Urban theory; chapter 14 Unplanned coincidences
Oni lighted a cigarette as he walked out of the bar, happily smiling, all most able to walk straight line. There was a queue all the way to the next block. People were dying to get in and a moment ago Oni had been dying to get away from the bar bench were some guy couldn't stop bad mouthing his wife. He really didn't need anymore of that relationship crab. Absently he took a look over the people in line and came to a conclusion that it wasn't a place for someone like himself. Why the hell had he gone there in the first place!? Well, it had called for him to pay a visit and it seemed like a place that easy-to-screw-around-people went.
But tequila had wind Oni around its self and after a moment he noticed that the people were actually too-easy-to-screw-around-people, and wasn't really interested anymore.
There was a lamppost on which he leaned. He put his other hand in the pocket of his baggy jeans and sighted out a long breath, watching the smoke curl up to the sky. Oh, yes, he remembered. He couldn't see if it was cold enough for his breath to show in the air, because he was smoking. How stupid of him, he laughed mentally as he thought he wasn't drunk enough to do it out loud, alone in the street. But in reality he guessed he was.
Who ever said that fast-food wasn't good for you, he thought. Take a hamburger for example. It had green stuff, meat and bread and all that conveniently in a same baggage. Honestly, it had to be some kind of a conspiracy and pizza only proofed his point correct. The same thing with nightlife, it was refreshing, sometimes even limit braking, psychiatric and overall freeing experiment. How could people say it was bad for you to party all night long like a clueless animal on it's way to Bethlehem by the alcohol smoothed road? God damn if life could be all ways as simple and lovely.
But it couldn't, could it? There was always a hell of a Monday waiting around the next turn that forced the primates to do some work to get an apple or two.
His smile was eaten by the sarcasm that lived deep inside his brain and he took a long breath from the cigarette. He didn't smoke very often, but when he did, he wanted to make the most of it. Sad thought crept in to his mind and he eyes the burning scroll of paper between his fingers. Will I remember this tomorrow, he thought. Nah, he was clearly clearing up, by the way his thoughts seemed clearer. Or was the tequila just playing cat and mouse with him?
Who cared really, like he had something to loose. Oni leaned the back of his head against the cold lamppost and looked up the sky. Oh fuck, was his high getting mild already? His none so clear thoughts changed the subject as he notice a big, white and glooming dot on the sky. Was it already time for full moon, he hadn't thought it to be so soon. Was it the moon, the glow was more red than a white or silvery? Now that he thought of it the light phenomenon looked a lot like an eye.
Self mocking chuckle and a grin across his face he shook his head. Right, there was a big red eye on the sky steering at him. But then he looked up once more and turned to some extent serious. There was something fascinating about the sky and the moon and the whole atmosphere. He wanted to paint something like that. Something so obvious and dull, could it be interesting? What was the time he looked for his clock and realized he had left it home. Suddenly he wanted to go home and see what kind of an artist Mr. Tequila would be.
"Ouh…! Bloody… stupid… me…!" Oni threw away the cigarette that was burning his fingers. Lazily he wiped away the ashes.
Tatsumaru was walking towards a certain nightclub he had all ways wanted to go but hadn't got the guts to. Spooky people spend their time in there or not spooky just people who didn't see further than their own nose and were somewhat certain that their nose was the best in town. Tatsumaru didn't need up class people around him to put him down at his place. He sighted heavily as he saw the long line of people freezing while they waited to get in. Just his luck, he couldn't even be self destructive anymore.
Anyhow, Tatsumaru thought to walk at the end of the line. Maybe it really was moving, even thought it didn't seem to be doing that from looking at this point. He heard someone curse and noticed a guy leaning on a lamppost. At first Tatsumaru didn't pay much attention to him but then the man hurriedly looked at him starting the sentence already when he was still speaking to his shirt.
"Do you… know what the time is…?"
Tatsumaru stopped and turned to look at him. Strange looking guy, he thought, but fixed the adjective to more flattering when had the time to take it all in what he was seeing. Brilliant, he had found his future abuser. "Um…" It seemed to take for ever for Tatsumaru to realize that he had to look at the time from his watch. "…It's all most one in the morning…"
God damn these stupid models, Oni thought but couldn't help to notice that everything was in their right places in him. "…Only one? Hmmm…"
"Yeah… well…"
Oni looked away rolling his eyes amused and thought; well not everything. Better not wait this to turn into a witty conversation.
"It's pretty late to get in… Does the line move at all?" Tatsumaru didn't probably even himself notice that he was twirling from one foot to another, hands in his pockets.
"Nope." Oni smiled cheekily. "…That sucks eh?" Oni was afraid he was going to hear praise for how grand the shit hole was and was mildly surprised when all he got was a lousy yeah.
"…I just wanted to see what it looked like. I have never been there…"
"So why are you talking to me and doing that sell-off show? You think I'm VIP?"
Tatsumaru was little out of the loop and wasn't sure what the other had meant by the 'sell-off-show'. "…er? …You talked to me, remember…?"
"Oh… Maybe so…" Okay, maybe he wasn't being very nice, surprise, surprise, Oni thought and could sense him wanting to back off. For now Oni had completely forgotten his plans for painting. "You wanna get in?"
"…um yeah…" This was getting confusing.
"Come on then sweetheart…" He managed to hold a perfectly flat voice as he walked towards the entrance. "Are you coming or not?" And got Tatsumaru following him little bit uncertain thought.
The bouncer moved the robe to let Oni walk in and Tatsumaru following as Oni winked at the man. "He's with me."
---
Nine hours later the clock was exactly 10:11 a.m. in Tatsumaru's room. Someone drop a plate on the floor and according to the sound it broke. About a minute later Oni woke up.
He realized after giving it a moment of thought that he wasn't in his home or around in anyone's home he'd know. But he knew for certain that he was in someone's home that was sleeping in a same bed with him, twined his, not so slender hands around his torso and in half sleeping over him. If Oni would even think of sneaking out the other would wake up. Oni sighted deep trying to get ready for what challenges might the morning hold for him now.
He remembered being angry and a bit of self-destructive last night. He had even gone to that lame teen-age bar that he had somehow managed to get a VIP pass. What Oni couldn't remember was who he had met, who had he talked to, who had he played with? He was afraid to open his eyes and see what had dragged him home. Somehow he felt exhausted to deal with people right now. He was too old for bed hopping or not, maybe just too old to meet new people. I should have left when I still was pissed off my mind, Oni thought and slowly peaked under his eye lids to see what short of an cave he was in.
It didn't look like to be a room of someone under aged, which was good. The room was quite tidy, he noticed. Actually every book and folder he had on shelved was perfectly lined. Walls were clean and out of posters or paintings. Nothing did bulge out of his assumed to be closet for clothes. On a writing table next to the bed were laptop and a few papers. The person wasn't under aged, presumably he, was under minded vegetable, who in sober was homophobic. Oni looked down at his chest and found out that he-who-ever-he-was had a similar black hair as he had himself.
Oni moved a bit to make the other move his weight. Tatsumaru grunted in his sleep and moved upper over the bed resting his jaw over Oni's shoulder. Oni looked at him gasping breath and mentally screaming. How he could have slept with that, he wondered all most honestly shocked. The stupid model-boy who just was way too perfect to breathe! Too fucking pretty to touch, because you couldn't decide which part did you want to treasure and whit out neglecting the other perfect parts of him. In other words; too fucking dull, doll-faced doll. He really was at the bottom now, wasn't he?
He looked again at the sleeping face and thought, oh well, things could be worse. Come to think of it, it was a shame that he couldn't remember much of last night. Had 'last night' even happened? He looked for recognition of some short of Tatsumaru's face, but nothing came to his mind. When he was puzzling his name up, Tatsumaru woke up slowly.
Tatsumaru yawned and stared right ahead of him which happened to be in Oni's eyes. After a moment Tatsumaru realized the eyes were actually a person in his bed and as it happened Tatsumaru was also suffering of a sudden memory loss. "Oh… um good morning?"
"…morning…?" Nature of this conversation, if you could call it that, was reminding him of something he felt like he didn't need to remember.
"…What's the time?"
"Something over ten a.m.…"
"…You slept… well?"
"…Yeah… Thanks for letting me stay…?" Was the guy for real, Oni thought?
"No… problem… I guess… you were already in my bed… so…"
"So, you don't remember anything either?"
"…Umm…" Tatsumaru shook his head and smiled shyly, little bothered by the situation, he didn't know why.
Both looked away from each other, not sure now what had they forgotten. Silence was unbearable and it had taken over the whole flat. Only their breathing echoed in their own ears. How the situation was so complicated all of a sudden, both of them thought in secret. It was like two strangers sitting next to each other in a bus and nothing to say except the question if the seat was free and a feeling that you should still say something for not to be rude. There were a lot of questions in the air. Were the bus really so full that the other had to sit next to him? Or was the other just a pervert who had his eye on him? Why did he have his eye on him? Or was it completely the other way around? Except this was nothing like a daily ride in a bus. If it would have been there certainly should have been some clothes involved instead of a bed that had started to feel too narrow.
"So it's like… It would have never happened?" Oni asked assuming the other one wasn't very keen to try a rematch.
"…Yeah… I guess it is, it never happened…?"
Tatsumaru didn't want to get up first. His clothes were across the floor and he felt shy and uncertain of some reason. What had he dragged in, he lectured him self. He was supposed to be over and above this certain type, but obviously it still appealed him. Truth to be said, Tatsumaru thought, he was quite handsome, in rough, weird kind of a way.
"I should be heading towards home…"
"…O-kay…?" Tatsumaru couldn't believe he had led out an open question in the air, he really hadn't meant to do so or had he? Hopefully the other would just ignore it. Oni rose up from the bed and started dressing up. Tatsumaru pretended to be sighting in relief behind his back.
Oni threw a look over Tatsumaru's gaze and Tatsumaru realized he was being silly for looking. The guy could only blame himself, Tatsumaru thought, for having a book printed all over his body or so Tatsumaru kept telling himself. He rose up taking the bed cover with him and walked to another room that obviously was just a big a closet for clothe storing.
Oni got his clothes on pretty quickly but noticed that Tatsumaru had already left from his cupboard and was probably somewhere in the flat in which Oni didn't know where the door that led outside was. Great, all he needed to feel more embarrassed was to walk in a cleaning closet.
Tatsumaru had walked into kitchen to get a moment to kill him self a little, when he noticed Hitoha having breakfast there. "Morning…!" Tatsumaru tried cheerfully but it came out sounding guilty as a fox in hen house.
Little confused Hitoha swallowed the piece he was chewing as if he wasn't sure were they in terms of speaking to each other or not. "…Morning…?" He grunted not so cheerful, but sounding also somewhat guilty. Tatsumaru walked to get a class and some water when Oni came to the kitchen door. Hitoha stared at him eyes wide like there would have been something really strange about him. No-one would have liked to be looked at as if you'd forgotten to put your pants on at least of all Oni, who was pretty sure he had done the garment in question just a second ago.
"Good morning…" He answered trough out faking bullshit happiness in his voice. Thank god, I didn't wake up next to the little brother, he thought, because he clearly is so under aged.
Hitoha looked away over his meal. "M-morning…"
Tatsumaru ignored the thing whatever had been going on there. "…You forget something?"
"Yeah… Kinda…" Oni mentioned by a finger that he should come closer. Hitoha couldn't believe this was happening and fought against himself not to run out of the kitchen, his heard razing like wild horse.
"Which way… is the door?" Oni asked silently enough for Hitoha not to hear it.
"…There…" Tatsumaru pointed the door behind Oni's back.
"Okay thanks…" He felt like he should have still said something or done something. The atmosphere was more unpleasant than wet tricot you were trying to get in to. He cleared at his throat moving the
ball to Tatsumaru.
"I'll walk you to it…" He said.
At the door they hardly even looked at each other and said a quick bye and that was that. Oni took his cell phone from the pocket of his jacket and called him self a taxi. Morning had been shitty enough for it not to be crowned by a long walk home from god knew where.
Tatsumaru sighted leaning to the door. He took a look towards the kitchen and somehow sensed that Hitoha was still there. He would have rather not Hitoha to find out about his night guest.
"Sorry about that…" Tatsumaru said pouring himself a cup of coffee and sitting next to the table.
Hitoha didn't know how to respond so he stayed silent. Until he was sure Tatsumaru was going to continue on some other subject. "I have to leave for a couple of days…"
"Oh?"
"It's just that I found a place to study and I'm going to go and familiarize in the place before I move in. That standard stuff, you know…"
"That's great… "
Hitoha rose from his seat to put plate and a cup in the sink. "I'll leave my things here for a while, is that okay? But you can start to look for a new tenant…"
"You sure you'll be staying there then? …It's hard to find a tenant at this time of year, so you can keep the room as long as you like."
"Sure… Thanks…" Hitoha left hurriedly from the kitchen. Tatsumaru stayed not sure what to do.
---
Oni got home, put his jacket on the rack and heard that TV was on. "Rin?" He shouted walking into the living room. The TV was on and playing Saturday's cartoons. Behind the sofa and on the floor laid Rin, completely focused to what was on.
"Hey…?" He kneeled down next to her but she just looked at the screen. After some time she finally looked over him briefly noting that he was there.
"You had breakfast?"
Rin took an empty cup from the floor where apparently had been full of cocoa and showed it to him. He took the cup. "You want me to make… pancakes?"
She twined a pang of her hair around her finger and thought it for a moment. "Omelette… with… tomato and cheese."
He was happy that she talked even a little. When he had picked her up from the station she hadn't spoke anything for days. "Okay…" He sighted rising up.
"You don't smell like your self…" She suddenly said and he turned around surprised. "Take a shower. I don't want my omelette to taste like that…"
He grinned wondering how a single line could brighten up the day so quickly. "Yes, my lady…"
---
Tatsumaru was alone in the home and the clock was passing twelve p.m. Hitoha had left and Tatsumaru had sunk in to a world of self search. He tried to start doing some work because his work was something that kept him focused and certain of him self. But now it didn't seem to be working for him. He got an awful anxiety attack and ended up steering the leafless tree behind his third floor window.
What had he done, he grabbed his hair. This morning had been a small nightmare for him and he couldn't even begin to think how it had effected on Hitoha. Had the boy really wound a place to study or had he just wanted to get out soon as possible? Where would he go, all alone in a big, cold city? Maybe he should go and look for him or call him.
But on the other hand, what did he know about his tenant for real? Hitoha might be just fine. He really might have a place to study in. This didn't ease of the weight at all he noticed. It was impossible to even think about doing any work now and he closed the laptop.
Tatsumaru took a look over his bed that was neatly made and under the coverlet were new clean sheets. He pictured the bed spread open like it had been this morning, that strange guy and him, having sex. Somehow he couldn't grasp the image. He closed his eyes and tried again, memorising his tattoos, but couldn't remember what kind of tattoos those were. Maybe if he'd focus very carefully, he could remember something.
Wait, did he want to do this? Did he want to remember something that never happened? Tatsumaru opened his eyes and took a better position on the chair. He looked at his cell phone on the on the writing desk and considered to call or not to call. He picked it up thinking what would he say when it suddenly rang. To his surprise it was Hitoha calling.
"Azuma…" Tatsumaru decided to answer the phone like he didn't knew it was Hitoha calling.
"Hi Tatsumaru, its me… Hitoha…?"
"…Ou hi…" He felt stupid now for pretending. "…Did you… forget something?" Now he sounded cold and that wasn't his intention. He had hurt the boy enough.
"I-I'm not sure… Could you do me a favour…?"
"Sure, what?"
"Go to my room and see if there's a… blue box on the table…?"
Tatsumaru was little disappointed, but still went to have a look. "…Hold on a sec…" Why couldn't he be calling for him to come and pick him up from hitchhiking that was far too dangerous for a boy of his age? God knew what short of men were out in these days, or maybe Tatsumaru knew after this morning's awakening.
"So… Where are you?" He asked camouflaging it to be a careless question as he stood in the doorway of Hitoha's room looking to an empty table.
"At the train station."
"A blue box, did you say…?"
"Yeah…"
"Where did you say again... it was?"
"…On the table. It might not be, I just wanted to know if I got it with me or… not…"
"…I can't see it, so it must be with you… Or you wanna come and look for your self?"
"Um… no, no… I just…" Hitoha was quiet and Tatsumaru could hear fuss off trains coming and leaving. So Hitoha really was leaving to somewhere. "I don't have the time to get it and… it probably is in my other bag so don't worry…"
"You never said where this place you were going on to study…is?"
"It's on the country… about 300 km's from town… I did, actually know that the box was with me… or well, I don't really have a blue box…" Hitoha sighted in the end.
"…I truly am sorry about this morning, Hitoha. It was inconsiderate of me to drag other people along, especially when I promised to confront you in the morning. …I just couldn't take it anymore…" Tatsumaru bite his tong, he hadn't meant to build a pressure over the other.
"I know…" Hitoha said surprising Tatsumaru.
Tatsumaru listened his own thoughts for a moment. "So you are really going to study…?"
"It's all boys' school… but I don't know will I be staying…" For a moment it seemed like Hitoha would have liked to say something else. "…About last night?" He said suddenly sounding like he would have been talking about going to fish market.
Tatsumaru was afraid of this. "What about it…?" He asked as toneless as he could.
"When I came to you… thank you for, not letting me stay, it would have been a mistake…"
"Only because you're not in terms with your self… well, and because I'm too old for you…"
"That's not what I meant… not exactly…" Hitoha got Tatsumaru quiet and wondering. "Last night…"
Hitoha continued with quieter voice. "I was so mad at you… and when you got home with him…"
Hitoha continued speaking but Tatsumaru's hearing stopped working as his mind concentrated to process the information. "Wait…Wait… You saw…us?"
"Umm… Not quite, I heard you… trough the wall…"
Tatsumaru could hear embarrassment in Hitoha's voice and wondered how it could be so catchy trough a phone.
"Anyhow, when I saw him this morning I realized, we could never be like that…"
"Like how?"
"…I'd so want to hear you say those things to me, make you sound so… touchable… I want you to feel with me what you felt with him…"
"And how was, I mean is, that…?" Tatsumaru's speech was beginning to falter and he tried not to clear his throat too loudly.
"Not guilty for starters…" Hitoha hesitated. "But I can't, I'm not ready, I doubt I'll ever be… I'm just not like that… Listen, I gotta go, the train is coming… um, bye." He hanged the phone before Tatsumaru got a change to say anything.
Stupidly Tatsumaru stared at the phone in his hand. Had that conversation just happened as it suddenly felt all most as unreal as his night? And about the night, that wasn't anymore as unreal as he would have liked it to be. Oh no, he thought and buried his face in his palms.
Now he wanted get that boy off the train, off the station and get him home. What was it that made him want to love him to pieces right now? They could make it work or not, but Tatsumaru was willing to give the boy a change by the way he'd been talking on the phone. He'd sounded so mature. Not like a whining kid that Hitoha sometimes seemed to be. But what he had meant by the last thing he'd said, Tatsumaru thought.
Knowing quite well from experience what went on in the boys head, he was afraid he knew the answer. But he knew Hitoha was, like that and he himself probably knew it too. How could he make him admit it?
---
It was five p.m. and Tatsumaru was sleeping on his sofa when his phone rang. It was Rikimaru calling.
"Hello…?"
"I need to come…"
"Where?" Tatsumaru asked stupidly.
"…In you."
"Ou… Right…" There was considering silence.
About twenty minutes later his doorbell rang and when he went to open the door Rikimaru was there, leaning to a wall and looking pored. Tatsumaru stepped out half out of his doorway and looked at him in question. He had expected a little warmer visitor. "What…?" Tatsumaru asked.
"Are you all ways such a turn-on on the phone? Your silence worries me."
Tatsumaru sighted and suggested him to get in. "…Sorry, I had a weird day…"
Rikimaru went in if not a little sullen and put his jacket off. "Is it about…?"
"Hitoha? He's not home…" Tatsumaru pulled the door close and stepped closer to Rikimaru who innocently waited for him.
"…You wanna talk about it?" He asked as Tatsumaru's fingers crept over his stomach.
"You going to spend the night here?" He grabbed Rikimaru's collar wrinkling it up and got him smiling. Tatsumaru was acting strange.
"…If you want?"
"Good… Then I can talk to you in the morning…" He said and started pulling Rikimaru into his bedroom when he protested.
"Hey, wait now a minute…! Didn't you got that lovely, fluffy mat in your living room…?"
"…I just had it cleaned about a week ago…?"
"So we have the whole flat to ourselves and… you wanna do it in your bedroom?"
"Yeah well um… I don't wanna make a mess…?" Tatsumaru looked over Rikimaru bleeding him just to give up and fallow him and so he did. "Call me old-fashioned…"
Mumbling out a few words he let Tatsumaru drag him to his master bedchamber. "…Sometimes, Tatsu… You seem like a pretty, little house-wife…"