Celibacy
Aki Midori
Warnings: See previous chapters.
Blah:
I'm hungry.
diScLaimErs: I'll abduct them next week.
--------------------------
Celibacy
Chapter Twelve: What Becomes of the Bet? High-Class Meddlers 2
"Cease! You are a disgrace to humanity!"
"Ah, but noble sir! Humanity would be in distress had I not graced it with my presence!"
"Rubbish! Thou art a good-for-nothing scoundrel!"
"I must disagree, dear Hiro, my friend and my foe. A scoundrel, I am not. My name is Mitsui Hisashi, and I am the the earth's most noble man."
Six men sweatdropped. Fujima cleared his throat softly to get everyone's attention. "I would appreciate it if you two would stop fighting over unimportant matters. I think we're talking about our friends here?"
"Ah, but sir!" Mitsui protested. "Me and my foe are but arguing about the formidable solutions to Sir Rukawa and Sir Akira's problems! I am suggesting to lock them up in a dungeon and leave them there to gaze at each others eyes until they can't resist anymore! A love-making session would soon follow! Sir Hiro here started to lambast my person the moment I finished my brilliant proposal."
Fujima twitched. Why the hell were Koshino and Mitsui talking in archaic, anyway? He doesn't want to know. Those two are so weird, they could pass off as actors for the Twilight Zone.
"What happened to you and Koshino, anyway?" Sakuragi suddenly demanded. "You're getting on my nerves. Talk Japanese, dammit! Quit it with the Romeo and Juliet shit!"
"Silence! We are but discussing Sir Akira and Sir Rukawa!" Koshino snapped. "I myself am feeling a bit irked at my current manner of speaking, but I must proceed. The stakes are high, and I am not about to lose 10,000 yen to this scoundrel! I can continue to speak in this manner the entire day! Now let us get back to the matter at hand. We were talking about Sir Akira and Sir Rukawa, or so I believe."
Jin sighed. His lover has gone insane, accepting Mitsui's dare like that. Frankly, he just couldn't see any sense in talking archaic for one whole day. And besides... they have more important matters to think of. His friend Kaede's really lost it.
Just this morning, he went to the Rukawa household to check on his friend. He found Rukawa on the tub, talking to a rubber duck. If that wasn't called 'losing it', then Jin doesn't know what to call it. Good thing he had a long talk with Rukawa's sisters. He was ready to bring Rukawa to a shrink.
The whole world has gone insane. His lover suddenly talked as if he was from the Shakespearean period, and his long-time friend was enjoying a one-sided conversation with a duck. What's next, then, Sendoh dying his hair blonde?
Jin shook his head to clear his thoughts of any obscene ideas. "Hey, everyone... we were talking about the bet," he said. "If I remember correctly, four of us says Kaede's gonna make Sendoh break his vow, and four others said Kaede's not gonna last."
"Yes," Maki confirmed. "And if I remember correctly, Nobu, Kogure-san, Jin-san and I laid our bets on Sendoh. Sakuragi-san, Kenji, Hisashi and Hiro went for Rukawa. Sakuragi said Rukawa quitted same day last week, Thursday, which means that I, Nobu, Kogure and Jin won the bet."
"Yes, and the weather today is partly shiny, partly cloudy. Stock market it is booming. President George W. Bush-"
"Quit mocking me, Nobu," Maki said, his eyebrow raised.
"Can't help it, Shin. You sounded so damn formal!" Kiyota said with a cheeky grin. "Anyway, back to the matter at hand, we won, fellas. Now hand your souls over."
"I will do no such thing!" Mitsui cried out. "My Min-kun is a considerate partner. He will make sure my dignity will remain intact, whether or not I lose the wager. 'Twas a mistake, betting for Sir Rukawa."
"On that statement, I have to agree with you," Koshino muttered. "I was certain we'd win, though. Sir Sendoh was indeed direly tempted to give in, but alas. His pride won out. Sir Rukawa, on the other hand, was quick to snap."
"Much as I'd like to drown these two morons, I have to agree with them," Sakuragi said, a scowl marring his perfect face. "My cousin was doing so well! That is.. until he realized he fell in love with Sendoh. He just have to chicken out from there. Sheesh. Now what are we gonna do?"
Kiyota pounded his fist on the table with utmost reverence. "I've said it before and I'll say it again! Hand your souls over!"
"Shut up, baka," Maki reprimanded. "Are you still drunk or something? Forget the bet for now. We've got a problem here. This may have started out as a dare and a bet, but it's become too serious. We've got two broken hearts on the line here, and all you're thinking about is the rewards of that bet?"
Kiyota snorted. "Oh, I'm sure you'd like to own Fujima's soul, too. Quit being such a hypocrite, buddy. Follow your heart! Unleash your imagination! Free your shackled soul! Fuck the living daylights out of-"
Maki freed his shackled soul, alright. He lunged towards Kiyota's neck and vehemently shook his supposed friend back and forth, while delivering a bonk or two on the poor guy's head. Yep. He's freed his shackled soul, indeed. Another minute or so of continuous pounding, and he'll soon be shackled with handcuffs.
Fujima sighed and restrained his lover from strangling Kiyota. "Now, now, Shin. Control yourself. Yes, breathe in, breathe out. Yeah... that's nice." Fujima patted the seeting man's shoulder and turned to the others. "We were talking about our friends?"
"Indeed!" Mitsui replied. "'Tis a shame we're easily distracted by unimportant matters." He then signalled for the waiter to take his order, as he was late. The girl arrived, all bouncy and perky and rosy. "Ah, thank you, kind miss, for heeding to my summons. I shall but have a quarter-pound cheeseburger and a soda."
The waitress, needless to say, blushed upon being smiled at by one of the most prominent figures in the city, Mistui Hisashi. He's such a chivalrous man, she thought. It was as if he came out Romeo and Juliet's world. Bah.
Kogure softly cleared his throat as he unconsciously leaned closer to his 'chivalrous' boyfriend. "I dropped by Kaede's place last night. Kirei-neechan told me he was so out of it these past few days. I tried talking some sense into him, but he wasn't listening. He was too busy stroking his bunny's pink fur. I'm worried about him."
"Nah, Megane!" Sakuragi patted his friend's shoulder and gave him a thumbs up signal. "Leave that dolt to me. I'll try to knock him to his senses later."
"Easier said than done, Hana," Fujima said. "You know him. He's too stubborn for his own comfort. Any news on Sendoh?"
"Still trashed when we left him this afternoon," Maki replied. "He drank himself to oblivion last night, I'm willing to bet he's wishing to die right now. Heaven knows my head still hurts like a bitch."
Maki scowled as he rubbed his pounding head.
"That's what you get for drinking too much," Fujima reprimanded as he pulled his lover closer and massaged the latter's pounding temple.
"Aaaaaaw, how sweet! Ne, Hana, do that to me, too, koi!" Kiyota said, pulling on his boyfriend's sleeve. "Ne? Ne? Hana, ne? Come on, Hana! They're so sweet! I have a headache, too! I drank too much last night. Aren't you feeling sorry for me, ne, Hana-koi? Ne? Ne?"
Sakuragi faced him, gave him a smile, kissed him soundly on the lips... and gave him a headbutt.
It totally knocked Kiyota out.
"Ahahahahaha! But that is indeed a wise thing to do!" Mitsui proclaimed, trying hard to laugh in an archaic manner, and failing miserably. "'Tis the truth, his constant ranting is getting on my nerves."
"'Tis prob'ly the most sensible thing you've ever done in your life, Sir Sakuragi," Koshino said with a sneer.
Sakuragi turned to the two men with a scowl. "Kind sirs, if I may suggest a favorable activity?"
"Yes, noble sir?" Mitsui asked.
Sakuragi gave them a blank look, suitable for his cousin. "Kill yourselves. It would help."
"Why, you moronic sonofa- oops!" Koshino trailed off when he realized he slipped. Mitsui, on the other hand, was so busy laughing his head off. He couldn't help it. He's 10,000 yen richer. "Sakuragi, I swear I'm gonna kill you someday!"
"Now, now, koi," Jin placated. "I have to admit, even I was getting annoyed. Now let's stop all this interruptions, ne, and focus on the *real* matter at hand. Our friends are in trouble."
The others sighed and nodded. Jin has a point.
"What now?" Mitsui asked.
"Somehow, we've got to get those two back together!" Sakuragi said in frustration. I'm sick of seeing my mundane cousin like that! It's his one and only chance at happiness, and he's such a moron for letting it go. Sendoh, too. He should have never let Kaede go."
"Whoa, hold on a minute," Maki said, "we can't just judge them like that. We don't even know how they feel about going back together. They broke up, and we have to respect them for their decision."
"But are you sure that *that's* what they want?" Sakuragi countered.
"How come you think you know so much?" Maki asked.
"I only have to look at my pathetic cousin to know how much he's hurting inside, even though he tries so hard to conceal it," Sakuragi said, his tone and his face serious. "Sendoh was the one who broke up with him, and being the stupid idiot that he is, of course he didn't do anything to salvage their pathetic relationship!"
Everyone stared. And blinked. And stared again. And gave Sakuragi a round of applause.
Sakuragi waggled his eyebrows and gave them a fake bow. "Thank you, thank you. No autographs please."
Mitsui rolled his eyes. "Sure... go ahead. Delude yourself."
"Hey, that's my cousin's line!" Sakuragi protested. He sat back down and dumped his face on top of his KO'ed boyfriend's head. "But I'm serious, everyone. Kaede and Sendoh are in deep shit."
Koshino harrumphed. "Tell me something I don't already know."
"So... what are we going to do, then? We're their friends, and we have to help them get through this shit," Fujima said. "Heaven knows they can't fix this mess by themselves."
Kogure frowned as he unconsciously ran his hand through Mitsui's hair. "But do you think it's right, though? Should we meddle in their lives? I mean-"
"Megane, come on!" Sakuragi interrupted with a careless wave of his hand. "We left them alone during the past few weeks, and look what happened! They screwed up! Heaven knows they need someone to pummel them into their senses. Face it, Kiminobu. They need our help, big time."
"So... what are we supposed to do, then?" Koshino asked, his face in an undescribable scowl. "Talking won't help. I tried to talk to Sendoh many times before, but all he ever does is squander his money on things I'd rather not think about. If he's not burning money, he's watching the world's greatest, most dramatic soap opera."
Jin raised an eyebrow and laced his fingers through Koshino's, making the latter loosen his scowl. "What's he watching, koi?"
Koshino gave him a blank look. "Basketball."
"Basketball's not sad..."
Mistui laughed. "Don't ask."
Seven men sighed. One man mumbled in as he happily drooled on the table.
Seven men scrunched their foreheads in concentration. Two restless souls needed help. Who else would give it to them, other than the oh-so-glorious.. erm... what should they call themselves, anyway? They don't really know. What they know is that they're so damn noble, people should start another superhero group based on them.
But quite honestly, it's really diffcult to think of a formidable solution when the souls in need are a pair of stubborn, mule-headed jackasses.
Sakuragi's brows furrowed in annoyance. Damn, but his cousin's a big pain in his sexy behind. How many damned times does he have to save his cousin from killing himself? Drats... sometimes, he feels as if he's Rukawa's babysitter. Tsk, tsk... what would Rukawa do without his saving grace? Ah, but he'll rot in oblivion.
Now... what the hell should he do? How could he help? 'Come on, tensai! Think! Your pathetic cousin's heartbroken, so do something to help him!'
"Why don't we do some serious brainstorming, then?" Mitsui suggested as he happilly munched on his cheeseburger. "I think it would help."
"And we're doing what, at the moment?" Koshino dryly asked. Mitsui chose to ignore him.
Everybody chose to ignore everybody else. It was a vital moment for everyone. Plans, plans, they need plans.
Silence.
Lips pouted in sheer concentration.
Sweat dripped from their eyebrows.
More silence.
And then Kiyota chose to wake up. He looked at everyone's serious faces and grinned, "Don't be too serious, everyone. Too much thinking results to extensive farting."
It took all of everyone's willpower to refrain themselves from sending Kiyota back to lala-land. Maki simply took a deep breath and gave Kiyota a stern look. "We would appreciate it if you'd stop acting like a total moron and just help us think of a way to help Rukawa and Akira."
Kiyota didn't so much bink an eye. "Well, we could have his sisters kidnap him, throw him somewhere- preferably Migayi-san's squid research lab, lock him up in a squiddy room, tell Akira that Rukawa's in grave danger, and have Akira 'rescuing' him. Then we'd lock 'em up together and they'd kiss and make up and have steamy sex, so you can hand your souls over, ASAP."
A long moment of silence passed before Koshino snorted. "Depressing really, how I ended up befriending such a..." he gave Kiyota a patronizing look, "shithead."
"Well, do you have a better idea?" Kiyota adamantly asked. Koshino merely ignored him.
And so, eight men tried to think of a better plan- one which doesn't involve squids, if possible, but no idea came. After a few more minutes, Sakuragi was more than ready to deball a goat, Fujima was ready to deflate a basketball, Maki was dying to kill Kiyota, and Kogure and Jin were trying to prevent a potential deathmatch between the smirking Mitsui and the infuriated Koshino.
Passersby gave them queer looks, the waitresses were either worried about them or drooling their water supplies out, and the store manager was torn between throwing these gorgeous, succesful men out and asking each and everyone of them to marry her.
All these because a certain Sendoh Akira and a certain Rukawa Kaede couldn't even maintain a certain relationship, and eight certain friends were bent on righting the wrong. Damn, but they're such *good* friends! Heaven should smile upon them.
"Any ideas, so far?" Kogure asked in his ever-so-calm voice.
"Best I've got is tying my cousin on a bedpost and and locking the celibate Akira with him in the same room," Sakuragi replied with an annoyed sigh.
"What I don't understand is why eveyrone's suggestions seemed to involve a room," Jin pointed out. "Maybe we should try a different approach."
"Like what, koi?" Koshino asked, grumpier than ever because Mitsui dumped ketchup on his favorite shirt.
Jin pouted his lips, deep in thought for a moment before brightening up into a... well... *bright* smile. "Jealousy! Jealousy's a good weapon."
Fujima smiled. "Let's hear it."
"Well, we could... ask someone to go out with Sendoh-kun, flaunt this so-called 'relationship' in front of Kaede, and voila! Instant jealous Kaede! I'm pretty sure it would provoke Kaede and would push him to fight for Sendoh," Jin explained. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder, you see, but jealousy... well, let's just say it would push someone to the edge, you know?"
"Brilliant!" Sakuragi exclaimed. Nuts and bolts started to turn inside his handsome head. Hmmm, maybe they could find an elegant, voluptous woman... and then have her cling so tight to Sendoh in front of his cousin, and then poof! Kaede would be so jealous, he's skewer the woman, asap, and run away with Sendoh and lock him up in a room and they'd stay there for like, a whole month or so!
Perfect, just perfect. It came down to a room once again. But as far as Sakuragi was concerned, Jin has a point. Maybe jealousy would kick his cousin's ass and get him moving. It works in the movies and the stories, ne?
"I agree with Soi," Sakuragi declared. "I daresay we dump the 'lock-'em-up-in-a-room' ideas and go for pure jealousy!" Everybody nodded in agreement.
It seemed as if the sun suddenly shined on these eight people, for their smiles were bright enough to rival Rukawa Shinri's super-genki-smile-of-happiness. Finally, they've found a good solution for those two bumbleheads' problem!
Oooh, they're such good friends!
Brilliant plan, indeed! Jealousy works *all* the time...
According to most movies and stories, that is.
They have one problem, though. . .
"Is there a woman who'd be willing to *pretend* to have a relationship with Sendoh and *not* expect to get laid in return?" Maki asked.
Smiles dimmed.
And another problem...
"We need certain events and occasions wherein we could invite both Sendoh and his *girlfriend* and Kaede," Kogure pointed out. "Any ideas?"
No one could answer. Smiles dimmed even more.
"Maybe this isn't such a good idea," Koshino said. They all groaned.
"Shit," Sakuragi muttered. "Shit."
"I second that," Mitsui grumbled.
Oh, well... it's a sunny day, anyway. A normal day, wherein birds were chirping, children were playing, and the flowers are blooming. Kiyota smirked. "Wanna stick with my plan?"
"HELL, NO!"
Sakuragi sighed. He wondered how Rukawa and Sendoh were doing as of this moment. Kami-sama knows the eight of them weren't fine. He hoped the two were having a miserable time as well.
Hmp.
******
Sendoh wanted to *die*.
"I want my mommy," he groaned as he tossed in his bed once again. "No, make that- I want my Kaede!"
Oops. 'Don't go there,' he scolded himself. He really doesn't know where his friends are. Where the hell are they, anyway? What right do they have to get him drunk like that /then/ leave him to his own misery the next day? His brain's gonna pound out of his skull, dammit!
"Some friends they are," Sendoh muttered. Something painful was nestling between his legs and he realized that- gasp!- it was another hard on. Sendoh wanted to cry, really. A hangover and a hard-on, all in one! Great, isn't it?
Maybe he should stop thinking of that dream wherein his Kaede was walking around his room with a thin, silver dangling earring, wearing nothing but low-cut pants... his fly undone. And maybe he should stop thinking of Kaede's cute, plush arse. He saw it, after all, back when they were at the resort.
"Celibacy," he chanted over and over again. He's practicing celibacy. "Go away, hard on! Leave me alone! Don't you even know the meaning of ce-li-ba-cy?!"
But his hard on won't go away. Hmp. Stubborn prick. Yep. Sendoh wanted to cry.
He wanted to find a meaningful existence, and what does he get?
A raging hard-on and a bitchy hangover.
Life is so unfair.
*****
Stardust won't blink.
Dammit. He, Rukawa Kaede, king of all death glares- lost another staring match with Stardust. For the life of it, the fuckin' pink bunny won't blink! It was irritating as hell! The stupid usagi kept on looking at him with a huge freakin' smile.
Rukawa couldn't really take it anymore- having a pink stupid-looking bunny stare at him while he lamented his lost love was pretty unnerving. He tried to scare the bunny into blinking by giving him the shi-ne glare that would put Fujimiya Ran's to shame, but hell, the stupid bunny is too powerful.
Rukawa 'hmp'ed and strangled Stardust once more before he went back to what he was doing- namely, memorizing the cracks and pattern of his walls. After a few more minutes, an image of Sendoh popped into his mind as soon as his gaze settled on his lampshade.
Oh, not that Sendoh looked anything like a lampshade, but hell, he kept on thinking of Sendoh everytime! He couldn't get the man out of his mind, no matter how hard he tried.
"Ne, Stardust, do you think Akira's doing fine?" he asked the harassed bunny. It didn't answer him. "Oi, answer me while I'm talking to you." Stardust continued to smile at him. "Really? You think he misses me, too?"
Megumi heaved out a huge sigh in the doorway. "Are you ready to give me the number of that shrink now, Aya?"
"No! Kaede's just..." Ayako glanced at her brother for a moment before meeting Megumi's inquisitive stare. "Stressed."
Megumi followed her sister's gaze. Rukawa was now playing with puppets made of socks. "Bullshit."
"Yeah."
*****
"What?! What?! WHAAAAAAT?!"
"It would help if you'd stop destroying the table, Sakuragi," Maki pointed out.
"We're out of ideas, dammit!"
"Uh... love potion?" Kiyota quipped.
"Where in hell would you get those?"
"Don't snap at me, Hiro! Why won't you quit asking like you're having permanent PMS, for once in your life. Sheesh!"
Kogure rubbed his throbbing temple. "Let's not fight minna."
"Viagra?" Mitsui suggested.
"BAKA! It won't help!" Koshino roared.
"Uh... voodoo dolls?" Kiyota asked.
"What do you say I hypnotize you into becoming more intelligent?" Koshino retorted.
Sakuragi kept on pounding his head on the table. Maki and Fujima were deep in thought. Mitsui and Kiyota kept on suggesting useless ideas, Koshino kept on refuting the said ideas, and Kogure's head was throbbing.
Jin simply sipped his coffee and smiled at the wide-eyed waitresses. "Stress," he simply said.
Stress, indeed.
"Say... why don't we just talk about the bet and leave those two alone?" Kiyota proposed. "Hand your souls over!"
Oh, joy.
Fujima sighed. "I'm beginning to think that meddling is the hardest job on the planet."
Maki, Kogure and Jin nodded. "Indeed."
**********
tsu.zu.ku
**********
Blah before bye-bye:
I think this chapter's lame, dammit. I like the next two chapters more, but I've yet to write them. Anyway, feel free to say something about those meddlers. I feel as if I'd get a headache too, if I'm one of them. Bah.
Oh... important announcement!
ZERO HOUR: You can now *post and read your reviews* at Zero Hour's special review message board! Each and every author/artist was given their own folders, wherein people could comment on their works. Discussions between authors and reviewers are also allowed, so long as the topic would be about their respective fics. That's all, thank you!
www.geocities.com/rusen_0hour
Aki Midori
Warnings: See previous chapters.
Blah:
I'm hungry.
diScLaimErs: I'll abduct them next week.
--------------------------
Celibacy
Chapter Twelve: What Becomes of the Bet? High-Class Meddlers 2
"Cease! You are a disgrace to humanity!"
"Ah, but noble sir! Humanity would be in distress had I not graced it with my presence!"
"Rubbish! Thou art a good-for-nothing scoundrel!"
"I must disagree, dear Hiro, my friend and my foe. A scoundrel, I am not. My name is Mitsui Hisashi, and I am the the earth's most noble man."
Six men sweatdropped. Fujima cleared his throat softly to get everyone's attention. "I would appreciate it if you two would stop fighting over unimportant matters. I think we're talking about our friends here?"
"Ah, but sir!" Mitsui protested. "Me and my foe are but arguing about the formidable solutions to Sir Rukawa and Sir Akira's problems! I am suggesting to lock them up in a dungeon and leave them there to gaze at each others eyes until they can't resist anymore! A love-making session would soon follow! Sir Hiro here started to lambast my person the moment I finished my brilliant proposal."
Fujima twitched. Why the hell were Koshino and Mitsui talking in archaic, anyway? He doesn't want to know. Those two are so weird, they could pass off as actors for the Twilight Zone.
"What happened to you and Koshino, anyway?" Sakuragi suddenly demanded. "You're getting on my nerves. Talk Japanese, dammit! Quit it with the Romeo and Juliet shit!"
"Silence! We are but discussing Sir Akira and Sir Rukawa!" Koshino snapped. "I myself am feeling a bit irked at my current manner of speaking, but I must proceed. The stakes are high, and I am not about to lose 10,000 yen to this scoundrel! I can continue to speak in this manner the entire day! Now let us get back to the matter at hand. We were talking about Sir Akira and Sir Rukawa, or so I believe."
Jin sighed. His lover has gone insane, accepting Mitsui's dare like that. Frankly, he just couldn't see any sense in talking archaic for one whole day. And besides... they have more important matters to think of. His friend Kaede's really lost it.
Just this morning, he went to the Rukawa household to check on his friend. He found Rukawa on the tub, talking to a rubber duck. If that wasn't called 'losing it', then Jin doesn't know what to call it. Good thing he had a long talk with Rukawa's sisters. He was ready to bring Rukawa to a shrink.
The whole world has gone insane. His lover suddenly talked as if he was from the Shakespearean period, and his long-time friend was enjoying a one-sided conversation with a duck. What's next, then, Sendoh dying his hair blonde?
Jin shook his head to clear his thoughts of any obscene ideas. "Hey, everyone... we were talking about the bet," he said. "If I remember correctly, four of us says Kaede's gonna make Sendoh break his vow, and four others said Kaede's not gonna last."
"Yes," Maki confirmed. "And if I remember correctly, Nobu, Kogure-san, Jin-san and I laid our bets on Sendoh. Sakuragi-san, Kenji, Hisashi and Hiro went for Rukawa. Sakuragi said Rukawa quitted same day last week, Thursday, which means that I, Nobu, Kogure and Jin won the bet."
"Yes, and the weather today is partly shiny, partly cloudy. Stock market it is booming. President George W. Bush-"
"Quit mocking me, Nobu," Maki said, his eyebrow raised.
"Can't help it, Shin. You sounded so damn formal!" Kiyota said with a cheeky grin. "Anyway, back to the matter at hand, we won, fellas. Now hand your souls over."
"I will do no such thing!" Mitsui cried out. "My Min-kun is a considerate partner. He will make sure my dignity will remain intact, whether or not I lose the wager. 'Twas a mistake, betting for Sir Rukawa."
"On that statement, I have to agree with you," Koshino muttered. "I was certain we'd win, though. Sir Sendoh was indeed direly tempted to give in, but alas. His pride won out. Sir Rukawa, on the other hand, was quick to snap."
"Much as I'd like to drown these two morons, I have to agree with them," Sakuragi said, a scowl marring his perfect face. "My cousin was doing so well! That is.. until he realized he fell in love with Sendoh. He just have to chicken out from there. Sheesh. Now what are we gonna do?"
Kiyota pounded his fist on the table with utmost reverence. "I've said it before and I'll say it again! Hand your souls over!"
"Shut up, baka," Maki reprimanded. "Are you still drunk or something? Forget the bet for now. We've got a problem here. This may have started out as a dare and a bet, but it's become too serious. We've got two broken hearts on the line here, and all you're thinking about is the rewards of that bet?"
Kiyota snorted. "Oh, I'm sure you'd like to own Fujima's soul, too. Quit being such a hypocrite, buddy. Follow your heart! Unleash your imagination! Free your shackled soul! Fuck the living daylights out of-"
Maki freed his shackled soul, alright. He lunged towards Kiyota's neck and vehemently shook his supposed friend back and forth, while delivering a bonk or two on the poor guy's head. Yep. He's freed his shackled soul, indeed. Another minute or so of continuous pounding, and he'll soon be shackled with handcuffs.
Fujima sighed and restrained his lover from strangling Kiyota. "Now, now, Shin. Control yourself. Yes, breathe in, breathe out. Yeah... that's nice." Fujima patted the seeting man's shoulder and turned to the others. "We were talking about our friends?"
"Indeed!" Mitsui replied. "'Tis a shame we're easily distracted by unimportant matters." He then signalled for the waiter to take his order, as he was late. The girl arrived, all bouncy and perky and rosy. "Ah, thank you, kind miss, for heeding to my summons. I shall but have a quarter-pound cheeseburger and a soda."
The waitress, needless to say, blushed upon being smiled at by one of the most prominent figures in the city, Mistui Hisashi. He's such a chivalrous man, she thought. It was as if he came out Romeo and Juliet's world. Bah.
Kogure softly cleared his throat as he unconsciously leaned closer to his 'chivalrous' boyfriend. "I dropped by Kaede's place last night. Kirei-neechan told me he was so out of it these past few days. I tried talking some sense into him, but he wasn't listening. He was too busy stroking his bunny's pink fur. I'm worried about him."
"Nah, Megane!" Sakuragi patted his friend's shoulder and gave him a thumbs up signal. "Leave that dolt to me. I'll try to knock him to his senses later."
"Easier said than done, Hana," Fujima said. "You know him. He's too stubborn for his own comfort. Any news on Sendoh?"
"Still trashed when we left him this afternoon," Maki replied. "He drank himself to oblivion last night, I'm willing to bet he's wishing to die right now. Heaven knows my head still hurts like a bitch."
Maki scowled as he rubbed his pounding head.
"That's what you get for drinking too much," Fujima reprimanded as he pulled his lover closer and massaged the latter's pounding temple.
"Aaaaaaw, how sweet! Ne, Hana, do that to me, too, koi!" Kiyota said, pulling on his boyfriend's sleeve. "Ne? Ne? Hana, ne? Come on, Hana! They're so sweet! I have a headache, too! I drank too much last night. Aren't you feeling sorry for me, ne, Hana-koi? Ne? Ne?"
Sakuragi faced him, gave him a smile, kissed him soundly on the lips... and gave him a headbutt.
It totally knocked Kiyota out.
"Ahahahahaha! But that is indeed a wise thing to do!" Mitsui proclaimed, trying hard to laugh in an archaic manner, and failing miserably. "'Tis the truth, his constant ranting is getting on my nerves."
"'Tis prob'ly the most sensible thing you've ever done in your life, Sir Sakuragi," Koshino said with a sneer.
Sakuragi turned to the two men with a scowl. "Kind sirs, if I may suggest a favorable activity?"
"Yes, noble sir?" Mitsui asked.
Sakuragi gave them a blank look, suitable for his cousin. "Kill yourselves. It would help."
"Why, you moronic sonofa- oops!" Koshino trailed off when he realized he slipped. Mitsui, on the other hand, was so busy laughing his head off. He couldn't help it. He's 10,000 yen richer. "Sakuragi, I swear I'm gonna kill you someday!"
"Now, now, koi," Jin placated. "I have to admit, even I was getting annoyed. Now let's stop all this interruptions, ne, and focus on the *real* matter at hand. Our friends are in trouble."
The others sighed and nodded. Jin has a point.
"What now?" Mitsui asked.
"Somehow, we've got to get those two back together!" Sakuragi said in frustration. I'm sick of seeing my mundane cousin like that! It's his one and only chance at happiness, and he's such a moron for letting it go. Sendoh, too. He should have never let Kaede go."
"Whoa, hold on a minute," Maki said, "we can't just judge them like that. We don't even know how they feel about going back together. They broke up, and we have to respect them for their decision."
"But are you sure that *that's* what they want?" Sakuragi countered.
"How come you think you know so much?" Maki asked.
"I only have to look at my pathetic cousin to know how much he's hurting inside, even though he tries so hard to conceal it," Sakuragi said, his tone and his face serious. "Sendoh was the one who broke up with him, and being the stupid idiot that he is, of course he didn't do anything to salvage their pathetic relationship!"
Everyone stared. And blinked. And stared again. And gave Sakuragi a round of applause.
Sakuragi waggled his eyebrows and gave them a fake bow. "Thank you, thank you. No autographs please."
Mitsui rolled his eyes. "Sure... go ahead. Delude yourself."
"Hey, that's my cousin's line!" Sakuragi protested. He sat back down and dumped his face on top of his KO'ed boyfriend's head. "But I'm serious, everyone. Kaede and Sendoh are in deep shit."
Koshino harrumphed. "Tell me something I don't already know."
"So... what are we going to do, then? We're their friends, and we have to help them get through this shit," Fujima said. "Heaven knows they can't fix this mess by themselves."
Kogure frowned as he unconsciously ran his hand through Mitsui's hair. "But do you think it's right, though? Should we meddle in their lives? I mean-"
"Megane, come on!" Sakuragi interrupted with a careless wave of his hand. "We left them alone during the past few weeks, and look what happened! They screwed up! Heaven knows they need someone to pummel them into their senses. Face it, Kiminobu. They need our help, big time."
"So... what are we supposed to do, then?" Koshino asked, his face in an undescribable scowl. "Talking won't help. I tried to talk to Sendoh many times before, but all he ever does is squander his money on things I'd rather not think about. If he's not burning money, he's watching the world's greatest, most dramatic soap opera."
Jin raised an eyebrow and laced his fingers through Koshino's, making the latter loosen his scowl. "What's he watching, koi?"
Koshino gave him a blank look. "Basketball."
"Basketball's not sad..."
Mistui laughed. "Don't ask."
Seven men sighed. One man mumbled in as he happily drooled on the table.
Seven men scrunched their foreheads in concentration. Two restless souls needed help. Who else would give it to them, other than the oh-so-glorious.. erm... what should they call themselves, anyway? They don't really know. What they know is that they're so damn noble, people should start another superhero group based on them.
But quite honestly, it's really diffcult to think of a formidable solution when the souls in need are a pair of stubborn, mule-headed jackasses.
Sakuragi's brows furrowed in annoyance. Damn, but his cousin's a big pain in his sexy behind. How many damned times does he have to save his cousin from killing himself? Drats... sometimes, he feels as if he's Rukawa's babysitter. Tsk, tsk... what would Rukawa do without his saving grace? Ah, but he'll rot in oblivion.
Now... what the hell should he do? How could he help? 'Come on, tensai! Think! Your pathetic cousin's heartbroken, so do something to help him!'
"Why don't we do some serious brainstorming, then?" Mitsui suggested as he happilly munched on his cheeseburger. "I think it would help."
"And we're doing what, at the moment?" Koshino dryly asked. Mitsui chose to ignore him.
Everybody chose to ignore everybody else. It was a vital moment for everyone. Plans, plans, they need plans.
Silence.
Lips pouted in sheer concentration.
Sweat dripped from their eyebrows.
More silence.
And then Kiyota chose to wake up. He looked at everyone's serious faces and grinned, "Don't be too serious, everyone. Too much thinking results to extensive farting."
It took all of everyone's willpower to refrain themselves from sending Kiyota back to lala-land. Maki simply took a deep breath and gave Kiyota a stern look. "We would appreciate it if you'd stop acting like a total moron and just help us think of a way to help Rukawa and Akira."
Kiyota didn't so much bink an eye. "Well, we could have his sisters kidnap him, throw him somewhere- preferably Migayi-san's squid research lab, lock him up in a squiddy room, tell Akira that Rukawa's in grave danger, and have Akira 'rescuing' him. Then we'd lock 'em up together and they'd kiss and make up and have steamy sex, so you can hand your souls over, ASAP."
A long moment of silence passed before Koshino snorted. "Depressing really, how I ended up befriending such a..." he gave Kiyota a patronizing look, "shithead."
"Well, do you have a better idea?" Kiyota adamantly asked. Koshino merely ignored him.
And so, eight men tried to think of a better plan- one which doesn't involve squids, if possible, but no idea came. After a few more minutes, Sakuragi was more than ready to deball a goat, Fujima was ready to deflate a basketball, Maki was dying to kill Kiyota, and Kogure and Jin were trying to prevent a potential deathmatch between the smirking Mitsui and the infuriated Koshino.
Passersby gave them queer looks, the waitresses were either worried about them or drooling their water supplies out, and the store manager was torn between throwing these gorgeous, succesful men out and asking each and everyone of them to marry her.
All these because a certain Sendoh Akira and a certain Rukawa Kaede couldn't even maintain a certain relationship, and eight certain friends were bent on righting the wrong. Damn, but they're such *good* friends! Heaven should smile upon them.
"Any ideas, so far?" Kogure asked in his ever-so-calm voice.
"Best I've got is tying my cousin on a bedpost and and locking the celibate Akira with him in the same room," Sakuragi replied with an annoyed sigh.
"What I don't understand is why eveyrone's suggestions seemed to involve a room," Jin pointed out. "Maybe we should try a different approach."
"Like what, koi?" Koshino asked, grumpier than ever because Mitsui dumped ketchup on his favorite shirt.
Jin pouted his lips, deep in thought for a moment before brightening up into a... well... *bright* smile. "Jealousy! Jealousy's a good weapon."
Fujima smiled. "Let's hear it."
"Well, we could... ask someone to go out with Sendoh-kun, flaunt this so-called 'relationship' in front of Kaede, and voila! Instant jealous Kaede! I'm pretty sure it would provoke Kaede and would push him to fight for Sendoh," Jin explained. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder, you see, but jealousy... well, let's just say it would push someone to the edge, you know?"
"Brilliant!" Sakuragi exclaimed. Nuts and bolts started to turn inside his handsome head. Hmmm, maybe they could find an elegant, voluptous woman... and then have her cling so tight to Sendoh in front of his cousin, and then poof! Kaede would be so jealous, he's skewer the woman, asap, and run away with Sendoh and lock him up in a room and they'd stay there for like, a whole month or so!
Perfect, just perfect. It came down to a room once again. But as far as Sakuragi was concerned, Jin has a point. Maybe jealousy would kick his cousin's ass and get him moving. It works in the movies and the stories, ne?
"I agree with Soi," Sakuragi declared. "I daresay we dump the 'lock-'em-up-in-a-room' ideas and go for pure jealousy!" Everybody nodded in agreement.
It seemed as if the sun suddenly shined on these eight people, for their smiles were bright enough to rival Rukawa Shinri's super-genki-smile-of-happiness. Finally, they've found a good solution for those two bumbleheads' problem!
Oooh, they're such good friends!
Brilliant plan, indeed! Jealousy works *all* the time...
According to most movies and stories, that is.
They have one problem, though. . .
"Is there a woman who'd be willing to *pretend* to have a relationship with Sendoh and *not* expect to get laid in return?" Maki asked.
Smiles dimmed.
And another problem...
"We need certain events and occasions wherein we could invite both Sendoh and his *girlfriend* and Kaede," Kogure pointed out. "Any ideas?"
No one could answer. Smiles dimmed even more.
"Maybe this isn't such a good idea," Koshino said. They all groaned.
"Shit," Sakuragi muttered. "Shit."
"I second that," Mitsui grumbled.
Oh, well... it's a sunny day, anyway. A normal day, wherein birds were chirping, children were playing, and the flowers are blooming. Kiyota smirked. "Wanna stick with my plan?"
"HELL, NO!"
Sakuragi sighed. He wondered how Rukawa and Sendoh were doing as of this moment. Kami-sama knows the eight of them weren't fine. He hoped the two were having a miserable time as well.
Hmp.
******
Sendoh wanted to *die*.
"I want my mommy," he groaned as he tossed in his bed once again. "No, make that- I want my Kaede!"
Oops. 'Don't go there,' he scolded himself. He really doesn't know where his friends are. Where the hell are they, anyway? What right do they have to get him drunk like that /then/ leave him to his own misery the next day? His brain's gonna pound out of his skull, dammit!
"Some friends they are," Sendoh muttered. Something painful was nestling between his legs and he realized that- gasp!- it was another hard on. Sendoh wanted to cry, really. A hangover and a hard-on, all in one! Great, isn't it?
Maybe he should stop thinking of that dream wherein his Kaede was walking around his room with a thin, silver dangling earring, wearing nothing but low-cut pants... his fly undone. And maybe he should stop thinking of Kaede's cute, plush arse. He saw it, after all, back when they were at the resort.
"Celibacy," he chanted over and over again. He's practicing celibacy. "Go away, hard on! Leave me alone! Don't you even know the meaning of ce-li-ba-cy?!"
But his hard on won't go away. Hmp. Stubborn prick. Yep. Sendoh wanted to cry.
He wanted to find a meaningful existence, and what does he get?
A raging hard-on and a bitchy hangover.
Life is so unfair.
*****
Stardust won't blink.
Dammit. He, Rukawa Kaede, king of all death glares- lost another staring match with Stardust. For the life of it, the fuckin' pink bunny won't blink! It was irritating as hell! The stupid usagi kept on looking at him with a huge freakin' smile.
Rukawa couldn't really take it anymore- having a pink stupid-looking bunny stare at him while he lamented his lost love was pretty unnerving. He tried to scare the bunny into blinking by giving him the shi-ne glare that would put Fujimiya Ran's to shame, but hell, the stupid bunny is too powerful.
Rukawa 'hmp'ed and strangled Stardust once more before he went back to what he was doing- namely, memorizing the cracks and pattern of his walls. After a few more minutes, an image of Sendoh popped into his mind as soon as his gaze settled on his lampshade.
Oh, not that Sendoh looked anything like a lampshade, but hell, he kept on thinking of Sendoh everytime! He couldn't get the man out of his mind, no matter how hard he tried.
"Ne, Stardust, do you think Akira's doing fine?" he asked the harassed bunny. It didn't answer him. "Oi, answer me while I'm talking to you." Stardust continued to smile at him. "Really? You think he misses me, too?"
Megumi heaved out a huge sigh in the doorway. "Are you ready to give me the number of that shrink now, Aya?"
"No! Kaede's just..." Ayako glanced at her brother for a moment before meeting Megumi's inquisitive stare. "Stressed."
Megumi followed her sister's gaze. Rukawa was now playing with puppets made of socks. "Bullshit."
"Yeah."
*****
"What?! What?! WHAAAAAAT?!"
"It would help if you'd stop destroying the table, Sakuragi," Maki pointed out.
"We're out of ideas, dammit!"
"Uh... love potion?" Kiyota quipped.
"Where in hell would you get those?"
"Don't snap at me, Hiro! Why won't you quit asking like you're having permanent PMS, for once in your life. Sheesh!"
Kogure rubbed his throbbing temple. "Let's not fight minna."
"Viagra?" Mitsui suggested.
"BAKA! It won't help!" Koshino roared.
"Uh... voodoo dolls?" Kiyota asked.
"What do you say I hypnotize you into becoming more intelligent?" Koshino retorted.
Sakuragi kept on pounding his head on the table. Maki and Fujima were deep in thought. Mitsui and Kiyota kept on suggesting useless ideas, Koshino kept on refuting the said ideas, and Kogure's head was throbbing.
Jin simply sipped his coffee and smiled at the wide-eyed waitresses. "Stress," he simply said.
Stress, indeed.
"Say... why don't we just talk about the bet and leave those two alone?" Kiyota proposed. "Hand your souls over!"
Oh, joy.
Fujima sighed. "I'm beginning to think that meddling is the hardest job on the planet."
Maki, Kogure and Jin nodded. "Indeed."
**********
tsu.zu.ku
**********
Blah before bye-bye:
I think this chapter's lame, dammit. I like the next two chapters more, but I've yet to write them. Anyway, feel free to say something about those meddlers. I feel as if I'd get a headache too, if I'm one of them. Bah.
Oh... important announcement!
ZERO HOUR: You can now *post and read your reviews* at Zero Hour's special review message board! Each and every author/artist was given their own folders, wherein people could comment on their works. Discussions between authors and reviewers are also allowed, so long as the topic would be about their respective fics. That's all, thank you!
www.geocities.com/rusen_0hour