Disclaimer – See the first chapter.
Warning – Stupid humor, eventual f/f romance.
Other – I suppose I need to reiterate. This story is a spoof off of Shrek. Meaning that if I use lines from Shrek, it's not because I'm trying to sneak in lines on the assumption that you guys will never guess where I got them from. I use lines from Shrek because I thought it was fun. I take no credit for the story of Shrek, nor do I take credit for Teen Titans.
Please review. I don't mind constructive criticism, but please refrain from acting like an idiot. As my mom always says, "Eat your vegetables". That and "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".
"So…" Beast Boy strolled along the dirt path, arms tucked behind his head. He had decided that ignoring Raven was the safest venue, and he was carefully avoiding trading any parts of speech with her. Self-preservation meant more to him than hitting on a princess.
Starfire walked directly behind him, greatly enjoying the fresh air, "So?"
"Why can't we just go home?" The green changeling complained. "I mean, we got the dame, didn't we?"
Starfire glanced at Raven, who was busy examining her fingernails, "It is none of your concern."
"I don't feel safe traveling with her," he continued, "I mean, we don't know anything about her."
"She is our friend. Is that not enough?" Starfire countered. Raven fought the blush that was threatening to rise on her cheeks. Nobody had ever stood up for her and she had to admit, it felt fairly nice.
"No! How do you know she won't run off or something?"
Raven had heard enough, "Look, if you don't want to travel with me, don't. You don't need to hang around."
Starfire sighed – she'd hoped that the two of them would simmer down and become friends, but it was rapidly becoming apparent that they would rather fight than make nice.
"She speaks the truth, Friend Beast Boy. Why do you not simply just fly to Prince Robin and tell him of our travels?"
Raven remained silent, knowing that if she tried to agree, it would only make Beast Boy want to stay and protect Starfire. There should be no danger, Raven assured herself, as long as she locked herself up at night.
"What, and leave you here with her? Alone? You think I'm crazy?" He demanded loudly.
"No, I am perfectly able to protect myself, Beast Boy!" Star shot back. She was not some ditzy damsel who depended on a strong man to save her from danger.
Beast Boy considered his options. Starfire could take care of herself, he knew that, and he would be doing his job if he reported back and let the prince know what was happening. He just hated to think of what might happen if he left Star alone with the darker girl.
"I don't know."
"Please, Beast Boy, I will be fine." Star replied gently. She smiled at him, hoping to give him some reassurance.
"Well, fine. But I'll be back before too long." He eyed Raven a moment before turning to leave, "Don't you dare hurt her."
Raven bristled as Beast Boy morphed into a hawk and took flight. He was off in the opposite direction before she could yell her response.
"I trust you, Friend Raven." Starfire murmured. "Please do not think badly of him. He just wishes for my safety."
"Yeah, well…" Raven uncurled her fists. At some point during the conversation she must have balled them up, she realized. She took a calming breath, and another. It was important that she didn't let her rage get the best of her.
"Come along, then. We should continue on. The moon will be bright tonight and we can make good progress." Starfire smiled at Raven, unaware of the icy terror that had just attacked Raven's heart.
"I can't… Not at night. I need to sleep… Actually, we should set up camp now."
Confused, Starfire tilted her head, "Why? In order to return home quickly, we must travel through the night."
Raven's terror turned to panic. Starfire couldn't be allowed to see her at night. At the rate this conversation was going, Star wasn't going to give in and let them rest. There had to be something she could do to change the other girl's mind.
"Please?"
"I do not understand." Star sighed, reluctant to give in. Was Raven afraid of the dark?
Raven's eyes darted around as she desperately searched for a way to unglue Star's resolve. As a last ditch attempt, Raven beckoned Star to come closer.
"It's really embarrassing to say this…" Raven whispered, pretending to have a good reason why they couldn't travel at night. In reality, she was going to kiss Star and hope that it would be enough to make Star forget her travel plans.
"You are afraid of the dark?" Star asked innocently.
Thankful for a venue of escape, Raven let her head drop. Although, her traitorous mind laughed, that kiss wouldn't have been too horrible.
"Yes. That's exactly it. I'm afraid of the dark."
Star smiled, "That is nothing to be ashamed of! I am afraid of the Gfohoof."
"The… the what?"
"The Gfohoof. It is a large pack animal from my country. Perhaps you might call it a bull?"
"You use bulls as pack animals?" Raven cried, justly surprised. She had heard of horses and donkeys, but bulls? That seemed extremely dangerous.
"Only the calm ones. Our bull trainers are prized highly, as there are few of them still living." Star nodded sagely. Her cousin had been training to be a bull trainer when he had been skewered by a horn. It was a dangerous business, but a popular one. A professional bull trainer could ask large amounts of money in trade for his service.
"Sure." Raven decided not to question further. "So can I set up my sleeping area?"
Starfire nodded, "And I will collect firewood."
As Star hunted for dry and burnable wood, Raven began setting up a small, confined area, using her magic to pull rocks together. When she was finished, there was a small opening for her to enter through, but no other breaks in the stone. She paused a moment, thinking of Star, and constructed a wall next to her tomb-like structure, and a sloping roof. Digging through Star's packs produced a rolled up sleeping pallet, which Raven set up quickly.
The trees around them were lush and green, and Raven reveled in her freedom. She had been cooped up in that tower for much too long and was greatly enjoying her venture into nature. Small animals ran around the outskirts of their camp, birds twittered, and Raven could detect the faintest scent of pine needles.
Starfire returned with arms loaded with twigs and sticks. Piling them up near the makeshift tent, she went out once more, this time returning with a fair amount of smaller stones. She set them in a circle, piling her wooden bounty in the center. To light the fire, she called upon her lime green light, pooling it at the tip of one finger. As soon as she touched the burnable material, the logs caught flame and began to crackle merrily.
"Do we have anything to eat?" Raven questioned; her stomach rumbled in agreement.
"I believe there are a few leftovers in my bag. We will have to collect supplies soon, though." Star murmured. She was eyeing the stones that Raven had constructed.
"Don't worry about that. It's the only way I feel safe at night." Raven moved quickly into Star's field of vision, "So how about that food?"
"Oh, just a moment, then." Star moved to her new task, successfully redirected.
Raven nearly sighed with relief. She sat on the ground near the fire, staring up at the impossibly blue sky.
"The sky looks so different from here." Her voice was low, but she knew Star could hear her. "I mean, really blue and pretty. Up in that tower, I thought it was the ugliest thing. It was the only thing I saw really. That and the rest of the castle, and the dragon. But from here…"
Star smiled, "I, too, have a great love for the sky. It is always there for me."
Raven choked back a small laugh, "It sure isn't going anywhere, that's for sure."
Their chatter continued as Star rounded up a bit of dinner. Raven ate hers quickly, noticing that the sun was setting. She apologized for not helping with the clean up before scrambling into her rocky hut and filling in the opening.
Starfire wrote it off as something to ask about later and finished eating. She hung her packs from a tree branch and climbed into her pallet, wondering idly how it would feel to have Raven sleeping next to her without the stone wall between them.
It was a foolish thought, one that she quickly dismissed. After all, Raven was to be Robin's, not hers. Thoughts like that would only lead to trouble.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Raven awoke first in the morning, destroying her rocky tomb with a gentle flick of her wrist. She yawned and stretched before going through her morning aerobics – merely gentle static stretching to prep for the coming day. Casually she glanced over at her slumbering companion and allowed a small smile to flicker across her lips.
"You shouldn't be so stubborn." Raven murmurs softly. But she knew that Starfire would have to be courted gently; any quicker than a turtle's pace would startle the girl and make her withdraw.
She had thought about it fairly hard overnight and came to the decision that she wouldn't marry this stuck-up prince fellow. It just didn't seem right. And Raven had until their return to the kingdom to convince Starfire to claim her. Easier said than done, she realized.
Starfire sighed softly as she sat up, rubbing her eyes. She had slept quite well and was glad to see Raven already moving about. Her dreams from the previous night brought a dark blush to her cheeks, which she hoped Raven wouldn't notice. Never before had she dreamt of such closeness.
"Star, why are you blushing?" Raven asked slyly.
"I thought… I saw a… a frog!" Star tried to lie.
Raven raised her eyebrows, but let the issue pass.
"When will you be ready to continue traveling?"
Star began packing up her sleeping mat, "Soon."
Raven approached, placing one hand on top of Star's, "Allow me to help you?"
Star's blush returned as memories of her dream resurfaced, "Yes?"
When Star didn't retract her hand, Raven moved closer still and finished packing up their campsite. Starfire was having trouble thinking straight – her mind was elsewhere. Raven had to shake her gently to snap her out of her thoughts.
"HALT YE VILLAIN!"
Raven's head snapped up. A burning arrow hit the ground near their feet and Starfire jumped. Out from the trees swung a thin man dressed completely in green. His entrance was complemented with the arrival of a band of men of similar garb.
"Who are you?" Starfire yelled back at the leader, unsure of why Raven and she were getting attacked.
"Me? Me? I am a wandering hero, looking to save pretty damsels, such as yourself, from monsters, such as your captor."
Starfire glanced at Raven. What was this guy talking about? Raven shook her head, just as confused.
"I do not understand, sir. Raven is no monster."
The male shook his head, "Nay, my eyes do not lie! She obviously is holding you against your will. Why else would a pretty young woman hang around a displeasing hag?"
"She is no hag! She is my friend and beautiful!" Star argued.
"QUIET! Men, FIRE!"
His group of men launched a volley of arrows through the air. Raven's dark powers diverted most of the arrows and she dove to avoid the rest. Star watched in horror as one of the arrows came dangerously close to embedding itself in Raven's arm.
"Stop!" Star cried, throwing a few of her green bolts of lightning. The men leapt back, not expecting the damsel to strike back. They changed their target, sending a wave of arrows at Star, who blasted as many as she could with her own power.
This time it was Raven's turn to watch in horror as one of the arrows found its mark in Star's arm. Star bit her lower lip, trying to stifle her scream. Raven's anger grew past the point of her control. Another set of eyes slit open under her first pair, and black tentacles lashed out from her body, striking anything moving in a one hundred foot radius.
If the tentacles weren't deterrent enough, the sight of four glowing red eyes and a very angry woman were enough to send the would-be heroes running.
"You haven't heard the last of us!"
Raven roared. The sound was terrifying on its own – it seemed like the combination of her voice and several other people's all mixed together.
"Raven…" Star moaned, clutching her arm.
Moving quickly, Raven was at Star's side, examining the entry point of the barbed tip. The arrow had not penetrated deeply and Raven knew she'd have to get it out.
"This is going to sting a little." She warned before gripping the arrow firmly and ripping backwards. She was rewarded by the arrow tearing free and the sound of Star's sobs. Using her powers once again Raven eased the bleeding wound shut, making sure to reattach any severed veins and arteries and completely sear out any disease.
Star had fainted somewhere along the line and Raven cradled Star to her chest, breathing heavily. She couldn't allow Star to get hurt like this again. Although Star hadn't accepted her affection, Star would have to accept her protection.