Carla's Cide - The Whole

Carla opened her mouth and coughed, feeling the weight of life returning to her limbs.

What happened? Was she back? But how could that be? With the amount of pills she took, there should have been little to no hope at all of reawakening. How had that smug bastard done it? She had to be certain this wasn't just another dream.

She coughed again, and felt liquid rush through her lips. She reached up a hand to wipe it away. It was warm. And it tasted like blood. No, this wasn't a dream. It was worse.

Opening her eyes, she was once again greeted by her apartment's lounge room. Or at least, that's what she thought it was. It had completely changed now. The wallpaper had peeled, revealing rotten, termite ridden wood. The light bulbs flickered and sparked. From her place on the floor, she could see into the kitchen, and the mountains of rubbish that lay there. The fridge door had swung wide open, and an awful stench was seeping out. It made her want to gag.

What the hell was going on? It looked like something from a nightmare! Was this Hell? Or merely an external projection of the sickness in her mind. She squeezed her eyes shut as another cough roared up her throat. A considerable amount of blood and yellow bile came with it, and searing heat boiled in her stomach.

She may have been awake, but she hadn't come out of it unscathed. The pills had done their job; she was haemorrhaging from the inside. One by one, her internal organs were shutting down or falling apart. She wasn't going to last long, even if she had managed to pull through the overdose.

Loud static made her start, and she moved her head to look at the TV. Two of its legs had broken off, and it lay lop sided on the floor. A crack ran down its middle. She was surprised it was even working. The screen flickered violently, and then the face of Captain Nature filled it fully.

"What have you done?!" he screamed at her.

"Stopped... you," Carla croaked, feeling something tear inside her chest. If the painkilling properties of the pills hadn't been working, she knew she would have been in agony.

"Stopped me? Stopped me?! You've ruined everything!" he yelled through the screen. "You've destroyed the barrier; the fragment and your mind are returning as one!"

"So what?" she sneered, using her arms to raise herself up to her knees.

"Look around," he snarled. "Does this look normal to you?"

From sitting position, Carla had a better view of what once resembled her lounge room. The shattered windows. The torn couch. Everything was in shambles. Had she done this? It seemed pretty implausible. Only half a lifetime's worth of neglect could create something this decayed.

"Why did you bring me back?" she asked, trying to stand on her feet and swaying slightly.

"Because I need to protect you," he answered. "If you fall into insanity, I fall too."

"And you couldn't just let me die, because then it'd be the same for you," Carla said sourly.

"You need me," Captain Nature snarled.

"I don't need shit," she replied. "Let me go in peace."

"I can't do that. I won't."

A light bulb above her head shattered in a cascade of tinkling shards, and the room went darker. The TV's flickering screen cast an eerie blue glow over the destroyed furniture and collapsing walls. Captain Nature's face leered at her.

"Goddamn it!" she yelled at him, a spray of blood following her words. "Why won't you leave me alone? Just go away."

"Never," he said through bared teeth.

Carla clenched her fists, but found she had neither the strength nor the will for any kind of attack. Her rapidly fading body was growing weaker by the minute, and a deep lethargy was starting to grip her. She fell to her knees again; a trickle of blood running down the side of her mouth.

"Submit to me. We can beat this. Together."

"Fuck you," she wretched. She tried to concentrate on breathing, but found that there were bubbles in her throat. They sucked in and out with each gasp. It wouldn't be long now.

And then she heard it. A tinkling, mournful little tune. A tune she used to love.

"... hide my head I want to drown my sorrow. No tomorrow, no tomorrow..."

She looked around her, trying to find the source of the sound. Where was it?

"... and I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad..."

Ah, there. She spotted it under the sofa. The remnants of her phone, the screen flashing bright green. She picked it up and looked at it, confused.

"...the dreams in which I'm dieing are the best I've ever had..."

The phone was destroyed. The battery wasn't even in its compartment. And yet, there it was. Ringing. Singing its sad tune. She stared at the screen, at the name on the display.

"Caller ID: Ben"

"Ben..." Carla sobbed. How? He was trying to contact her, but this made no sense. With the phone in such a state, there was no means for her to answer!

"Forget him," Captain Nature bawled. "He can't help you. He never could."

"That's not true..." Carla gripped the phone remains tightly in her fist. "He did everything for me. He loved me, even with my flaws. And... I loved him too. I just realised it too late. I want him. I need him."

"I'm all you need!"

"No..." Carla gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut. There was pain now. White hot pain. This was it.

"NO!" she screamed. "It's not true! I never needed you!"

Pulling back her arm, she threw the phone with the little strength she had left, straight at the TV screen. It struck the glass on the crack, and Carla had just enough time to see Captain Nature's surprised, open mouthed gape of horror. With a sound like lightning, the TV exploded in a shower of sparks. Destroyed.

Carla fell to the floor with a soft sigh; her energy used, but replaced with a strange feeling of elation. There were no further means for him to torment her. She'd done it.

He was gone.

"Got you," she choked. The hint of a smile formed on her blood stained lips. "Got..."

And then something gave in her throat, and she could no longer breathe. Everything in her chest seemed to collapse inwards at once. There was only a moment of panic, before she welcomed it with relief. Carla closed her eyes, feeling that dizzy, spiralling feeling starting to return.

All over. All gone. She was free at last. Life and responsibility. Guilt and despair. She'd never need worry about things like that again. And neither... would Ben. Oh, he'd be sad for her. But it would pass. He had a life. He had a career, and a plan. He didn't need her. She was happy to let him go now, knowing that he'd be safe.

She was floating now, down through the darkness. Is this what true death felt like? Was it meant to be so... soothing? She wanted to open her eyes, but her body wasn't responding.

"Carla? Carla, honey?"

The soft sound of her mothers voice, calling her from afar.

"We're going out for cocktails! You should come!"

The gleeful chatter of Marie and Lisa after her first day of work.

"We'll be fine. We always are. I love you too much to give up now."

Ben, during that brief period of financial hardship. The memories made her sad, but there was no feeling of regret. There'd been so many people... so many great people...

Spiralling down, far out of control. Returning to the void. Would it go on forever? Did she really even care? Then, as if to answer that thought, she suddenly hit something hard. A platform in the dark, that jolted her from paralysis. Carla opened her eyes and gazed about, confused by the interruption. What on earth could that be?

Standing over her was a person. A smiling young face, framed with blonde hair. She immediately recognised it as her six year old self, innocent and happy. Before the incident.

"Hello," the girl giggled shyly, offering her hand. Carla stared back, unsure of what to do.

"We're... going?" she asked her kid self. "Together?"

The little girl grinned again, and shook her head playfully.

"Not yet. But soon. Here: let me help."

Carla smiled back weakly, and reached out towards the delicate fingers, reaching up through the blackness.

"OK..." she said softly.

Her hand locked around that of the smaller six year olds...

And then everything went grey.