Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the character of Gabriel Gray, he belongs to NBC's Heroes. This is merely fan-fiction of my growing obsession with him. I do, however own all rights to Addien Van Bevan.
Author Notes: Still working on rough details, character building - I'm planning on many more chapters and installments on this story. It's an ongoing piece of work.
Addien dropped to her knees, she could feel her lungs constricting inside her chest; her head lunged itself against her ribs until her shoulders throbbed with the tension. Ripping at her shirt she wrapped her hands around her throat, each breath a shallow echo of the last, until her gasps for air evolved into chest-crushing sobs. She pulled the sheets from her bed and wrapped herself on the hardwood floor. She wanted her father, she wanted him to hold her, to tell her the world is not collapsing within itself. She needed the feeling of his beard on her forehead, she needed to be rocked, to be told, breathe… breathe… breathe.
She had fallen asleep were she lay, the sun reached through as the curtains danced against the warm summer breeze. Addien's eyes slowly fluttered open, arms aching from her body's weight as she got back onto her feet. She walked into the bathroom and glared at her reflection. "Maybe it was just a dream." she whispered. "Maybe if you weren't so fucking worthless, it would be." she scoffed, yanking her tank-top over her head and stepping into the shower. Turning straight hot water on she cringed and shook as it scalded her flesh, chapping her pink, then red as her veins pulsed with agony… until she felt nothing at all. She stood with her face pressed against the wall for nearly an hour before she slid lightly out, as feeling steadily came back to her, causing every movement to have an immediate consequence.
Pinning the towel under her arm, she glanced at the clock that read 7:30PM. "Christ." she spat "I slept like twenty hours." she added, before walking toward the kitchen to pour herself a tall glass of Brandy, her drink of choice. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted her answering machine blinking. Dropping her shoulders she slapped the button, and grabbed the drink from the cabinet, along with the largest glass she owned.
'Three New Messages. First Message:' sounded before Gabriel's voice crackled through. "Addi… I don't know what happened yesterday, but I'd like to see you today before I head out with Rachel. Uh, call me back before, like, Six. Alright, bye." Addien rolled her eyes and snatched the beer mug from in front of her, filling it to the brim with the warm tan fluid her father always sipped. 'Next Message:' "Uh, it's Gabriel again… where are you? It's half past noon now, I haven't heard from you yet. Well, uh, call me when you get this please." With each gulp, the whole situation became more and more comical. 'Next Message:' "Addien, where are you? I've called twice before. What's gotten into you? I've got to leave in like twenty minutes… I don't understand. I'm worried about you. I'm coming over after I take Rachel home." 'No New Messages.' sounded after the final click.
"Don't worry, I won't be here." she growled, sorrow quickly being replaced by rage. Dropping the empty glass into the sink Addien rushed to her room to get changed. "I don't know why I'm rushing. He's probably taking his sweet time with her." she mumbled, the bitterness rising like bile in her throat. Throwing on a wispy earth-toned dress, she snatched her keys from the corner table and locked the door behind her.
--
Stepping outside, the city seemed unfamiliar, she blamed the alcohol and trudged along, having no destination, longing only to become a phantom in the night, to be lost completely, to not be found by the too rough hands of the boy she loved for so long. Her head spun with a million thoughts, a thousand different situations where she should have pressed her body to him. She should have spoke the words, let her lips drift across his face like a dream. She missed his scent, the smoothness of his skin, his soft laugher, she missed his touch, though she had never fully experienced it… she missed the hope that inhabited her chest like a parasite. "You cannot make love to concrete, if you cannot pretend, concrete needs your loving." she softly quoted Audre Lorde and slipped into the evening smoke.
She had only walked a few blocked before she spotted Gabriel in a restaurant window, across the street. The air caught in her throat as she stepped into the shadows and watched them. Gabriel sat solemnly across the table from Rachel. Rachel was as beautiful as he had said, she was everything Addien was not, everything Gabriel had longed for. Long brunette hair dangled elegantly from over her shoulder, and pooled slightly at the plunge of her red silk dress. A mixture of envy and sorrow tore through Addien's heart as she pinched her lips together, harboring the tears at bay. She watched Gabriel stand to leave, she watched him wrap his arm around her waist, she watched the kiss, the kiss that sent a tremor through the earth, that shook the foundation surrounding her, until she had to look away. Addien sat on the sidewalk with her head down until all that remained of him were faith tail-lights in the distance. He would be at her doorstep soon.
In that moment, standing before the restaurant she would never go in, the meal she would never be part of, the love, his love, she could never have claim over - she wanted to run back home. She wanted to be there for him. She wanted to spread her arms like a crucifixion and hold him, beg for forgiveness for being so foolish; because any attention of his, is attention. "At least he thought of me today." she uttered "… at least for a moment he worried." but her mind quickly scolded her heart in all of it's foolishness. "I'm dunk." her face went blank "I need to stop kidding myself." So, she began her way home, to her empty apartment, to her empty bed, which was now accompanied by her empty chest, heart carved out from the gravity of truth. She was alone, and holding onto the boy next door, was salt in the wound.