Woo-hoo! I feel so much better...thank you all!
Link: The people who aided him through this trying time will receive a gift in their e-mail. Check it out.
Anyway...Nintendo Nut, what are you doing with that chainsaw?
NN1: I'm not doing anything odd or suspicious!
Eliwood: You do realize that by saying that you are doing something odd and suspicious?
NN1: I am?
Zelda: Too late to feign injured innocence now...
Pichu: Um, yeah, whatever. Here are the review responses for you all.
Responses:
Nintendo Nut1: ...augh! Now I'm confuzzled! IT HURTS! (bangs head on wall)
Everyone else: O.O
Kirbstar: Oh, yes. You hit that one on the head. This may be crazy now, but their troubles are just beginning...
Pichu: (gulp)
RoyalFanatic: Yesh, yesh, it'll be funny. Keep reading on, my friend!
P.S. Because all my attention is devoted to this story for the moment, it may be a long time before I update New Smasher on the Block. Yeah.
Lightpaladin: Don't worry, I will. Good luck against Branford!
Okay, then. START THE STORY! ...hey, Nintendo Nut! Don't chop up the curtain!
Eliwood: You people see what I have to put up with every day?
Oy, vey...
"I've waited for this like it's a violent game.
I'm in between Grand Theft Auto and Max Payne.
I'm the magic in the hands of David Blaine.
I spit so much blood I'll leave this microphone stained.
Along came a spider spinning webs of hatred.
Welcome to the wonderful world of entertainment,
Where stars are born and celebrities tell lies.
The revolution will now be televised."
Chapter 4: An Old Friend
The Military Bullet Train, Cobalt Canyon
75 miles away from the Grand Metropolis
The bullet train rolled through the Cobalt Canyon on its way to the Grand Metropolis. It was never functional at night, but even when it was day, night or whatever, Sergeant Le Rouge of the bullet train Defense Force couldn't tell and couldn't care less. He paced up and down the train car and looked over the guards' shoulders at the computer screens they were manning, bored out of his skull and wishing for anything to break through the monotonous night.
There were footsteps beside him, but Le Rouge didn't bother to look away from the computer screen, knowing it was only Captain Dartmouth. "Give me a damage report."
"No damage so far, sir; I'm still checking." Dartmouth answered blandly.
"According to this, though, there's been a breach on the back of the train. We may have an intruder." Le Rouge said matter-of-factly. He turned to Dartmouth and shouted, "What are you waiting for? Start looking!"
"Yes sir." As Dartmouth strolled towards the back of the train, though, a pair of hands grabbed him and dragged him to the back of the train...
"What the hell is taking him?" Le Rouge grumbled several minutes later. "It doesn't take forever to inspect the goddamned train!" Grumbling to himself, he mulled over to the back of the train, flaunting a M16. When he reached the back end of the train, he saw Dartmouth; eyes agape, mouth open, a bullet hole in his forehead. "What the hell?"
Before he knew it, a pair of gloved hands had grabbed him by the neck tightly. There was a snap, and Le Rouge fell over onto the ground, instantly dead. Having done what was needed, two shadows darted through the train car to the door on the other side, but not before grabbing the M16 from the dead soldier.
"Don't we already have a gun?" Zelda asked Link as he readied the M16 for use.
"I know; we could use the extra firepower, though."
"Oh..."
"Dammit, where are they?" Johnson growled as he chained Ness and Pichu to the wall. "What the hell are they doing?"
"Patience is a virtue." Jairus retorted. "We, as the military, should hold the highest of virtues first. Even you should know that right about now."
"Oh, shut up."
"LET US GO NOW! OR...ELSE!" Pichu threatened.
"Or else what?" Johnson sneered. "You're going to smack us? You're in cuffs! Get used to it!" Jairus sighed as Johnson's and Pichu's argument deteriorated into a shouting match that could be heard from space. Needless to say, Jairus was in a bad mood and probably wouldn't get out of it anytime soon.
"Oy, vey...Johnson! Stop arguing and keep an eye out for the intruders!"
"Eh...sorry, sir." Johnson sheepishly apologized, scowling at Pichu because he was reprimanded. "Won't happen again, sir."
"I sure as hell hope not." Jairus said, leaving the train car and making his way to one of two helicopters. He pulled out a pair of garden shears and began breaking the chains...
"Man, this is boring." Staff Sergeant Normad muttered balefully as he watched the door. "Whoever the intruder was could be gone now."
"Yep..." Command Major Sergeant Benson said. "I feel sleepy...I think I'll take a little nap..."
"Yep..." Before anyone knew it, they were asleep.
Suddenly, two shadows darted out of their hiding place and carefully sneaked past the sleeping soldiers. Quick hands snatched the guns from their backs and their sidearms, and quickly tied up the soldiers, being incredibly careful to not wake the slumbering guards. Satisfied with the work, the two shadows darted past and into the next train car.
"Nice work." Link complimented Zelda. "Didn't know you could restrain people like that."
"You learn some things when you're on the run from a certain evil Gerudo King."
"Heh, I hear that." Link and Zelda sneaked into the next car, which housed the missile launcher that fired on them during their jaunt through the canyon. Being quiet, Link carefully slinked over to the first guard manning the computer, snapping his neck. Then he pressed himself against the wall, and motioned for Zelda to do the same.
"What's up?" Zelda whispered.
"Stay here." Link slowly inched out of his hiding spot, around the large missile launcher. Zelda wondered what he was doing until she noticed the soldier stepping towards her. Her first instinct would have been to run, but she saw he had something metallic in his hand—a small automatic pistol. As he continued to walk towards the frightened princess, she fought back a scream, but he continued to walk towards her...
"Eep! Oh, no...Link, where are you?"
"...? What was that?"
SNAP...
When Zelda looked out several minutes later, Link had snapped the soldiers' neck, and was picking up the fallen pistol next to him. "Link! Thank god..."
"Good thing I took him out, huh?"
"Yeah," Zelda replied, cuddling Link. "We'd better go. Ness and Pichu-."
"I haven't forgotten." Link whispered as he entered the next train car. "Let's move."
"What exactly are you planning to do with that CAUTION tape, Johnson?"
"How else am I supposed to restrain these two, huh?" Johnson argued with Cavanaugh as he tied Ness and Pichu's wrists together and dropped them unceremoniously to the floor.
"You could grab a rope from somewhere; maybe the kitchen?" Jairus snapped. "Honestly, I thought you of all people would have more sense than that..."
"Oh, shut up."
"Do you think we'll let you get away with this?" Pichu snapped.
"Heh. I should be asking you that." Johnson sneered menacingly. "You helped aliens in invading Planet Nintendo, the warm pulsebeat of the free world. You are letting your Smasher friends run loose in the Island, and now you think that we are fools? Bah! Inconceivable."
"Oh yeah? They'll stop you, Johnson." Ness growled. "I know they will."
"They're two people, kid. What can two people do?"
"Quit fucking around, Johnson! HIDE!" Jairus snapped, hearing several footsteps from the door across them. Grumbling, he quickly ran out the train car and towards the front.
"Geez, don't bite my head off..." Johnson grumbled, pulling duct tape out of the folds of his sleeve and taping Ness and Pichu's mouths shut. Working quickly, he pulled out a long cord and tied it to the knot holding Ness and Pichu's binds together, then unwound it enough to reach the kitchen. He fed it through a hole in a cabinet above the door, then hopped inside it and closed it up...
Meanwhile, Link and Zelda had stopped short of the door, formulating a plan to rescue the two friends from the military.
"So, how do we do this?" Link asked the Hylian princess.
"There are only two people. I could distract them while you undo their binds..."
"Okay...for a lack of a better idea, we'll go with that." Link and Zelda passed through the door into the dining car, weapons drawn, and Ness and Pichu were on the floor of the car, bound and gagged.
"Whoa." Zelda replied. "There's right there. Let's free them."
"Yeah." Link started over, but suddenly they were moving towards a door off to the side. "Hey! Where are you going?"
"MMPH!" Ness valiantly tried to yell while shaking his head no, but couldn't.
Curious, Link followed them into the room beyond the door, which turned out to be the kitchen. Rows upon rows of wine bottles were stacked neatly against the left-most wall, while various utensils were stacked on metal shelves to the right. Ahead of the door was a large refrigerator. Upon entry, Link reached down and undid Ness and Pichu's gags. "You okay?"
"Link! It's a trap!" Ness blurted out.
"What!" Suddenly, the door was sealed shut behind him, and Alabama Johnson bashed out the cabinet door with his fist, stabbing Link in the forearm and pinning him to the wall. "AAH! What's this!"
"This is revenge, you bastard!" Johnson yelled indignantly, punching Link in the face.
"Oh, yeah!" Link coughed up some blood, but managed a nice front kick to Johnson's stomach. He slammed into the fridge door, the handle digging into Johnson's back.
"Grr! You little!" Johnson punched Link again in anger, but was quickly countered when he attempted to kick. Link had used his free hand to punch his ankle, and Link kicked Johnson into the fridge again. "Damn you, you little..."
"I won't go down that easily!" Link yelled. He had mustered enough strength to pull the knife out of his forearm and swiped at Johnson with it. Unfortunately, Johnson ducked and tackled Link into the wall.
"GO LINK!" Pichu cheered.
"Take him down!" Ness added.
"SHUT UP!" Johnson yelled angrily. Furious, he threw Link into the metal shelves of utensils. Link tried to use them as cover, but Johnson got to him first as he planted a kick into Link's chest, forcing him into the counter. Johnson grabbed two chef knives nearby, one in each hand, and furiously swiped at Link again, but this time with no effect as Link ducked out of the way. "Goddamn it..."
"You couldn't hit a target if it were in your face!" Link retorted as he whirled around the fumbling Johnson and grabbed a frying pan from the top shelf, using all his might to slam it into the back of Johnson's head. Johnson wasn't knocked unconscious, but the shock had forced him to drop the knives. Sneering, Link had slammed Johnson into the counter, into glass bottles of wine and cooking oil. Glass shot up and cut both of their faces, and Link had shoved Johnson again into the other utensils and even into the stove.
"That tears it!" Johnson growled through gritted teeth, not even noticing the blood that trickled down his forehead and over his cheek. He aimed a furious kick into Link's groin, and slammed Link's arm into the stove; the same one Johnson had stabbed earlier; causing Link to cry out in pain.
"LINK!" Zelda yelled, banging on the door in panic.
"Oh, shit..." Ness and Zelda seemed to be thinking the same thing.
"Why, you..." Suddenly, Link kicked Johnson hard in the groin, knocking a silver lighter off his belt, and punched Johnson in the face, forcing him into the stove.
"No more games..." Johnson growled. Darting his eyes around, they rested on a weapon: a cleaver. He grabbed it and tried to slice Link with it, but missed with every swing. He did manage to slice open a gas line, though.
"Geez, you can't hit worth crap..." Link sneered, slamming Johnson into the wall fridge, kneeing his groin, and punching him in the face.
"Oh, nice one!" Pichu cheered.
"It ain't over yet!" Johnson growled, elbowing Link so hard that he was forced to reel back. Seizing the opportunity, Johnson kicked Link into the stove, grabbed the severed gas line, and tried to strangle him with it. Struggling valiantly, Link almost gave up hope. But when he noticed how close Johnson's arm was to his mouth, he used his strength to reach over and bit Johnson so hard it sent him reeling. "AAAH! What the fuck!"
"Didn't like that?" Link sneered, coughing a bit. Even while recovering, he managed to score a direct hit on Johnson's nose, breaking it and making it bleed profusely.
"Why you little!"
"Shut up!" Link growled. He kicked Johnson in the stomach again, forcing him to the wall. Then Link assaulted Johnson with several punches and a kick to the leg, as well. But nothing could prepare Link for what happened next:
"That's it! DIE, DAMMIT!" Suddenly, Johnson kicked Link into the metal shelves, and he collapsed from the pain. Then, as if to eradicate him permanently, Johnson shoved the metal shelves to the floor, making sure Link was between them, and repeatedly kicked it, forcing Link to cry out in pain each time. "How do you like that, huh? You punk!"
"AAH! Stop!" Zelda yelled. "Link! Get up!"
"HAHAHA! No one can stop me now!"
"Man, hillbilly, you need to lighten up." Link snickered. Johnson turned to the elf, and he was holding Johnson's lighter in his hands. Flicking it on, a steady flame burst forth from the metal as he threw it into the gas hissing in front of the sergeant. Suddenly, a huge plume of flame erupted in the kitchen, and Johnson was thrown backwards into the wine rack before he slumped over, dazed. It added some comedy to the situation when several bottles fell out of the rack and cracked Johnson's noggin, effectively knocking him out. Crawling out from under the shelves and pushing himself upright, he asked, "Did everyone make it out alive?"
"I think so..." Pichu replied. He looked and smelled somewhat singed, but otherwise he was perfectly fine.
"It'd be nice if someone untied us right about now?" Ness snapped bitterly.
"Heh. Same old Ness." Link replied, waving the gag around in his hand. "Maybe I should put this back on, huh? I don't even get a 'How have you been, Link' or nothing."
"Well, sorry!" Ness growled. As Link undid the bindings, Zelda had rushed into the room, seeing as the doors were now unlocked, and embraced him.
"You're okay!"
"Could've been better..." Link replied, gazing disappointedly at his clothes. Much of them were either torn apart or bloodied from the scuffle with Johnson. He also stared dismally at his arm, and then to Ness and Pichu; they looked and smelled somewhat singed. "Eh, sorry about that, guys."
"It's okay." Pichu smiled. "This happens to me a lot."
"So you were behind the explosions in the kitchen?" Ness asked.
"Hey, it's not my fault! It's like every time I cook something, it blows up in my face!"
"All right, calm down." Link said. "So, Zelda, we should-Zelda?" Link swiveled his head from side to side, looking for the Hylian princess, but had no luck. Looking questioningly at Ness and Pichu, they shrugged in response, and Link continued to search. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary; the severed gas line, the fallen metal shelves, the empty spot under the wine rack-wait, the empty spot under the wine rack? Link turned to gaze upon the wall as if expecting to see Johnson there, but there was nothing except several puddles of wine around the broken bottles. "What the hell?"
"Hahaha!" Johnson's voice blared over the intercom. "You are really stupid, Link! Why should I have those two hostages when I hold a more important card in my hand?"
"Link!" Zelda shrieked. "Help me!"
"Johnson! Why don't you die already?" Link yelled in response. Hearing nothing but static from the intercom, he cursed silently to himself. "Goddammit..."
"Now what?" Ness asked.
"...come on. We gotta go after him." Link said, grabbing a nearby ace bandage and leading the two out of the kitchen and into the next car. However... "Whoa. What's a Black Hawk chopper doing on a bullet train?"
Ness shrugged as he hopped into the cockpit of said chopper. "Dunno, but I could fly it."
Link decided to poke his head inside. There was a rope lying in the corner, and he also noticed a map on the chopper's wall and several missiles hooked to the wings. He smiled as a plan formed in his head. "Oh, I got an idea. It's..."
"All right, Johnson! I'm coming out to where you are!" Link yelled as he stepped into the next train car; an ace bandage wrapped around his arm. He was pointing his gun ahead of him as if expecting some nasty surprise.
Suddenly, he flattened himself against the wall and watched several bullets whiz by him, planting themselves into the door and the nearby doorframe. "Drop and slide, whoever you are!" Johnson's voice yelled from the other end. His hair was messed up, his clothes covered in wine and dry blood, and his face cut and drizzled in blood. In one arm he carried a 9 millimeter; in the other arm he held the Hylian princess as a hostage.
"I don't think so!" Link yelled, quickly darting to the other wall as more bullets whizzed by his fleeing figure. Opening up a nearby junction box, he pressed all the buttons inside it, deactivating the lights in the next car. Then he pulled out a smoke grenade, pulled the pin and hurled it into the space ahead of him. Meanwhile, in the air...
"All right, here we go!" Ness yelled. He and Link had broken the chains holding the chopper to the train, and while Link ran into the next car, gun drawn, he and Pichu had turned the ignition and roared into the air.
"Do I have to do this?" Pichu yelled over the chopper. Ness had tied both ends of the rope around the Pokèmon's waist and to the metal guardrail into the chopper.
"You have to trust Link on this one!"
"All right..." Pichu nervously gulped, closed his eyes, and jumped out of the cockpit, letting himself fall and fall until he bounced around. Opening his eyes, he was dangling from the chopper next to the bullet train, but the next minute smashed into the window.
"Can't hold it steady..." Ness muttered to himself.
"Down!" Johnson pushed Zelda into the ground and fired two shots at Pichu, cracking the window next to him. Link took this chance and ran forward into the next set of alcoves, pressing himself against the wall. Johnson yelled, "You think you can stop me?"
"Why else would I be here?" Link retorted. Spying a red handle on the wall, he smashed the glass cover and pulled the lever, opening up the door next to him to reveal the canyon walls next to him. Ness had noticed this and flew a little closer, making a dangling Pichu appear in the door next to him. "You let Zelda go, Johnson! She has nothing to do with this!"
"Oh, she has everything to do with this." Johnson retorted loudly. "You made it her business when you tried to go up against the military! You can't stop the unstoppable!"
"But you can die trying!" Before Johnson knew it, Zelda had pushed him into the ground, smashing his face and knocking the gun out of his hands.
"Why you little bitch!" Johnson yelled, kicking Zelda in the stomach. As she fell over, doubled in pain, he was about to strike again when Link tackled him to the floor, punching his nose again. "AAH!"
"Link!" Zelda yelped, clutching her side in pain.
"Get out of here, Zelda!" Link yelled. Johnson squeezed his arm, causing the Hero of Time to cry out. As much as she hated to leave him, leave him she must as Zelda wended her way over to the back, where Pichu was hanging outside.
"P-Pichu! What are you doing!"
"Zelda!" Pichu yelled. "You're going to have to jump!"
While Zelda was preparing for a precarious leap of faith, Link and Johnson continued to exchange blows, to the arm or leg or side or face. As Link punched him in the face, Johnson continued to struggle to get out of his grasp as Zelda grabbed the rope and hoisted herself on before she and Pichu began to climb up into the cockpit. Johnson noticed this, as he wasn't very thrilled.
"No more games, you filthy piece of shit!" Suddenly, Johnson hit Link's side hard, giving him enough of a narrow window to free himself from the Hylian's grasp. Next, showing bitter contempt, he punched Link twice in the back and kicked him hard in the jaw, sending Link reeling. Then, in an angry burst of speed, he grabbed the gun from the floor, ran over to the door and fired at the two. It didn't hit the rope, thankfully, but a bullet lodged itself in Pichu's shoulder blade, causing the butterscotch-furred Pokèmon to cry out.
"Why you little..." As Ness flew upward to escape, Link ran and smashed Johnson into the wall, trying to grab the gun out of Johnson's hand. They began to trade blows again, Johnson smashing Link's side and Link scoring a hit on the sergeant's jawbone. Eventually, Link tried again to grab the gun out of Johnson's hands, but Johnson smashed his hand again, sending him reeling. Then Link's eyes widened as Johnson pointed the gun at his forehead.
"Haha! It's come to this: you, me and a gun!" Johnson growled angrily as he cocked the barrel with his thumb. "Any last words?"
The train sped out into the industrial, futuristic city of the Grand Metropolis, passing through a tall railway bridge built over the Toutle River, calm and serene. Suddenly, an insane plan brewed in the elf's mind, but he chose to take it as the only choice he had.
"It's not my time to die, Johnson." With that, Link took a suicidal leap out of the train and toward the river below. Johnson fired at the elf, but found his efforts futile as Ness, he, Pichu and Zelda safely in the cockpit, pressed a red button and sent a missile flying toward the train.
"Your turn to do the dying, sergeant." Ness replied as Johnson watched the missile smash into the cars ahead of him. Everything was enveloped in a fiery cloud of smoke as the bullet train exploded, taking a sizeable chunk of the bridge with it. As flames licked at Link's back, he pulled out a bomb from his satchel and hurled it into the river below, sending a fountain-like blast of water into the air. Link braced for impact and plunged into the river. Thinking fast, he swam away from the bridge and towards a small sandbar in the river as stone, charred metal and embers splashed into the river behind him.
"Phew..." Link sighed, gasping heavily. He watched in relief as the chopper flew down to the sandbar. Climbing in, he remarked, "That went well, didn't it?"
"You can say that again..." Pichu grumbled, wincing as he tried to stretch. "My back hurts..."
"And my side..." Zelda added.
"Okay, okay, hold on..." After removing the bullet from Pichu's shoulder blade, Link handed both Pichu and Zelda a red potion before using one himself. "Hopefully, that's the last of it..."
"Bravo." A voice boomed over a walkman in the control panel. Link, Ness, Pichu and Zelda turned to see another chopper in the air, hovering close to the collapsed bridge. "You have done well to stop my trigger-happy subordinate, but I can assure you the rest of us aren't as easy to defeat."
"Who the hell are you?" Link retorted into the walkman.
"I am Jairus Cavanaugh, one of the five elites of the Smash Island Military." The voice answered. "Heh...you think we will let you and your otherworldly friends try and take what's ours? Think again, pal."
"Look, my name is Link Alben Gaiden, not 'pal', Jairus." Link growled. "And we will be nice; if you threaten our fellow Smashers, though, we will defend them."
"Heh...we'll see." As soon as Jairus finished speaking, the chopper ahead of them suddenly turned around and flew into the city, but not before firing a missile at the Smashers.
"WHOA!" Ness barely had enough time to evade the missile as it detonated in front of a nearby skyscraper. "That was close..."
"Go after them!" Link commanded. "That man is our only clue to the others' whereabouts."
"Got it." And the chopper chased Jairus into the city, not knowing what to expect from a military elite...
"Move out the way when I'm passing through!
I got heads to the front and the back of you!
I got the world in my hands; you can have it too;
I got two middle fingers and they're pointing at you!" –Messiah, Dead Celebrity Status (Alabama Johnson's theme)
Well, there's chapter 4 for you all.
Link: R&R!
Pichu: And keep Eliwood away from the sugar at all costs!
NN1: Oops... (girlish giggle) ...I didn't do it? (Feigns innocence, a.k.a. snuggles Link)
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Gamer21