*Angel Chaser*
Riddick woke, reaching over to an empty space beside him. She wsa gone. Where was she? It wasn't time for P.T. was it? He looked over to the clock, 1:30. . .definitely not time for P.T. Come to think of it, it was a weekend. There was no P.T. Riddick stood, letting his feet touch the cold floor. Maybe she'd been called away. No, he would have heard her leave. He always knew when she left. . .she'd dress, brush her hair and teeth, inspect herself, kiss him on the forehead and leave. Riddick guessed that she never knew he was awake because she'd never show such simple affection if he were awake.
Riddick's feet carried him out from the bedroom and into the living room where he found Jack sitting on the floor, her legs wrapped around each other. She seemed to be staring off into nothing, what was she doing?
Riddick stood a little distance from her, "Jack. . .what are you doing?"
"Just sitting up." Jack didn't even appear to be startled by his sudden speech. Had she known he'd been there? "Insomnia, surprised you haven't noticed it before now."
"So am I. What's wrong?"
"Jesus Christ! What makes you think something's wrong? What I gotta get the heat because I don't want to sleep?"
Riddick rubbed his forehead that ached with tiredness, "No, I was just wondering. Sorry I fucking asked."
"Glad to hear it."
"What's your problem Jack? One second you're letting me get closer to you and in your next breath you're telling me to fuck off!"
"Fuck off!"
"Fuck, Jack! Stop this bullshit. Let me in! Stop being a bitch and YES I said bitch! And if you're planning on hitting me you better fucking do it! Here I'll make it easy," Riddick turned his head so Jack had a perfect aim for his jaw.
"No! I aint gonna hit you. I maybe be a bitch Riddick but you know what you are?"
"Oh now we're into name calling, mature. . .really"
"You're an angel chaser, Riddick. You think your Jackie girl is gonna come back well, she's NOT! This is me. Jackie's gone and haven't we gone through this? I believe we have! Look the angel's gone, Riddick. . .I'm so close to hell that I can feel the devils breath on my neck. You don't want this, Riddick. You don't want what I've become. You're chasing the ghost of an angel that you used to know. She's not coming back, she can't."
"That's not true, Jack! I want to be with who you are not what you were."
"Stop it! Stop pretending, you think you can bring something back but it's impossible. I don't want to be that vulnerable little girl anymore, Riddick. I can't. I've accomplished too much to go back to that! I wont! I can't!" Riddick tried to hug Jack but she abruptly pushed him away, "Stop it!"
"What the hell Jack?! Let me in! Let me past that barrier. I'm not going to hurt you. I only want things like they used to be, but you gotta let me in!"
"Things will never be like they used to be, Riddick! We're both different people. We're on a mission, Riddick. Did that fact slip you by? You're our fucking contact. Things will NEVER be like they used to be! They can't!"
"Jesus Christ, Jack! Then let's make a future, anything. . .but DON'T throw it all away just because it wont be the same. Just let me in Jack, let me in!"
********
Jack's head was spinning, it was Riddick. All she had to do was let him in. That's it. . .that simple. Just let him in.
Let me in, Jack. Let me in. NO! No one can come in! This is a single person life. Feeling and emotions equal failure, destruction, weakness.
Let me in, Jack. Let me in. Let me in.
*********
"NO! No! I won't allow it! Giving you access to all my feelings, my emotions? Let you in? No! Letting you in creates weakness and weaknesses make ways for someone to get the best of me! No! I can't and I WONT!"
"Jack!" Riddick grabbed Jack by the shoulders trying to calm her, "STOP!" Jack haulted her movements looking at Riddick intently, "When I look at you I see a reflection of myself, what I used to be and I don't want that for you. You deserve so much more. Jack, you are my weakness but you're also what made me human again. I let you in and now look at what I am. . ." Riddick paused thinking over what he'd just said. Was he really so changed? Had humanity changed him THAT much?
" If you had any sense you would have locked me out permanently. Survival, Riddick. . .isn't that what you always told me came first? When'd you go soft? Why did you ever let me in? Am I really worth it, Richard? Am I? I'm your weakness, I'm bad for you and you don't need me." Jack paused and then once more-even more infuriated-began to speak, "Look at what you are? What are you? You're WEAK! You used to be so good, so strong, everything revolved around survival. You're a fucking weakling!"
"Shut the fuck up Jack!"
"You're fucking weak! You aint shit! You're weak!"
Suddenly Riddick's hand flew up slamming into Jack's face with full force, the power from the blow sending her face flying sideways. She didn't flinch or cry, she merely turner her head back to have Riddick. His face was of pure stone, mirroring Jack's expression only where Jack's eyes held pain, regret and a hint of anger his held rage and destruction-but well hidden behind all that, deep inside, he was hurt. . .to the core. Pain lanced through Riddick as he looked at Jack. Just as she thought she was about to receive another hit Riddick turned his back and stalked into the bedroom, slamming the door behind himself.
Suddenly the roles had been reversed. It was usually Jack who caused the pain and walked away but this time it was Riddick.
*********
Without warning, tears flooded in Jack's eyes sending rivers flowing heavily down her face. He may have been the first to walk away but Jack had caused the REAL pain, deeper than any would ever could. She deserved him hitting her-and much more.
I did a bad thing. How could I? You fucking idiot! Jack screamed inwardly. She needed comforting but the only person she found comfort in was also the person she'd just mentally kicked in the balls.
I'm sorry. Jack would probably never say it to his face but she had never been more sorry in her life. I'm so sorry, Riddick. She wanted to escape from the pain but who was she supposed to escape to? Riddick was gone. Where could she turn? He escape was gone, she'd just use the substitute.
*********
He watched her slouch into the bar-completely unlike her normally confident stride. Her shined eyes were hidden behind dark glasses even in the dead of night. She walked to the corner and sunk into a booth, as if on a cue a waitress brought her a huge mug filled to the brim with beer. Good, she was okay. Get close? What was that bullshit! This wasn't going like he'd planned. Nothing he could do now, fuck it! The man slouched down in his booth. . .wait.
********
Jack let her head fall back onto the back of the booth, relishing the feeling of the cold beer running down her throat as she swallowed. So nice. So lonely. So tired.
So. . .fuck! She was stupid! How could she have done such a thing? Fresh tears coursed down Jack's face. Fuck! Good thing it was the middle of the night and non one was around to see her cry. Fuck emotions! Fuck Riddick! She was weak JUST LIKE him. But he WASN'T weak; he was unbelievably strong. Stronger than she could ever be. He had to have been damn strong to let Jack in. To accept humanity once again. He was her strength; he was his own strength. She was wrong. I'm sorry.
All of a sudden Jack felt the presence of a person before her. She hadn't even heard the person walk up, where were her reflexes? Jack opened her eyes, craning her neck upwards to look at her visitor, shined eyes meeting her own covered ones. Who was that? Jack's vision was clouded with emotion and tears. Was it Riddick? No.
Jack sighed heavily, "What do you want Sergeant Michaels?"
Without any invitation a drunken Michaels took a seat across from Jack, making himself at home. "You look terrible Melivenski.
"You sure know how to charm a lady. Now, what. . .do. . . you. . .want?"
"Just to talk, you know. . .shoot the shit." Michaels wore a lopsided grin that annoyed the hell out of Jack.
"I don't want to talk, Michaels." Jack rolled her eyes exaggeratedly.
"C'mon, we never talk." He laid his hand atop Jack's. . .terrible, terrible move.
"Fuck off, Michaels!" Jack nearly ripped off his hand but she controlled herself and simply pulled it away.
"Don't be like that Jack." Michaels tried for her hand again, what a stupid ass.
"Fine, what. . .what do you want to talk about?" She'd humor him. . .for all of five seconds
"I don't know. . .hmmm. Okay, what's a pretty girl like yourself doing at a bar at one in the morning?" Trying a pick up line? A little late for that. Suddenly Michaels moved to her side of the table, this was going WAY down hill and fast.
"Well, I'm feeling like drinking and since there's no booze at my house I figured, 'shit, why don't I just go down to this bar that's not too popular and no one asks you questions.' Getting the hint here?"
Michaels, extremely drunk, laughed a little and then replied, "No, not really."
"You fucking dimwit! Why don't you FUCK OFF!" That was it! Jack shoved Michaels completely off the booth and onto his ass on the floor.
Standing and dusting himself off, he protested"C'mon Jack!"
"Look, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that maybe you've had too many drinks to catch on so let me say it one last time. Leave. . .me. . .the. . .fuck. . .alone!"
"Fine I can take a hint!"
"Then why aren't you
leaving?" Jack gave Michaels a stare
that should have rendered anyone that happened to receive it dead.
"Okay, I'm going," Michaels turned his back but turned back around, "I'm really going."
"Fuck off Michaels!" Jack jumped from her seat about to rip his head off.
Defeated, Michaels tucked his tail between his legs and left the table, leaving Jack with her lonely and upset thoughts.
*********
Three jugs of beet later, Jack sat in her same booth, her head laying on her arms atop the table, tears blanketing her face. Her little idea to drown Riddick from her thoughts hadn't worked. All it had accomplished Jack was dulled senses and an even worse feeling of regret and hurt. Jack hated emotions, wished they didn't exist. Those thoughts alone made her cry even more. She couldn't handle this, as soon as she got home-if she could even manage that-she was going to tell Riddick to get his own housing.
Jack felt guilty. Damn him! She hated Riddick, no she didn't she could never hate him. Just then a waitress approached Jack and tapped her shoulder.
The waitress, looking tired and worn broke Jack's inhumane thoughts, "I'm sorry miss but the bar is closing."
Jack lifted her head off the table. "What time is it?" She asked groggily.
"4:30 Ma'am."
Jack stood slowly and tried her best to smile to the waitress, "Shit, okay. I go. Sorry. Thanks."
Jack stumbled from her seat and out of the car. What she hadn't realized was the tall, dark man jump from his seat and follow her.
*********
Jack staggered down the dimly lit alley, her follower still close at hand. Had Jack been sover she would have easily picked up on the stalker but she wasn't therefore the man went unnoticed. As if the planet had shifted on it's axis, Jack suddenly went flying into the wall on her right. She banged into it with a loud thump, that was unexpected. Jack laughed incessantly at her drunkenness but suddenly she turned around facing behind her, she could have sworn she'd heard a footfall. Ordinarily she would have stayed there until she was certain nothing was there, but this time she simply shrugged, turned around, and continued walking. Jack hadn't made it more than five feet when a shadow she hadn't noticed reached out and pulled her against a hard body or a brick wall-she couldn't tell the difference. Jack looked up, eyes. . .silver. Lips. . .luscious solemn lips. Riddick.
The sight of Riddick sent Jack automatically into another fit of tears, "Riddick! I'm SO sorry. I'm sorry."
Riddick said nothing merely looked around making sure they were alone he turned to look back at Jack. . .she was passed out. Gingerly he picked her up and made for home.
*********
Riddick was still thoroughly angry at Jack when he got her back to the house. She'd called him weak, after he'd opened up everything to her and she called HIM of all people weak. He couldn't handle it. That had been too much. He sat on the couch staring off at nothing while Jack sat next to him. Suddenly Jack's voice broke his train of thought. . .
"Riddick?"
"Yeah?" His tone was harsh and uninviting.
"I was wrong," Riddick tried to turn away but she refused to let him. Jack pulled his face to look at her, "I'm sorry. You're NOT weak."
"That's awfully nice and all. Really, touching. . .but save it for someone who gives a shit."
"I, Riddick. . .I don't know how to let people come in freely anymore. It scares me that you bring on emotions and I don't know what do to other than push you away. I'm SORRY!!! What more can I tell you? I'm SO sorry. That's the best I have to offer."
"Jack, I let you in my life completely and you say something like that? How's that supposed to make me feel?" Riddick's entire expression softened quite a bit, "I'm not going to hurt you Jack. You've got to learn to let people in eventually so why not start with me? I know Jack, I know what you've had to go through. I've been there. I understand. . .just please, let me in."
"Okay," Jack leaned in and kissed Riddick softly on the lips. "Okay, I trust you." She laid her head on his shoulder and in a few moments she was out like a light.
She trusted him. The future was beginning to come full circle. Shit, he didn't want this, didn't want the future and what was going to happen. Not Jack, not to his Jackie, his now. No. She trusted him. 'Okay, I trust you.' Such bittersweet words. . .damn the future. Riddick hugged Jack closely.
No. . . I'm the one that should be sorry.