TOMORROW

"This won't hurt a bit Risa." Calmly soothed Roy, as he gently inserted the needle of Sodium Pentathol into her arm, "There, any minute you'll be singing like a bird about anything that you don't want us to know."

"If I do that… I'll shoot you, and her, and him." She muttered, gesturing to the flower girl and Havoc in turn.

"Nope, sorry, 'there are to be no firearms on the drugged individual until all residual effects of the medication have vanished' so…yoink." Havoc deftly grabbed Risa's pistol from its hip holster.

"Noooooo!" wailed Risa pitifully, reaching for her gun weakly "Not my itsy bitsy baby!"

Roy smiled "Itsy bitsy baby?"

"Yes sir, sir, colonel bastard" Risa agreed grinning, just a little lopsidedly, "And you know what, what?"

"Hold that thought Risa…" The colonel looked concernedly over at Havoc. "What's with her repeating her words?"

"Side effect, only for females. Guys on it don't have that same side effect, for some reason. Guy's equilibrium goes off, making us stumble." Havoc answered, not even looking up from the flower girl's (modest) bust. " and we can't count worth a damn."

"HEY, HEY LISTEN TO ME!! Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend" Risa yelled, pointing at the flower girl, "No way, no way, I think you need a new one"

Roy shifted uncomfortably, trying to ignore Havoc's huge grin.

"She's just telling the truth Sir…"

"And what is wrong with me?!" asked the girl indignantly, "What is your problem?!"

"You're not me, so he could be doing a lot, lot, lot better, bee-etch" Giggled Risa "I've always wanted to say that word! Oh, and you…" Risa grabbed Roy by the collar and brought him real close, despite the protests of the girlfriend, "hey, hey, you, you, I could be your girlfriend, hey, hey, you, you I know that you like me, Don't you Roy?"

Roy blushed in silence.

"Well? Do you like her Roy? Answer her! I…" The girl stomped her foot in rage.

"Careful pretty one, watch your perfect foot. Listen, if Roy won't take care of you, I always will." Havoc casually slipped an arm around her waist. "Do just don't worry about this, okay?"

"I want to know! Roy, do you like her?! What about us? What about the promises you made…" She squirmed away from Havoc, turning to face him "And you, stop stalking me! I'm with Roy…I think…"

Before Roy could answer, he was cut off on another ramble from Hawkeye. She had let him go, and had been edging closer and closer to the girlfriend. She now started poking her in the lower ribs, and peering into her eyes. "Roy, Roy? Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don't cha wish your Girlfriend was a freak like me? Can she even shoot a gun?"

"Ummm no, she can't shoot a gun…" Roy now looked over his girlfriend with a critical eye, "no, shooting a gun is one of the things she can't do…"

"And what about what I CAN do you unbelievable ass?!" Yelled the probably soon to be ex-girlfriend.

Now Risa got up in the girls face. "Anything you can do, I can do better, I can do anything better than you."

"No, you can't."

"Yes, I can"

"No, you can't."

"Yes, I can."

"No, you can't"

"Yes, I can, Yes, I can!"

"Ladies, ladies, obviously the only way to settle this is to have an unrealistic, likely illegal, competition to find out who is better. First Prize: Roy Mustang. Second Prize: Me."

"No way am I fighting just to keep my boyfriend! Roy, just tell this bimbette to take a hike! You do love me right?"

Off in a corner, Risa was whispering under her breath "I just can't keep you out of my head, your loving is all I think about, can't get you out of my head… lalalalalalalalalalala"

"I do believe that for the benefit of the military, Miss. Hawkeye should undergo some tests while drugged, just humor her for a while, okay?" Roy answered with his eyes on the ground. "Havoc? For something like this, does Risa get her gun back?"

At the mention of her gun, Risa broke a smile (no, literally, it shattered and had to be swept up and glued back on) "Itsy Bitsy Baby?! Do I get her back? Havoc Babe, be a dear and, and, gimme her back, pweeeeze?!" Risa battered her eyelashes seductively, waiting for an answer. "This is the song that never ends; it just goes on and on…"

"Well, I suppose if we really took care to look there would be a loophole in here anyway, like 'firearms may be returned before the drug is out of system so that the individual may defend their honor and gain a mate', or some other impossible thing…"

"Page forty-eight," Replied Roy smugly. "I didn't know you had that book so thoroughly memorized Havoc; I just remember that one quote and another about heartbreak…"

"Y-you mean that that is a real passage from it? Well then… here you go Risa; your 'itsy bitsy baby' is restored to you."

"Some people started singing it- Yay! My, my baby!" Risa hugged her gun and danced in a little circle. "What do I get to shoot first?"

"Ummm, I can't shoot a gun, remember? How is this going to be a competition?"

"Hmmm, let's see. How about we start with a simple destruction task? Risa gets her gun, and you get your pruning shears (which I happen to have on me, don't ask) and you each get to destroy a random car. Whoever does a more thorough job after a several hours wins this round."

who will win? tune in next time!