Celibacy
by Aki Midori
WARNINGS: Why do I have to say this every chapter? Shounen ai and yaoi. No spoilers, as far as I know.
Aki's Super Important Blahs:
So after a coupla hundred mails and threats of lawsuits and kidnappings and bloody murder, I finally updated! Can't believe it's been a year. Time sure flies!
Haven't I told you I hate leaving things undone? It's just too damn busy here, and Celibacy just lost its horny juice, ya know? Heaven knows I've tried so many times to continue it, only to end up banging my head on my desk till I'm shit-dizzy coz I can't.
But I'm telling you, I missed it so damn much! I miss writing about horny dudes and pathetic ice blocks, and I missed the whole stuff. Bummer coz I really couldn't seem to write nowadays. Anyway, before I continue, I'd like to extend my warmest huggles to the people who relentlessly kicked my arse, just so I could continue.
Thank you for your encouraging mails, for your reviews, and yes... your death threats and lawsuits.
I love you all.
Such a shame I couldn't mail you one by one, like I used to do before. Sorry I can't anymore, but that doesn't mean that your efforts to comment are ignored. I love reading your reviews, and I'm very grateful to you guys for taking the time to comment.
Anyway, I'm back... Celibacy's back... and I've got a pending series called 'Wings', which I started plotting for and writing over a year ago. I hope you'll love it as much as you loved Kaede Jr and Celibacy.
Again, thanks a lot, everybody. You guys know I love you, right? No shit.
Before I forget... belated Happy SenRu day! AkiKaenia had fun celebrating it (we still are, actually), hope you guys did, too!
diSCLaiMErs: Is twenty bucks enough for me to buy those hotties? Not really. It's barely enough to cover the damned transportation fees.
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Celibacy
Chapter Thirteen: Inebriation is Good for the Soul
"I hate mornings," Rukawa muttered as he dumped his cereal on the table plopped down on his seat with a scowl.
Megumi turned away from her burning bacons and gave Rukawa a 'good morning punch'.
"You're cooking today?" Rukawa asked.
Megumi gave him a blank look. "Like duh, stupid."
Rukawa peered over Megumi's shoulder and cringed when he saw the harassed bacon. They're practically begging to be saved. No way he was going to eat something which looked like it came from the pits of hell, no siree! Now where's that box of darling Honey Scars?
Shinri pounced into the kitchen and gave Rukawa a peck on his cheek. "Why the long face, oniichan? It's such a beautiful day!" Cupboards and pans rattled as the sugar-high teenager started her quest for Koko Punch goodies, upon knowing that it was Megumi who was in charge of breakfast for today.
"Quiet, Shinri," Rukawa said, setting down his newfound box of saving grace. "You're giving me a headache."
"You always say that!" Shinri retorted. "Brighten up, oniichan. It's a wonderful morning!"
Rukawa 'harrump'ed and glared at his sister. 'Wonderful morning, my ass,' he thought. 'You weren't the one who dreamt you were dumped by some spiky-haired baka.' And like, how long was it already since he walked away from Sendoh? Too long. He couldn't really remember when. All he remembered was that he was clutching the stupid bunny along while stupid tears cascaded down his pale face. It was a horrifying experience, and he dreams about it every night.
Yep. Rukawa hated mornings, alright. Good thing there's always Honey Scars around.
Just as Rukawa was busy contemplating as to whether or not he'll wallow himself in self-pity (once again) or fantasize about Sendoh (yet again) or play with Stardust, the phone rang, breaking his just-starting reverie. Mouth full of fresh milk and Honey Scars, he stood up and answered the annoying piece of quacking machine.
"What?"
"Good morning to you, too, Kaede." It was Fujima, and he sounded as if he'd just gotten laid. Rukawa decided to hate Fujima today.
"What do you want?"
He could almost hear Fujima smile at the other end of the line. His voice was perky when he teased Rukawa. "What, somebody got up from the wrong side of the bed? Hmm? It's such a fine morning, why spend it in gloom? Brighten up, Kaede!"
No! He doesn't want to brighten up, dammit. He just wanted to be left in peace with his Honey Scars! Rukawa tried counting backwards from ten, crossed his eyes and heaved a huge sigh. There, he's now calm and composed.
Not.
"Okay, so you got laid. Don't rub it in!" Rukawa snapped. Fujima just laughed heartily, which made the said gloomy man even madder. "Oh, for the love of holy quacks, Kenji, what the hell do you want?"
Needless to say, Fujima laughed harder, causing Rukawa to strangle the phone. Moments later, Fujima's laughter subsided and the phone's wire was mangled beyond redemption. "Ne, Kaede," he started, "Kiminobu just called and he said the publishing company will throw a party tomorrow night. Something about the launching of his book and Soi's promotion... something like that. We're all invited, even the oneechans."
'I'm not going,' Rukawa wanted to say, but hell, this is for the two sanest friends he had. "Fine. I'm going. Attire?"
"Formal."
"Time?"
"Be there at seven."
"Stop being so perky."
"Okay!"
"Okay."
Megumi dumped the 'gourmet' bacon and eggs in time with Rukawa slamming the phone. "What's that about, dork?" She dumped some on a plate and handed it over to Rukawa as she herself sat down to eat.
"Party tomorrow night. We're invited," Rukawa said as he pushed away the plate. "And I don't want to eat that."
"Then you're missing one-half of your life," Megumi said as she took a bite. Shinri and Rukawa cringed.
"More like added another half to my life span," Rukawa muttered under his breath, causing his sadistic sister to give him a mean glare. He decided to ignore it, though, because once again, Sendoh started to occupy his mind, as always. As of the moment, he doesn't care anymore. That moron wouldn't get out of his head even if he begged! Sheesh... what a life. He was beginning to think that he shouldn't have done that to Sendoh.
Why he had been cold to Sendoh in the first place, he doesn't remember, because right now, all he could feel is the great loss. Serves him right, as far as everyone was concerned. He only had Stardust to play with nowadays.
Stardust, the unblinking pink bunny. Stardust, his super-silent, super-supportive friend. Stardust... pink. Pink. Pink.
Sendoh.
Stardust.
Piiiiiiiiiink!
Rukawa's gonna get sick.
"Ne, Megumi-neechan. What's going on with Kaede-niichan?" Shinri asked as she saw Rukawa blanch and run towards the bathroom.
"He's lamenting his lost love, chibi," Megumi said with an unlady-like snort.
"I didn't know you get sick when you lament your lost love," Shinri said, thoughtful. "Ne, do you think he's gonna get together with Akira-niichan again? I miss having him around."
"Well," Megumi started in a sing-song voice, "it's all up to our dear darling, moronic, stupid Kaede."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Ne, oneechan?"
"Yeah?"
"You think our plan's gonna work?"
Silence filled the air. And then Megumi replied in a subdued voice, "I don't know. You know our brother." Shinri pouted, but Megumi decided to uplift her perky sister's perpetually perky spirit. "But if this one doesn't work, then there's always Plan B!"
And Shinri smiled.
It wasn't a sweet smile at all.
----------------
"In case you don't know, Akira," Maki said in a calm voice, "the pencils are innocent."
Snap!
"Oh?" Sendoh looked at his hand and saw yet another pencil, broken perfectly in half. "Oh. Sorry. I was thinking about the stock market a while ago, but my thoughts were inevitably diverged towards a man named Rukawa Kaede."
Had he been anyone else, Maki would have snorted. But instead, being the 'calm', 'sensible' person that he is, he just gave Sendoh a placating smile and said, "So what else is new, my friend? You always think of him."
"But I don't wanna!" Sendoh exclaimed. "But I still do! Shin, I'm confused! I love him! I miss him!"
"Then do something about it."
"But I can't!"
"Then you're in deep shit."
"Don't you think I know that already?!" Sendoh shouted. He pouted and crossed his arms over his chest- so un-Sendoh, as far as Maki was concerned. Maki just shook his head. Oh, the things Rukawa could do to his once-cool friend.
Maki sighed. Love.
It was a good thing he had Fujima now, otherwise, he would still be the stick-up-his-ass executive everyone knew. Which reminds him...
"Hey, Kenji told me that we're all invited to Jin-san and Kogure-san's company party tomorrow night," Maki informed the lamenting man. "I'm sure as hell Nobu, Hiroaki and Hisashi would attend for the sake of their boyfriends. Myself, I can't say no to Kenji. You coming or not?"
Should he come? Sendoh's face was all scrunched up as he contemplated. Should he not?
"Rukawa'll be there. Kenji says so."
There was no more thinking. "Of course I'm coming!"
"Oh, and wallow in self pity in a corner while staring at him the whole night?"
"You have better suggestions?"
Maki gave Sendoh a patronizing look. "Get a life, Akira."
"I had one..."
"Where's it now?"
"With Kaede."
"Pathetic."
"Boy, do I know it."
'No, I will not sigh again,' Maki noted to himself. He took one look at the man whose lips were pouting towards kingdom come. Sendoh looked so... forlorn, for lack of a better term. Like a lost puppy, whose master abandoned him in the middle of a hailstorm.
The picture was so sorry-looking, which made Maki sigh again, despite his best efforts against it. He briefly wondered what kind of night they were going to have that night...
and wished that Sendoh wouldn't make a fool of himself more than he already did.
"Kaede..." super pout
Oh boy... Maki had a feeling that it's gonna be a loooooong night.
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On the contrary, the party was a BLAST.
Yep, a blast indeed. They were a sight to behold, the three of them. Yes, indeed.
Was it ever mentioned that the party was a blast because of the three of them?
Yep. It was mentioned.
An overly- ehm- endowed woman who proclaimed that she was Sendoh's fiancee has made it her personal mission to attach her boobs to Sendoh's being.
Sendoh was trying hard to disengage himself from the deluded woman, and at the same time, get the attention of the seemingly unaffected kitsune who sat four tables away from him.
Said kitsune was inconspiciously butchering an insignificant piece of mangled meat loaf while unconsciously getting himself drunk, courtesy of his-erm- loving cousin, Sakuragi.
'Fiancee, huh?' Rukawa seethed as he grabbed another spiked cocktail Sakuragi was offering him. 'Fiancee. Bah.'
Sendoh gulped. Who the HELL was this woman? Where did she come from? Where did her BOOBS come from? He doesn't know her at all, yet the woman claimed she was his fiancee. When he tried to tell her that he knew nothing of her existence in this seemingly cruel world, the woman pouted her full, crimson lips and drawled,
"Oh honey, you wound me. Don't you remember me at all?" Blink, blink. Pout, pout. A little boobsy nudge.
"No." A snappy reply. Perhaps a little too snappy. "And, uh, would you kindly disentangle yourself from me, please? I don't mean to offend you, dear, but..."
"But what?" More boobs.
"Uh..." Sendoh doesn't know what to say, anymore. What would she say if he told her that his ex is four tables away from them, and that he wanted to make a good impression tonight, but he couldn't since her, uh, endowments are attached to his person?
What would Rukawa think, anyway? Sendoh threw a hopeful glance towards Rukawa and felt his heart drop to his feet when he saw the man's stoic expression. How very like Rukawa to not care at all while his ex was being mauled by a female red-clad undertaker. The man doesn't even spare him a glance.
"Rukawa-kun," Sendoh whispered, throwing the man another hopeful glance. His efforts are futile. Rukawa would never, ever pay attention to him. The man's face could have been carved in marble. No expression at all. No jealousy, no annoyance, no anger, no loathing... nothing at all. Perhaps they were really over, after all.
He only wished it didn't have to hurt as much.
And yeah, he wished that these soft and squishy globes would stop using his arm as a maul-board.
Four tables away, Rukawa was ready to hurl the damned woman outside the window. 'So what if she has big breasts?' Rukawa seethed to himself. 'I've got a big penis. Let's see her top that, the bitch.'
"Oi, Kaede, you've been mauling the poor meat all throughout dinner. Quit it and eat properly."
Oh. So Megumi's now the Avenging Protector of Mangled Meat Loaves and the Unrivalled Paragon of Good Manners and Right Conduct! To hell with her. He's busy plotting that woman's death.
But first things, first.
"Give me another one of those," he snapped. Sakuragi was only too happy to comply.
So. Which is better, have her boobs eviscerated or just plain shoot her with a gattling gun? He doesn't have a gattling gun, no, so maybe he should just stab her over and over until she draws her last breath? With a steak knife, of course. Maybe he could borrow a butcher's knife from the kitchen? Maybe he could impale her on a bamboo pole. But he doesn't know where to find a bamboo pole, so the flag pole's gonna have to do.
'And fuck it, quit manhandling my ex!' Rukawa screamed in his thoughts.
"I swear, your eyes spell 'bloody murder', kitsune."
"Thank you for your input, 'aho. Now scat."
"What the hell do you think I am, you overgrown maggot, a dog?!" Sakuragi demanded. "Come on, you pathetic shrimp. Someone's mauling your boyfriend. Aren't you gonna do something?"
"The only thing I'm going to do is to send you to kingdom come if you don't quit calling him my boyfriend," Rukawa slurred. Sakuragi 'harrumph'ed and went back to his current activity, namely, harassing Kiyota Nobunaga. With the latter's full consent, of course.
What's a pissed-off, nearly-drunk man to do, except to roll his eyes heavenward and snort? Now, where was he? Oh... the plot.
Maybe he could feed her to one of Miyagi's giant squids?
Nah. Maybe he could just lock her in a karaoke room with two drunken monkeys who went by the name of Sakuragi Hanamichi and Kiyota Nobunaga. Or better yet-
"Kaede-honey, are you alright, dear? You seem upset."
Understatement of the century.
"Leave him alone, neechan. He's busy plotting ways to kill Yohko." "
Ah. So Yohko's her name.
Die, bitch, die! Now!
Red.
Blood.
Oh, sweet visions of red! Wonderful color! Red is the color of roses! Red is the color of blood! Red is the color of his vision!
And red is the color of that yummy wine his cousin kept on giving to him. He wanted another one, please.
Thanks, dork.
'I swear to all that's nice and cheesy, you are so gonna die in your sleep tonight, bitch,' Rukawa thought. He quickly snatched another cocktail drink from the passing waiter and imbibed it all in one gulp. He glared at the surprised waiter and raised his glass.
"Get me something stronger, dammit. And make it quick."
Poor man loved his life dearly to do anything else but that. He arrived a few moments later, bringing with him the hotel's strongest liquor all for the nearly-obsessed Rukawa Kaede.
Rukawa 'hn'ed in satisfaction and tried to focus his vision on his prey. Oh, but his head's starting to pound.
Fujima snickered from where he was sitting, across Rukawa, actually, and pretended to take a sip from the wine to hide his grin. He's having fun, alright. It's not very often he gets to see a jealous Kaede. Why, the poor meat loaf's beyond recognition now, and from the looks of it, Rukawa's attentions are now diverted to an innocent grilled pork. He snickered once again and turned his gaze towards Sendoh, who was doing a very good job imitating a dancing vegetable, with a very seductive woman draped all over him, in the middle of the dance floor.
Pouty and sullen and powerless.
Heartbroken too. Fujima grinned. Too bad he couldn't hear Rukawa's thoughts. The man's just too good at keeping up an expressionless face, drunk or otherwise. It's just well enough that Maki and his friends, save for Kiyota, aren't at this table. Otherwise, there'd be a riot.
"I think Kaede-niichan's drunk," Shinri suddenly declared.
"No, he isn't," Kirei protested. "He's upset."
"Upset, my ass. He's rip-roaring drunk, I tell you," Megumi snapped.
"Well, he has a reason to be drunk," Ayako pointed out. "His ex's being seduced in the middle of the dance floor, ya know. How else would Kaede react?"
"Maybe it would be wise if we confiscate his drinks?" Miku suggested. "It's not very nice to get drunk."
"Leave him be, sis," Megumi said. "He's the one who's gonna suffer, anyway."
"But it's really not good for him to get drunk," Kogure suddenly pitched in. "He's got a game tomorrow, if I'm not mistaken."
"He's doing that because he can't express his feelings, Min-kun," Jin said. "He always represses his true emotions, you know."
Megumi laughed. "True emotions, my foot, Soi! He's jealous, he's drunk, and he's so stupid, we ought to lock him up in Ryota's lab with squids so he could contemplate on his utter idiocy! Damn, he should be confronting Sendoh now and tell them that they're meant to be so they should stop throwing lovey-dovey glances at each other and just screw!"
"Really. You're such a hidden romantic."
"Shut up, Hana. You have a better idea?"
"Heeeello!" a whiney voice cut in. "I'm here!"
"Oh great. He's drunk already. This is your fault, Hanamichi."
"Oh yeah, well you're the one who told me to spike the drinks, Megumi-neechan! And I didn't see you objecting when he asked for stronger drinks!"
"Oh boy. This is a problem. Maybe Rukawa couldn't hold his emotions now?" Jin speculated. "I mean, he only gets himself drunk when he's really troubled."
"For the love of Kami, quit psychoanalyzing me, you heathens!"
"I think Kaede-niichan's drunk!" Shinri announced yet again.
"Really, hon, and where were you these past thirty minutes?" Megumi asked, face blank.
"I'm not drunk!" Rukawa declared in all his glorious fury. "I tell you, I'm perfectly O-K!" He nodded to himself, as if to confirm his declaration and downed another shot. He sighed and dropped his chin on his hand and gave all his friends a speculating look.
"Why are you frowning?" Rukawa asked. "It's a party. You guys should be happy."
"Happy," Kiyota echoed.
"Yes, happy!" Rukawa repeated. What is going on with all these people? "Aren't we supposed to be happy during parties? Look at me. I'm happy!"
"But aren't you just mad earlier, Kaede?" Kogure asked placatingly, as if talking to a twit.
"Why would I be mad?"
"Because your ex-boyfriend's being harassed by a big-boobed babe," Sakuragi pointed out. "And because you thought we were psychoanalyzing you."
"Hmmm... you're doing that because you care for me," Rukawa said thoughtfully. "And about the first matter, maybe I should do something about it."
"Care for you," Kiyota repeated, face getting blanker and blanker.
"Of course you people care for me!" Rukawa said indignantly, surprised that Kiyota doesn't seem to believe him. "You're my friends!"
Fujima grinned. This night just gets better and better. "Yes, Kaede, we care for you. Now, how do you feel about Sendoh and that woman together?"
Rukawa suddenly frowned and tried to search for Sendoh in the dance floor. It was true... he was being harassed by a big-boobed babe. "I feel sad."
"Sad," Kiyota quipped. Poor man's disconcerted at having seen a drunk Rukawa for the first time.
Sakuragi, Megumi and Miyagi bit their lips to keep themselves from laughing. Really. It was just too much.
"Why do you feel sad, Kaede?" Jin asked, hiding his smile.
"I don't want to say," Kaede said with a pout. "But I feel angry, too!"
"Angry."
"Yes, Kiyota-kun! I'm angry!" Rukawa announced. "And yes! I should do something about it!"
"Well, then, honey," Kirei drawled, "go ahead."
"I'm going to avenge my broken heart," Rukawa declared with conviction as he stood up. His blue eyes were flamed with determination as he stomped off to give Sendoh and the woman a piece of his mind.
Sakuragi couldn't take it anymore.
He laughed. Hysterically, to boot.
"Man! It's been years since I last saw him drunk like that! Now let's get ready for the showdown!"
"I told you Kaede-niichan's drunk!" Shinri shouted. "No one's listening to me! I noticed right from the moment he started abusing the meat loaf! I tried telling you, but did anybody listen to me? Noooooo, you all haaaaaaaaaaad to- aaack!"
"I swear, kiddo, if I didn't know you better, I'd have sworn, you're drunk yourself," Megumi muttered as she covered Shinri's perpetually loud mouth with her hand. "Shut up and watch the show, stupid. It'll be the greatest showdown ever."
Nothing could match Megumi's evil smirk as she watched Rukawa stomp over to Sendoh.
Her brother's going to 'avenge his broken heart'.
And avenge his broken heart he will...
Let the show begin!
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tsu.zu.ku
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Postnotes:
Because I could delay no further...
A cliffhanger for you!
Bwahahahahaha-aaaaaaaaaaaack!
angry mob chases aki with deadly weapons
Really, everyone... thank you.
aki midori
crucifixum after seven the last waltz
the last waltz is playing... may i have this dance?
Reposted: 14 July 04
Aaargh! I didn't know removes the asterisks! I'll change it to lines... so you'll know the change of scenes... thanks for the reviews, you people!