Disclaimer - never owned the, never will.

So, I killed of a person with a name. Hmm. Will I do it again? Probably. But I do NOT write death fics. I started my writing as a way to make myself feel better and the last chapter took a lot out of me. I cried while writing it. Just imagining Gordon's pain was awful. Well, now on to more agnst for the Tracys.

Chapter 16 – Haunted by the Past

Katherine Tracy sat at her favorite work space on the island – a shaded table near the pool. But for once she had trouble focusing on the reports in front of her. Instead her eyes were repeatedly drawn to her second youngest brother-in-law. Gordon was usually found swimming – in the pool, in the ocean. But now he sat, with his feet dangling in the water. Alan had come and sat next to him nearly an hour ago. Neither one spoke. Maybe that was why the red-haired Tracy was tolerating his younger brother's presence when he chased away all others. There really were no words that could be said. Yet Alan's quiet comfort seemed to be the only kind Gordon was willing to accept at this time.

"How's Gordy?" Kate didn't raise her eyes to her husband as he approached the table.

"The same, Scott, the same. I wish I could talk to him, make him feel better. But nothing we say helps."

"And it won't." Kate turned this time, looking up at her father-in-law. Jeff Tracy looked grim, a visage that had been face for most of the past two weeks. "The kind of pain Gordon is feeling is the kind that time alone can help. Trust me, I know."

"Dad," Scott asked, "Have you tried telling him that. That you understand that you have been through it."

"But I haven't." Scott was puzzled until his father began to explain. "I had years with your mother and while I lost her suddenly and without reason, I had you boys. The time we had shared and the children who keep your mother alive in my heart even today were what got me through losing her. Gordon had Lisa in his life for such a short time. Then to get there just in time to watch her die? No matter how much anyone would tell him there was nothing he could do, that he at least gave her peace by being with her – it will mean something, some day. But today is not that day."

Jeff and Scott sat down next to Kate, leafing through the paperwork that none of them could focus on. Kate found her mind drifting back to Lisa's funeral…

TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB

Jeff Tracy thought there was something perverse about holding a funeral on such a beautiful Southern California day. It was the kind of day filmmakers tried to capture when making a movie of the area. He stood next to Gordon, while Kate and Scott stood on the other side. For better or worse, there had been so many funerals in regards to the plane crash, the media was spread thin. A few enterprising souls had come to Lisa MacKenzie's funeral, mainly due to the connection with the Eppes family. While it had been acknowledged that Lisa was an employee of Tracy Enterprises, few knew she had been dating a Tracy son at the time of her death. If it had been known, this solemn moment would have been a circus. Instead, Jeff could be there, offering his son his support.

Scott Tracy alternated between watching his brother and his wife. He had wanted to be here for Gordon – all of the brothers had, but with IR to consider, only so many could be spared from base – but at the same time this had brought his fears to the surface. The girl Gordon had fallen for had died, and there was nothing even the Thunderbirds could have done to save her. Scott had heard the reports. Lisa should have died shortly after the crash. John believed she had held on to say goodbye to Gordon. Maybe. But their brother's heart was still breaking. Looking at his own heart, his wife, Scott truly understood the phrase "There but for the grace of God, goes I".

Gordon Tracy felt as though he was swimming through murky waters, lost and confused. He knew his father, brother and sister-in-law stood nearby, ever ready to offer their love and support. He knew his other brothers felt the same way. But he just couldn't understand. How could it have happened like this? How could he have met someone, fallen for her and now he was burying her. His father might understand some of it, but as he had told him "Dad, we hardly had any time. I feel like I will spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been. What would she have thought of me being a Thunderbird? Could she have dealt with it? Was she really the love of my life or was she someone I loved but would have had to let go? And, I wonder, what would our kids have looked like?" They had seemed almost silly to ask, but out of all the residents of the island, his father had learned the fastest to just leave Gordon be.

Katherine Eppes Tracy couldn't seem to stop crying. While some may think it was that she was burying a relative by marriage, her heart was in fact breaking for Gordy. The last few days had been awful on Tracy Island. Gordon, usually the joking prankster, was instead a quiet shadow of himself. It was hard to see him like this, and unlike when she had been able to comfort Alan after his kidnapping, there was no way Kate had of connecting with this Tracy brother. She could only do what every other Tracy was doing – offering quiet support and love.

As the graveside service drew to a close, mourners began to approach Professor Ian Mackenzie, offering their sympathies at the loss of his only daughter. The Tracys turned to leave when they heard the professor called out "Wait, please!"

Feeling awkward at the attention they had drawn, the Tracys stilled, not wanting to leave the grieving father. He drew up to them and reached out to Gordon. "You're Gordon, aren't you?" Gordon nodded. "I wanted to meet you. You…You made my daughter so happy. Thank you."

The first trace of a smile to appear on Gordon's face in days showed up at that moment. "Lisa made me happy too. I…I think I loved her. And I'm pretty sure she loved me. Lisa was a very special person."

Lisa's father smiled. Then he looked over at Jeff. "Mr. Tracy, Lisa loved working for your company. I know you probably never met her but…"

"And that," Jeff said "was my loss."

Professor Mackenzie nodded. Then he turned to Kate. "Little Katie. I saw your wedding pictures at Charlie's house. I can't believe you're all grown up and married. And this must be Scott. I hope… I hope you are both very happy." It was obviously hard for the man to continue. Kate reached out and hugged him briefly.

"I find myself wishing I had tried to get to know Lisa better when we were younger. We never had a lot in common. I'm sorry."

Lisa's father smiled sadly. "I wish you had the chance. She always admired you, did you know that?" Another smile appeared at Kate's widened eyes. "You always did what you felt was right, and stood your ground against whatever forces tried to move you. Lisa thought you were someone she could respect, and wished she had taken the time to get to know you better."

He turned back to the other mourners and the Tracys once more made to move away. Don Eppes approached his daughter and began to hug her before the group could leave.
"Hi, Daddy." Kate's two brothers came up behind her father. Instantly, both Tracy brothers became hostile to the Eppes brothers. Kate sighed, looking at her siblings. "Not now, you two. None of us are up to this today."

Scott glared at his brother-in-laws. "I think you have made my wife cry enough, haven't you?"

"They did what?" both fathers became angry, turning glares on Andrew and Daniel Eppes.

In their defense, the brothers did look chagrined. "That's not why we're here." Dan said. "I guess we just wanted to say we were sorry."

Andrew looked at his sister, ignoring his furious in-laws – and his equally angry father. "You were right. You have another family. And they need you sometimes too. I guess, we were, well…"

"We were jealous." Kate wasn't sure who was more shocked by Andy's confession, but she suspected it was her brother himself. Sucking in his breath, her oldest brother continued. "It started at your wedding. We knew we were going to have to share you. You were no longer going to be just our sister. But the first time you had to choose, it was hard to accept that we lost. We didn't ask who needed you more, we just were angry you picked the other guys." Kate smiled at the way her brother phrased that. "And we still love you, too."

Hugging her brothers, Kate looked at her brother by marriage. Nodding to her father-in-law and husband, Kate moved away with the Tracys, softly saying she would call later to her father and brothers.

TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB

A cell phone ringing brought Kate back to the present. Jeff Tracy picked up his phone from the table top and answered the call. The frown on his face brought concern to Scott and Kate. A rescue? It didn't seem so. And they had never seen Tracy Enterprise business bother the CEO that much…

Hanging up the phone, Jeff looked with concern at his two youngest sons sitting silently by the edge of the pool. Finally, Scott couldn't take it any more. "Dad, what is it?"

Jeff looked grim. "I've had a Tracy lawyer arguing that Alan didn't have to testify at Jackson Mitchell's kidnapping trial. The D.A. already has Ann Marie, me, and the two of you to testify. But our last appeal fell through. We have to prepare Alan to face the source of his nightmares. And I don't know how to do it."

Kate reached over and touched Jeff's hand. "Like we do everything else here, Dad. We'll do it as a family."

a/n - well some of you did say you wanted to know what happened to Alan's kidnapper. it's coming...