I Hate Myself 4 Luvin' U
title credited to Joan Jett and the Black Hearts

Misty was sitting in the catering area crying. She had messed up and she knew it. She didn't know what she wanted anymore. She saw all these couples and she wanted what they had. Love, compassion, and honesty. She didn't have that with John. Hell she hadn't had that with any of the men she had screwed around with. She saw him come in but pretended not to notice. She didn't want to talk to John. She grabbed the soda she had been sipping at for the past half hour and sighed. She had watched Matt, Jessica, and Jessicka leave and she knew that she was going to have to talk to each guys she had slept with. Not alone, but with other people around. She just had to figure out where and when. There was no one else in the catering area so she got up and threw the half drank soda away. She grabbed her purse and began looking for her car keys in her purse.

"Looking for this? Or these?" John asked holding up her ring in one hand and the keys to their rental car in the other. She glared at him.

"Can't you just give me the keys and get someone to bring u to the hotel?"

"No, you leave when I leave, which means since I have an hour until my match, you and me are going to have a little talk."

"Fuck you Cena."

"No fuck you Misty, after what you did I don't think you have any room to talk. So you're just going to sit your ass in that arena and wait until my match is done so we can talk this out." She looked at him like he was insane. What did he think that he owned her? Well she would show him.

"Go to hell Cena." She said yanking the keys out of his hand and shoving past him at the same time. He grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. Pressing his lips to hers. When he pulled back he looked down at her and she just glared at him.

"Stay Misty, Please. It isn't a demand it's a request."

"John… dammit I hate you right now. Just to let you know."

"So you'll stay?"

"I have no fucking choice do I?" He shook his head and took her hand leading her to his locker room. When they got there she glared at him some more and crossed her arms over her chest. John rolled his eyes and grinned. She was beautiful when she was angry. Misty glanced at him and noticed his back was turned. She smiled and grinned. She stood up and wrapped her arms around his waist. He turned around careful not to break the hold she had on him. He looked down into her eyes and raised an eyebrow.

"And what do I owe this to?"

"John…I'm sorry." She looked up into his shocked eyes. She pulled away and turned her back so he wouldn't see the tears that had begun to fall. John watched as she walked over to the bench and sat back down. 'Oh hell he thought'

"Misty…"

"John how can you still love me?"

"I never stopped loving you. No matter what you did."

"John I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who I really love, I don't know what in the hell I'm gonna do anymore. The only thing I know is that I am damn sure that this baby isn't yours or Matt's." John stared at her like an idiot.

"How do you know?"

"Because I'm four months pregnant. You just can't tell cos I have been wearing baggy clothes. And four months ago I wasn't talking to either one of you because we got into a major fight."

"I remember the fight… Misty it doesn't matter who the baby belongs to I love you. Why can't you see that?"

"Because dammit John, just quit pushing and let me have my space. If you truly love me let me go. I beg you too. Please." John looked at her and sighed. He knew she was right but he didn't want to admit it. He didn't want to let her go. John grabbed the keys from the shelf that he had set them on and handed them to her.

"I'll catch a ride with someone."

"I won't be there when you get there John, I'm leaving. I think I'll go back to Mexico…" Misty said as she walked out of the room with her purse and the keys to the car. John watched her go knowing that there was nothing he could do to stop her.

Misty arrived at the hotel and when she walked in she went straight to the room and grabbed everything that was hers and threw it into her suitcase. She was on her way down to the hotel desk when he called her name. She turned around and was shocked to see John walking toward her.

"What are you doing here?"

"Misty I don't want you to leave. I can't let you go."

"John…I can't take this."

"I'm not letting you leave Misty. I love you." Misty looked at him like he was crazy. He took her hands in his and looked down into her eyes. "No matter what happens I will stand by you. I can't loose you. You mean too much to me. And I will always be here for you. Nothing is ever going to change that."

"John…I don't know what to say…" She looked up at him and saw raw emotion in his eyes and she dipped her head down and at her stomach.

"I don't care about the baby's father how many times do I have to tell you that?" John tilted her head up so he would look her in the eyes. "Misty tell me what you want me to do?"

"Give me space John, please just a little bit of space. You will be the first to know what my decision is. I promise." John nodded and he placed a kiss on her forehead as she dropped the keys to the rental car in his hand. He watched her walk away and once again he felt his heart break in his chest. There was no stopping her this time.

Misty walked into the hotel lobby in Mexico several hours later. She walked to the check in counter and sighed.

"Can I help you?"

"Misty Lawson"

"One moment ma'am." A few moments later Misty was headed up to her room. When she got there she dropped everything but her laptop on the floor next to the window. She touched a hand to her lower abdomen and sighed. She was going to have this baby, she just didn't know if she was going to be raising it alone or with its father. Showering and putting on pajamas she crawled into bed and began thinking about everything she had done four months ago. And doing so she fell asleep.

Dream---Misty, Carlito, Jeff, Paul, Matt, John--- (this may get a little confusing but try to follow along)

"Misty come on are you ready to go?"

"Carlito I don't want to go out tonight. Can't we just stay in and keep each other company?" She asked walking out of the bathroom wrapped in the towel she had just finished drying herself off with. Carlito raised an eyebrow and grinned.

"Why the hell not…" Smiling Misty walked to him and wrapped her arms around his neck pressing her lips to his… When she pulled back she wasn't looking into Carlito's eyes but those of Paul London.

"Misty did you just call me Carlito?"

"No Paul, I didn't why would I call you Carlito?"

"You tell me Misty."

"Misty what the hell is he doing here?"

"What the hell am I doing here I'm her boyfriend Carlito…"

"London, you have issues because she is my girlfriend…"

"I don't know what the hell you two are doing her but Misty and I have a date tonight, so I suggest you leave."

"Come on now guys, you can't seriously be fighting over lil' old me now could you?" Misty asked.

"Your in enough trouble I suggest you be quiet."

"Don't talk to me like that Matt!"

"Yeah Matt didn't our dad ever teach you any manners?"

"Oh shit! Could this get any worse…" There was a knock on the door and all five of the people in the room turned to look at the door.

Misty shot up in bed Cold sweat dripping down her face. Misty threw the covers off of her body and got up padding to the door.

"Hang on I'm coming." Misty reached the door and when she opened it she was shocked at who she saw standing there in front of her… "Thorn what the hell are you doing here?"

"Cena sent me…that and I need your help."

"What could you possibly need my help with?"

"I need you to help me prove to Jessica that I love her." Misty stared at the man in front of her and stood aside letting him in.

"Oh well the hell you woke me up form a nightmare, I guess I should be grateful."

"Sorry I didn't think that you might've been asleep."

"It's okay, Why did John send you?"

"Because he wants me to help you figure out if you really care about any of them and I needed your help so I kind of volunteered for the job."

"Oh lovely…"

One week later…

Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Jessicka, and Jessica walked into Nationwide arena. Jeff Hardy was on a mission and so was Matt. Jeff's was to destroy Kevin Thorn and Matt's was to make sure that Jeff didn't get killed. Jessica had told Jeff everything that had happened and he wouldn't listen to her about not attacking Thorn again. They walked into the locker room and Jessicka sat down next to Matt and curled into him.

"Jeff, I don't want you to do this."

"Why Jessica? After what he did to you."

"Jeff he put you in the damn hospital in a coma."

"Which is why I have to do this."

"IF you do this you aren't the man that I thought you were." Jessica turned and walked out of the room and she just kept walking not knowing where she was going. She ended up near John Cena's locker room. She smiled and knocked on the door. When he opened the door he gave her a week smile and let her in.

"Haven't seen you around in a while."

"I've been with Jeff, and John something just doesn't seem right with him."

"Are you sure it's you and not him."

"What in the hell are you talking about?"

"Seems to me Jeff is only doing what any guy would do, after someone attacked their girlfriend. It's the same old Jeff I know. So the only other thing it could possibly be is you."

"Are you trying to tell me that…Oh my god, Cena your right." Jessica sat down on one of the chairs that was in the room. She looked at her friend and sighed. Why the hell did he have to be right.

Misty heard some one call her name as she stepped out of her car. She was there for a reason and she hoped to god that this worked. She looked up to see her friend Jessicka walking toward her. She smiled a slow easy smile and waved to her friend.

"Wow looks like I'm not the only one getting big."

"You come over her just to tell me that I look like a blimp? Or was there something else you needed?"

"I just figured I would let you know that Jeff wants a match against Thorn tonight."

"What shit hell no! Thorn won't agree to it."

"How the hell do you know?"

"Because I know he won't."

"Misty your scaring me."

"Jessicka, you have to talk Jeff out of it."

"Misty, your back." John said

"Yeah, I am and I have come to a decision."

"And that is?"

"John I hate myself for loving you." Misty said smirking.

------

A/N—well hot damn… (WOW U THOUGHT I WAS LEAVING IT AT THAT DIDN'T you?)

------

"Misty what the hell does that mean?"

"It means John that I hate myself because I hurt you and hurting you hurt me. And that is something that I never meant to do. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes, dammit Misty, yes I can."

"I love you John."

"I love you too Misty."

"Can we like quit the lovey dovey shit. It's making me sick."

"Shut up Jessicka." Misty said grinning. Jessicka rolled her eyes and walked back into the arena.

"I talked to Jessica."

"Hm and this should be interesting."

"Misty she doesn't love Jeff. She thought she did but she doesn't. It's like she doesn't know him anymore."

"Well then any idea who she loves?"

"Yeah I know exactly who she loves. And so does she."

xxPaperHeartsBleedxx
2007-06-05
ch 18, reply
Okay so here i am finally reviewing this chapter... well finally getting the chance that is. This whole waking up at like 6:30 in the morning really ain't working for me... in fact i really really hate it. Thank god i have my iPod and fantastic techno music to keep me sane. Not to mention friends... AND DAVID BOWIE! Sorry... my iPod started playing Magic Dance so now as i type this review i'm singing along and dancing in my puter chair... wow i'm an awesome multi tasker... comes with being a female i suppose. One of the good things about being a girl grins. But now i've got techno music playing and i love my techno so yeah you'll prolly get an all over the place review from me... so be prepared. On to the reviewing! Okay so i feel kinda bad for Mist.. she just seems so confused about everything. I mean she's got Cena and trying to sleep with Matt. If you ask me she seems a little insecure about their relationship. Makes me think she had a really bad experience in a past relationship. It'd make a lot of sense in fact. That's why she tries to hurt John. So she can hurt him before he hurts her. Wow... look at all that psycho-babble. What the hell am i? A psychoanalyst in training? So the baby's not John's or Matt's... well i already knew that but i figured that i'd acknowledge it in this review anyways. And holy jesus John is one pushy guy... not to mention a flip flopper. One minute he's all 'Fine I can give you space' the next he's all but on his knees begging Misty not to leave and telling her he can't live without her. Seriously... make up your damn mind already. Word from the wise though... let her do what she wants and respect her decision cause she's gonna do whatever anyways and by trying to stop her you'll only serve to piss her off looks pointedly at Cena. Well hello again Mexico... hope she has fun there. Oh jesus... talk about one scary as all hell nightmare. I mean seriously... i'm surprised that she didn't wake up having a panic attack... i would have. I mean all of them... in one room... shudders scary thought. Even if she's already experienced it before. There's just something worse about dreaming about it... i mean in sleep she should be able to escape reality... not have it show up even more horrifying while she's sleeping. Okay i'm saying it now... WTF is Thorn doing there? Rolls eyes Cena... you're one persistant MoFo... and convince Jessica that he loves her a bunch... leave her and Jeff alone. Yes... i'm still angry about him making her lose her baby... i don't care how apologetic he is. Oh good lord... Jeff didn't you learn the first time? Wait... obviously you didn't otherwise you wouldn't be wanting that match so badly. Though I'll admit that i sorta understand why he wants to. I guess i just have actually thought about what he's up against... unlike him. Jessica's going to talk to John huh? Well i guess he's just as good a listener as anyone else... and he's willing to listen. Well there goes Cena making very valid points once again damn him. Why does he have to go and make sense like that? Wonder what Jessica is gonna do... i hope she doesn't make any rash decisions 'cause whatever she chooses someone is gonna be hurt. Lol wow... what a nice way to greet your friend when you haven't seen her in a week, calling her fat and all. Way to go Jessicka. But i guess she might still be a little upset by the 'incident' involving her and Matt. Besides... if that's the case then Jessicka could have done way worse than telling her she was getting big. She's right though... someone has got to talk Jeff out of that match. I mean seriously... its just a bad idea. He just woke up from a coma for christ's sakes! Aww Misty and John are staying together! Yayness. Hehe... it does make me very happy. Haha... Jessicka sure does know how to interrupt those sappy chick flick moments doesn't she. I'd have done the same though... cause its just so much fun. Specially when the reactions are similar to the one she got. Hehe well that's it for now... is this a long enough review or what? I still don't think it's my longest but i do know its one of the longest. I don't know how i manage to ramble and babble on in these things like this... i used to be really good at keeping them short and simple. YOu'd never know to look at these monsters though. Anyways i'm off to prolly work on CL some more... like i said before... i really like this chapter of it so far. Til the next one... and i fully expect it to be up soon cause i wanna know what happens... i'm out of here.

Princess Hermione
2007-06-04
ch 18, reply
Hey! I finally caught up! Sorry that took so long, busyness. Anyway, great updates!

-Princess

Cenababe1
2007-06-04
ch 18, reply
Aww that ending was sweet. Nice fake ending you put in there. At first I was like WHAT?! But then you kept going lol. Yay finally! Now someone sew her legs shut so she don't go around screwing everyone else in the damn world. Shit, I'm writing this review about me and John hooking up in here...there he is on TV. I think I have a sixth sense for this lol ah.