Me: Jesus christ! I hate school! Stupid Finals and homework and other bullshit.

Kakuzu: We've been telling you. Don't go.

Me: And end up a pole lover like you. Yeah right. Anways, I don't own Naruto, or any other thing I use in here.

Itachi: Like the guns and the KakaxIruka pairing?

Me: Yes. Oh, and Yaoi warning for this chapter. Not much, but it's there.

.:In the air:.

"Damn!"

"What's wrong?"

"This clay bird is giving me a wedgie! That's what!"

"Kisame, stop your bitching. We only have ten more minutes until we get to Konoha."

The group had set off to get one emo, but extremely rapist, Sasuke to give to Orochimaru for a plan to turn them back to men. But when they got to the village it was horrible.

.:Konoha:.

"What the fuck! We've been looking here for half and hour, and no signs of boobies!" Tobi yelled.

"Tobi, did Deidara's bird give you a flask of vodka…again?"

"Yes, it did Zetsu-san," Tobi reached into his clothes and pulled out a flask from his shirt. "Want some?"

"Boobies! WHERE!"

Everyone looked around, but saw noone in sight. Itachi, however, was scared out of his mind. "No. NO! It's him!" Itachi yelled, pointing to a smoke cloud in the distance. Everyone squinted, and in a few seconds, started running. Sasuke was running at them with flames of lust in his eyes and a chain…with a pair of Rock Lee spandex to 'show off.'

"For the clan!"

The group soon made a turn to hide in a ditch close by, except Kakuzu who ended up turning the opposite way and ended up in a dead end.

.:In the ditch:.

"Hey, a trapdoor is here." Sasori said as he opened it and went inside.

"It's dark in here. Someone turn a light on."

A meek, timid voice came out of nowhere, "O-okay."

.:Dead End:.

"Guys, where are you?" Kakuzu said as he looked around franticly for everyone else.

"So that's where you were!" Sasuke yelled as he was about to jump on Kakuzu. But he missed by many inches and ended up hitting the brick wall. Giving Kakuzu the chance to run into a house.

.:The house:.

The house was filled with many scrolls and junk a ninja has in their house. There was also a Make-Out Tactics book laying on the ground. Kakuzu turned the corner and saw…dun dun dun… Iruka and Kakashi putting strawberries in each other's moutheses. This made him walk back and hide in a near by closet.

.:Bomb Shelter Thingy:.

The lights turned on and every woman from Konoha were there, hiding with AK 47s all loaded and ready to fire if Sasuke came in.

"Why are you all hiding here, un?"

"Cause that horny bastard out there tried to rape us all! Even me, the leader of this village. Saying something about me being well stacked or something…."

"So…you're never coming out?"

"We will, until he goes away! To think me and Ino had a crush on him."

"I want to be with my Naruto-kun. I miss him and his fox tail."

Sakura looked at Hinata funny. "He doesn't have a tail."

"Uh-uh…the other…k-kind."

"That's it, I'm out of here. Be right back." Zetsu yelled as he took Tobi above ground, not wanting to hear anymore sex fantasies.

"I miss Neji!"

Kisame then left too.

.:Above ground:.

Sasuke was sitting on a roof when a very intoxicated Tobi walked below. Hmm, a drunk women. She won't even know it was me who knocked her up if I can catch her. he thought as he stood up. Just as he was about to grab Tobi, Zetsu and Kisame jumped on top of him, tieing him up with ropes, chains, leather straps, a pigeon, and the left arm of the Undertaker.

"Where'd you get that arm?"

"I won it off the Undertaker…well, more like ate it off."

"Ohh. The rough kind of girls. Kinky!"

They just ignored it and picked him up. But when Sasuke got tied up, an amazing thing happened. The sun came out and so did people. They all stopped being gay and went back to being straight. The sun grew a smile and said," Thanks for catching that bastard. Now throw him in a volcano!"

"Nah, we got something better." Kisame said as he showed a picture of Oro. The sun laughed at the evil plan just from seeing the picture.

.:Closet:.

"It's dark in here."

Kakuzu went out and saw not Kakashi and Iruka, but Kakashi and Anko. He walked out, but not before taking a picture with his Razor. He then walked out unnoticed and met up with Tobi, Kisame, and Zetsu. Soon after, The rest of the group came out from the shelter.

"So, you got him?"

"Yeah."

"To Orochimaru's Place!"

.:At Orochimaru's:.

Oro was enjoying some herbal tea with a hint of lemon when suddenly, he got all happy. Kabuto was making mini muffins when he heard a cup smash and break. It caused his glasses to fall of his face and break on the ground.

"Everything alright?" he yelled, pouring some red Kool-aid, salt, asbestos, and rat poison into the mix blindly.

"I have a feeling something great is going to happen to me."

"Like what?" He put the red mixture of death into the oven.

"I don't know," he said, his stomach growling from the smell of the mini muffins, "But something…pleasurable."

"That's nice," Kabuto said, taking the red muffins out and giving one to Oro. Oro took a bite of The Red Mini Muffins of Death, but seemed alright.

"Wow, these are good."

"Let me have one." Jirobo demanded, eating five. His eyes then rolled into his head and just dropped dead.

"Oh well. That's one less pay check I have to worry about."

Me: MINI MUFFINS!

Zetsu: What the? Matt, don't! -Restrains him from eating-

Me: But I'm hungery!

Leader: Have some milk.

Me: Okay! -sips milk from Leader- Hmm...alittle thick. Soy milk?

Leader: No, nipple milk!

Me: -spits milk out-

Itachi: I think he's going to be -noises from nearby bathroom- sick...

Leader: Well, that and school has been rough for him lately. So you all may not see the next chapter at least until the last day of school for him or something.

Kisame: Yeah, so have a good Memorial Day and honor the troops who gave their lives so you could read things like these.

Sasori: Yeah, bitches.