A/N Chapter 19…here it comes!

Chapter 19: Shatter pt 3, Aftermath

'God is in the rain…'

I can still hear her voice, even though she's gone. Yeah, that's right…she's gone…Larxene's…

I shake my head quickly, trying to banish those horrible thoughts. I can't cry…there are no tears left…but the pain is horrible. All I can do is stand there, in that stupid waiting room.

I got to see Roxas…that was good, I guess. I tried to look like a man in front of him, but I couldn't. I cried…hard. And he patted me on the back.

The waiting room is still stuffy and white, filled with sick people and those who care about them. But still…something's changed…not just in this hospital, but everywhere. Anything that could go wrong has…

'I…love you.'

She's gone, Larxene, the love of my life…is gone. I'll just have to accept that. I have to be strong, for everybody.

'She died in your arms you know," the cop said, as if this was a good thing; 'did she have any last words?'

'S-she said…she said…'

Everyone is in the living room, Sora, at a loss for words…Sakura, frozen in shock, with Riku holding her hand. Namine is in the corner, reading a magazine, and trying not to cry. Kairi has her arms folded neatly in her lap, and her foot is tapping against the floor in a repeated rhythm.

Clip-clap, Clip-clap…she's dead, she's dead…Clap-clap, Clap-clap…your fault, your fault; it's as if the beats are speaking to me…accusing me.

'What did she say, boy?" Cloud asked in that quiet voice, standing next to the cop with his arms folded. He knew what she said, he was there…but he wanted me to say it.

'She said…that she loved me.'

That was true, just as I heard the sirens of the ambulance, she said those three magical words, and was gone. All I could do was sit there, too broken to cry and too grieved to get up.

I sit down next to Sora, biting my lip.

'Axel…I'm so sorry,' Sakura said. 'It's my fault…that she…'

'No. It's not your fault…it's mine.'

If I'd been a better person, if I'd lived a good life; she would still be here. If I'd never joined Xemnas' little club, she'd still be mine. She would come to me, we would be in love and get married someday, we would have two kids; a boy and a girl; Mike and Ellie, and then we would grow old together, and she would show our wedding pictures to our grand kids…and I'd always be there, to hold her hand. I would die first, because I deserve too, and she would live a short while after.

And that would be that.

'Are her parents on the way?' the doctor asked.

'No…she was an orphan,' I answered in a shaky voice.

'Did she have any other family?'

'No…s-she…lived all alone,' I whispered, and my voice cracked and tears poured down my face.

But now…that future…that path is gone…closed, blocked, and destroyed.

"Y-you guys should go home," I finally say, trying to break through the heavy silence that surrounds us.

"No!" everyone says, all at once.

There's another short silence, before Namine breaks it; "Axel…will you be…?"

"I'm fine," I say, with resolve. Even though…even though…

'She's gone,' the paramedic said, trying to find a pulse on her. 'We can't pronounce her dead…only full fledge doctors can do that, but…I can tell you that she's gone, and she won't be coming back.'

-Riku-

"I need to clear my head," I say, suddenly. "Sakura, can you come with me?"

"S-sure," her voice is small, defeated. She thinks that it should have been HER who met her end hours ago. She thinks that she should've been the one to die.

Sakura stands up, her fits clenched, and follows me outside. I sit on the guardrail, trying my best to admire the stars. But they don't seam to hold their usual emotions or significance. They're just beacons of light in a shroud of darkness, far away things that I'll never reach.

"Riku…" she says, sitting beside me. "What's wrong…well…what isn't wrong? That's what I should be asking," she smiles ruefully.

"…You could've died…"

"Yes."

"And you're okay with that?" I demand, suddenly angry.

"No…I'm not okay with anything, but that's just the way it is. There's nothing we can do to change what's already happened. So why try?"

"That's not the point," I turn to her; staring straight into those dark, dark eyes. She looks back at me defiantly, not at all put off. "Marluxia almost killed you Sakura. Why doesn't this matter to you? Don't you care about yourself, about us? Is this some kind of suicidal death wish?"

"No! Riku…my own safety doesn't matter…why can't you see that?"

"God, you think you know everything when really you don't know anything. Maybe your own death wouldn't matter to you, but it sure as hell would matter to me!"

"Well it shouldn't! I tried to save everyone! But I couldn't, Larxene—"

"This isn't about Larxene!"

"Yes it is, Riku! She's dead! D-e-a-d, DEAD! Nothing can bring her back and it's all my fault. I tried to save a complete stranger and ended up killing her. What kind of selfish bitch does that?"

We get closer and closer together, our voices rising in volume. All I can do is glare at her. Doesn't she know that losing her would kill me?

"It has nothing to do with that, Sakura. You have to listen to me…it's not your fault."

"I wish I could believe that. But I can't—"

"Hey you two," someone interrupts; "everyone's waiting for you guys inside, what're you—"it's Kairi, her hair floating slightly in the wind. Her eyes widen, seeing that my face and hers are so close together. "Oh; of course."

Her face turns red. "You're making out at a time like this?"

"We're not…" Sakura says; her voice barely above a whisper. She's looking at her feet, as if the answers to life itself are contained inside those super-black tenne shoes.

"It looks like you are," Kairi shoots back, walking closer. "Look at you and your smug little face. Don't even deny it; you want him to kiss you right now, and the only thing that's stopping you from doing JUST that is me."

"Stop trying to use this to make her feel guilty," I throw back at her. She steps back slightly, her eyes widening even more. "Stop trying to make me fall for you, I don't like you. Okay? Do you get it now? I'm over you, I've found something new, go back to Sora, before it's too late."

"I don't want Sora! I want you! Can't you realize what she is," she motions to Sakura, who is looking away; "She's selfish. She only cares about getting guys, not about Larxene, NOT about you, not about anyone."

"Maybe you need to accept that this isn't just about you and your school-girl crushes!" I scream at her, she steps back again; "Sora's the perfect guy for you, and yet you choose me over him. Why? Why would you do that? I'm not right for you…I was never right for you. So go the fuck away," I grab Sakura and drag her past a shocked and frozen Kairi.

-Roxas-

"So it's true…she's really…" Namine nods. I sigh.

"She was…one of my friends back then."

"I know," Namine says, "Larxene was really nice to me when the Organization kidnapped me back then…her and Axel. I think Axel left the Organization a little while after he found out I was held there against my will."

"Good old Ax—Wait, how is he taking this?"

"He says he's alright, but I don't think he is…"

"I know what you mean."

I lean forward, catching Namine's mouth with mine. "What're we going to do?" she murmurs against my lips as my tongue probes her mouth.

"We keep everyone together…"

-Sora-

I fill my tray with hospital food, cringing at the smell of the healthy meat stuff. I sit down on a nearby bench, forking chicken into my mouth, and drinking down Soda.

My fingers absentmindedly play with the silver necklace I'm wearing. It's a gift, a gift from Kai—

I close my eyes tight, as they start to water. It hurts to even think about her, this necklace—with it's silver crown design and finely made chain—was an anniversary present.

I can't believe I still love her—

"I remember you," the voice strikes me like a whip. I whirl around, and to my amazement, I see…

"Angel?"

The red eyed girl nods, a small smile on her face; "Oh, so you remember me too? Why is it that we always meet in places with food?"

"Who knows?" I try to form a cheesy smile, but it just doesn't come. With Larxene and all…death is too real to joke about. "So…um…how's your brother…" I realize that she never told me his name.

"Alex?"

"Yeah, him…"

"I didn't tell you his name before," she nods, as if she read my mind; "I forget things; a lot. It's a miracle I didn't forget you," she smiles.

"I'm forgettable?" I ask, faking outrage.

She laughs slightly. "Not to regular people."

When she says that it sounds weird, as if she doesn't think she's a regular person. "So…um…why are you at the hospital?"

"Alex broke his hand; he punched out a guy for looking at me wrong."

I laugh, but she doesn't; as if it's not a joke. I blink a few times, willing the awkward silence to go away.

"Well, I have to go," she finally says.

Angel stands up and starts to walk away.

"H-hey, wait!" I call out, she stops and almost turns. "Can I ask for some advice from you?"

"Sure."

"If…someone you loved, treated you like dirt…if they chose your best friend over you, what would you do?"

"I'd get Alex to kick their ass…but that's a girl's point of view," she muses for a moment, her eyes becoming suddenly hazy; "I'd make them pay."

Her eyes clear and she smiles. "Have a nice day," and then Red-Eyed-Angel is gone. Leaving me confused.

-Axel-

I'm drinking down a cup of water, letting the sweet liquids slip down my throat smoothly and completely. I sigh, looking around, trying to see the beauty in something…but it's just not there.

'Larxene's gone…her death made the world darker,' I tell myself silently. "It made everything ugly."

"What?" someone asks behind me. I turn to see Namine, her skin pale in the hospital-lights.

"Nothing," I sigh, taking another drink.

"Axel…" she begins, and then stops. She searches in her mind for something to say, but nothing comes. I close my eyes slightly, trying to get a sense of peace in my mind…but it's so hard…

"Axel," she tries again, "are you…are you really okay?"

"I'm fine!" I snap.

"No, you're not," It doesn't come out like a command or anything, more like a quiet accusation.

'Is it true?' I ask myself. Am I really okay? Can I really go on living without…

'Larxene…'

'I love you…'

'God is in the rain.'

'Save me…'

'Axel, Xemnas will kill you.'

'I love you, so much.'

'Axel...'

'Larxene...'

'God is in the rain…'

I look away quickly, the barrage of memories giving me a headache. I close my eyes against the pain that flows through my skin, wells in my eyes.

A tear pricks in my eyes, just as the cup falls from my hand. The glass shatters all over the floor, an explosion of water touching Namine's shoes.

"I-I'm sorry," I sink to the floor, my knees making a loud smacking noise. I try to use my own shirt to clean it up, but it just spreads. "I'm sorry, oh god, I've ruined your shoes…I can't do anything right," I scrub at the water feverishly.

"Axel," she tries.

"Damn, I'm such a screw up!" I pound my fist into the floor, making another small blast of water. "Sorry! Sorry…god I'm just…I'm a freaking mess…"

"AXEL!" she falls to the ground beside me. "Stop it, stop it, and stop it! You know that you're in pain, so stop denying it!"

I look at her for a frozen second, her blonde hair that is so much like Larxene's, her pale skin that resembles my loves. "Oh Namine…I…I just…"

She grabs me in a hug, and I cry again. "I'm not okay," I whisper again and again into her shoulder; "I'm not…why did she do this? She didn't even think about what would happen to us—me—if she was gone! And I…it's all my fault, and I hate her for leaving…and I'm…I'm a terrible person…" the tears won't go away.

"Axel…" Namine whispers, tears flowing from her own eyes. "I know it's hard but…we have to get through this okay…we can't just regret her death all our lives. I know she died hours ago and you should have time to mourn…but…"

"I know Namine. I get it," I hug her closer; "I'm not okay."

A/N An alternative title for this chapter could be; "Chapter 19: I'm not okay". This is probably the most emotional chapter in the entire story. The only thing left is the epilogue. Ah…so close.

I hope I got all the emotional crap down and all that. PLEASE give me feedback on that.

THERE'S BEEN ONLY ONE RESPONSE TO THE "COUPLE PICTURE" THING! I NEED THIS PICTURE, FOLKS!!! For those of you who don't know, the couple picture is a picture drawn by you (points at reader) that consists of one of our pictures. It could be Sakura and Riku, Roxas and Namine, Sora and Kairi (before there troubles started), or Axel and Larxene (before she died); or any other couple. Hell, you could do freaking Demyx and Xigbar for all I care. JUST DO SOMETHING!

Well, Ciao for now!