A night later found Draco running his fingers through Damien's hair as the boy slept in his lap. Ayden lay asleep in Hermione's lap and she gazed down upon him with loving eyes. Looking between his two sons, he realized he had never before seen anything so precious and it still surprised that . . . he had done that.
Running his finger gently across the boy's forehead, he marveled at how quickly he had fallen in love with these kids, after only two days. He marveled at how easy it was for him to love them, how quickly he fell into their routine with Hermione.
Hermione picked up Ayden, his head lolling onto her shoulder, and motioned to the stairs. Draco picked up Damien then, and followed Hermione to the boys' bedroom. He lay Damien down and tucked him into bed, pushing a lock of hair off his forehead and he lay the covers just beneath his chin.
He bent down slowly, and kissed Damien on the forehead. When he looked up, Hermione was smiling at him with gentle eyes. She left the room and he stayed a little longer, just watching the boys sleep. He finally tore himself away, telling himself he'd see them in the morning, but it was difficult all the same.
Hermione was outside when he came out, and she closed the door to their room, leaving it open a little and turning on the hallway light.
"How on earth could we have . . . .?"
"I ask myself the same question every time I see them," Hermione said. She hesitated for a moment before saying, "I realized I never really told you I was sorry."
He looked at her. She looked up at him, biting her lip. "Doesn't change much, does it," Draco said, shaking his head.
She sighed and went back down the stairs. He followed.
Hermione opened the door to her porch and stepped out into the cool night air, crossing her arms against her chest. She sat down on the porch swing and motioned for Draco to do the same, but he didn't. When he wasn't with the boys, he felt angry and betrayed. He sat down in front of her, his arms across his chest also, and a blank stare on his face.
Hermione took a deep breath. "I know it doesn't change much, Draco. What I did was wrong, and I should have told you about the fact that I was pregnant before I never saw you again."
"Why didn't you?" Draco said.
"I was selfish, I guess. And scared too."
"What in the world were you scared of?"
". . . . I guess of how we'd raise the boys."
"What do you mean? Did you think I would teach them to hate Muggle-borns or something? I'm not that thick Hermione!"
"That isn't what I was scared of!"
"Then what, huh? What in the hell could you have been scared of?"
"This! All of our fighting and bickering! I didn't want my kids to have to grow up in that kind of environment! Kids need a loving environment to grow up in and you and I . . . we're just. . . . When I was about to tell you, the day we won your case, you came up to me, shook my hand, and you left. That was all we were, Draco. Formal. Professional. And when we weren't formal or professional, we fought and screamed and cursed and called each other fowl names. I didn't want that kind of life for my kids. . . .
"And then, I guess I was scared you take them away from me. I wasn't sure where you stood in the whole, pureblood, Muggle-born thing and I thought you'd take them away, try to 'wash them clean' of all the 'Mudblood' in them. I didn't want to lose them. I couldn't lose them."
Draco stared at her in shock. "Hermione. I – I would never do that. I would never take the boys away from you. Did you really think I was that heartless?"
Hermione shook her head, tears in her eyes. "I was stupid, okay? I'll freely admit it in this case. Part of me was still dwelling on Hogwarts and I couldn't get the image I had of you out of my head and . . . I don't know, I really don't. And all I can do is say I'm sorry. I'm incredibly sorry."
Draco reached forward, hesitating, before he placed his hand on top of hers. He couldn't lie and say that he hadn't done the same to her. Judged her based on what he remembered for school. But she had changed, a lot. But he also couldn't lie and say he wasn't angry, because he was still mad as hell. He decided, though, that for now, he could let things drop and stop pestering her about it. "It's okay, Hermione. It's okay."
Hermione threw her arms around his waist, sobbing onto his chest. He awkwardly ran his hand over her hair and another down her back. She kept saying she was sorry and he kept telling her it was okay.
She sat up, wiping her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said again.
He gave her a small smile. "It's okay, Hermione."
She smiled back but it faltered. "Can I ask you a question now?"
"I guess."
". . . . That night, in the apartment . . . why – why did you kiss me?"
Draco could feel his heart stop and his blood ran cold. How on earth was he supposed to explain that when he didn't even know. "Maybe some other time, I'll tell you."
Hermione looked as if she were about to say something else, but she stopped, nodding her head. Draco stood, giving her a small wave as he Apparated, feeling stupid for running away from things again.