Urban theory; Prologue
Public forum on internet, 9. July 2004:
From: Oz-Lost in the wonderland
I wonder if someone could help me with my problem, involving mushrooms?
---
Public forum on internet, 9.-14. July 2004:
Replays to Oz:
From: Hello!
Dude, what's your problem? Get help! …Please!
---
From: Don't talk about THOSE in here.
thought to warn u. pot talk it's against the rules! If you're new they might forgive you, still better to be sure, eh… delete this conversation and… we'll be like it never happened… ;)
---
From: destroying angel(s)
Wanna talk?
---
From: Idon'tlikethedrugs(BUT THE DRUGS LIKE ME!)
Hmm… Mushrooms? Personally I could come clean and say I've tried it once when I was something like 15… very bored and middle of no where… In my grannies : ) …yes well, I don't recommend unless you're skinned and… well… bored…
But hey, really should warn u… it's illegal to have this on public…
---
Private email exchange between Oz and destroying angel(s). First message received: 14.7.2004 20:02
(From Oz to destroying angel(s))
Subject: Daisies
>
No, I just wanna know if you can get me and my friends in…?
>
>
New message from destroying angel(s)
>
Don't be cocky, I just might like that… How is that you heard of me? And don't try to tell me that it was lucky charm…
>
>
New message from Oz
>
Actually it was. …Might have done some back tracking… heard of you trough a friend… or some random gossip in the loo…
>
>
New message from destroying angel(s)
>
So, I should be more careful, thanks for the tip, Bye
>
>
New message from Oz
>
What are you? Paranoid?
>
>
Last message received 20:06
---
Private email exchange between Oz and destroying angel(s). First message received: 15.7.2004 20:17
(From Oz to destroying angel(s))
Subject: Daisies
New message
>
Don't play dead.
>
>
New message from destroying angel(s)
>
…Who are you
>
>
New message from Oz
>
I don't really feel comfortable telling …What does it matter?
>
>
New message from destroying angel(s)
>
So you are famous then? Otherwise it wouldn't matter…
>
>
New message from Oz
>
If I were, would I be asking you to help me get in? …You just toying with me aren't you?
>
>
New message from destroying angel(s)
>
So? Aren't you toying with me?
>
>
New message from Oz
>
…Blow me
>
>
New message from destroying angel(s)
>
Don't mind me if I do… So you really wanna get in? Why? They just a punch of looser living wide and looking you down wards… Tickets to get in a restaurant, what's that!
>
>
New message from Oz
>
It's not for me. It's my friend's birthday.
>
>
New message from destroying angel(s)
>
You poor bastard… acting so unselfish… Why should I help you?
>
>
New message from Oz
>
…For money? I dunno?
>
>
New message from Oz
>
Hello? Still there?
>
>
New message from destroying angel(s)
>
…How many?
>
>
New message from Oz
>
4
>
>
New message from destroying angel(s)
>
Mail box 259. It's on the name Oni. Tickets will be there, I say tomorrow afternoon, and the reservation number, just call there and change the date.
>
>
New message from Oz
>
…Just like that?
>
>
New message from destroying angel(s)
>
Yes, once it's done the date shouldn't be a problem.
>
>
New message from Oz
>
How much do I owe you? Should I leave the money in the box?
>
>
New message from destroying angel(s)
>
…it's your lucky day, I won't charge you…
>
>
New message from Oz
>
…Come on? Tickets to Winsor's dream cost a fortune? Are you sure?
>
>
New message from destroying angel(s)
>
Heh… not to me, I'm a famous criminal.
>
>
New message from destroying angel(s)
>
Yeah sure, the bank robber hacker who no-one had ever seen and everyone is copying, pretending to be the real Oni? Give me a break…
>
>
New message from destroying angel(s)
>
So you've done your homework but you know that he's not only a bank robber?
>
>
New message from Oz
>
So they say… Who really knows? Wouldn't wanna be his attorney.
>
>
New message from destroying angel(s)
>
You're a lawyer? What have I gone in to…?
>
>
---
Privet email exchange Oz and destroying angel(s).
Email received: 20.8.2004 12:43
From: Oni
To: Oz
Subject: My brains are killing me!
>
I'm sitting here and having my lunch and I thought about what you said yesterday. About that strange drink they only make in Heaven… It give me an idea. And I'm so fucking high! …Just thought I should thank you...
>
And for that reason I'm gona be busy for the next couple of days, working trough my project… the thought still makes me laugh… whish you could see this… anyways I'll be at my studio and the place is like a fortress so I have non connection to the world… so you know I didn't die…
>
I'll be leaving at 15:15 and be back in a week or so…
---
Email received: 20.8.2004 13:00
From: Oz
To: Oni
Subject: Re: My brains are killing me!
>
Glad if I helped you out… thought I'm little scared in what way…? no, don't really wanna know…
>
Btw, thought to ask you… Is that exhibition that you mentioned in the bLue-gallery?
>
Because if it is… I'm afraid I will have to see you work. it's sort of a firm's way to get new clients and it's my turn to go fishing… I've never been in a situation like that before and to tell you the truth, I'm kinda nervous… All the people who go to these opening thins are… weird… insane…, right? On top of it all, my usual date is in work at that hour. So, I'm all alone in middle of these stuck-up people I wouldn't care to talk to… Just my luck.
>
Still you could wink me what have you hanged in there… so I could take a look?
---
Email received: 20.8.2004 12:09
From: Oni
To: Oz
Subject: Re:re: My brains are killing me!
>
You know, I'm gonna be there too… First thought not to, but now that I think of it I probably should be there as I am one of the artists.
>
Maybe it's time for us to meet? Tell me if it sounds crazy, I won't come.
>
Urban theory
Half year later.
The corridor in an apartment building was cold and off-putting. But so was pretty much everything to him after what he'd been trough these past few days.
Rikimaru sat on the floor of the corridor that was painted in light green. The floor was made of hard tiles and there were one window near the roof to bring the grey day light in. He leaned to his knees and stared at the wall opposite him. All was lost.
Where would he go now? What would he do? All he knew he couldn't take in anything that would have demanded careful concentration. His mind drifted back to last summer when it had all began.
He was so… perfect. Looking so out of character in middle of those rich people, who were full of them selves …He wasn't at all what I had expected… Quite the opposite… strange, his looks too classy to fit his personality…
Flashback ---
Rikimaru was standing in front of a piece of art. For some reason it had captured his attention like it had been made of magic. He was unaware that someone was evaluating him like he'd been part of the exhibition.
He sipped the champagne as his other hand was in his pocket. He knew he should have gone to talk to people and would probably do so after he'd seen all the works and read all the tags under them. He started to look for the little white paper somewhere near the corner of this painting when was interrupted.
"So what do you think it is?" His voice was very low, but soft. It was little harder than Rikimaru would imagine his own voice to be.
The man who spoke to him was wearing a black suit under it a white shirt with one button casually open. He had a long black hair that was tied in pony tail behind his back and left to from as casual curve as his whole being was.
They both looked at the painting. Rikimaru was confused and unsure was it him he'd been pen friends with the past month.
"…Is it a drink?"
"Hmmm, yes… The liquid heaven." He smirked and shortly their eyes met each other. He offered his hand saying his name and added "…but my friends call me Oni."
The low voice of accepting was still tingling in Rikimaru's abdomen when he shook his hand. He had had no intentions to get more than an interesting conversation of this meeting.
"Rikimaru Azuma… you can call me Riki, if you want."
---
So we talked and talked and I forgot that I was supposed to meet prospect clients for the firm. Well fuck the firm! They took my time well enough.
He told me about his work as an artist and embarrassing things about the other guests we both seemed to hate. I told about my work as a lawyer and about the senior associates and that I had thought martial arts while I still had been a student. You know, all the casual and half casual things you can say when your mind is really somewhere else.
Flashback ---
They stood near the railing at the second floor when Rikimaru felt the other man leaning closer to say something in a low voice. He didn't really care what it was. Slightly his chest was pressing to his arm and shoulder while his mouth was so close to his ear Rikimaru could feel the warm breath. Oni made the whole series of movements seem natural like he had just accidentally staggered into his friend's private space.
He smiled to his comment as he thought he should and looked to a croup his friend had pointed with a slight nod.
It had been a long time since he'd properly dated anyone or even taken someone home with him. He had no time for such. Being the second youngest associate in a law firm wasn't definitely a piece of cake. Thought it wasn't all bad; the work had calmed him down in frames of reason.
His friend might not be as into him as he hoped he would be. Maybe he was just imagining it as it had been such a long time. For all he knows his friend was so friendly and close just because he thought there could be anything that would have been uncomfortable in public between two men.
---
Finally we both got bored to the atmosphere and decided to leave. Before that I had mentally lectured my self that nothing was going to happen. I should just enjoy the evening, go home and sleep trough Sunday. I tried not flirt too much but old habits die hard. When the silence landed between us and it was time to leave, he suddenly told me that he had to show me something and of course. the something was at his place.
Now it feels so damn obvious! Pathetic even… And I just smiled to myself looking for a taxi with my eyes. Of course I agreed.
Flashback ---
The flat was enormous. How an artist could have the money for it, Rikimaru thought. Maybe his daddy was a big company boss all thought he didn't seem a spoiled brat.
"So, what is you wanted to show me?" He asked looking around his living room that nearly was as big as his own flat.
"Huh? …Oh yes… this…" He pointed a painting that was under a white sheet. The canvas was bigger than the one in the exhibition. "…I…a…" He started leaning to its frame and looking to it trough the sheet and then on the ground hesitating.
"…Should we put the lights on?" Rikimaru suggested remotely looking for a switch, but only remotely.
The room was dim. Only light that came in to the room was the lights of the city and the mere electric yellow glow over the kitchen.
"…I wanted you to see this but…" Oni moved to look at him standing in front of it. "…It's not quite ready yet…" He smiled sheepishly. "And I don't feel quite enough comfortable showing it… to anyone…" He looked the white sheet like he'd seen trough it and seen his own faults in it. He bites his lips and then smiles, laughing half nervously. "Sorry to drag you in here… you mind?"
Maybe Oni was afraid he might get the wrong idea. "…No…" Rikimaru says suddenly like he'd just been woken up from dreaming. "…I should go… It's late…" He walks to the hallway leading to a door.
Oni follows him there while he puts his jacket on. "…It's Sunday, tomorrow…?"
"Yeah?" He doesn't want to leave and hangs back while adjusting his scarf.
"So? Where's the fire?"
Rikimaru would have laughed the comment if Oni hadn't moved so close as he talked. It was hard not look those lips and concentrate getting out. He had to get out before he'd do something wrong. He had a gut feeling this was a bad idea. Was he coming on to him, he couldn't believe it was so. "…I… just… it's kinda… late?"
---
So that's when and how it all began. I stayed the whole Sunday with him.
We started to spend more time together. He sneaked in to my life and fitted like he'd all ways belonged there. He tricked me by pretending to be curious about me and kept his own business his own. Didn't really noticed it until now. Probably because he didn't want to accidentally slip anything. I felt like I had always known him and now he's a stranger.
Could a stranger make me feel this bad as I feel now?
He made me feel things that I had never felt towards anyone else. And not just in the sack, because if it had been only that, then this would be a lot easier to deal with. Maybe I'd get a one night stand too and go back to him after?
How long has it been now? Since I caught him. Two? Three days?
Flashback ---
Rikimaru quickly rose up the stairs to the apartment in 4th floor. He had a smile on his face and a big bag over his shoulder.
He had been out of town the weekend; lawyers annual meeting. Working weekends were really quite fun unless you missed all the activity by using your time thinking of your lover and his latest idea.
They had seen last time at Friday morning. Rikimaru wasn't quite sure which one of them had brought the subject up. Although he remembered Oni saying that it was waste of money and space to keep too apartments when they spend nearly all their time together. His apartment was more than enough for both of them. How much more closer can you get the phrase; you, move in with me, with out actually saying the words?
He was coming home to stay and couldn't be happier.
Rikimaru shook his head on the door still smiling. When had he last time been so ridiculously happy? My gosh, he thought, someone should really put a bullet trough my head, because his face was starting to hurt. He looked for his key card and slipped it trough.
He stepped in wondering was he home and heard noises from the living room. Someone was giggling and then someone spoke. Rikimaru couldn't tell what the voices were saying.
The smile had faded away slowly and soon his mood came crashing down.
He rushed out, as quickly as he could and as quiet whit out being noticed. He felt sick and tiers rushed to his eyes.
He hold them down and got a taxi.
He didn't know where to go. His thoughts were all mixed up and all he knew for certain was that he couldn't face him right now if ever. He couldn't go home; he might come to look for him.
---
Rikimaru sighted staring at the roof now letting his arms hang over his knees. He wasn't quite sure how had he spend the last days. Where had all the time gone?
When he'd left from Oni's place he'd first thought to go in a bar but then realized he didn't want to see a soul. He went to his office which was empty on Sunday. First thing he did was to write a resignation letter and then he gave it to the board in a middle of the meeting on a Monday morning. Then he went in to a motel and slept, cried. It was all a big blur and confusion.
He thought things over. What made his live worth living? He'd beaten himself up first by studying then working his ass off for the firm. Was he happy? He missed his friends, all night long parties, one-night stands, drugs… all the things he couldn't do as a lawyer, because it would have jeopardise his career.
That would have to wait now, the career, he thought. He didn't want to be tied down to anything that reminded him for the past.
Jawing woman about his age rose up the stairs. She had a long black hair falling over her shoulders and a dark blue water coat that was wet. Apparently it had started raining outside while he'd sat on the hallway.
"…Rikimaru?" She asked surprised and saw his hurt. "…What's wrong?"
"…Didn't you mention last week… that you needed a room mate…?"
She leaned to his knees kneeling down to get a better look at him.
"…You didn't have to give up your apartment just because I have trouble paying my rent…?"
"…Call it a act of good will… do you already have someone?"
She shook her head. "…Come on in… and tell me all…?"
Urban theory
It was Tuesday morning. Ayame was making breakfast for two hoping that Rikimaru would get up soon. She needed to know what was the matter so she could help him and for her able to do so; Rikimaru should better get up before she had to go to work.
Call it a telepathy or pure luck as Rikimaru drawled slowly to the table.
"…Shouldn't you be at work?"
"I'm making breakfast… I got the morning off, Jake is covering me…" She flipped pancakes into pan. "…so I'm yours…" She looked at the clock. "…hour n' half…"
"…Is it okay me moving in here? I can find other place if…"
"What happened to your old apartment?"
"…I can't go there anymore…" He stared at the empty space on the corner.
Ayame was starting to get worried. Rikimaru had never been like this.
"…I've never seen you like this? …Tell me what's happening? Is it some client? Are they threatening you?" She sat down opposite him.
"…It's nothing like that… The guy I was telling you about… cheated me with, some, blond chick…" He fought to keep his voice normal covering it with a small laugh. "…and I was starting to get used to him… love him maybe…"
She didn't know what to say to a thing like that. She had never met this man he was talking about. Ayame hoped she could say it wasn't true just to comfort him. "…Sorry… to hear that…"
"...Yeah, well… life goes on… right?"
"…I didn't quite get… why it is that you can't go to your apartment?"
"There is a small risk I might find him there wondering where I am… yes, doubly like he'd care, I… am way too angry to see him… Just wanted to punch his stupid fucking face in…" He look over her. "…And guess what? …I quit my job." This time he smiled for real.
"…Quit? Like, took a few days off?" Her voice said please say you didn't.
"Like 'I'm tired of you guys sucking me off, you can storage my contract up in your ass', and that's the short, censored, version of it… Later it occurred to be that it just might have been a video meeting so… I don't think they'll be taking me back… or any other firm for that matter…"
Ayame just blinked twice while Rikimaru leaned to his one hand over the table playing with a pencil o his other hand.
"…You think they'll take me to teach martial arts or something like that…?"
"…I dunno… probably…"
"Don't worry, I have savings to pay the rent."
"Well, yes, um… No need to rush… Take your time and pull your self together… while you still can…"
"…Ayame?"
"No, no, you need to figure out where you are heading…"
"…yes, but…"
"It might seem small but when things pile up before you have properly dealt with them, they make you life…"
"Black?"
"…yes."
"Smoke?"
"Huh? …Oh no! The pancakes…!"
She jumped up from the chair and hurried to the stove. This seemed to be so familiar procedure to her that he didn't see it necessary to go up and help.
Finally she stopped and cursed.
"…I see nothing has changed since the last time we lived together…"
"…hmm I'm still a lousy cook… fine…" She waved her hands trying to make the smoke disappear. "… Single…"
"Why? Can't find anyone good enough?"
"…They say I'm too independent and controlling… but do you know what they really mean? …I'm too much of a tomboy… They can't handle me being a cop…"
"…yes I can imagine; your homophobic boyfriends see that you are so masculine that it makes them feel like a little girl around you…"
"Glad to make you laugh…" She said half-hearted.
"…Maybe I'll just order us some food?"
"Sounds good…"
Rikimaru went to look for his phone until he remembered that he'd thrown it to the river. He came back to the kitchen. "…Ayame…? Can I borrow your phone? …I seem to have lost mine."
"Sure, it's one the table of the hallway… lost your phone? Did you forget it in somewhere?"
"…In the river…" He mumbled and was already giving the order.
She peaked in the hallway. "...What?"
---
It was half past twelve and Ayame had to go to work. She peered down the window and saw a familiar car waiting on the street. "My ride's here…" She was pulling on her shoes. "You gonna be okay…?"
"I will ma"
"…D-don't call me that…! …You can take the key over there… and keep it… See you at… four, five… or tomorrow…!"
Rikimaru started to clean the mess on the kitchen. He stopped to look at the table. How was it that Ayame had made him forget for a while? His heart cut now that he'd remembered it again. He tried to shook it of but while his hand moved to clean the dishes his mind went over and over what had he seen.
Just as he was about to break something the door bell rang. Thank god he thought, maybe she'd forget something.
He didn't look who was behind the door and just opened it. She resembled her very much despite her more feminine style. Maybe she was cuter too, but Rikimaru just thought it was because the age difference.
"…Rikimaru?" Kiku said little surprised seeing him there still in his pyjamas as the day was in half. Before Rikimaru could answer her she continued. "…So you've finally come out of the closet and started sleeping with her, eh?"
The girl was barely fifteen Rikimaru thought as she walked past him to the apartment. "…Morning, Kiku…"
The girl looked at the apartment. "Is she home?"
"You just missed her… Didn't see the car in front?"
She shook her head.
Rikimaru closed the door and walked past her into the kitchen.
"Can I stay for awhile… there's awful could outside…"
"…Sure… Sit down… you want something, tea, coffee…?"
"No…" She sat where Rikimaru had when he'd spoken with Ayame. "So… Why are you here?"
He put the empty food bags to the garbage. "…I moved in here."
"…Why?"
"…because… my salary isn't gonna be what it used to and it's cheaper to live under her wing… How about you? What's new?"
"Nothing much…"
"...How's your dad?"
"Okay, I guess…"
"Is he still holding that garage?"
"Of course… he lives for the cars…" She hadn't seen him in a long time. "How come I haven't seen you since… ever…?"
He smiled weakly. "…Work, work and work and stuff… Shouldn't you be in school?"
"It's my lunch hour, duh?"
"…Have you eaten anything?"
"yeah… Shouldn't you be at work?"
"…I think I'm unemployed right now…"
"What are you going to do the whole day?"
That certainly was a good question, he thought.
"…I probably should go and get my things from my last apartment…" Before the landlady sets the cops after me, he added mentally.
"Can I come with you?"
"Don't you have school?"
"Only physical and I can repair it later… besides if we walk it will be just like it… I really wouldn't want to go there… You'd be much more fun, please?"
"I don't think I'll be… but sure… come with me… I just get my clothes and we'll leave…"
---
It was two a clock as they arrived to his apartment's door. He wondered why Kiku didn't speak of anything as they had closed in on the building, did she sense his nervousness?
She was reading some poster on the wall while Rikimaru stared at the door, the keys in his hand. What had he expected, to find Oni camping on his door step? Rikimaru knew very well that Oni just wasn't that kind of a guy who'd wonder after him. He wasn't a guy who would be dumped, he was a guy who walked and moved on.
He had hoped not to pump in to him. Now that Oni wasn't here, he was disappointed. He hadn't notice that Kiku had stopped reading the poster and was now next to him. "Have you found the key yet?"
"Um… yep…" He turns the key and opens the door. "…Shut the door, please… okay, this is gonna take a while, take a seat, watch the telly or something…"
"…Ok." She walks past him on the small living room that's companied with the hallway.
Kiku opens the TV as Rikimaru stares at her and the apartment for some time. There was an awful mess. He hadn't had time to clean. He had too much stuff anyways, it couldn't fit in this rat whole properly. He takes a deep breath and walks past the kitchen. No use to look at the fridge, everything was most likely over the date.
The bedroom was behind the kitchen. He walks in and slams the door shut leaning to it. The bed looked the same as when he'd left Friday morning, soft, comfortable, messy. White sheets and blanket cover dripping over the edge. He could almost see it.
He shook out of it and headed for the cupboard. He'd only taken few steps when he recognised a movement in the room, near the chair that was in the corner, sneakily behind a shelf.
His heart stopped beating and then started flapping like waterwheel as something resembling panic washed over him.
Sleeve of a white shirt had for some strange reason moved. Rikimaru walked to the chair. The shirt was the only thing of Oni that had waited for him to return. It was almost ghost like that the sleeve had moved just as he'd come home. Carefully he takes the piece of cloth in his hands. Looks at it, presses it against his face, smelling his lovely scent from it.
He sits down and looks at his room. Thinking and blaming him self.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! He wasn't asking me to move in with him, no. He was hoping to scare me away by suggesting it!
Why didn't I get it?
Was it all physical then? Of course it was! That's what people want when they meet strangers like that, anonymous sex. How come have I forgotten the unwritten rules of the whole thing? I have never before mixed sex and love, why start now? Maybe I've been too long out of the picture…
Kiku knocked at the door and opened it. "…Are you ready soon? There's nothing on…"
"Yeah sure… just a minute…" Rikimaru crinkled the shirt on the floor and walked to his cupboard.
Kiku eyed the bed still standing in the door way. "So this is what real single's bedroom looks like…"
"Please, fix your beautiful eyes on somewhere else…" he was emptying the shelves to the bag he'd taken with him. "…What do you mean, 'real single's'?"
"Well, Ayame is a single and I bet her bed never looks like that…"
"Your dad is a single too, does…?"
"Don't continue…!" She walked away from the door back to the living room.
Why tormenting her was almost as funny as tormenting Ayame, he thought to himself. Thought Kiku was wrong about her bed. His hands stopped backing as Oni popped in his mind.
What really hurt him most? That he'd cheated him or that he'd cheated him with a woman. There was nothing wrong being a bi, but he could at least tell him that he was. Not that they had ever discussed the topic, but that wasn't the point now, was it?
He had been the first Rikimaru had totally given the control to and would probably be the last one. He'd trusted his body and mind to him and it hadn't been enough.
Thought it was expected. Those guys eventually ended up with a nice girl who was wife material and started a family. Rikimaru knew he himself couldn't settle for that. Chancing a soul mate to offspring, no way, thought it would be great to have both.
He found himself staring at one of the closets and once again shook his mind back to reality.
"I'm ready…" He said stepping out of the bedroom, carrying a huge back on his shoulder.
"…Your comp is still on the table…?"
"…I'll pick it up later… come on, I still have to talk to the landlady…"
---
Kiku had gone home to help her dad and Ayame was still at work when Rikimaru came home. The apartment was dark and empty for someone who'd thought to be living in a relationship by now. He unpacked his belongings to a room Ayame had showed him. It was pretty easy to settle in because it wasn't the first time he and Ayame shared apartment.
It was beginning to be late. He lay at his bed fully clothed and looked at the clock: five past nine. Well, not so late.
Phone rang in the hallway. Had she forgotten her phone home? The phone didn't stop ringing so he went to answer it.
"…Hello?" He picked it up not bothering to look who was calling.
"Hi, Rikimaru!"
"Hi…Jin?"
"Ayame told me that you need some refreshing... She's, again, late at work so, you need to put some clothes on…"
"Listen… Jin, I dunno am I really in a mood to…"
"Shut up, you wimp! We'll be there in… ten minutes… get your ass ready… you me and Dan are going dancing! …And don't even think about locking us out…! …Ayame gave us the keys…"
Urban theory
A/n: I will continue. Even if you wouldn't want me to. X)