Shiinto no Saishuuheiki
Silent Weapon
By KillingMeTendrly
A smile just for me
With blood shot eyes I watch you sleeping,
The warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading,
Would she hear me, if I called her name,
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me,
Her conscious calls the guilty to come home,
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me,
Her conscious calls the guilty to come home.
The moments died, I hear no screaming,
The visions left inside me are slowly fading,
Would she hear me, if I called her name,
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?
And I lost it all, nothing lasts forever… I am sorry, I can not be perfect, sorry, for the way I am. My love, I can not be somebody else. Now it is just too late and I can not go back, forgive me I am broken. It just slips right thru my hands. Can I stop the feelings I never even showed, I loved you too much, to let you go, but were you even mine in first place. I am sorry, I am sorry, My love, I am sorry, so sorry, I can not be perfect. Would you love me if I was to change? Would you love me if I was somebody else? Would you love me if I was more like Him? I am sorry…
… I can not be perfect.
Strange sounds woke up Kagome the next day. It looked like someone was… choking. 'What the…?'- was the thing that the miko's foggy consciousness was able to make.
"No, Miroku, I already told you, I don't want any fish. I want mushrooms!!!"- was ranting Sango, while making gagging sounds, watching the roasted fish.
"But, Sango, please just think a bit. It's the middle of the summer. There aren't ANY mushrooms, at this time of the year!"- pleaded the monk.
No, no and no!!! I want mushrooms, and I won't move 'till I don't have some! That's it, final, finite, the end I made my point, I. WANT. MUSHROOMS!!!"- was the exterminator shouting.
"OK, Sango, just cool, all right? I'll find you mushrooms…"- the priest said to a joyful Sango- "I hope…"- he finished more quietly.
This was where Kagome decided to come into the conversation- "Ummm, Sango, why don't you want any fish? It seems good to me?"
"Feh, the Bitch requested food first thing in the morning, but when she saw the fish she throw up in the bushes."- The same, old and in- tactic Inuyasha replayed.
Sango blushed deep red, with such an intensity that Kagome was afraid, that her friend's head will explode. Awkward silence was presented. Suddenly the exterminator said:
"So, Miroku, What about those mushroom? They won't pick themselves you know. Ta- ta- ta hurry, I'm hungry!"
"…….."- Everyone replay. Awkward silence again. 'Wow, that's getting a habit!'-thought the young miko. Her friend's mood swings were getting on her nerves.
"Ummm, I'm going for the mushrooms. Cross your fingers and hope I find some…"- trailed the monk and with unsure steps made his way to the forest.
Left to her thoughts Kagome started pondering, what the hell was wrong with her best friend. 'What can it be? Is she cursed? Let see what's up with her… mood swings, taste for funny food, morning vomiting… hmmm, it sounds kind of familiar. Where have I heard this symptoms… Aha, mother has said them to me in THE talk…'- on this rate Kagome shivered visibly. Good, that no one saw her. Shippo was playing with Kirara, Inuyasha was fuming on his usual tree and grunting something, about 'hormonal wenches' and Sango… well Sango has happily explaining to the air how was she going to cook the mushrooms '… so what has mother said? Oh yes!!! Every woman goes threw this when she is pregnant, so that means Sango is pregnant!
WHAT THE HELL!?! Holy cow, Sango can't be pregnant!!! So that means she... and Miroku? No it can't be… maybe I should wait a bit and then ask her if she has done something… Yes that is what I'll do!!! I must be sure, before I jump to such a conclusions… and still there's the hope that she can be cursed. What a hope…'
Now after this much thinking the miko decided to do something interesting and that was…
… reading the diary of Sesshomaru. OK, she knew it was wrong, but she really enjoyed his style. It was poetic, his words were unexplainable, but strange- they explained everything.
With determination she opened the book and started reading once again, fowling in the words of the one, that claimed to love her.
"One more time I found my self thinking of the woman, that I care for the most. This time however I was thinking about her future. Will she mate Inuyasha? I hope so… Mating him, it will give her the lifespan of a hanyou. That way for many years I will be able to watch her from the shadows. Never sleeping, never moving, just watching, admiring. I wish to watch her children grow up, deeply in my heart imagining, that they are my pups. Watching her smile at him, dreaming it was me. Seeing as she dies, walking to her grave, when everybody else are gone and then telling her my deepest secret, hoping that in the world beyond she will be able to hate me not. Praying for her soul and her happiness. Thanking her for the beautiful life she gave me. Life unknowingly to the one I love. Thanking her for all her smiles. Asking for the forgiveness for all the tears she lost. Telling her again and again, that always and forever she will be the one that will make her heart beet a little faster. Telling her that I still love her after all that time and than laying next to her for my last sleep, this time near her, the way I forever dreamed. Asking the Kamis to take my life, so that I can stay with her forever, even in the afterlife. Her silent protector. Her Shiinto no Saishuuheiki. Her lover… that she never loved.
She is with me anywhere. Whenever I go I can smell her scent, I can hear her voice. In my sleep it is the worst. Even now I can remember my dreams for her. Sometimes she comes to me. Sometimes she climes my lips with her own. Sometimes I start kissing down her neck, to where it joins, with her showder. Sometimes I touch her skin. Sometimes I taste her. Sometimes she moans. Sometimes I burry my self to the sheet in her hot wetness. Sometimes she cries from pain and pleasure. Sometimes I am gentle. Sometimes I am like beast. But every time she loves me. Every time she tells me that. Every time I wake up, with my body and soul on fire. Every time it is just a dream. Every time she loves me… not.
There are other dreams. I am standing outside my castle. Suddenly a silver- haired hanyou boy runs to me. I watch in amazement, for the reason, that he wears the crest of my home on his forehead. Then Kagome comes. She takes his hand in hers and tells me:
"Won't you greet your son and mate, Sesshomaru?"
My heart stops for a moment. I watch in disbelieve as the boy bows politely and then jumps in my hands hugging me. My love sends him to his teachers and asks me if I want to watch the sunset with her. Without waiting my response she grabs my hand and leads me to the please were the blue flower bloom. It always ends like this. Her and me. Us- hand to hand, waiting for the setting sun.
Is it this much that I want. Happiness? True love? I have never wished for anything in my life. I have fought alone. Me against the world.
I had a father that never loved me. He watched at me as a heir. A peace of meet. A father, which left his feying mate to go fuck his human bitch.
I had a mother, that was not let to go near me, in fear of spoiling me. Mother that died heartbroken and alone, cursing the man she loved.
I have a brother, that hates me, for everything I am. Brother, that never knew that I truly did not detest him, but the thing he is a symbol of- my unhappiness.
I have a heir- Rin. A daughter that will understand soon or later, that I am demon, just like the one that killed her family, that I too am a monster.
And finally I have My love. My love that do not know of my feelings. My love that will never return my emotions. A love that loves me not.
Have I not suffered enough to ask for just one thing. Oh, Great Kamis, I fall to my knees before you. I wish for her to smile, one real smile full or any emotion, but not hatred. One smile… just for me."
Kagome didn't want to read anymore, she couldn't read anymore. She hurriedly left the camp, and ran into the woods. There she fall to her knees and cried for hours. She cried for the sake of the most proud man she ever met and his tortured soul.
To Be Continued…
HEY, KillingMeTendery's here
How is it? You like the new chappy? Sorry, that I didn't update yesterday, but I had to fight my way to the computer. I lost the fight as it seems. So few things
1.Do not own the song. Bullet for my valentine do.
2.Sorry, but I already have a beta reader- Deb( slmcandle) and I think even with My Woo-Whoo number of mistakes one person can handle them.
3.Deb, I wasn't able to find you so I updated. I'll wait for you version to change it with this one
4.Thanks to everybody, that reviewed, every time I feel of, I just look at them and happy me is back
So Bye- Bye. R and R( it makes me happy!!!)
, Love KillingMeTenderly
P.S: Wanna ask you if you want to put a short chapter, all Sesshomaru's POV? If you do a simple "Yeach, I would like that." will do the job!
P.S.S: No flames my beta wasn't on. She and I will soon look up any mistakes.