Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for the plot and anything you don't recognise.
The Light at the End of the Tunnel.
Chapter eighteen: What Happened that Night.
Harry lay on the couch in the common room trying desperately to control his breathing. What had just happened with Cho was running through his head and he was still shocked. Not in a bad way. He felt breathless and was trying hard to keep control. His senses were reeling. He shook his head attempting to clear it. Ron was sat on the arm of the couch at his feet. He grinned at Harry in amusement.
"Hell of a time then, mate." Harry shook his head slightly.
"You have no idea." Ron took another glance at Harry.
"Oh, I'll bet I don't." Harry didn't reply. He closed his eyes and tried a few deep breaths.
"Oh, Jesus." He moaned.
"That good, huh?"
"Hell yeah, and we didn't go all the way." Ron whistled.
"It's going to blow your mind when you do, though." Images flashed through Harry's mind and he groaned again. Ron took another look at Harry and his grin widened
"Easy, tiger." As much as Harry wanted, although in all honesty, it wasn't that much, the images wouldn't go away from his mind. He just lay there trying to control all the feelings running through him.
At that point the Portrait Hole swung open and Hermione and Ginny stepped inside. Ron grinned at them and they walked over. Hermione looked at Harry lying on the couch with his eyes closed and a smile bordering pure ecstasy on his face.
"What's up with Harry?" Hermione asked. Ron looked down at him.
"I don't think you want to know." Hermione and Ginny took another look at Harry and caught on immediately.
"So he's had some fun with Cho?" Ginny asked.
"Some fun? Now there's an understatement if I ever heard one." Hermione looked at Ron sideways.
"Did they go all the way?"
"He says they didn't, but he seems to be fairly happy with what went on." Ginny looked down at Harry.
"I'll say." She said. Harry groaned again. Ron grinned and hopped off the arm. He walked over to Harry and crouched down at Harry's head.
"Harry, mate?"
"Yeah?"
"Listen, this is what you need to do. I'll make sure our dorm is empty, there's a box of tissues by my bed, go up there, sort yourself out, and you'll be fine." Hermione was stunned for a moment then she turned to Ron, aghast.
"Ron!" She exclaimed.
"What?" He asked defensively, "It's only natural. Besides, look at him. He looks like he's going to explode. In more ways than one." Hermione looked at Harry and shrugged.
"I guess you're right." Harry sat up.
"I reckon I'll be alright, Ron."
"If you say so. Hermione and Ginny don't care though, mate."
"I'm alright."
"Whatever. So what do you want to do then?" Harry shrugged and attempted to appear nonchalant.
"Might go and see Cho." He said, as if it was of no great importance and only to kill time. Ron leapt to his feet immediately.
"Oh no you don't, not without me; I do actually want to sleep tonight." Hermione rounded on Ron again.
"Will you stop with the sexual innuendo!"
"Sorry." Harry laughed at the two.
"Come on." He began to walk out of the Portrait Hole but turned around and grinned at Ron mischievously.
"What about you? When you've had a good time with Hermione do you think I sleep?" Ron stood there stunned and spluttering incoherently, Hermione looked at him as if waiting for an answer.
Laughing loudly, Harry and Ginny left the common room.
Ron and Hermione caught up with them outside the Portrait Hole. Ron glared at Harry for a second and then burst out laughing. Harry shook his head.
"I guess I asked for that." Ron muttered into Harry's ear.
"I guess you did." They rounded a corner and descended a set of stairs. Harry looked around. It was a testament to the amount of respect that most people held for the Headmaster that the school had not descended into anarchy. That and the Guardians stationed around the school. War brought out the best in some and the worst in others. The Slytherins, in particular, took advantage of the teachers' preoccupation with the war to do things that they would normally have no hope in getting away with.
The four of them came across a group of them leaning against the wall. The Slytherins step into the middle of the corridor but Harry made sure they could see his sword half drawn and the other three took their wands out. The Slytherins sneered at them but moved out of the way.
Ron shook his head.
"There'll be a fight before long." He said eyeing a group of fourth year Gryffindors squaring up to a group of Slytherins. Someone said something and wands were drawn. Harry signalled to a group of Guardians standing nearby and ran to intervene. The Slytherins glanced up and, at the sight of the Guardians and Harry, turned tail and ran.
Harry slowed to a walk and, with a wave of his hand, dismissed the Guardians. He approached the Gryffindors.
"What was that all about?" One of the Gryffindors shrugged.
"The usual. They were having a go at us so we started having a go at them." The Gryffindor shrugged again. No more needed to be said. Harry shook his head and walked away. There was nothing special about this case. Incidents like this had been springing up all over the school. He walked back over to the other three.
"I'm pulling the Guardians out of Hogwarts." They looked surprised.
"Why?" asked Ron. Harry hesitated. He knew what he wanted to say because it will hurt Dumbledore, because it will make his life more difficult, and then maybe, just maybe, he'll feel some of the pressure and terror and uncertainty that I have felt since I was eleven. What's more he'll know that I could help, but I wouldn't. Then he will know what it feels like to be more. At least slightly. Harry shook his head. He wanted to say that but he didn't feel that it wise.
"Because they could get hurt." He answered curtly. It sounded ridiculous, even to him. There was silence for a minute. Hermione opened her mouth and spoke slowly; she knew she had to choose her words very carefully. Right now she needed tact more than anything.
"Harry, using your Guardians to fight your own private war is fine; after all, that's what they are there for. But just make sure that no innocent parties get hurt on your behalf." Her words were indeed carefully chosen but the message behind them was clear. Pulling the Guardians out just to hurt Dumbledore is stupid, innocent people will get hurt because of it, do you really want that hanging over you?
Harry didn't answer straight away. To be honest he didn't know how to answer. Hermione was right, of course, but Harry didn't want to see that. He wanted to hurt Dumbledore, to make him feel like he did. If innocent people were going to get hurt though…
"I'll think about it." He said shortly. There was an awkward silence for a few minutes as they continued to the Ravenclaw common room.
"Well, your ardour seems to have cooled at least." Said Ron, grinning lopsidedly. Hermione and Ginny sent a silent prayer of thanks for Ron. One of the things he was good at was breaking the tension. It was an added bonus that Harry flushed bright red.
"I think I'm alright now." Ron nodded. Suddenly he stopped and went pale as a ghost.
"Wait, I'm not…I'm not…going to have to do…The…The Talk? Am I? I mean…what with Sirius and your dad…not here." Ron was genuinely worried. Harry went an even brighter red. Ginny and Hermione burst out laughing. Harry's mouth opened and closed noiselessly.
"I think that Harry will be alright, Ron, if earlier on is anything to go by." Said Ginny, still laughing. Ron looked relieved.
"Oh good." Harry recovered admirably.
"No, but I will make sure that you give it to my son." He said smirking. Ron went pale again and Hermione laughed harder. Then Ron grinned.
"But what if it is a girl?" Harry smirked again.
"Then it's a job for Hermione." Hermione stopped laughing immediately and began backing away.
"Whoa, leave me out of it, Harry!" Harry laughed.
"Come on. Let's go find Cho."
"He likes the idea so much; he's going to put it into practice." Ron muttered in Hermione's ear. She nodded, smiling.
"Looks like it."
"I heard that." Harry called back. They arrived at the Ravenclaw common room just as Cho was coming out of it. She raised her eyebrows.
"Back for more already?" Harry winked and grinned at her.
"If you're offering." Ron's face fell partially; it didn't look like it was going to as easy to embarrass them. Cho laughed and held her hand out to Harry.
"Come on then." Harry took it and winked at the other three.
"Oh no you don't!" Ron stepped forward, "Listen, Cho, I think you're a lovely girl and I know that" Ron gulped, "a piece of Harry sounds like its top of the menu right now, but for my sake, don't do it. Please?" Ron's voice had taken on a curious pleading tone. Cho looked puzzled.
"For your sake?" She asked. Ron looked terrified at having to elaborate.
"It's just that, when he's had a good time with you, it does make it rather difficult for me to sleep at night." Cho smirked slightly before putting on an innocently curious voice. Harry, Hermione and Ginny caught the smirk and grinned. Unfortunately Ron missed it.
"And why would it make it difficult for you to sleep?" Ron groaned with fear at having to explain.
"Well…It's just that…you see…" it was then that Ron realised he was being teased. "Hang on, you know perfectly well why bloody not!" Cho laughed at being found out.
"Well, I'm glad I have that effect on him."
"I'll bet you are, and I'll bet he's even more pleased." Ron muttered darkly, still annoyed at being put through that discomfort. Cho laughed again.
"Alright then, for your sake, Ron." Harry's face fell.
"What? No! Come on! That's not fair. Weasley, you are such a bastard!" Ron looked as if he couldn't care less. In fact he looked relieved. Harry shook his head, seeing his words were having no impact on Ron. "I will get my own back, you can be sure of that. Anyway, let's go do something."
The five of them walked into an empty classroom and sat around talking. Harry stood up and drew his sword. He looked at it critically before taking a cloth out of his pocket and rubbing it along the sword to clean it. Ron looked at him.
"Doesn't it bother you, having to wear that all the time?" Harry shrugged and looked at the sword.
"At first it did, but now?" He threw it up slightly and caught it, "No. It's quite cool." Ron grinned.
"Bet it scares the hell out of Malfoy." Harry laughed. Hermione was frowning.
"Where is Malfoy? I haven't seen him for ages." Harry shrugged.
"Don't know. He has been keeping his head down though, hasn't he?" Ginny frowned.
"Do you think he's up to something?" Harry looked at her sideways.
"Malfoy is always up to something."
"Yeah, but you know what I mean. Something big." Harry didn't answer straight away. It seemed as though he wasn't going to answer at all when he spoke.
"Yeah. I do think he's up to something and I do think it will be big. He's running out of time and he knows it. It's the end of the road for me soon. He's got one last shot and he knows it. So he's going to gamble everything on this."
"On what? What does he want to achieve?" Asked Hermione.
"I don't know. All I know is that I'm probably going to die soon and he'll want his revenge before that happens." Cho looked at Harry critically.
"Who says you will definitely die?" Harry laughed humourlessly.
"Come on, Cho, you know better than that. This is the end of the road for me. I'm probably going to die. If I don't then what I will have had to do will doubtlessly drive me insane. This is the end of my life, my real life. As much as we all hate it that is what is going to happen." Cho laughed just as humourlessly.
"Nice to have faith in yourself, isn't it? You came through torture, why shouldn't you come through this?"
"That's precisely why. Because I came through torture. I'm just about on the edge. Any more and I will be over it."
"No." Snapped Cho, "I don't believe it. That's what you have been told so that's what you believe. I reckon you are stronger than that." Harry turned away and retreated into a corner.
"If that's what you want to believe then so be it. I know that this is the end for me. I will kill Voldemort and that's it. I'm done." Cho laughed.
"I don't believe that and neither do you. You will come through it. Why? Because I will make sure you do."
Harry sat in the shadows saying nothing. He seemed to want to be alone with his thoughts. The other four continued talking, but they were worried. Every so often one of them would shoot a glance towards Harry.
Suddenly he stood up. He walked over to Cho, wrapped his arms around her and gave her a kiss on the cheek before turning and leaving the room. The four of them looked at each other before leaping up and running from the room.
They ran out into an empty corridor.
"Damn." Said Ron. They could tell that something was bothering Harry.
"He must have gone back to Gryffindor Tower." Said Hermione. Cho nodded.
"Find out what's wrong and help him." Hermione could see that she was very worried about Harry.
"We will." Without another word Ron, Hermione and Ginny turned and ran towards Gryffindor Tower.
Hermione gave the password to the Fat Lady and the Portrait Hole swung open. They stepped inside rather hesitantly. They immediately caught sight of him, sitting in the corner leaning against a window. They approached slowly.
"Harry?" questioned Hermione tentatively.
"Sorry about that. I just couldn't face it anymore." His voice was quiet, subdued. Hermione thought she could detect a hint of fear in it. But it was fleeting, and in a second it was gone.
"Face what?" Harry didn't answer. Instead he turned his head, hidden by the shadows, away from them and seemed to be lost in thought.
"Do you know what happened that night?" They instantly knew what he was talking about. Perhaps it was his voice, or the way he was sitting, trying to hide himself from the world.
"No." Hermione's voice was barely above a whisper now, and Ron and Ginny were more than happy to let her do the talking. They took a seat opposite Harry and waited for him to begin. They knew that pushing him would do no good. Instead they had to leave him to start in his own time.
"I've read a couple of books that have mentioned torture, muggle torture, and have always felt repulsed, irons, racks, thumbscrews, brandings, being hung, drawn and quartered. Nothing I'd read could have prepared me for what I went through. Nothing. And yet, there was nothing elaborate, or complicated about it. No deadly potions, no complex spells, no whispered words of black magic in a corner. Nothing I'd ever imagined or expected. I wasn't placed on an operating table with hundreds of complicated, painful instruments placed alongside me, almost as if I was going in for surgery. No. They sat me down on a chair in the middle of a room and that was it. There was nothing else. That was it." Harry paused. He closed his eyes almost scared to remember it, before taking a deep breath and opening them again.
"There was one wizard. An Auror. He did it all. At first it was basic. He would punch me. And then ask me questions, who I was and stuff like that. So I laughed at him. I don't know why. Maybe to piss him off, maybe to steel myself. Maybe I knew what I was about to go through and I wanted one last victory. Whatever it was I still laughed. So he hit me harder and I kept laughing. Then he asked me who I was, I told him I was Death's Right Hand." Harry laughed, "Looking back it should seem stupid. But no. It seems as fitting now as it did then. Then he took out this knife, it wouldn't have been so bad if he'd cut undamaged skin. I think I could have handled that. No, he took this knife and sliced open my wounds, half healed wounds that were as tender as anything, that were already putting in agony. He would stick this knife right in them and then rip them open. I lost loads of blood. By the end of it I was so light headed I was barely conscious and could hardly hold up my head. There was blood everywhere, I was covered in it. So was he. Blood everywhere."
"The bastard!" Ron exclaimed. Harry carried on as if nothing had been said. Once he got back into the memories he couldn't get out, not until they were done.
"That wasn't all of it. That was just the beginning. The next bit was worse." Harry closed his eyes and fought back the tears. When he next spoke, he spoke forcefully, trying to fight the memories and keep control. "The next bit was the most simple way to torture someone but the most effective. Sensory deprivation. He put a blinding spell on me and then another spell, which made it so all I could hear was white noise. My senses were so screwed up that at times I didn't know where I was. I didn't know if I was standing up or lying down or sitting. I only had to think that I was standing upside down and I would feel the blood rushing to my head. When you lose your senses everything becomes distorted and messed up. That was bad, but it wasn't the worst. No, the worst bit was this. While my senses were messed up he would hit me. That doesn't sound bad but just try to imagine it. What he would do was he would come up, I wouldn't be able to see or hear him approach, and he would hit me, I wouldn't sense it coming so it hurt and scared me more. Then he would back off. Then he would come up and hit me again, then he would pause, before hitting me again, or just backing off. I never knew when I was going to be hit, or whether once he had done it that would be it, or whether there would be another one coming. Try imagining that, living every second knowing that at any second you could be hit and knowing there was no way to stop it. It's terror, pure terror. I would sit there screaming, terrified at being hit or stabbed again, but knowing that it could come at any second. It's pure terror and it drives you over the edge.
"There was no mercy. Even when I was knocked unconscious I would be woken up by buckets of ice cold saltwater that would burn my wounds yet freeze me at the same time. It was nothing but blood, terror and pain. And there was no way out. That's all I really knew, there was no way out."
At that point it all became too much for Harry and he slumped forward unconscious, yet, at the same time he was screaming, screaming all the hate, pain and fear that was left over, or brought on by the memory of it.
A/N IMPORTANT I'm really sorry that this is much later than I had promised. The problem was my school has a strict network policy and for some reason the web blocker they use, WebSense, decided to block and I could not access the site at all. So I have spent the last couple of days trying to get it unblocked by the IT staff. For future reference if a leave a fic hanging for without giving you a reason it is not because I have stopped, it will always be circumstances beyond my control. Anyway. Its up now and the next one will be out in about a week. Once again I'm really sorry and thank you for your patience.
Apparently there was some confusion about Harry/Ginny and Harry/Cho. Two reviewers thought that I was going to change the pairings. No. This story will remain Harry/Cho. I can only guess where they got this idea but I think it they saw my reply to Isha's review. When I said it will be Harry/Ginny in the end I meant in the actual books. Hope that clears everything.
Now you know what Harry went through. It doesn't sound bad when you read it. But try to imagine it, really try, and then you will see that it is quite possibly the worst thing that someone could go through.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed
HarryPotterDork – Thanks for the review.
Dark Phoenix Mortal - Thanks for the review. Love school holidays too, not when they're over though!
The Phoenix Mortal - Thanks for the review. Don't worry, my friend, I'm not changing the pairings. Am I right in guessing that you saw my reply to Isha? I meant in the actual books. This fic will remain Harry/Cho.
Dragon Swords Master - Thanks for the review. This fic will remain Harry/Cho so do not worry!
Feral Instincts - Thanks for the review. A dozen were hired by the Russian Warlord.
The Enchantresses - Thanks for the review.
Goddess Usaqi - Thanks for the review. There are still a few more chapters to come fortunately! Also I will be writing a Harry/Ginny after this "When Dreams Come True"
FSI - Thanks for the review. No point in suing me dude, you won't get anything!
Colm - Thanks for the review. Yeah, Fudge was wrong, but at least he is dead now.
Hockeyman - Thanks for the review. Thanks, Malaysia was cool. Important part of a review that line!
Keep reading and reviewing 'cos I'll keep writing.
Fireboy