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Disclaimer: No own InuYasha et cetera et cetera.

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Jizen Kaerizaku

Before I Can Return

Chapter 5 - Attraction: A Two Way Street?

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A month later nothing had changed in Edo; life went on much as usual. The only difference for Kagome was her now nearly constant companion, with whom she talked to about everything under the sun. Mattaki had never met a person, no matter the species, as interesting as this girl was. She laughed in honest understanding of his anecdotes rather than by some misguided politeness, she debated philosophy with him with views he had never even considered before in his several millennium lifetime, argued with him and yelled when she was annoyed instead of pretending to agree with everything he said, and she had a life and fire in her the likes of which he'd never encountered before.

He had been mated twice in his lifetime. Sesshoumaru's mother had been a beautiful creature, extraordinary by having her own opinions and inputting them when she could. But if he disagreed, she would sit back, hands folded properly in her lap and acquiesce immediately, the proper picture of a submissive mate. All that most youkai men killed for - but not Mattaki. She had been killed while he had been on the other side of the county, and was not able to exact revenge for nearly a century.

InuYasha's mother had been taboo. A princess…a ningen hime of all things, beautiful in her own right and with a lovely personality. Though she had experienced little in her short life, she had listened to stories of countless soldiers and was amazingly emphatic, able to put herself into the situations they had faced and understand both why they had done things and what she would have done differently. This had fascinated him, but he hadn't meant for it to go as far as it had, and being the honorable man he was, he had made things right. Alas, that had ended up being the end of him, but he held no real regrets to this day.

But never had he even imagined a woman like this young miko who was currently laughing at something the young girl - Rin, her name was - had told her, her entire face alight with the emotion. As a byproduct of her time period, she was completely free with her emotions and thoughts, something that was washed out of most women by weaning in this era. She laughed loudly, cried openly, sang offkey, and told you exactly what she was thinking.

Mattaki thought she was wonderful.

She was such a living contradiction, and so very beautiful. Perhaps she was not spectacular to most, but with such passion in her, how could anyone see her as less than stunning? He cursed his lack of corporeal form on a nearly daily basis now, because he wanted to touch her and hold her and…well, he wanted to do a lot of things, really. But that was a story for another time.

Kagome, on the other hand, was just in a daze the more time went by. Kaede had been perplexed by Mattaki, as had Miroku, saying he was unlike any regular spirit either had ever seen. They had grown used to his presence beside their friend, and after a tense untrusting week had accepted him - though Kagome told no one of his identity, and asked those who could see him to tell no one else. Mattaki was like her secret, and she wanted to keep it that way. She loved having something that was just for her, a person to debate and converse with, share random thoughts on life and everything else.

Kagome freely admitted - to herself, mind you - that she was enamored. She was steadily falling in love with the long dead father of her first love. No matter he was a ghost, she fell a little more every day. He was handsome, witty, kind, charming, and the most understanding man she had ever met. She supposed it had come from thousands of years of life in which to gain understanding of how people worked, and a relationship with a human woman to help him understand the basic inner workings that spanned generations, ages, and personalities. Women just…ticked the same way, and though he really didn't understand the why, he understood the how, and that was the important bit that most men never dreamed of getting.

Now she was trekking to Goshinboku with him, where they spent their afternoons usually talking of their pasts of sometimes making plans to pull the feet out from under his brother. Mattaki was very angry at the state of his lands - he had gone to check and was disgusted. She always laughed when he would grunt and grumble about his lack of a body which he would use to kick his worthless brother's ass first and foremost. It took all Kagome had not to drop in a lewd comment in these moments about something else he could do secondly.

She reclined easily against the roots, wearing her favorite jeans rather than the traditional era clothing. She wanted to be comfortable today, and so she wore her own clothes. Her tee shirt was one of two, her jeans one of four, and she hoped if she wore them sparingly and worked out that they would last her the rest of her lifetime. Mattaki sat in front of her with an easy grace that she just knew he would be able to pull off in life just as well and smiled widely.

"What do you think we should talk about today, my Kagome?"

She smiled as she always did when he called her his, and chewed her lip, "Hmm, would you rather go over things from my time, or something different today?"

The youkai thought, then rose once-amber eyes to the blue ones of the girl in front of him, "I would like to talk about something serious, if you do not mind. I understand if you would rather put off the subject."

"Ask, but I may not answer," she said softly, as she always did when they treaded dangerous waters.

"I think it would do your heart well to forgive my son. You are still upset that you both grew apart, that he chose the dead over the living, that he has no 'use' for you anymore, that he makes stupid remarks without thinking. I will be the first to admit that he is a crude little brat, but you care about him very much, and the lack of his friendship weighs heavily on you. Will you tell me why you are so hesitant to?"

Kagome fidgeted and couldn't meet his gaze, "I suppose its those 'stupid remarks' he makes…because usually, I see them as truth. And it hurts to know I'm not the only one thinking I'm useless, that I don't belong here. Doesn't he see that I know that? I don't need to hear it," she finished in a whisper, a tear rolling indolently down her cheek.

And then it was gone as a single finger brushed the tear away, a hand cupping her cheek. Both Mattaki and Kagome hissed a breath and locked eyes. Still translucent, though he was, so swore she could see a hint of gold in his eyes and she knew she could feel the pressure of his hand against her face.

He broke the silence first, "Can you?"

"Feel you? Yes," she breathed, "But how?"

"I don't know, but I refuse to see this as a bad thing," he said with a smile and raised his other hand to the other side of her face she smiled back and bit her lip, wondering at the situation she currently found herself in.

"Mattaki…"

"Who're you talking to wench?" and the moment was broken by a brash former hanyou.

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A/N: Sorry for the huge wait, I've been having lame computer issues. -sigh- Not to mention, that I can't seem to finish this story (I have 10 chapters pre-written)…and I was hoping to have more before I posted up all of them. Ah, well, here's another though. I hope this tides you over. ;)