Chapter 4 - A game that is interesting
Michiru arrived a bit late on Monday morning. But not enough to avoid talking to her schoolmates. Michiru was about to get into the class and sit down when she caught sight of Haruka. She was about to avoid her, as she had been doing the last week, but she felt her phone vibrating before she even had the time to pass over Haruka. It was a message.
« Don't 4get the game. U R my fiancé remember »
Michiru made a face. But she knew what was the risk. And to embarrass her even more, Haruka had managed to be surrounded my a lot of people, as it had been the case everyday since she had transferred here.
« Ohayo Haruka. » said Michiru warmly as she approached the group of friends. She entered their circle and came right on Haruka. She took her hands in hers and placed a tender kiss on her cheek.
« Ohayo Michiru. » answered Haruka, placing her hand on Michiru's cheek and addressing her a romantic glance. She passed her arm around her shoulders in a possessive way, Michiru managed to pass an arm around her waist, in order to look more natural. Once again she noticed how thin this waist was. In her position she could easily get Haruka's scent. It has something that was driving her crazy, just like some kind of drug. She didn't really understood what was happening when Haruka began to move to enter the class. She would have liked to stay like that longer.
« I see you overcome that homophobia of yours? » said Minako as she passed by Michiru.
« I'm not homophobic. »
« Homophobic or not you're dating a woman… that makes you a lesbian. »
« I'm not. »
« You are… »
« Oh… yes, I am. Happy now? » said Michiru trying to catch with her little mistake that could have blown her cover. »
« Ridiculous… You look like a clumsy little girl in her arms. You should have seen your face when she let you a second ago. A lost little child, or more… a little puddle abandoned on a market place. »
« Shut up. »
« Yes Minako, shut up. Michiru's my girlfriend, and no one talks crap to my girlfriend, please remember that or you'll get into trouble. If you annoy Michiru I might talk about a friend of mine called Hino Rei. » said Haruka in a playful way.
« You wouldn't… »
« If you lack of respect to the love of my life, I might. » she said faking serious face.
Minako's face turned red and she went back to her seat.
« Thanks. » said Michiru as she sat down near Haruka.
« For what? Saying you're my girlfriend? I was expecting flames from you… But if you want to thank me…»
« Oh… That's true, you did… Why did you need to tell that to Minako? »
« Here we go… I know I shouldn't have recalled you that. »
The teacher arrived and they made silence. But at break, Michiru once again had to play Haruka's girlfriend. And it went on like that for nearly three weeks, Michiru trying to look annoyed and irritated when they were only the two of them. But inside, she was beginning to appreciate that game. It was weird to play the lesbian, but she liked the way Haruka had to defend her, and the fact of looking different. She was feeling much more free, she didn't care anymore about no one really liking her, she was just who she was (who she pretended she was). Her life was becoming easier it seemed. But Minako did not seem to believe in their game. She had been stalking them, listening to their conversations a lot. On Friday evening she caught them as they were leaving the school grounds.
« You two aren't couple, you're faking it all. »
« Why would we do such a thing? » asked Haruka.
« I don't know, but don't worry, I'll discover it. »
« We just like each other… Why does it sounds so weird to you? » asked Michiru.
« Yes, why? Such an open-minded person as you shouldn't say such things, it looks like you're an homophobic… » added Haruka.
« Yes, why can't you trust in sincere love between two persons? Even if they are of the same sex? » added Michiru.
« You two aren't lesbians. You're acting, and I don't know why. It's obvious. You don't act like any other couple. You hold each other hand, you go back home together, you spend all your school time together, but once all that is ended, there is nothing. You were never caught making out… And I don't know… I'm a specialist about love, and I would bet you're not a couple, that is my impression. »
« Can't you mind your own business for a change? » asked Haruka, irritated.
« Ok… Then go on, kiss each other. »
« What? » asked Michiru.
« A kiss. If you are a couple, that should be no trouble to you. »
« The trouble is Michiru is from a good family, if we get caught kissing we'll get separated or…» began Haruka.
« That is no trouble. We can do it. » said Michiru calmly.
She wanted Minako to close her mouth. And she found the idea of kissing Haruka not so troubling. Not at all. She even surprised herself wanting it. A little smile appeared on her face at this thought. She turned her face towards a wide-opened eyes, very surprised Haruka, placed a hand on her cheek at first, that hand slid in her neck then she circled it with both arms and began to kiss her lips with passion. The feeling was overwhelming. It was like the achievement of the past two weeks. Haruka didn't really know how to react at first then she passed her arms around her waist. She was feeling as weak as a baby at first, then stronger and confident.
« Stop… that's enough… Hey… I'm here you know… I didn't ask you to have sex or anything… » said Minako after a while.
They broke the kiss, and disappointment could clearly be seen on their faces.
« Happy now? » asked Michiru.
« Yes. » answered Minako and Haruka at the same time. Haruka placed a hand on her own mouth, she had stupidly thought the question was for her.
They didn't say a word on the way back to Michiru's house for a while, when Haruka broke the silence, they were almost arrived.
« It was… a really good kiss. »
« Thanks. »
« You know… if I didn't know you any better, I'd thought you really are a lesbian. »
« What if I told you I am? Are you staying a bit? We could work on our music… »
« Why not. »
They spent an hour trying to concentrate, and they ended with the beginning of something. Michiru was feeling weird. That kiss had let her with a will for more. But she couldn't just say it, or do it. She had tried to push Haruka to do it for her. Several times, she had gotten closer, she had touched her « by error », she had made several understatements… Nothing worked, it was like Haruka wasn't even paying attention.
Right before Haruka left, she found the courage to ask the question that had been bothering her since they had left Minako, no… since the very day she had met her.
« Haruka… Do you love me? »
Haruka turned backwards and looked at Michiru with surprise.
« Funny question… Is it about the kiss? »
« Not really. »
« Then why? »
« Just like that… Please answer to me. »
« You want the truth? »
« As you wish. »
« I won't answer. »
« Why? »
« Because if I say no, I might do a mistake. I know women like being loved, even when they don't. I'd rather keep being friends with you if possible. And if I say yes, you're not gonna trust me anymore and you'll be embarrassed if we have to kiss again. »
« I want an answer anyway. »
« I don't. »
« Was it the truth? »
« Who knows. I let you guess. »
« I don't like guessing.»
« Michiru… the question you should ask yourself is what do you want. Tell me what you want, then maybe I'll be sincere. For now, I let you doubt. »
« Are you coming on Sunday? »
« I have a race. I can't come. »
Michiru's face darkened.
« … But you can. » added Haruka.
« Maybe I will. »
« That game is kinda… interesting. I begin to like it. »
« If you say so… »
Haruka finally left, leaving a disappointed Michiru behind her. She had seen so amused by her question that it sounded ridiculous to even imagine Haruka could be in love with her. Love… Was that what it was? Or was it merely attraction? Was she a lesbian or was she just seduced by Haruka's manly side? Curiosity about herself was invading her. Friday night… Maybe there was something she could do…
Around midnight, Michiru had convinced her father to let her go out. She was alone, and more surprising, sitting at the table of a gay club. The music was loud, the customers were gay. At first, she felt embarrassed. She had the feeling it was not her place. Then she saw the same couple of girls she had seen in the street the other day. She recognized them easily, their image had been clinging to her mind. She watched them for a little while, then she saw other lesbian couples… And she found out she was not ill at ease, in fact, what she wanted was to have a girlfriend too, that would beside her, to be cuddled in her arms, to be dancing with her…
« Michiru? What are you doing here? » asked someone behind her. She recognized the voice at once.
« Ha… Haruka… Hum… I wanted… I mistook… I wanted to enjoy myself a bit but it seemed I fell in the wrong place. »
Haruka sat down next to her. She was wearing a sleeveless white shirt revealing her thin yet strong feminine arms.
« Michiru… No one gets in here by mistake. »
« But I told you… »
« No, Michiru. You wanted to visit a gay club. The people at the entrance, they always ask the new customers if they know where they're entering. Even Minako didn't come here by mistake. Have a look. »
Michiru followed the direction indicated by Haruka and she saw her blonde enemy in the arms of one of their schoolmates, Hino Rei.
« Is that really… Minako? And she's annoying me because I'm a lesbian? »
« Oh, so you are? »
« No! well… Maybe. That's why I wanted to come. »
« I see. Oh… the slows are coming. Do you wanna dance? »
Michiru looked around her, not knowing what to do, then she nodded. She had wished to have a girlfriend that night, and she had one.
Haruka took her hand and lead her to the dance floor. She passed her arms around Michiru's waist, Michiru passed hers around her neck. But they were still inches away.
« Michiru… Everyone staring. » said Haruka.
« Why? »
« Cause people who dance slows are… closer » Haruka said the last word as she dragged Michiru the closest possible from her own body. Now Michiru had her head in Haruka's neck and she could feel her breasts. At first she blushed a bit, but quickly she began to feel at ease. She even had difficulty to get her head out of Haruka's neck when she began to talk to her.
« Michiru… Eh… Don't fall asleep… The slow are ended. We should sit down in the room next to this one, it's way calmer. »
« Ok… »
Michiru found herself sat next to Haruka on a small sofa and a drink in her hand.
« What makes you think you could be a lesbian? Nothing to do with me I hope? » asked Haruka in a fake innocent way. Michiru didn't notice.
« I don't know… I think… It might have something to do with you… Somewhat. Now I don't care about being kissed and… »
« Thanks. » said Haruka, a bit offended.
« No… I mean I care, but it's not a problem. »
« I see. »
« And… There are all those girls around. I'm not embarrassed. At first I thought I'd be ill at ease. In fact I've never felt that good in a club. It's like it is my world. Being a lesbian… It's like it is just who I am. »
« Right… Then we need to make rules. Remember I'm not really your girlfriend. It's an act for your family. It's not gonna last and I hope you'll find an explanation soon because I'd like to get back to my own life. »
« Haruka… »
« Michiru. I know what you think. » began Haruka much more seriously. « I can see clear in your game. You want me. I know it. I think I even knew it before you. You were close, you were so smiling… any straight girl would have been amused, or disgusted. You were into it entirely. But I'm sorry, because I can't be yours. »
« That's… straightforward. Why can't you be mine? Do you I need to remember you the first days, when we began dating? The way we kissed, the way we enjoyed each other presence? »
« I remember. But Michiru… »
« No. Don't say anything more. I want to with you for real. I proved you I don't care about what the others could think, and we're getting along greatly, aren't we? »
« We are… But I just can't. Listen… You're not mature at all Michiru. You're a child. You don't really know what you want. First you wanted me, not even getting I was a woman, which anyone else had seen. The little time we had together was great. I have to admit it, but you were acting just like a little high school girl that you are, giggling and admiring her brand new boyfriend. »
« It was not like that. »
« I thought it wasn't. But when I saw your reaction upon seeing me in the lockers… I understood. I thought it was clear to you, that you were just joking with your papers about masculine sport teams. I thought you knew and you were happy with it. Imagine what it's like to be rejected by someone because of who you are? »
« I know I've been stupid but… »
« I don't want to talk about that anymore. I'm going. And tomorrow we'll be the best friends again unless you don't want to. »
Haruka got up and headed for the entrance where she was given back her jacket. Michiru was left alone. A drop fell into her drink. A lonely one, out of her very soul. A child? Did Haruka really know her? A child would cry and cry again. Michiru could let escape only one single drop. Haruka was wrong. She knew what she wanted. It was her. And as she was assimilating the shock, she understood her liking through pain… She understood that what she wanted was not just a girlfriend because she was feeling like a lesbian. She wanted Haruka, because of the perfect expression on her face, because of this so bewitching scent, because of her warmth, because of her arms that should never let go, because of this personality, this soul she had learnt to know, that she had recognized as a mate for hers the very second their eyes had met. Haruka… She had convince her, she had to find a way to prove she was worthier than a little giggling girl. Michiru got up. She wouldn't catch Haruka, she knew it. But she could still prepare to fight over her love.