Manifestation of Foundation
The cloud of confusion and drug induced euphoria evaporated and Lorne found himself looking into Parrish's eyes.
"Hi."
"Hey."
It seemed an inane way to have a conversation. They had been separated for six months and each in their own amount of pain. Yet there were no expressions of undying love or long diatribes of lament. Lorne sensed rather than knew that Parrish had let go of whatever relationship they had had. It may have been the way the other man held his hand or the way his eyes had that look of regret mixed with longing.
He was not shocked by this. In his own way Lorne had let go of Parrish as well. Whether it was that he had let go of everyone or that it was the Parrish phantom that had been his worst torment. Of course letting go did not mean that the feelings had gone or that he had a need to touch this man and not want to release him.
"I missed you." Lorne whispered and ghosted a kiss across the other man's lips. With a start Lorne realised he could move freely and that his hands were normal. No deformed claws and no scars. The infirmary had also transformed into a small café with polka dot table cloths and quaint wooden chairs set on a deck that overlooked what seemed to be the French Rivera.
The café was empty except for themselves and two espressos steamed before them. The fragment aroma of freshly brewed coffee mixed with pastry was so real Lorne immediately relaxed even though he knew this had to be some kind of an illusion.
Flexing his now workable fingers Lorne sighed as several factors coalesced in his mind and the likely truth was revealed to him. "You're an Ancient aren't you?"
David shrugged as a look of such sadness crept into his eyes. Lorne wanted to reach out. He wanted to take David's hand and say that it didn't matter. He wanted everything back the way it was. But it wasn't and never would be.
"Are you about to change into a glowy white thing?"
"No," chuckled Parrish. "I'm not ascended. I am something else." He slipped his hand into Lorne's and squeezed gently. "I am just the man you see before you. If I could make this real and remove all that has been done to you I would."
"This… isn't real?"
"It is," Parrish gestured out the door to a group of students walking by. "A possibility."
"You and me in a French café is a possibility?"
The botanist raised an eyebrow. "You think that you sitting in a French café across from a gorgeous man not a possibility. This is what I do Evan. I see what can be and let me tell you that this is such a strong possible future that I almost vibrate at the feel of it."
"Then why do you look so sad when you say it?"
Parrish sighed heavily. "Because this is your future, not mine. I can never discern my own path."
Lorne removed his hand. "I can. You're leaving."
"Yes," whispered Parrish as a single tear escaped his eye.
The major's walls went up and his face lost all expression. "You believed I was dead. They all thought I was dead"
"All but Colonel Sheppard. He alone held out hope and his crusade infected others. To my shame I played on his pain to further my fight against the Wraith."
"Did you play on my pain?" The anger crept into Lorne's voice. "Did you stand back while they broke me? While they did unspeakable things? Did it help your plans when they roasted my flesh?"
"I thought you dead!" exploded Parrish. "And I never thought to feel such ache as when I would wake without you. I was consumed with hatred – for the Wraith and for your people who seemed content to let your death rest with so many others. Then the colonel started coming around to the lab and I saw in him an opportunity."
Lorne's jaw dropped in astonishment. "What are you to use people in such ways? How did I not see this?"
A pained look came upon Parrish's face. "I see possible futures. Not just the picturesque like this but others. Pain and death and genocide. Slavery and torture and eons of suffering. That is my power and my curse. For while I see what can be I cannot act to change it. They would stop me. I must act through others. Whisper in their ears and set them upon paths that may well lead to their own destruction."
"A dark muse," muttered Lorne as sympathy entered his voice. "So you must leave. You're too close to us now aren't you?"
"Yes," he answered almost too quiet to be heard. "I have travelled galaxies for millennia. Always moving and always fighting. For a brief moment I sought refuge in your arms. I never thought to get so attached."
Lorne had a feeling Parrish was not just referring to him.
"Can you at least help me before you go," pleaded Lorne. "I'm scared David; scared of becoming insane with the memories. I close my eyes and see that room, and her. I see what they did to me and I can't escape it. Take them away. Please take them out of my head."
Parrish closed his eyes and shook his head. "I don't have that kind of power. If I had I would have plucked you off that ship as soon as we found out you were alive."
"They'll send me away David," choked Lorne. The thought of it was almost too much. His injuries meant long-term recovery and although he could think clearly now he knew as soon as David returned him to reality the madness would come back. He would be sent back to Earth and locked away for his own protection. No more Atlantis and he would never see anyone here again.
A comforting smile stretched across Parrish's face. "That is not a future I see Evan. You must stay strong and believe in these people. They love you and will not discard you. He will not let you down as I have."
Lorne shook his head. "I don't blame you David. It just seems so unfair."
"I know." Parrish leant forward and put a palm on each side of the major's head. "Your physical injuries I can do little for. Your mind I can do something. Not much but it will be like what happened to you was a year ago and not just now. Time really does heal wounds Evan, sometimes you just have to have the strength to let go."
The room started to blur and the reality of cramped muscles and aching bones returned. The familiar sounds of the infirmary flooded back but Parrish was gone. Lorne had a few precious seconds of clear thinking before the demons started screaming. He started to moan but then realised they were not as loud as before. With a little effort he was able to push them right to the back so that they were a mere whisper. No longer were the memories like a flow of molten lava through his head.
For the first time he was able to look around the room and not see Wraith hiding behind every corner. Better still there was not a phantom in sight. Perhaps David was right. Maybe it would take time but Lorne had to hope that a future that included fresh coffee, crisp bread and good company might just await him.
His last image before falling asleep was of Colonel Sheppard looking at him from the door. Even through the dreamlike state of almost sleep Lorne recognised the look for what it was and a part of him grabbed onto that. He would get better and move past this if only to see that look again.
This was Pegasus. Anything was possible.
SGASGASGASGASGA
Running along the hall Colonel Sheppard cursed the Pegasus galaxy and its twisted form of timing. Watching Lorne fall asleep had been such a perfect moment. A brief snap of time where the colonel could imagine such things that was previously unthinkable.
When he wakes up, he had promised himself, I will tell him. Once decided on a path very few things could make Sheppard change his mind.
Of course that is when the alarm went off and he was called to command. That is how this fucking galaxy worked. This is how is life had to be. No doubt it would be some kind of Genii betrayal or some kind of Wraith reprisal. It just would not be right of the universe to give him one moment of clarity without interruption.
Entering the gate room Sheppard immediately appraised the situation. A dozen marines surrounded David Parrish who stood, unarmed, in front of the Stargate. Up in control one of the techs was desperately trying to work the gate controls but obviously having no effect.
Chuck and McKay ran in just as Sheppard did. The two going to control as Sheppard ran up to the marines. The body language of Parrish told Sheppard all he needed to know.
"Stand down."
A few of the marines did but some hesitated.
"I said stand down!"
They obeyed this time and stepped back. Looking up to control Chuck gave a shrug and McKay shook his head.
Walking up to Parrish the Colonel spoke quietly. "What have you done?"
The expression on Parrish's face was forlorn. "I have done nothing." The entire room went dark as the power cut out and into the echoing darkness he continued. "They have done this. I broke the rules and must leave. No other choice is available."
His voice was flat and resigned. Just as he finished the Stargate activated. Not with the whoosh of wormhole forming but just a quiet ripple as the event horizon formed with no disturbance. Sheppard knew what it meant. He had read the reports. An ascended being had created the wormhole.
Once again he was facing Parrish in soft light. This time more white than blue but it had the same effect on the Colonel and he had to remind himself they were not alone.
He wanted to talk with Parrish. There were things that needed to be said but not with a room full of marines and technicians. He could hardly tell them to leave however, since this was a very serious situation.
McKay took the problem out of his hands. "Right! Everyone out. Clear the room people…now!"
It was a mark of respect that all of them obeyed immediately. Sheppard was slightly jealous that even the marines responded faster than they had with him. In seconds the room was clear apart from Sheppard, Parrish, Chuck and McKay. The two above stayed discreetly in the shadows and pretended to check a totally dead display board.
Parrish wore his usual grey uniform and had nothing else with him. No luggage or equipment or even food and drink.
Sheppard smirked but wasn't sure if Parrish could see it in the dim light. "This is kind of a one trip huh? No coming back."
"Anything is," the botanist snorted a laugh, "Possible."
Moving closer Sheppard dared to reach up and put a hand to Parrish's cheek. "Why? Why now? Stay and we can work things out. I know it will be complicated but surely we can."
He stopped as Parrish closed a hand over his. "I wish that were possible John, you would not believe how much I want that to be possible."
"No go huh?" whispered Sheppard. "Whoever thought ascension would make people smarter never met the ancients."
"Whoever thought love was straight forward never met you," retorted Parrish.
"Hey" said Sheppard. "I'm an easy guy to love."
"Exactly," murmured Parrish and stepped closer so that even in the dim light Sheppard could see his glistening lips and eyes filled with want. "Half the people in this city lust after you John Sheppard, and the other half just plain love you."
"And which do you fall under?" asked Sheppard huskily and planted a hand on the other man's hip.
"A little from column 'a' and a little from column 'b'." His answer was muffled as Sheppard kissed him. Luxuriating in the feel of Parrish's lips and the grazing of tongue against teeth Sheppard almost forgot they were not alone in the room. A polite cough from control reminded him and he grinned with his face still touching the other man.
"We've been here before."
"Colonel's and dark rooms. Must be a dangerous mix."
Sheppard allowed Parrish to pull away slightly but kept a firm grip on the other man's hip.
"What's it like David? To do what you do and see what you see?"
Parrish stepped back out of Sheppard's grasp and his face fell into shadow. "To see the future John is to know too much, and understand so little."
"Now you do sound like an ancient."
"Once long ago," said Parrish as an explanation. "But even then I was never like the others. They relied so much on consensus and group harmony."
"And rules," said John understandingly.
"Yes," sighed David. "So many rules."
The Stargate pulsed in warning and both men turned to it before facing each other again. David started backing towards it and stopped only a step before the event horizon.
"Our societies were not so different John. I, like you, was restricted by foolish rules and regulations. I allowed myself to believe it was a small sacrifice."
Twin rivulets of tears now fell down David's face as he inched towards the gate.
"One thing I have learnt from living so long John: through courage you can affect the future and even change the past but small fears always manifest into larger ones."
"David I…" John tried to speak but David held up a hand as one leg entered the event horizon.
"I know John. Love is such an easy thing to give. Don't let small fears stop you."
The gate shut down as Parrish vanished into it and left Sheppard standing before an empty gate as the lights came back on.
It was a full minute before he turned around to find McKay standing in front of him. The scientist gave his lop sided smile. "Colonel are there any ancients that don't fall for you?"
The laughter in his tone mixed with understanding told Sheppard all he needed to know. What was he worried about anyway? He was the ranking officer of Atlantis and had saved not one but two galaxies how many times. An entire population looked up to him and respected him, even loved him.
So did it really matter who he decided to love? The friendly smiles of both McKay and Chuck gave him the answer.
"I'll be in the infirmary."
SGASGASGASGA
Lorne awoke to an obviously sleep deprived Colonel Sheppard. Tired as he looked there was still a glint in his eyes and his hand was steady as he brushed a hair out of Lorne's eye.
"Tell me Major, have you ever been to Paris?"
The End