Celibacy
by the Abomination that is Me...Author's Blah:
Happy SenRu Day, minna-chan! As a gift, I present to you a new fic, and a long-awaited update for Celibacy.
Thanks guys. You never stopped believing in this magic.
DisClAImeRS: Not mine. SOrry I can't come up with a witty one. ;;;
Enjoy!
Gods, I've missed this. I've missed you all!
Celibacy Chapter Fifteen Part A: The Morning After
Now, we all know that six o'clock in morning is an ungodly hour.
You shouldn't spend your six o'clocks awake.
You shouldn't spend your six o'clocks pacing around your room, and when your carpet gets ragged and thin, you shouldn't be going over to the other rooms to deliver the same treatment to the other carpets, and when there aren't anymore carpets to wear out, you /still/ shouldn't be wasting precious sleeping time by going over to the bathroom to fucking /contemplate/ in front of the mirror.
Or whatever that is that Sendoh Akira was doing on six o'clock in the morning.
He was, at the moment, scowling at himself.
"'I'll take care of that', you said," Sendoh mimicked with an exaggerated distortion of his face. "Take care of what, idiot?"
"His virginity, dumbass," his reflection shot back at him.
"What the hell am I supposed to do with his virginity?"
"Take it, fool."
"And how am I supposed to do that?!"
"Sex, duh."
"I'm not supposed to have sex!"
"Why the hell not!"
"Because I'm practicing celibacy!"
"Well, shit."
"And I'm not supposed to be arguing with my own reflection, too."
"Yes, you shouldn't."
Sendoh gave his reflection one last glare before sighing in defeat. Boy, oh, boy, what a night it has been. It was as if everything happened in a blur -- from the soft mounds pressing into him almost all evening, to the painful punch in his face delivered by his drunken love, the near-brawl that followed it, down to the drunken emotional outpour of the same, uh, drunken man.
He could still feel it, his discomfort upon having boobs shoved upon his person; his sorrow as he stole glances at his seemingly uncaring ex; his pain as he nursed the smarting bruise on his cheek; his surprise and heartache as he saw the collected man break down right in front of him; his indignation as he tried to prevent same man from regretting everything the morning after...
and finally...
the immense joy he felt, when Rukawa Kaede, the only man he ever loved in his life, revealed to his militant sister that he loved him, Sendoh Akira.
Sendoh's heart ached at the memory. How silly he must have looked last night, carrying a KO'ed man and silently crying at the same time. Everything happened in a blur, but he could not, would not forget that immense emotion in his chest as he stared at the happy faces of his friends, and finally, at the peaceful sleeping face of the man he loves.
True, there is a thin line between immense joy and powerful sorrow, for that night, he was so goddamn happy, it hurt. There is always something about feeling this great joy, that a person can't help but cry at the intensity of it. Sendoh could still feel his heart expanding, as if it could embrace the entirety of the whole universe. As if he could love Rukawa with all of his being, and more.
The night before would probably be the best night of Sendoh's life.
How beautiful Rukawa looked, as the soft glow of the waning moon caressed his sleeping face. A cool breeze made its way through Sendoh's open window and kissed the soft raven strands of Rukawa's tousled hair, making it dance softly, if only for a little while. Shiny lips were slightly parted, once in a while murmuring words Sendoh could not understand.
How beautiful Rukawa looked -- peaceful, unpreturbed, even as Sendoh lay quietly beside him, watching him in content.
It was only after a few hours, just as the sun was peeking from its hiding place, that Sendoh realized that tears never ceased to fall from his eyes as he watched Rukawa sleep.
God, how he loved the man.
Surprise at his unusual outburst of emotion, he began pacing in his room, at six o'clock in the morning. He paced, and he paced, restless and a bit bothered by his tears. He doesn't usually cry, but God, he loved the man so much. So he paced around the room again, to calm the wild beating of his ecstatic heart.
The wild beating of his ecstatic heart refused to be fazed by his attempt to diminish the carpet's worth, and instead forced poor and weary Sendoh Akira to remember the night's events, which led to him to a particular portion of their conversation.
'Devirginize Rukawa,' Kirei had ordered.
'I'll take care of it,' he smugly replied.
The gravity of his situation dawned upon him then, causing him to pace around the room with renewed vigor, and when he realized that he abused his carpet too much, he moved onto the next room to deliver the same treatment to the other carpets, then the next, then the next, and when there weren't any more carpets to wear out, he ran to the bathroom to freakin' contemplate.
So, yes, he was contemplating.
A soft groan floated through the open door of Sendoh's bathroom, indicating that his guest is showing signs of his rather unpleasant come-back to the conscious world.
"Oh my God," Sendoh gushed, breathe stuck in his throat. "How am I supposed to face him?"
Another groan, followed by an unintelligible string of what could have been considered as curses and mindless mutters reached Sendoh, and he knew then that he couldn't avoid the confrontation anymore.
Sendoh studied himself in the mirror again, before taking a deep breath. Rukawa loves him. Everything else would fall into its place, in time. He had nothing else to worry about really. He's such a fool. Sparing a glance at his anxious reflection for the last time, he gathered his wits and strolled out of the bathroom to face a hopefully un-irate Rukawa.
---
"Stupid fucking... of all the... un-fucking believable... what the hell happened... who-"
Rukawa is /not/ a morning person. Sendoh was wise enough to take note of that as he watched the beautiful man spew out curse after intelligible curse, mutter after irritated mutter. Damn, but Rukawa would put burly construction men to shame, what with that more-than-colorful stream of words coming out of his- ehm- beautiful mouth! Sendoh didn't know whether or not this was the right time to have a heart-to-heart with the man.
When Sendoh cleared his throat softly, Rukawa's head snapped up so hard, he thought he could hear joints cracking. His eyes were wide open, like a deer caught in the headlights, and his mouth was slightly agape from what seemed like shock.
"Good morning," Sendoh greeted with a smile. His own eyes widened in shock when the man in question suddenly dove beneath the sheets.
"Rukawa-kun? Kaede? What-"
"Go away, Sendoh."
"But-"
"Away."
"Rukawa-kun," Sendoh urged, trying to grab Rukawa's flailing hand beneath the covers. "We have to Talk."
Rukawa winced upon hearing the capital 'T' on Sendoh's 'Talk'. He really, really didn't want to Talk today, not especially after his major blunder the night before. It was his cousin's fault, and Rukawa swore the by the time the sun set today, Sakuragi's blood will be spilled. Agonizingly. He will relish every scream, every unmanly shriek, every-
"Rukawa-kun, please?"
No, Rukawa would not respond to that pleading voice, no matter how much he wanted to! "No Rukawa here. Go away."
"Rukawa-kun, please stop being an idiot."
"I am not being an idiot, Sendoh. Shut the fuck up."
"But we have to talk," Sendoh said, his tone nothing short of begging. How he wished those blue eyes would finally have the courage to look at him once more. Sendoh stifled an exasperated sigh. Maybe this wasn't such a good time to talk to Rukawa. Now was not the perfect time to settle things up, especially when the man in question was having too much fun copulating with his sheets.
When no response came forth from beneath the tangled sheets, Sendoh, head drooped in defeat, blew out a forlorn sigh. "I'm sorry for disturbing you, Rukawa-kun. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."
Rukawa's eyes snapped open as he heard Sendoh's desolate tone. He had heard the man laugh in pure delight. He heard the man grunt in annoyance. He heard the man whine like a petulant brat. He heard the voice of a broken heart. The whisper of a mourning lover. But never has he heard the man sounding utterly defeated.
He sounded as if he was going to let go.
No!
Rukawa swiped at his eyes in a futile attempt to stop the tears that has gathered in frustration. There was only one person in this world who was willing to see past the cold front of a man and see instead an awkward, socially-inept boy who never knew how to reach out, and damn if he pushed him away this time around!
Sendoh was about to stand up from his bed when a pale white hand reached out from beneath the sheets and held his captive in a firm grip.
"Stay, Sendoh," the lump in his bed murmured, and if every lump was as handsome as the one occupying his personal space right now, Sendoh was sure to break his vow of Celibacy.
But! Now is not the time to think of ecchi thoughts.
It's but the time for a penetrating (Down, boy!) man-to-man talk (I said DOWN!).
Mustering up enough courage to talk, Rukawa slowly sat up from his rather comfortble nest and met the eyes of the man beside him. By god, Sendoh's soft smile was enough to calm the riot in his nerves, but Rukawa could feel the slight tremble in the older man's steady grip.
There are no words. At the moment, neither was capable of destroying what fragile thread that binds them together in that moment. Rukawa could only meet Sendoh's ocean blues with his own midnight ones, cursing himself for robbing those blues of its sparkle, and that beautiful mouth of its smile.
How much pain has he caused? How many nights did this man lie awake, thinking of him, loving him only in his dreams? Rukawa couldn't fathom, really, how this man could stand to love him despite his incapacity to return the older man's feelings.
Were the basins of his eyes not enough to hold an entire ocean? Did tears fall from those beautiful depths? Was he the cause of the loss of luster in those eyes that once rivalled the spark of the sun? Rukawa could only watch as tears fell anew, coursing through the smooth plains of Sendoh's cheeks, dropping on the sheets like the relentless outburst of a pain-ridden sky.
"I'm sorry," Rukawa finally whispered, one hand reaching up to wipe the tears off Sendoh's face.
Sendoh could only grab the man onto him as his tears increased tenfold.
Too many sleepless nights, wishing for a moment where his arms could enfold the young man within his embrace. Too many tears shed, mourning the loss of a love ended before it has begun.
Sendoh wasn't even aware that he was crying quite soundly then, nor was he aware that somehow, they have shifted until he was the one nestled in Rukawa's arms.
"I'm sorry," Rukawa whispered over and over, rocking Sendoh in a pathetic attempt to calm the storm inside the weeping man. "Please forgive me. I'm an ass. I'm sorry, Akira."
They didn't know how long they stayed like that, one man struggling to mend the broken heart of the other. Neither noticed the thin rays of sun escaping through the open slats of Sendoh's blinds, as the sun slowly, but surely rose above the sleepy town of Kanagawa, announcing the arrival of a brand new day.
-----
"Geez. You think they did it already?" Sakuragi grumbled as he reached for Shinri's cereal box. His attempt was thwarted by said girl, who was dumping the box's entire content on her bowl.
"Knowing Kaede-niichan? Hell, no."
"Watch that mouth, kid," Megumi snapped as she sauntered past the two sleepy idiots to get her first of many cups of caffeine for the day.
"Give Akira some more benefit, will you?" Kiyota muttered. He gave Sakuragi a peck on the cheek and Shinri a good-morning-pat on her bouncy head before he plopped down on the table to see what he could eat for breakfast.
Cereal, cereal, burnt bacon and more cereal. Christ, what does this household have other than cereal and abused meat?!
"What the hell are you doing here?" Megumi growled. "I don't remember you being a part of this household."
Kiyota could only point at Sakuragi, who was then currently dozing off on his bowl of cereal.
Kirei entered the kitchen in a rather disheveled silk lingerie with a scowl on her normally-smiling face. "I swear, if that brat Kaede messes this up, I'm gonna-"
"Calm down, nee," Ayako said as she walked past her older sister, aiming right for the last cup of coffee. "Kaede's been hurt enough. Sendoh's been hurt enough. Let them heal in their own pace."
"But if Kaede-"
"Kaede will not mess up, neechan," Miku said softly from the kitchen doorway. "Give him more credit."
Kirei blew off her unruly bangs away from her eyes in annoyance before regarding Miku with a rueful smile. "I believe in our Kaede, Miku. I'm just worried about those two. After that drama last night, who knows how those two will end up."
"Kaede's a big boy now, nee," Ayako said. "I think it's time to let him go."
"Don't you think I know that already?" Kirei snapped.
"If you know it, then do it," Megumi retorted.
"What the hell do you mean by that?!" Kirei asked, her eyes reflecting the glint of a wayward kitchen knife.
"Oh, boy. Medusa alert."
"You think you're so smart, Megumi? Well then, tell me!" Kirei demanded, "Tell me what to do so Kaede would stop hurting?"
"Ayako said it already, Nee. Let him go," Megumi said with a soft smile. Kirei glared at her sister, not too familiar with the soft, pained look the cheeky woman was giving her. "You've always been looking out for us, Neechan, and we love you dearly for that. But sometimes, you hold us too close, you know? You always try so hard to push us towards that one thing we want, thinking that you're trying to push us towards what you think would make us happy, but it only goes to show how much you're holding us close. Too close, sometimes, for comfort."
Ayako walked over to her slumped older sister and hugged her. "We've always understood your almost obsessive way of protecting us and making us happy, which is why we've managed to get past it. We've managed to stand on our own, despite your furious attempts to carry us all on your shoulders. Kaede, though, has always been in the protective warmth of your embrace. We've held him too close, I'm afraid, and because of that he grew up believing that we're enough for him. Now, somebody has managed to crawl into his exclusive world, and he's confused by that. He doesn't know how to deal with it, and he wouldn't know how to deal with it when we're always at his side."
"I think it's time we let Kaede go, Nee," Miku said softly. "Kaede failed to grow with the world because we didn't have enough faith in him. We didn't believe he could do it. We've been there every step of the way, Neechan, that he failed to learn to learn to walk on his own. And when the world went ahead and left him alone, he thought it would be fine, for as long as we're here. He failed to see beyond the world we've unwittingly created for him. But he has to move on, Neechan, and he has to do it on his own."
"I think the reason why Kaede's so scared of falling in love is because he'll be treading a new world without us in it." God bless the voice of reason, Ayako. "He has to know that there's nothing to be afraid of. That the world without his sister's is too bad a place after all."
"Nee, nee, Kirei-neesama, don't worry!" Shinri gave her sister a smile brilliant enough to cast the gloomy clouds away from the kitchen. "Kaede-niichan's strong! Have a little faith in him!"
Kirei could only stare at the women she raised on her own and swallowed the lump in her throat. "Sometimes," she said, voice hoarse from the intensity of her emotions, "sometimes I wonder if I raised you right."
"You did, nee," Megumi said, her cheeky grin a warm blanket on Kirei's weary soul. "You did well with all of us. Even with that screw-up Kaede. He's going to get past this because he's your brother."
"Oh, but looking at you?" Sakuragi butted in, his arrogant tone breaking the tension and unfortunately, the poignant moment, damn him to hell, "I think Kirei-neechan didn't do a very good job."
Megumi gave the grinning moron a hard shove which later found him sprawled across his lover, as the five bitches from hell shared a hearty laugh.
Kiyota smiled. This household /do/ have other crap besides cereal and malformed meat.
Early morning drama, anyone?
tzu.zu.ku
Post notes.
Damn. I think I last updated this YEARS ago. Sorry wouldn't make up for the lost time, but here's part one of the next chapter. To all those who held on and never lost faith, my sincerest gratitude to you. Thank you so much for holding on to me, even when I can't hold on to myself anymore.
Would you believe I've forgotten the tiny details of this story? I couldn't even remember Megumi's twin anymore, so I have to scan the previous chapters before I could continue this! Hence, the divided chapter. ;;;
Yeah. Part two soon to come.
Hopefully, it wouldn't take years.
Hope this is enough as a SenRu Day present, everyone! Hope to hear from you guys!