show me the person who claims they are great and lift not a finger, and i will show you a liar." Ironhide stood up, towering a couple of inches over Bumblebee. "Do you wanna start something sister?I will not hesitate to get conflictory on you. "
The fingerpainted Autobot took a defiant step toward the other one, but was stopped by an outstretched yellow arm. "A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence" Ironhide froze in his tracks. Without missing a beat, the empowered Bumblebee place both hands on Ironhide's shoudlers and brought him to the ground in a seated position. "Listen to me, and listen to me well. I dont know who you think you are, but allow me to educate you." Bumblebee spoke clearly and without a hint of agression in his voice.
"What was the last notable thing you did?" Ironhide drew a blank. "I painted this house, i designed the whole thing." Bumblebee chuckled sarcastically. "Im sure that this hideous paint job is going to change the world. Im kidding you of course, dear." Bumblebee allowed little time for Ironhide to respond to anything. "I was the the first female evening news anchor, i have been to countless Whitehouse dinners and i was like this with Peter Jennings!" Bumblebee's fingers crossed over eachother. This last response, an obvious malfunction confused Ironhide, but not before he was hit with another line. "You are a spoiled little wannabe princess, face the facts!"
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Bumblebee had been behind the Farm house for over an hour. Sam had fallen asleep behind the wheel of an equally bored Ratchet while Optimus kept his sensors focused on the energy signatures of the two robots. When Bumblebee emerged, he did not look back. Optimus sounded his horn, wich awoke Sam. The concerned teen got out of the emergency vehicle and approached his guardian. In the background the medic and the leader transformed into their bipedal forms.
"So how did it go?" Sam asked, looking for any hint of an answer on the robots face. Bumblebee looked back. "He has stopped crying. He has stopped doing much of anything, he is just sitting there, silent." Ratchet and Optimus looked at eachother. "Are you sure you werent too pushy with him?" A concerned Optimus inquired. Bumblebee snapped at that. "If it's a woman it's caustic, if it's a man it's authority, If it's a woman it's too pushy, if it's a man it's aggressive in the best sense of the word"
They needed to get Bumblebee back to normal. "Ratchet, put him on standby." The transformed H2 was standing behind Bumblebee, a finger expertly placed into his neck. The last words bumblebee heard before he went into diagnostic mode were "See ya Barbarabee." Sam never had a knack for parting words.
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When Bumblebee snapped back to operating mode, he was seated next to Ironhide. He distinctly felt something intruding in his circuits. Ratchet was indeed standing behind him, one hand on his neck and the other on Ironhide's. Optimus engaged Ironhide first. "Ironhide, destroy that boulder." Optimus tossed him an energy cannon and indicated a distant boulder. Ironhide wasted no time in merging with the weapon and blasting the cluster of slone into dust. Optimus outreached a hand to his comrade. "It is good to have you back, Ironhide."
Optimus then turned to Bumblebee. "Interview me." Optimus knelt down, his head meer feet from Bumblebee's. The Camaro stumbled for words. "Interview me now!" Ratchets grip tightened. "Um, well, what do you think about birds?" Ratchet's hand let go of his friends circuitry. Optimus helped Bumblebee to his feet, and patted him on the back. Bumblebee felt like he had just come out of a terrible system error, the last two hours feeling like a blur.
He only vaguely remembered a few things. He turned to Optimus. "How did you know i was back to normal, how did you know i was me?" Optimus smirked. "We tried fixing you a couple of times, we asked the same question every time you came back." Bumblebee didn't understand. "And?"
"The last six times you kept asking me if i killed my wife."