A Lack of Color
by four51
Chapter 8. We Looked Like Giants
"I can't do this again. I'm sorry."
"Rory…"
"You deserve better than me, Oli. Honestly. You deserve so much better."
He sighed. "Again, Rory?"
"I thought I could change to fit." I shrugged. "I just can't."
I could tell he was tensing. "Shouldn't it be my decision if you're good enough for me or not?"
I hated that question. "I won't let you. You should be happy. You can't be happy with me. I can't be happy with doing this to you."
"I'm not going to be happy if you're breaking up with me."
"In the long run…" I looked down.
This was harder than the first time. Maybe it was because we were facing each other this time.
We were in a coffee house.
He was quiet when he said, "It's him, isn't it?"
I couldn't lie to him, so I just didn't say anything.
"Didn't you tell me he was engaged?"
I nodded slightly.
"Has that changed?"
I shook my head.
"Then why are you leaving me?"
I shrugged again.
He took a deep breath and let it out loudly. "You love him."
I looked up in his eyes. "I don't want to," I whispered.
He nodded, stood and put on his jacket.
"I really do hope everything works out with you and him, Rory."
I almost cried right then.
He took a step but stopped and turned toward me again. "And you're not a bad person. I get it."
I mouthed, 'Thank you,' not trusting it to come out without tears.
I let a tear escape, and that let the floodgates loose.
I wasn't just crying because I was assuredly was ending one part of my life.
I was crying for Tristan.
For myself.
I was crying in frustration. I hadn't talked to Tristan yet.
It was, in fact, only one day later.
He's been avoiding me.
I don't even know why.
It was one of the most passionate kisses I've ever received. I couldn't stop running it through my head.
"Coffee, miss?"
A woman's voice tore me out of my thoughts.
I sniffled. "Thanks."
"That was one hell of a break up."
I wiped my cheeks. "Yeah."
"Well, I hope you fix whatever it is that you're crying about."
I nodded, taking a sip of the newly filled coffee mug.
"Thanks."
I didn't even care who saw me.
Because if they were in my position, they'd do the same thing.
On my walk home, I took short, long steps.
I didn't want to see him.
No, I did.
I just didn't want him to reject me again.
I don't understand how he could after something like that.
It was so…
I don't even know.
Right.
I know I probably sound so stupid, but I can't imagine being without him.
He's so… amazing.
I know what you're thinking:
How can she possibly be in love in this short a time period?
Honestly, I have no idea.
He's just so… perfect.
And nice. And gorgeous. And everything.
His mere existence makes the hair on my back stand up.
I opened the glass doors of my apartment building.
I could hardly feel my feet move.
What would he say?
Would he deny it ever happened?
Did he break up with Michelle?
Not likely. But, still, I hope.
I hope.
There are still tears in my eyes, but I try desperately to rid them in the elevator.
Sure enough, he was pacing in the hallway of the second floor.
Tension was in the air.
"Where's Michelle?"
"Gone. She had to go do a shoot in Florida. She'll be back in two days."
I nodded.
Then, I advanced to him hesitantly.
"I'm really glad I got to you now."
"Yeah." I paused and cocked my head. "How long have you been out here, anyway?"
"Oh, not long, really." He took a breath. "You know, an hour or so."
I gasped.
"But that's not what I've wanted to talk about. Could we go in your apartment or something?"
Not a safe zone.
I can't promise I won't try anything, Tristan.
He was looking as cute as ever.
Low-hung jeans, a tight shirt.
I remembered running my hands over those abs last night.
I closed my eyes. "Yeah. That's fine."
He smiled. Oh, that smile. "Good."
We walked into my living room and took a seat.
"Look, about last night – " I started.
"It was a mistake."
I must have blinked a million times.
Is he kidding me?
Is he joking?!
How can something like that be a mistake?
I pushed away some more tears that were forming.
"I mean, wasn't it?" he asked me.
No. No it wasn't.
It was great.
It was intense.
It was perfect.
Not a mistake.
"Uhm…" was all I could get out.
No. No it wasn't. It wasn't.
"No," I protested and stood up. "It wasn't a mistake. Tristan… do you know how long…"
I was trying so hard to keep it together.
"What do you mean?" he asked, standing with me.
"You know damn well what I mean. Tristan, don't do this. You even said that you liked me, too."
He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair.
"I do like you, Rory. Too much. I like you too much. I'm sorry it has to be like this. It's just… I love her. You know?"
"But she doesn't love you! Can't you see that? God, she's got you in the palm of her hand and you can never find her when you need her."
He was abnormally calm during my outburst.
I don't know what came over me.
I just needed to tell him that I didn't understand.
That it wasn't a mistake.
That I loved him more than she ever would.
He ran another hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Rory."
A tear slipped down my cheek then.
I wasn't really planning on that.
I wasn't really planning on anything, but I definitely wasn't prepared for him to pick her again.
"Just have fun with Oliver."
"I broke up with him. I don't expect you to recognize the gesture," I spat out.
His face flinched.
"I'm sorry, Rory. If we had met under different circumstances, there would be no question. But… it's really bad timing."
Damn bad timing.
"Sure," I said, angrily.
"Please don't cry."
I bit my lip. "I'm not crying."
"Don't be mad at me, then."
I nodded and tried to look anywhere but him.
"I think you should go," I told him, rather rudely.
He nodded, and saw himself out.
Jen came in not two minutes after.
"What's wrong with Mr. Smiley Pants outside?"
"What?" I asked, slightly annoyed – not in the mood for her jokes.
"Tristan. He's moping."
"We kissed last night," I blurted out.
She gasped. "What?!"
"After I left the party. I came home and he came on my bed with me."
She gaped. "Did you have sex?!"
I looked down. "Almost."
"What happened?"
I bit my lip and could hardly get the words out of my mouth. "He remembered Michelle. And he went back to her."
She could tell I was right on the verge of tears.
"Oh, honey." She put her arm around me.
"I broke up with Oliver."
She nodded. "Good."
"I thought I was making myself open for Tristan."
"Please, do not go back to Oliver. Please."
I smiled a little. "Don't worry. He's long gone."
She let out a relieved sigh. "Thank god."
I fidgeted with my hands. "What am I going to do, Jen? I don't know how to handle…"
I couldn't finish to the arising croak in my throat.
She petted my hair. "Pray he comes around."
I nodded slightly. "And if he doesn't?"
She looked down. "Then he's an idiot." I gave her a look. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."
I nodded, and started to cry. "It really, really hurts."
She took me in her arms. "I know."
That night, I took a trip down to Joe's to get plastered.
That's what I needed: alcohol.
"Rory!" Joe screamed when I walked in.
"Thank god someone loves me." I sat on at the bar.
"I've missed you. No one to play cards with," he said with a sad face.
"I'm afraid that I didn't come here to play cards."
"Bad day?"
"You have no idea." I put my head down on the counter.
He shook his head. "What'll you have?"
I thought, but only a second. "Anything very, very strong."
"I hear ya', sister"
He made something and set it in front of me.
"Immensely strong."
"Thanks, Joe."
He nodded as I took the first sip. I coughed dryly.
"You alright?"
"This is perfect, thanks."
I took a big gulp and it burned down my throat.
"Want to talk about it?" he asked.
I closed my eyes. "Not particularly."
He nodded, understanding.
So I drank.
And drank.
And drank.
I had about six of those 'immensely strong' drinks and I thought I wouldn't make it back to my room.
I almost didn't.
When I tried to get off the stool, I tripped and my hands caught the floor before my face did.
"Whoopsie!" I said, as I grabbed my purse off the ground.
"You alright there, Tipsy?"
"Oh yeah!" I waved my hand at him. "No problem."
I almost fell again.
"Are you sure?" he was slightly laughing.
"I'm positive."
I stumbled all the way down the street to building. It was really dark.
When I got up to my room, the lights in the hallway were dimmed, as they always were after 11 p.m.
I dropped my keys.
"Damn it!" I yelled and crawled on the floor, trying to find them.
I heard a door behind me open and close.
"Thank god, Jen. I dropped my damn keys and I can't find them. I had a little too much to drink," I laughed and turned my head.
"You're… not Jen," I finished.
"No, I'm not," he said and smiled.
Eff that smile.
"What?" He was giving me a weird look.
I think I said that out loud. The whole smile thing.
"Uhm… nothing."
"So, you need help?" he asked.
"Not from you," I said, stubbornly.
He held up my keys in front of my face.
"Oh," I said, sheepishly.
"You went to the bar?"
"Wouldn't you want to know," I said, standing up.
I tried to adjust my purse on my shoulder, but got caught with the straps.
He advanced to me and helped me get it straightened out.
He was very close to me.
It must have been the alcohol. It must have messed up my instincts.
I leaned in and kissed him hard.
I lost my hands in his hair, and he put his arms around me.
He returned it.
After a few long moments, he pushed me away.
He returned the kiss!
"Yeah," I said, "that's what I thought."
"Rory… I just wanted to say – "
But I had already entered my apartment and shut the door.
He would have said that was a mistake too.
Apparently, his body gets stolen from someone else every time we're together.
I drank a lot of liquid before I went to bed and crashed.
Monday morning, I woke up. I slept all Sunday, not noticing.
I didn't want to run into Tristan in the hallway.
I intentionally left early.
I missed Javier and entered the doors of my magazine's headquarters a half an hour early.
"Rory!" my boss yelled and then looked at the clock. "Are pigs flying?"
"They just might."
He laughed.
"How was your weekend?" he asked.
"Shitty, yours?"
He cocked his head for a second, then said, "I went snorkeling."
"Fun, I bet."
"It was great."
"Great. Well, I'm going to go work. Maybe I'll be able to get out of here early today."
He nodded.
It was a bore. I got most of my work done, and was just looking in the magazine on my break. I only had an hour left to occupy myself.
I flipped a couple of pages and then got to the 'Celebrities' page.
I saw Ellen Pompeo with T.R. Knight.
I saw Reese Witherspoon and a story about why she and her husband broke up.
I saw Paris Hilton with her puppy.
What the hell was that in the background?
I narrowed my eyes, trying to make it out.
"Oh my god," I said to myself.
"Oh my god!" I said again.
"Gilmore!" my boss called again.
He appeared in the doorway of my cubicle.
"Hm?" I asked, still looking at the picture.
"Are you ready to go home?"
I looked up at him, my eyes widening. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
I about died calling for a taxi and urged him to break laws to get to my apartment faster.
"Tristan!" I screamed at his door.
"Tristan!"
He opened and I let myself in.
"What the hell?" he asked, ruffling up his hair a bit.
I shoved the picture in his face. He took it and squinted.
"So what? Paris goes out partying like, every night."
"Not Paris. Look in the crowd behind her."
I almost beamed.
This was it. This is what I needed.
"Is that…?"
"Yes! It's Michelle! And she's kissing someone else! Obviously, she's not everywhere she says she is."
I tried to look like I wasn't basking in it.
He shrugged his shoulders and threw it on the coffee table.
"What?! What are you doing?" I asked him.
"Rory, that doesn't say anything."
I could have slapped him.
How… What… Who did he think he was?
I wanted to kill him.
How could he do that? How could he act like it was nothing?
I started to cry again.
Shit.
He was doing it again. He was playing with me again.
He was staying with her again.
"Rory… Please look at me," he pleaded.
I strained my eyes to lift them off the floor.
"What do you want me to do?" I asked him.
I felt completely… I don't know… belittled, I guess. Not good enough.
"I want… I don't know, Rory. I want you to understand."
"Understand what, Tristan? Do you think I'm going to be happy?! She's cheating on you – I have pictures!"
"Michelle is… She's different, Rory."
"You mean she's pretty," I scoffed.
"I mean," he stressed, "that I love her. I'm keeping the engagement."
"You'd marry someone who's cheating on you rather than be with someone who loves you…?" I couldn't believe it.
"I told you, Rory. If we met under different circum – "
"These are different circumstances, Tristan! They're right here!" I pointed at the discarded picture. I didn't know where this confidence was coming from. "Leave her. Be with me. Marry me."
"I want her!" he screamed at me.
He might have well slapped me.
His words sliced through my heart.
A long, awkward moment passed. He ran his hand through his hair multiple times.
"Oh," I whispered. "I see."
Tears threatened to fall. I could feel them. They were haunting me.
Another couple of minutes passed.
"Rory…" he tried.
"Okay," I said, breathily, trying to hold my sobs in. "Well, I have work tomorrow. And I don't think I'm ready for it…"
I started to walk past him.
"Rory…" he tried again.
I waved it off and closed his door after me.
Once in the safety of my own, private room, I fell apart.
A/N: THE END! Ha, just kidding. One more chapter, though. Review, please! Also, I'm in need for a story idea. Any challenges? Also, where do people get challenges? It seems like everyone knows about them but me! So, review, and tell me my answer.