Pichu: ...hello? Anybody there?
(silence)
Zelda: What's up?
Pichu: I can't find the author.
Link: Oh well. Maybe we should start the story now, hmm? But first...the reviewers!
Responses:
Opus Triumphant: Why, thank you! Hopefully this next chapter will meet up to your standards?
Kirbstar: Okay, yes, I got some of the lines from "A Bug's Life." I like the movie!
Two, this was supposed to be an original idea. It was just pure coincidence that it sounded like Shadow the Hedgehog.
As per your theory, that might happen...you'll have to see.
Nintendo Nut1: Whoa. That's kinda creepy. How the hell do I keep guessing these things?
Anters: You are most welcome. The website is having some problems with some things, so I more or less have to put up with it. And you think that's the end of it? Heh, think again...we've got a long way to go before this is resolved.
GunpowderWizard: Um, Chicken Little? I haven't seen it yet...
Mindless destruction is good for the soul.
RoyalFanatic: Let's see...yes, Kratos was abducted by aliens. And if you think that's funny, watch his behavior as the story progresses. It'll make you laugh so hard that you'll...well, you'll laugh really hard.
As for the Fire Emblem: Sacred Stones character appearances, there are three intermissions: one after Night Storm, another after A Show of Force, and the final after Thunder Road. Their first appearance is the first intermission, and the final is at the end of the A Simple Exchange chapter. Keep an eye out.
Lightpaladin: Thanks! This next chapter's for you, then.
Link: Well, that's done and over with...let's start up this thing! WOO-HOO!
"And I'm a death threat haven't slept yet,
Baby, why the wake up call?
I'm the bad boy; tell the tabloids!
Everything's my fault.
Whoa whoa whoa yeah, write it write it,
Whoa Whoa whoa everything's my fault,
Everything's my fault..."
Chapter 3: Train Chase
The Cobalt Canyon, Smash Island
As the scowling figure of Jairus Cavanaugh paced up and down through the steering cabin of the bullet train, Ness and Pichu were struggling to escape the grasp of Alabama Johnson, Jairus' subordinate and the same person whose trigger-happy reflexes obliterated the Merrimac Dam. As the militant conductor pushed the lever slightly, the train picked up speed as it began to roll out of the station at the bottom of the dam. Soon they were at full speed, and the lights lining the side of the canyon became white blurs against the ebony and sepia of the canyon walls.
"Stop your squirming, you fuckballs!" Johnson shot out angrily when Pichu tried to jump at the train's controls. Jairus just growled slightly at his subordinate's supreme lack of tact.
"Do you think you could make your use of vocabulary a little less obtrusive, man?"
"Sorry, sir. Won't happen again..." Johnson waved his hands back and forth nervously while withering against Jairus' powerful scowl.
"I hope so..." Jairus got up from where he was sitting and started to mull his way over to the door.
"Where are you going?" Johnson asked with sudden annoyance, his anger about babysitting two kids getting the better of his fear for the moment. Jairus just gave him a piercing look, instantly shutting up the young man.
"I'm having some dinner. Don't wait up." Jairus casually nibbled at a cigarette as he stepped out of the front car and towards the dining car, leaving Johnson and the conductor with the squirming youngsters.
"What are we going to do?" Zelda asked as pieces of concrete fell around them. The bottom of the dam was in chaos; the buildings around it were exploding and going up in flames while various people, from soldiers to dam workers, began to panic and run around aimlessly instead of trying to escape the fiery destruction. An explosion from a nearby construction crane sent a steel girder flying into the dam with enough force that it drove straight through it, sending an ominous crack inching up the wall. They could see water and concrete forcing its way through. "I don't want to die!"
"I don't think we'll have to..." Zelda followed Link's gaze to a sports car near the west landing, a plasma cannon (A/N: STARFOX! XD) lying in the passenger seat. "A leisurely train chase will do us some good, huh?"
"Okay, but I'll man the plasma cannon..." Zelda said as Link jumped into the driver's seat. As the engine turned over, Link smacked the dashboard in annoyance, and the sports car jerked forward down the landing and into the flaming warehouse ahead of them.
"What are you doing!" Zelda yelled.
"Sorry!" Link apologized. "It's not exactly as easy as it looks..." After a few tense moments of trying to wiggle the shift around, Link finally got it to start, and they were soon speeding out of the warehouse in a flurry of sheet metal, flaming debris and splintered glass, landing onto the ground several feet below them. The forsaken whine of an alarm rang throughout the grounds as a large titanium door began to slide in front of the exit. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me..."
"What is it?" Zelda asked, popping her head out of the window.
"We've got a major problem on our hands..." Link glanced in the direction of the giant slab of metal that was barring their way, inching ever closer with each passing second. "Can you take care of it?"
"I'll try..." Zelda hoisted up the large cannon, teasing the trigger, and peered through the scope. The large titanium door loomed ever closer, and Link was wondering if they were going to hit it when the door exploded in a shower of sparks, melted metal and plasma. He looked back at Zelda, who grinned.
"Nice shot."
"Thanks..." Zelda giggled. With the road cleared, they sped along smoothly until they came to a small bridge that ran above the river. But with the Merrimac Dam collapsing around them, the entire wall next to the bridge gave way, and the sheer strength and force of the pent-up water destroyed it with little effort on the military. "I don't think that was supposed to happen...Link?"
"Hold on!" Before Zelda could hear what Link said, she watched as he sped up and over the fallen roadway, the high-pressure spray of water drenching both her and the car, with only mere droplets tapping at Link's cheek. As they landed rather roughly on the other side of the ruined creek, Link grinned; they were home free.
...Wait.
...Something was wrong. Terribly wrong.
As Link began to wonder what the hell was going on, his ears picked up a consistent purr that was associated with an engine. If there was an engine, engines meant cars. And where there were cars, there were...
"Zelda! GET DOWN!" he yelled at the princess of Hyrule, flooring the pedal and nearly throwing her out of the car with the sudden burst of speed. Zelda, puzzled, blinked over her shoulder. A bullet barely missed her temple and rocketed into the desert soil. Three soldiers inside a military Jeep, all wielding mortal machine guns, whooped and hollered as they chased the Hylians through the parched, cracked ground at the bottom of the canyon. Her exhausted eyes caught the fountains of earth exploding from the impact of the shots, and she managed to get inside the car, but not before crying out in agony as one grazed her shoulder. "ZELDA!"
"I'm okay...it's only a scratch..." Zelda said, trying to hide her shoulder from Link, as to not worry him. However, the fact that her blood stained her magenta blouse and seeped onto her skin was one she couldn't hide, and Link scowled.
"Anyone can see as bright as day that you're hurt, Zel." Link removed the large green hat plastered to his head, and tore it into long strips of cloth, which he wrapped gently but tightly around the flesh wound. "That'll have to do until we find someplace more...quiet."
"Thank you, Link..." Zelda whispered, kissing him lightly on the cheek.
"You can thank me when this is over." Link growled. Suddenly, gunshots rang out in the car as Link, never taking his eyes off the road, shot out the locks of the sunroof. As the felt-covered sheet of plastic fell harmlessly to the seat next to him, he grinned as the road was long and straight. Reaching into the back, he scooped the plasma cannon in his arms and slid noiselessly up to roof, where he could see the Jeep, cackling and roaring towards them. He grinned at the soldiers' surprise, which turned to pure fear as Link sent a mad barrage of plasma shots upon the Jeep. He roared with revenge, body racking with the wicked rattling of the gun. There was an almost simultaneous explosion as the Jeep was consumed in a white ball of fire, cremating the soldiers alive.
Zelda sighed in relief as the car slowed to reasonable speeds of around 15 mph as the minutes ticked slowly by. At last, Link let himself drop into the car. "They're gone for now. Here." He handed the plasma cannon down to Zelda, and stated matter-of-factly, "We'll have to stop meeting our military friends like this; we can't have people driving up and waving firearms around whenever they feel like it. It's becoming altogether too popular a sport to ignore."
"Yeah..." Zelda said. Suddenly, her shoulder shot in pain, as if to remind her of the wound she had sustained during Link's crazy driving stunt.
"Here you go." Link tossed her a bottle of red potion. Zelda began to wonder how many of those things Link had, and languidly glanced into the contents of his satchel. Her eyes widened at the sheer amount of red potions and medical supplies inside it, and Link sheepishly explained, "I kind of sorted through Dr. Mario's med supplies, and tossed most of the red potions and bandages inside before we left the Mansion."
"Are you sure that's enough?" Zelda asked sarcastically, though there was an extra twinkle playing upon her eyes.
"If it isn't, then to heck with this thing." Link grinned, holding up the satchel. As his eyes darted around to comprehend their surroundings, he noticed the railway bridge running adjacent to the road, with the bullet train several miles away. He scowled and replied, "We still have some friends to save, Zel. Get in." With both Hylians jumping into the car, the screech of rubber on asphalt echoed through the canyon as the car sped down the roadway, quickly closing ground.
"Sir?" Johnson had made his way to the dining car, at the conductor's request. While dragging Ness and Pichu with him, he noticed Jairus sitting at a table and staring out the window at the scenery that sped by them, munching on a turkey slice as if it were chewing gum and idly playing with a glass of wine as he did. "There's something the conductor wants you with..."
"Already?" Jairus asked, swallowing the turkey. "What does he want now?"
"Uh...it concerns the two people whom we saw back at the dam, sir." Jairus' eyebrows rose in silent surprise, but he said nothing as he got up from the table and walked to the front car, Johnson and the two youngsters following close behind. It took several minutes to reach the conductor's car, and even then it took a fair amount of energy to bring Ness and Pichu under control.
"What is it?" Jairus asked, rather annoyed he had been interrupted during his meal. "What is so important that it needs my attention here and now?"
"Our friends from the dam are pursuing us." The conductor pointed to a small black-and-white monitor off to the side, where the sports car Link and Zelda commandeered could be seen following them through the canyon.
"Link!" Ness cheered on.
"Keep going, Link!" Pichu screamed. "You're so close!" Jairus furrowed his eyebrows and looked on in silent shock, and then sighed.
"Activate the defense turrets." Jairus gestured to a large red button on the dashboard, covered by a glass box. "That should stop them. If it doesn't, God forbid, we'll stop them ourselves."
"Why you—!" Pichu suddenly leapt at Jairus as if to shock him, but Johnson caught him in midair and held a pistol uncomfortably close to the Pokèmon's head.
"Don't try anything stupid, you. Move." Johnson dragged them over to another car, leaving Jairus and the conductor to their silent mission. Jairus just sighed and followed suit after him.
Link and Zelda had been speeding quite smoothly along the tunnel, chatting a bit about past memories about their exploits in Hyrule. Things around them were pretty quiet, until...
"Holy shit...that better not be what I think it is!" Link's eyes widened as a mounted missile launcher sprouted up from the roof of one of the train cars. Their initial shock clouded to fierce determination as several rockets whizzed by their car and into the canyon walls. "I thought that was a normal bullet train!"
"It looks like there was more to it than meets the eye!" Zelda replied as a missile detonated into the canyon wall behind them, just feet from their current position. "What the heck do we do now?"
"We're not going to die because...um...we'll dodge them at all costs!" Link suddenly swerved into a small cave to avoid the missiles...and came out the other side and into the view of a guard tower of some sort. Suddenly, two guards on motorcycles raced out into the open, letting loose a hail of bullets from the submachine guns and into the car, shattering most of the windows and nearly bursting Link's cranium apart. "Holy—!"
"Aieeee! They're shooting at us! Again!" Zelda screamed.
"Not on my watch, they're not." A smirk playing upon his face, Link swerved into both of their would-be assassins riding on the motorcycles. They flew into the canyon wall, flying off their beasts as the motorcycles themselves exploded and caught fire upon contact with the wall. Link smirked as they drove past the fiery wreck of motorcycles littered across the ground. "That'll teach them...I hope."
"I don't think so..." Link followed Zelda's finger to the cliff ahead of them, where a menacing Black Hawk chopper had flown up in front of them, firing missiles into the canyon walls. He had to swerve out of the way before several boulders crashed into the ground where the car had been moments before.
"Jesus Christ! These guys are everywhere! Zelda, take the wheel..." Before Zelda could object, Link had grabbed the plasma cannon from the back and stuck the barrel out the window. Bullets from the copter ricocheted off the canyon floor as Link sent several plasma shots into the copter, hitting with deadly accuracy. Zelda had mere seconds to swerve off the cliffside and towards the ground as the chopper exploded above them, sending charred metal and broken glass shaped like daggers into the ground next to them. As of the car, it bounced off the ground a bit before landing with a metallic THUD, sending Link crashing into the dashboard. "Eh...sorry, Zel. Didn't expect that to happen..."
"..." Zelda just sighed as she scooted back into the passenger seat, flattening the folds in her dress as they sped down the canyon once more.
"Goddamn, they destroyed our chopper!" Alabama Johnson spluttered in disbelief as he and the general watched the car from a TV surveillance screen in the train's steering cabin. "Who the hell are these people?"
"GO LINK AND ZELDA!" Pichu squealed from where he was tied to the chair, along with Ness.
"SHUT UP!" Johnson grabbed his pistol and whirled around, pointing it menacingly in-between Pichu's eyes. The Pokèmon squeaked and shut its mouth.
"Johnson!" Jairus scowled. "Don't...do that." Johnson had groaned in response as his trigger-finger twitched, still pointing the gun at Pichu. "Johnson...Johnso-BAMA!" He yelled his nickname loud enough to be heard a few cars down, where some soldiers were having dinner.
"I never get to shoot anybody!" Johnson protested, waving the gun wildly. "Never! You never let me do what I want!"
"Oh, shut up, stupid-ass." Jairus growled as he nodded at the train conductor. "Speed it up, will you? We have to lose the tail."
"Right." The train conductor pushed the lever forward, sending the needle past 200 mph. Then Jairus reached over and pounded the fire button on the train's control panel, sending several missiles towards Link and Zelda.
"Hahaha...farewell. You two were a most excellent number."
"I wonder what this was used for." Zelda stared, glancing out the window of the car. Blazing right by them were several pillars, a large stone wall crumbling within the grasp of the Cobalt Canyon, and some rusted machinery that included a turbine of some sort, a construction crane, and a rusty wreck of a bulldozer, almost completely swallowed up by the harsh sand. Beyond that was a large concrete wall, riddled with cracks, several concrete pillars, and a slab of rock that had fallen over into the sand, forming a ramp of sorts.
"Looks like the construction equipment used to build the dam." Link noted as the smell of rust and stale concrete choked the air. "They probably abandoned it here because of the difficulty removing it from the canyon floor."
"That explains it..." Zelda sighed. Suddenly, an explosion shattered the silence of the tranquil drive. Craning their heads forward, Link and Zelda were just in time to see a rocket blast tear apart the base of a large concrete pillar near the 'ramp'. With its structural integrity compromised, the pillar and a part of the wall standing with it collapsed in a shower of dust, brittle concrete and rusted rebar, blocking the road completely. "Ack! We're trapped!"
"What!" Link panicked. "Where did that come from!"
"Who cares? Get out of the way before we crash!"
"Heh. You think I want to crash?" Link asked cockily. Before Zelda could retort, he had swerved sharply to the left, the sound of rubber grinding on gravel echoing through the air. It soon flew off the makeshift ramp on the left, sending the car flying past a crumbling pillar and into the ground. It took all of Link's considerable force to bring the car more or less under control, nearly slamming into the side of a nearby wall in the process. Sounds of screeching could be heard as the car tore up the ground in a squeal of acceleration. "So much for a smooth landing..."
"You can say that again..." Zelda replied, shaking herself off to regain her bearings. The car bounced along the dusty road and out of the ruined construction site, onto the canyon's once abundant, overflowing riverbed. After glancing around, she noticed something truly incredible. "Link! We did it!"
"What?" Link wondered aloud. He was about to sigh in frustration when he casually glanced in Zelda's direction. He blinked several times, and cleared his eyes with his hand — he wasn't hallucinating. Despite the military's best efforts, the bullet train their friends were captured and imprisoned in was in front of them, only separated by several thousand feet of empty ground before them. Link's crazy driving stunts had actually shortened the distance between the car and the train, until you could almost reach out and touch it. "Hey...you're right! We did it!"
No sooner had he said that, a military Jeep teeming with the shouts and curses of the rambunctious soldiers had sped out of a hidden alcove in the walls and sped up towards their location, the distance growing shorter with each passing minute. "Oh, for chrissakes..."
"Great. I probably jinxed it..." Zelda sighed. "Well, better do what I do, then." Link didn't even need to ask what she was about to do; she had grabbed the plasma cannon and fired off several shots in their direction as her body shook with the gun's obnoxious rattle. Repeating the performance from before, the entire Jeep exploded and killed the soldiers, sending a fireball into the air and crash-landing into the scorched earth with a metallic THUD. With that, Link floored the pedal as the car sped up towards the train, dust and gravel flying into the air behind them.
"Wouldn't it be easier for you to let us go instead of keeping us here?" Ness asked the general, where he and Pichu were now handcuffed to a helicopter platform they had rigged to the train. Leaning onto the chained copter, Jairus Cavanaugh just stared at them in unconcealed distaste.
"Riiiiiiiiight..."
"You're lucky little bastards, you got that?" Alabama Johnson blurted out contemptuously, shaking a fist at the two Smashers. "Working with the aliens to conquer Nintendo? We could've executed you for crimes against the Smash Island right when we captured you, but did we? Noooooooooooo...we took mercy! Now I think we should've killed you on the spot!" He would've pulled out his revolver and shot them both, but Jairus placed a hand on his shoulder to calm the trigger-happy soldier down.
"Popping them right now will not solve anything." Jairus coolly replied. "We'll pump them for information first. Then, once we get the plans for the alien invasion, you can see to it that they are executed."
"But why not you?" Johnson blurted out suddenly. "If you're not going to shoot them, why keep them?"
"They have...much-needed insight regarding the alien's plans, Johnson." Jairus spit out his cigarette and ground it into the metal floor of the helipad. "Besides, if you get to shoot them, we'll solve two problems at once: getting the information and your calming down for a while."
"Why, you little-!" Pichu jumped up in a furious rage and tried to hit the general with his tail, but because he was cuffed to the railing, he ended up getting caught in mid-air and landed on his back against the metal grating. Ouch...As Pichu rubbed his back, trying to ease the pain; Johnson laughed mockingly at the two youngsters and began to taunt them.
"Feels good, doesn't it? To get your hands dirty?"
"Fuck you." Ness growled in retaliation. Jairus just sighed; this would be one of those long nights.
The winds whipped their faces and the dust slapped onto their cheeks as Link and Zelda continued their relentless chase of the bullet train, closing ground each minute. However, before they could even so much as blink, the train began to pick up speed, whizzing through the canyon and regaining lost distance to escape the Hylians' car.
"Link! They're getting away!"
"Not if I have anything to say about it, Zel!" Link kept his eyes fixed onto the cracked riverbed that stretched beyond until his clear blue eyes made out a slab of rock pointed upward towards the tracks. Flooring the pedal, he drove the car off the rock and bounced onto the tracks, the car bucking and jumping all over the rails, trying to steady itself. The intense heat formed by the tires grinding against cold, hard metal had melted the vulcanized rubber, leaving the hubcaps grinding against the rails. As sparks flew under the car and the high-pitched squeal of metal on metal stung the Hylians' ears, Link pressed the pedal and sent the needle flying past 200 mph, sending it so fast down the track until 50 feet separated them and the train. "Zel! Take the wheel for me!"
"Wha-what do you need me to do?" Zelda squeaked.
"Keep the car steady." Link had grabbed the plasma cannon from the backseat and opened fire on the back windows, cracking the glass before shattering it outright. Ducking into the car to avoid the glass daggers, Link lifted the barrel of the plasma cannon and opened fire on the back end of the train itself and ducked back into the car. Upon impact, the plasma exploded against the soft metal and destroyed the back end of the train, leaving a huge metal network of gears and wires hanging out. Then, to Zelda's surprise, he shot out the four metal rods holding the top of the car, sending the metal canopy flying onto the track.
"What are you planning to do?" Zelda asked curiously, over the high-pitched squeal of grinding metal.
"This." Link retook the controls and floored the pedal as hard as he smashed the front end of the car into the back of the train, sending a small tremor throughout it. Jairus Cavanaugh, Alabama Johnson, Ness and Pichu could feel that. The two youngsters were smiling at the thought of being rescued, while the soldiers' expressions were more vague; more ominous.
"Can I go after them now?" Johnson asked Jairus hotly, waving his SPAS 12 into the air.
"You have permission. Take your best shot and take these two with you as bargaining chips, if need be." Jairus calmly replied, shoving Ness and Pichu into the trigger-happy soldier before stepping into the car ahead of them. "Also warn the soldiers in the cars behind us, Johnson. You might need all the help you'll get. Meanwhile I'll call for reinforcements from the Army training facility in the Grand Metropolis."
"Aww...that's no fun..." Johnson balefully muttered. But he shrugged it off and dragged Ness and Pichu with him, despite their screaming, and cocked the SPAS 12 he was lugging before he licked his lips. This was going to be sweet...
Meanwhile, Link had hopped onto the hood of the car and grabbed the window into the train, pulling himself up into the train car before turning around and yelling to Zelda, "Hurry up and get in!"
"But, Link...! I...I don't know if I can do this..." Zelda whimpered.
"Trust me!" Link yelled. "I'll catch you!"
"O...OKAY! I hope..." With Link's support, she hesitantly started to stand and worm over onto the hood of the car before tripping and nearly falling off the car. Link nearly shouted an 'Oh, shit!' into the canyon, but Zelda carefully crawled over to Link and grabbed his hand. With one final puff of exhaled strength, Link used all his strength to pull the Hylian princess into the train car, both of them falling onto the floor in exhaustion.
"Thank...you, Link..."
"Hey, you're welcome. Are you okay?"
"I think so..." And just in the nick of time, too. The car suddenly detached from the train and skidded before hitting a jump in the rail, hurling it into the air and smashing into the canyon wall before it rolled down the train tracks, breaking off pieces, and dying in a fiery explosion. Link had to shield his eyes from the blast as a lazy plume of smoke floated up into the sky.
"I don't think that car can be used anytime soon." Link chuckled wryly.
"You think?" Zelda giggled. After a few more minutes, she turned around to the hallway leading down the train. As the room quivered sliding down the tracks, she sighed. "Well, it's time..."
"Yes...we're coming, Ness and Pichu. Hold on..." Link whispered as they ran down the hall and treaded quietly into the first car...
"I went to heaven, but couldn't get in,
For what I have done.
I said, 'Please take me!' They said, 'You're crazy!
You had too much fun.'
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call,
And everything's my fault..." –Save Me, Unwritten Law
Zelda: Well, that was fun...
Pichu: I FOUND THE AUTHOR!
Link: What? Where?
(inside bed) Ooh...I feel so sick...
NN1: Poor guy.
Eliwood: Oh well.
(cough wheeze hack) Read and review, please...oh, my aching head...
Gamer21