Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for the plot and anything you don't recognise.
The Light at the End of the Tunnel.
Chapter eleven: On the Edge of Insanity.
Harry woke with difficulty. For some reason his body wouldn't work properly. He began to twist in panic when he realised that things weren't coming into focus and his mind was still confused by sleep. He sat up in terror and looked around wildly. Somebody pushed him down gently so he was lying down and stroked his forehead, soothed by their calming touch Harry relaxed and slowly woke up properly. He saw Ginny smiling down at him as she stroked his forehead, and he smiled back weakly.
"Thanks."
"No problem." Harry sat up and looked around. He saw Ron and Hermione grinning at him from the end of the bed.
"Hey guys."
"Hey. How're you feeling?" Hermione asked. Harry shrugged.
"Fine, I guess. The pain's mostly gone, but everything just seems messed up, you know. I dunno, in my head, nothing seems right." A flicker of concern passed over their features.
"It's just the shock. It will get better." Hermione said her voice unconvincing. That and the look that passed between the three of them which Harry didn't fail to notice caused him to become suspicious.
"What's going on? What are you not telling me?" The three of them had the grace to look away and none of them could meet his eye. But for some reason it didn't bother Harry. He shook his head and lay down.
He had a thought and looked up at them,
"Why aren't you guys at school?" Ron laughed.
"Man, you are messed up. It's a Saturday. You know, no school?" Harry groaned and closed his eyes.
"Jesus." There was a lull in the conversation and an awkward silence followed. Harry didn't have the energy to speak and none of the others knew what to say.
"You will get through this, Harry." Hermione said anxiously. Harry opened his eyes and looked up at her calculatingly.
"The shock, you mean?" Hermione failed to meet his gaze. She knew he was mocking her, even if his tone didn't convey as much. He closed his eyes again.
"If you've got something to say then just say it. Don't play bloody word games with me." He snapped.
There it was. That confirmed it.
Hermione didn't answer. The other two looked away. Harry opened his eyes again.
"Hermione." His voice was warning. She looked up and there were tears in her eyes.
"Harry, I'm sorry. We don't know what to say to help you get through this. It's going to be hard for you to get through this and we don't know how to help."
"Hermione, what are you not telling me?" Hermione paused and considered her next choice of words very carefully.
"A lot of things. But a lot of things that you don't need to know just yet." Harry smiled. At least she was being honest.
"Listen. I more than anyone know how screwed up I am. You can't even begin to imagine the horrors I had to live through. If there is anything you guys know that might help me get through this then please tell me." Ron nodded.
"We will. But just remember this. If we don't tell you something then it might be for your own good. But don't forget we will always be here to help." Harry grinned exhausted.
"Thanks guys. I'm sorry for snapping, Hermione, I'm just scared." And he looked it. More than he would ever admit. She smiled and bent down to kiss him on the cheek.
"Forget about it Harry. Sometimes we all need to let our anger out and, well, if you can't do that on your best friend then who can you do it on?" He smiled at her.
"Thanks." The three of them turned and began walking towards the doors. Ron turned back to say something but Harry was already asleep. Ginny turned to the two of them.
"Will he ever be alright?" Hermione sighed and cast her eyes back to where Harry was lying exhausted and fast asleep on the bed, a thin sheen of glistening sweat covering his forehead. She remembered how he had mocked her without changing his tone of voice. She remembered how he had reduced her to tears in just three sentences. She remembered the scornful look in his eye when she lied to him. That was not the Harry she knew and loved like a brother. That was someone who had survived torture and hated the world for making him do so.
"I don't know." She answered honestly, "He's been pushed and now we need to see where his limits are."
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The day was warm and bright, the late spring sun high in the sky and cast a pleasant light over the grounds. The lake shone and glittered and even the forbidden forest had been illuminated and now appeared appealing.
A stark contrast with the mood in the castle.
Everybody was subdued and rumours were spreading like wildfire. Everyone knew that there was something seriously wrong with Harry. It was said around the school that he was recovering from his physical wounds but there always seemed to be an undercurrent of mutterings that suggested that the physical wounds were no longer the problem.
Ron, Hermione and Ginny wandered along the corridors well away from the main school. Recently people had made a point of coming up to them and questioning them about Harry. They stopped by one of the statues and caught snatches of a conversation going on between a group of second year girls.
"What happened to him?" one asked.
"Dunno," Replied another, "But Natasha Craig said that he's going insane."
"No, no, no," corrected a third, "Richard Brayton heard from someone that he's recovering, it's just his wounds were poisoned so they're taking longer to heal."
"That doesn't matter," interrupted the first one impatiently, "What I want to know is what happened to him." Ron, Hermione and Ginny moved away, Ron turned to the other two.
"Do you think they'll ever get the answers they want?" Hermione shrugged.
"They may get them. But only if Harry is willing to give them."
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"Cho," said Harry in an annoyed tone, "Do you want to stop braiding my hair?"
"Oh but you've got such lovely hair!" she protested.
"I don't mind you playing with it; I just don't it braided, thanks." He said in a reasonable tone.
"Fine." She pretended to sulk; Harry sighed and shook his head. She was sat on the side of the bed, next to his head. Harry took her hand and kissed and she brightened immediately.
"You'd look good with braids." She said.
"You'd look good naked. Not going to happen though." She blushed and laughed, clearly amused. Her eyes lit up.
"How much would you bet on that?" Harry eyed her up.
"Not a lot now." She laughed again and bent her head next to his ear.
"Good." She breathed. Her words inflamed him and he was finding it difficult to breathe. The close proximity of her body unnerved and excited him. He closed his eyes briefly, trying, though in vain, to think straight.
"Is that an invitation?" Her eyes sparkled.
"Might be." He closed his eyes again, vaguely wondering why in the hell he couldn't breathe. He reached up and kissed her, and a cascade of emotion promptly swamped his body and all rational thought fled. He reached up again and pulled her closer to him. She was kissing him passionately and he found himself lost in her. Everything was her. Everything he could see, smell, touch, feel and taste was her.
And it was pure bliss. It was heaven.
Harry felt the joy of perfect freedom, all the barriers were down and the restraints were no more.
There were no more limits.
His body sensed the change and reacted to it. His mind struggled to keep up with this change and so could no longer think straight, as a result he returned to acting on instinct, and instinct reacts to your immediate surroundings and his immediate surroundings was Cho.
He kissed her harder, wanting to be closer to her, wanting to feel her more.
And then his mind caught up with him. He realised what he was doing and more importantly, where this was going. He pulled away.
She looked at him confused.
"What's wrong?" Her cheeks were flushed and she looked so good that Harry just wanted to grab her and kiss her again.
"We can't do this." She knew exactly what he meant and nodded.
"I know." She looked at her watch, "I've got to go anyway." She stood up and gave him one last soft kiss and turned to leave. Harry noticed that she looked rather hurt.
"Cho!" She turned back to him. She definitely did look her hurt. "Look, it's not that I didn't want to…I did… We just can't…Not now." She nodded, no longer looking hurt. She smiled at him and left.
Harry lay down and swore violently, cursing his stupidity and sense of morality. He knew exactly where that was going and he would be lying if he said he didn't. He heard someone whistle at the door. Harry looked up and saw Ron.
"Man, I've just seen Cho and she was flushed! She was practically glowing, what have you two been up to?" Ron was grinning like a maniac. Harry looked at him sardonically.
"Two visits in one day. Either I'm dying and don't know about it yet or you're missing me."
"Nah, I think I must be losing my mind." Harry snorted.
"Too late." Ron ignored that.
"So," said Ron, lying down on the bed next to him, "What were you up to." Harry looked at Ron lying on the bed.
"Easy mate, I don't swing that way." Harry said.
"Piss off. We're straight so we can do this sort of thing. Anyway, don't try and change the subject. What were you up to?" Harry looked at Ron calculatingly
"Is that really any of your business?"
"No," Ron grinned, "But you're still going to tell me."
"You wish!"
"No need." Harry groaned. Ron could be annoyingly stubborn when he wanted to.
"Listen, this goes no further than you. Got it, Weasley?" Ron grinned in an irritatingly smug fashion.
"Got it."
"Keep grinning like that and I won't tell you anything." Ron made a half-hearted attempt at seriousness but gave it up after a few seconds. Harry shook his head.
"All that happened was that we started snogging and, well, 'lost control' to put it one way." Ron sat up eagerly and his grin broadened.
"You were going to have sex?" Harry shook his head again. Ron had all the subtlety of a sledgehammer.
"That's another way of putting it, yes."
"Bloody hell Harry!" Ron's voice was full of admiration.
"Why thank you." Ron went into a raucous peal of laughter.
"Good effort!" Ron laughed again. "And to think I just came here to say goodnight." Ron's grin was infectious and Harry found himself grinning alongside him.
"So what was it like, the snogging? It must have been pretty intense, if you knew that you were going to go all the way." Harry looked at him.
"Now that is pushing it, Weasley." Ron shook his head.
"Whatever. Anyway, I just came to see if you were all right and say good night, but after that I'd say you're fine." Harry smiled.
"See you." Ron jumped off the bed and walked to the door. He turned around and winked at Harry.
"See you mate." He walked out of the door grinning as if he had just swallowed a handful of amphetamines. Harry shook his head and laughed. His laughter brought Madam Pomfrey out of her office.
"What's so funny?" She asked with her eyebrows raised.
"Nothing, Madam Pomfrey." She sighed and walked over to his bed. And began sorting out his pillow and duvet.
"You're going to have to try and sleep without any Dreamless Sleep potion tonight. I can't afford the risk of an overdose." Harry's good mood vanished immediately and he felt an icy pit settle in his stomach. He had been dreading this.
"What?" he croaked, his voice hoarse with terror. Madam Pomfrey looked sympathetic but was insistent.
"I'm sorry, Mr Potter, I will be in my office if you need me." Without another she turned and flicked the lights off and retreated into her office. For a second nothing happened, and then it hit him like a tidal wave.
The darkness was absolute and terrifying. It surrounded him and drew into him. He panicked and broke out in a sweat. He closed his eyes and tried to shut it out, to ignore it and just go to sleep but it slipped past his weakened defences and engulfed his mind. The darkness brought back images and memories that were best left forgotten. The panic overtook him and he sat up in desperation. He fought not to cry out and looked around wildly trying not to scream, searching for light, seeking help.
And then he saw him. The figure with the knife.
And everything became calm.
His heart rate returned to normal. Harry looked at him, the knife raised high. He knew what was going to happen. Any minute now, the knife was going to pierce his skin. It always happened. The figure moved closer, the calmness was reality detached. Harry was no longer in the real world, but merely a world created by his mind. The darkness swam around him and Harry realised he was drowning. But that didn't matter. All that mattered was that he was here. Him and the knife. He was drowning, drowning in the darkness. Harry forgot to breathe. You couldn't breathe when you were drowning, everyone knew that. But he was here. Him and the knife. Harry looked up at him and smiled. He was coming closer. The darkness settled over Harry's eyes and swam around him, disorientating him, but he became clearer. Him and the knife. Everything began to fade, become darker. But he only became clearer. The darkness was drowning him but soon it would be over, soon the knife would pierce his skin, like it had done so many times before. His mind relaxed, the lack of oxygen starving it of reality. Harry smiled again. An insane smile that greeted Death like an old friend.
And then his last barrier fell and the darkness penetrated the final corners of his mind and he was standing next to him, the knife held high ready to plunge down, and Harry realised what was happening and opened his mouth to scream,
He took a breath and the world returned. Madam Pomfrey was clutching him and shaking him in an attempt to wake him up, and Harry realised that he was screaming and suddenly he found it immensely funny. He laughed, an insane laugh. Suddenly it was alright. He was back, Harry knew he would be. He would never leave him, not while Harry was still sane.
"He's back." He told Madam Pomfrey confidently. "I knew he would never leave me. He's back!" He laughed again.
"Who's back, Harry?"
"Him." Harry said, as if it was the most blindingly obvious thing in the world. "Him and his knife!" this terrified Madam Pomfrey and she ran to her office and hit a button just inside it. Seconds later Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snape ran into the room.
"Poppy what's wrong?" demanded Dumbledore as he ran through the doors.
"It's Harry, he's not making any sense, keeps saying 'he's back', I think he's gone insane." She said breathlessly and terrified. At that point Harry spotted Dumbledore. He sat up grinning insanely.
"Professor!" he greeted like an old friend, "He's back!"
"Who, Harry?"
"Him, him and his knife. I knew he would never leave me. I told him to go, but he wouldn't. I knew he wouldn't. I told him I was no longer your right hand, because I'm not am I? I'm Death's. I'm Death's right hand!" Harry laughed insanely. "He's back though, and he's coming to finish it. Him and his knife. He's back!"
"Who, Harry?" Dumbledore demanded again.
"Him! Him and his knife, he started it and now he wants to finish it. I told him to leave but he wouldn't. He wouldn't!" The insane laughter again. Dumbledore turned to Madam Pomfrey.
"Give him another Dreamless Sleep potion." She nodded and hurried to get one. Dumbledore turned and strode towards the exit.
"Albus, what's going on? What does he mean?" Asked McGonagall.
"So this is the consequence." Dumbledore said to himself. "This is the price I pay." He fell silent and walked from the hospital wing.
Behind them, Harry's insane laughter followed them out.
A/N Ok, I apologise for the late update, I got back from Malaysia a few days later than I had expected.
Having said that, I should not be back at all.
You will all have heard about the Boxing Day tsunamis. Well, I live on Puala Pinang, "Penang Island". Penang was the worst hit place in Malaysia. On the day of the tsunamis I was meant to be down on the beach with some of my friends and my brother for Boxing Day. At the last minute we decided not to go, as the traffic will have been bad later on. If we had gone down to the beach my brother and would have been killed. No doubt about it. Why? Because the only place we go on that beach is the rocks. Huge rocks that churn up the waves. We would have been on them when the tsunami hit and we would have been killed. But we got lucky and decided not to go and that beach was the worst hit in Penang, 18 bodies pulled off of it. Our friends survived but their mother was swept out to see but fortunately she survived. We should have been down there with them and we should have been killed.
Almost makes you believe in fate doesn't it?
Nevertheless, my heart goes out to the families of those killed.
Thank you very much for your patience and next chapter will be out in about a week.
Sarah – Thanks for the review. Nope, no experience.
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Keep reading and reviewing 'cos I'll keep writing.
Fireboy.