A Lack of Color
by four51
Chapter 4. Death of an Interior Decorator
"What?!" she practically screamed in the bookstore.
"Shh!" I warned her. "We had a fight."
"So that's why you're sulking."
"I am not sulking."
"Oh, you're sulking."
"Whatever."
"What was it about?" Her eyes were excited.
"Why do I get the strange feeling you're enjoying this?" I asked her, my eyebrow raised.
"You know I always enjoy drama."
"It wasn't dramatic."
"What was said? Come on, Rory. I'm dying to know here."
I sighed and picked up a semi-attractive book. "You heard her, Jen. Don't pretend you didn't."
"You yelled at him for Michelle?"
"Yes, I yelled at him for Michelle. I was mad."
"Madly in love," she said, holding her hand over her heart.
"Oh, shut up, will you?"
"Aw, your first fight," she said dreamingly.
"You know, he said an awful lot of horrible things to me too, Jen."
She cocked her head, and gave me a look. "Like what? What could have possibly been so horrible?"
I looked down. "Like how Oliver treats me badly and how I just let him," I said quietly.
She blinked. "Uhm, hate to break it to you, but Oliver does treat you horribly and you do let him."
"Jen…"
"See? You didn't kick me out of your apartment for saying that. Why'd you do that for him?"
"Okay, one, you're by best friend and you have a license to tell me things I don't want to hear."
"That's right. Two?"
"Two, we're in a public place."
She shot me another look.
I sighed. "You're right, that was a lame 'two'."
"Three?"
"Three," I continued, "I didn't kick him out. He yelled at me and stomped out."
"She left, you know." We walked out of the bookstore and to a small coffee shack. We sat down with our beverages.
"Who?"
"Michelle."
"Oh?" I tried to sound disinterested.
"Oh," she pushed me a little, "get that smug look off your face."
We laughed.
"What'd you tell him about her?"
"I merely said that I needed some sleep next time and that he should resort to a room that doesn't let any sound out. I also suggested a hotel."
"You didn't!"
"What's so wrong with that?"
"Rory, it's his life. He's got a right to…" she paused, looking upward, thinking, "… fulfill his fiancée."
"I don't even want to talk about it anymore."
"Are you going to talk to him soon?"
"I don't know."
"You have to apologize."
"I do not."
"Yes, you do. It's my duty as a best friend to tell you the truth. You said it yourself. You were out of line."
I was silent for a second. "I don't know what came over me, Jen. It all just started coming out and I didn't know how to stop it."
She looked comfortingly at me. "You like him, Rory. It's all that sexual frustration."
I narrowed my eyes. "I am not frustrated."
She raised her eyebrow.
"I can't even screw Oliver anymore, Jen. That's how bad this is."
Jen suppressed a giggle.
"Don't laugh!" Rory pleaded. "I'm being serious. I don't know what to do."
"I don't know either. Have you had a sex dream about him yet?"
I scoffed. "No!"
She looked at me. "Are you sure?"
I rolled my eyes. "So maybe once, I had a little, itty-bitty sex dream. It's not like it matters. It was very short, and it didn't even finish."
"Did you…" she paused, "you know…?"
I gasped even louder as my cheeks burned. "No! I wasn't even aware you could do that because of a dream."
"When was this?! You never told me!"
I sighed. "It was only three nights ago, the night after the fight. I wanted you to hear what happened before. I was going to tell you."
"Uh-huh," she said, teasingly.
"So, what do you think it means?"
"Well, you had your first fight, and your first sex dream."
I nodded.
"Hm, well, it kind of seems like it's tied together, to me. You either apologize, or you keep having hot, steamy, passionate sex with Tristan."
I rolled my eyes. "In my dreams."
We laughed.
"I'm not going to apologize to him."
"Whatever you say. Personally, I wouldn't either, given the choices."
She giggled and soon I joined her.
Later that night…
I awoke suddenly, sitting up. My eyes were huge and my breathing was unusually rapid.
He was there, in my dreams, again.
Only this time, he didn't stop.
I think I…
No…
My legs were shaking, and my heart was beating fast.
My center throbbed.
These are all signs that I…
I can't believe I… did that to a dream.
Well, I guess I can. It was a pretty hot dream.
He was so naked, and so warm and so…
Oh, damn it.
I swung myself off the bed and quickly got into my robe and slippers.
I silently told my legs to stop wobbling as I put them to work.
I walked across the hall and knocked on the door loudly and without stopping.
This was sure to wake anyone up.
It was about a full minute before I heard sounds come from inside.
He opened the door, rubbing his eyes from the brightness.
"Rory?" he asked, assumedly still half-asleep.
"I am so sorry, Tristan." I pushed past him and invited myself in. "I don't know what came over me."
He closed his door and looked at me, trying to make sense of my actions.
"So, you just woke up and decided to come by my room? It couldn't have waited until sun-up?"
"Well, I just wanted to tell you. I've made a mess of things, Tristan. I really didn't mean it." My voice got lower to a mumble, "but I mean, it would be nice if you did keep her a little down on week nights."
He was still looking at me incredulously. "But that's not the point. I was upset at something else, and you were just there, and I didn't know what to do."
He seemed to be awake now, and he sat next to me on the couch. "What were you upset at?"
I paused.
Should I tell him?
Nah.
Wait. Maybe he feels the same?
I doubt it. He's effing a model, for Christ's sake.
"Come on, Rory. I'm here for you. Anything, and I'll be right here." He put his arm around me and pulled me in close.
Flashes of my dream were going off in my head.
I needed to break contact.
Fast.
I turned to face him, shrugging his arm off in the process.
"Is it Oliver?"
I nodded. Really, Oliver had something to do with it, I reason.
"What'd he do this time?"
"He's just being Oli. He's controlling, demanding, and sets certain hours of when we can meet up. It's like, I can't be on a damn alarm clock every time he wants to hook up, right?"
"Right," he comforted.
I shrugged. "I don't think I'm even really happy anymore."
Why did I say that?
That sentence was just way too intimate.
I cursed at myself.
"Why are you even with him?"
"Question of the year," I quipped.
"He's obviously not what you need, right?"
Right. He should be you.
"I don't know anymore, Tristan."
"And if you're single, it makes room for other…" he paused, looking down, "better guys to take his place."
Oh my god. Is he really saying –
"Break up with him, Rory. He's all wrong for you."
I cocked my head. "How would you know?" This was not said harshly, but curiously.
He took my hand. My heart melted.
"Because I know you. You're one of the most pure-hearted, greatest people I know. I wish I would be so lucky to have a person like you."
"Oh?"
"Yeah."
"It's attainable, you know."
I don't know what could have been a better hint.
He couldn't have possibly not gotten it, right?
Right.
Because right then, he leaned in closer to me.
His eyes latched onto mine, and I could feel his breathing hitch.
He got closer, and closer…
I could almost taste him.
I could almost feel him.
I closed my eyes when he was millimeters away, but nothing happened.
"Uhm…" I heard. My eyes flew open again. He stood up and nearly tripped over himself. "I have to get to sleep. Big day tomorrow."
I blinked once, twice, three times.
"Right," I stood.
"Okay, well, show yourself out?" he stepped backward.
"Right."
"Bye," he said and practically ran out of the room.
I walked out of his room and into mine.
"What the hell just happened?" I asked myself.
I think it's safe to say I had only about a wink of sleep for the rest of the night.
Once it was late enough that I predicted Oliver would be awake, I gave him a call.
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's me."
"Great timing. I just got out of the shower. Just a towel on."
I rolled my eyes. "Actually I needed to talk to you."
I heard him sigh and I went on.
"Oliver… you know as well as I do that things have not been going as good lately. It's just like we aren't alike anymore. We're different people, Oli. We can't… I can't…"
"What are you trying to say here, Rory?" His voice was solid, assuring me he already knew the answer.
"I need out. I can't be with you anymore." All I saw was Tristan's face in my head, and that's what made me not even regret this.
"Are you sure about this, Rory."
I took a deep breath. "Yes."
He was quiet for a moment.
"Oliver?"
"Rory… you know what? Fine. Fine."
And the line went out.
I looked down and tried to cry. Or be sad. Anything that would make me feel less guilty. But all I could do was smile.
Later
"What?!" Jen shouted and almost had a heart attack when I told her what happened.
I looked down.
"And then what?" she was basically jumping up and down in the small diner that we were in.
"And he left. Went back into his room."
"But why?"
"I don't know."
"What did you do after that?"
"This morning I broke up with Oliver."
She was quiet for a second, then said, "For Tristan?"
I almost jumped out of my chair with excitement, "Of course!"
"I don't know, Rory…"
"What do you mean you don't know? You've been hassling me for months to get rid of him. Are you seriously not happy about it?"
"You know it's not that. I've very happy for you." She took my hand and smiled.
I smiled back.
"But why did he leave?" she asked, perplexed.
"I don't know. Maybe…"
"Maybe what?"
"Maybe he just needed to do something. Maybe he had something planned already. He did hint… didn't he?"
"Rory…"
"I mean, it was obvious! He likes me too!" I smiled hugely.
"I don't know…"
"What do you mean you don't know! 'I wish I could have you,'" I mimicked. "How else can you put it?"
"He did say he wished that he could have someone like you…"
"I can't believe you're saying this! After everything – everything – that I've been through, you're honestly telling me that I'm wrong? Did you even hear what he said?"
"I think you shouldn't count your chickens before they hatch, Rory. It's not smart, and someone could get hurt."
"Just you wait. He'll come around. Soon. I'd bet my life on it."
During my next break, around three o'clock, I called Tristan.
"Hello?"
"Hey, you."
"Rory… hi."
"What's up?"
"I have some news. Do you have dinner plans tonight? We need to celebrate."
"No, none."
"Well, you do now. Dress formal."
"Great, what time?"
"How's six?"
"Perfect."
"Great. Bye."
"Bye."
I nearly fell out of my chair. He was going to tell me that he broke up with her.
Finally.
Finally we could be together.
I knew it.
I knew he couldn't possibly chose that Michelle, after all he sees he could have.
Three hours.
That's all I had to wait to win the man I've dreamt of – literally and figuratively – over.
I could hardly breathe as I finished my work, got off, and went home to get ready.
Hair up or down?
Up. More elegant. Ooo, and some of those tendrils. All the men complimented that.
A perfect black dress with silver accessories.
A great smoky eye and nude-pink shade of lip-gloss.
I looked absolutely perfect.
I almost shrieked.
I was about to win Tristan DuGrey over.
I couldn't breathe. I was so excited.
My heart was out of my chest and I was giving it to him.
I walked out of my apartment at 5:55.
So, yeah, what if I was too excited.
I'd say I'd have a pretty good reason to.
At 5:57, Jen exited her apartment and I was just about to tell her about my big date.
When I noticed she was dressed up too.
"You're going out with Tristan too?"
She nodded, nonchalantly.
Like it was nothing.
Not like me.
"He didn't tell you?"
I shook my head. Oh well, maybe he'll have Jen bug off so he could talk alone with me.
"He's going to do it tonight. I swear to god."
She furrowed her eyebrows. "I don't know, Rory. He said he had something to celebrate…"
I smiled, saying, "His break up with Michelle, of course!"
She looked skeptically at me.
"Trust me," I said, "It's tonight."
She smiled, "I hope so." She squealed with me.
"What are you two doing?! Playing a bunch of birds?"
"Birds who are god damn hungry," Jen quipped.
"Well, then, ladies, shall we go?" he offered both his arms to us as we gladly took them.
Here's my heart, Tristan DuGrey.
"We shall," Jen and I said at the same time.
When we were in the car, I noticed.
"Tristan, this is quite far. Where are we going?"
"A surprise, my dear."
I smiled and sunk back into my seat, sulking in every moment of this night.
He parked and I got out of the car.
I gasped. "Oh my god. Oh my god."
"Like it, Ror?"
"Oh my god! I've wanted to go here for the longest time! They have a huge waiting list to get a reservation. How the hell did you manage?!"
"L'Impero has a soft spot for some cash."
"You shouldn't have. It must have not been this important."
He put his arm around my shoulders, under my chin, from behind. "It is. And I knew how much you like Italian."
"Tristan…" I twirled around, looking into his eyes.
He was perfect.
Absolutely perfect.
He started walking towards it. "I told you!" I whispered at Jen.
She shrugged her shoulders. "How was I supposed to know? Definitely tonight."
After we got seated and he ordered an appetizer.
"So," Jen started, "What is this huge news? We're dying here!"
"Okay, here it is…" He paused for dramatic effect.
I was just waiting for it to cross his lips. I was ready to fling myself at him.
I broke up with Michelle.
I broke up with Michelle.
Come on, Tristan! Say it!"
"Michelle and I finally set a date!"
I got off my chair but stopped suddenly. Standing. I sat down again, trying to avoid the weird glances.
"What?!" I shrieked.
I felt Jen's eyes on me.
I breathed heavily.
"And this calls for a billion-dollar dinner?" she asked, trying to take Tristan's eyes off me.
"Well, you know how unsure I've been about her intentions. This is just perfect. I'm so happy. I'm sorry I worried you guys with my anxiety. Obviously, there was nothing to be afraid of!"
He stomped on my heart. It was in a million pieces.
I stood up once more. "I need to use the restroom."
I got in the stall and practically hyperventilated myself. Tears sprung to my eyes.
I was so sure.
He sent me all the signs!
I was supposed to be his bride!
I heard Jen's voice calling for me softly. She was in the bathroom.
I exited the stall.
"Oh, Rory," she embraced me and it took all I had to not cry right there on the spot.
I don't know how long we stood like that.
When we walked out, I told Tristan, "There's a crisis at work. They need me to get over there right away."
"What?" he asked, disappointed. "This is L'Impero! Can't it wait?"
"I'm afraid not. I'm sorry Tristan. I ruined your night…"
"Nah. It's fine. Besides, Jen's here to keep me company."
I nodded and got my things. "I'm so," I could hardly get the words out, "happy for you, Tristan. Congratulations, really. You deserve the best."
"Here's the cab money. I'm sorry you couldn't stay."
I took the dollar bills. "Yeah," I breathed, "me too."
I cried the cab ride home. Then I cried while I was taking my clothes off, and some more when I was just laying in bed.
How could I have been so stupid?!
"Rory?" I heard Jen's voice a while later. She climbed in the bed with me.
"Rory, I'm so sorry…" she comforted and held me while I cried.
"I'm never going to be good enough, am I?" I asked, to no one in particular.
"Shh…" she cooed and smoothed my hair.
I've never been in so much pain my entire life.
A/N: So I switched the songs around. Just to make the meanings of the songs line up to the story's contents. Maybe this was moving too fast? I think it's like when you're just so let down, it's all you can do: cry. Hope you all liked it. SHE BROKE UP WITH OLIVER! Ha. Bet you didn't see that coming, did you? Yes, I agree, it was a little OOC to have her stay with him, but you never know if he'll be back… So, I got seven reviews out of the 150 people that read the last chapter. You were doing so good with the second chapter! Please pull through for me this time! I love you all. Review!