End Vs Beginning
As light started shimmering through the bottom of a black screen, a far deep voice started saying, "welcome back, Harry," slowly echoing closer.
His head swam as he turned to his right, meaning to deposit some dizziness onto whatever he rested on, without any success, so he tried the left side.
"It won't go away for a while, Harry."
Oh.
"That was quite a strong defense you had there."
I don't know what you're talking about.
Whatever he lied on lifted his back and bent his knees a little.
"This is better to get the blood flowing," a female voice came from his other side.
Madame Pomfrey? Why am I in the clinic again?
He was unaware of his expression as he lost himself in thought trying to remember how he got there.
"Harry, do you remember anything that happened?"
He scrunched his face slightly then shook his head. Professor Dumbledore was about to speak when Harry started talking. "I was with…"
Professor Dumbledore looked straight at him, a twinkle of hope in his eye. "Yes, Harry?"
Harry looked into his eyes then shook his head. "No. Nothing, sir."
The sparkle died and Professor Dumbledore cleared his throat then shook his head once. "There's something we should talk about, Harry. It's about you and all those things that have been happening."
"What things?" Harry said, feeling the bedstead for his glasses.
Professor Dumbledore put it in his hands.
Harry wore his glasses and looked up patiently.
"Hermione and Ron have been telling me about your feelings of "lost time" and "I don't know how" or "when" this happened, and "I don't know where" or "who that came from."
Harry's right brow rose slightly in wonder.
"Before I say anything, is there something you'd like to tell me?"
Harry looked deeply into the older eyes and slowly shook his head.
"Stay with me, Harry. I know he's fighting to come out."
"What are you talking about, professor?" Harry said, his expression turning to that of suspicion.
"Let me explain what I'm going to tell you using last night's incident." Professor Dumbledore held up a small bag of sweet mini-slices of dried oranges. "Orange Chews?"
Harry shook his head. "No, thanks."
"Do you remember anything of last night?"
"No," Harry quickly answered – perhaps too quickly.
"Professor Snape and Draco Malfoy found you near by the Slytherin dungeons. You were in an abandoned room and not alone."
Harry's eyes widened. They found out.
"Do you remember who was with you?"
Harry refused to answer. Just don't say anything and he'll go on like he always does.
"Harry?"
Don't answer. Harry kept silent and still.
"Do you know his name, Harry?"
Don't say anything!
Professor Dumbledore frowned in disappointment.
Just don't say a word, or you'll regret it.
"If you want my word that I won't harm either of you, then you have it. I only want to help you, Harry. I want nothing else."
Don't do it, Harry. Don't say anything. If you love me, you won't say a word.
"Both of you will be safe. Anything said to me will never be uttered or mentioned elsewhere, rest assured about that."
Don't listen to him. This man betrayed us too. "Do you promise?" Harry! What are you doing?!
Professor Dumbledore nodded and kept watching every emotion flicker in Harry's face. "I promise you, Harry."
LIAR! "Relax, Dan. It's ok. I trust him" You idiot!
Professor Dumbledore's eyes softened. "Dan?"
Harry gasped.
"Does Dan have a last name?"
If you say anymore, he'll fuck you over so bad, Potter. "Rad…cliffe." Harry looked down. "Daniel Radcliffe." He quickly looked up at Professor Dumbledore. "You promised!"
Professor Dumbledore quickly redeemed his calm expression. "Yes, yes I did." He paused. "In fact, I couldn't do anything, even if I wanted to."
Harry tilted his head, curious. "Why not?"
"Because in the whole of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry… there is no such person present as Daniel Radcliffe."
Harry gave a look of disbelief and kept quiet for a few seconds before an unavoidable, disbelieving, "huh?" escaped his lips.
"Daniel Radcliffe, when standing in front of you, is a figment of imagination… because, Harry… Daniel Radcliffe is you. Always was, always will be."
Now who's the nut? Harry shook his stray thoughts away. "Huh?"
"All this lost time, these things appearing out of nowhere… the sudden appearance of 'Dan'… your new look at times and not remembering things… Harry, Madame Pomfrey has tested and analyzed your brainwaves. They are no longer in sync."
"What do you mean no longer in sync?"
"Because of repeated trauma, your brain has split its senses and streams."
"Are you telling me I'm crazy?"
"No."
"Then what exactly are you saying?" Harry said, feeling confused and frustrated.
"It used to be referred to as Multiple Personality Disorder, now more commonly known as Dissociative Identity Disorder among professionals." Professor Dumbledore absorbed Harry's look of disbelief and confusion and went on. "You and Dan are the same person. Dan is a manifestation of all the darkness and pain you went through. Your subconscious uses Dan to get rid of all the feelings you shouldn't be feeling, like a gateway. Unfortunately, it turned into something physical and landed you here repeatedly, as you might have noticed."
"You mean all those times Dan and I met… it wasn't… real?"
Professor Dumbledore didn't know how to respond to that.
"How can he be me? He doesn't even look like me. He doesn't have a scar, he's neater, and he doesn't wear glasses. He even walks, talks and acts differently!"
"-Which is a completely different personality than you."
"Exactly."
"Harry… it's not as bad as it sounds."
"It's not as bad as it sounds?! You're calling me nuts here, professor!"
"It isn't complicated as in the muggle world. It has treatment potions and proper care."
"I'm not Multiple Dissociative Whatever Identity Personality, and Daniel is real! He's always been there for me. He… Wait, Hermione and Ron know?"
Professor Dumbledore nodded.
"So they think I'm crazy too?"
"Harry, no one thinks you're crazy. Listen to me, my boy – we will help you through this. With support and medication you'll be good as new in no time."
"Wait, who else knows? Does the rest of the school know?"
"Professors do, as well as Mr. Malfoy."
"MALFOY? Great! Just as good as the whole school thinking I'm bonkers."
"Mr. Malfoy will not be trying anything."
"How can you say that? My life is officially ruined! He hates me! He'll do anything to step all over me… and you – YOU, no less – told him I'm crazy?"
Harry held his head.
I told you not to trust anyone. "You were right… you were right, Dan… I'm sorry… I'm sorry!"
"Harry, please don't go away!"
Sobs continued to wrack his body. Now they'll take you away where every wall is white and there are nice nurses with tranquilizers everywhere! "No! No… please don't let them take me away, Dan… Please… don't leave me…"
"Please calm down, Harry. Mr. Malfoy will not be doing or saying anything about it!"
Madame Pomfrey reentered the section to Professor Dumbledore muttering an incantation.
Minutes later, Harry was subdued to drowsy numbness as he looked around him.
"It's going to be ok, Harry. I promise you."
You always promise me things. Everyone. And I all I get is shards when they're shattered.
"Hush now."
Professor Dumbledore looked up to the door.
"Is everything alright?" a girl's voice spoke from his other side.
"Hello Ms. Granger, Mr. Weasley. Do come in."
"What's wrong with Harry? Why isn't he moving?
"He'll be alright, he's just resting."
Are you real Dan? Am I crazy? Harry's eyes dulled. Of course I am, Harry. Of course I am. With that, everything went black, and when they returned, he was standing in front of a portrait before it swung open.
"Well, hello there."
His eyes widened. "M…Malfoy?!"
Draco Malfoy leaned on the frame as his expression turned to that of amusement. "I see. Get in," he said, pulling Harry in from his collar, the portrait shutting after them. Harry looked around.
"Welcome to my love nest, Potter," Malfoy said, amusement and sarcasm in his voice, as he sat himself on a couch.
Harry looked at him. "What's going on?"
"You tell me."
"No, I mean how the hell did I get here?"
Malfoy scratched his chin. "You're raving mad, you fucking lunatic. You show up and ask me how you got here?"
Harry turned and looked around once more.
"You know him, don't you?"
Malfoy looked at him before standing. "He left this for you," he said, retrieving an envelope from the bedstead.
"How do I know it's not cursed?"
Malfoy gave him a bored look.
Harry took the envelope and took out the parchment inside.
'As much as I hate leaving you, I know we can't be together, not in the same body anyway, if you get my drift. I brought you here because Draco knows, understands, and he can help you. Trust him, Harry. I did. Take care of yourself and heal soon, I want to get out of here, please – I have a life too you know. Now get yourself together (pun intended) and never look back. I'm always in your heart. If you ever doubt yourself, strength-wise or whatever, just look in the mirror. You and I, we are one and we'll never let each other down. Hell, I'm you, damn it! Love, Daniel Radcliffe. PS: Tell Tom Draco I love the idiot before he cries.'
With a heavy heart and welling eyes, Harry folded the parchment once more. He looked up at Malfoy who looked like he was waiting for something to be said.
"I… uh… I… uh…"
"Grunting while repeating isn't attractive, Potter, no matter what your sorry excuse of a social coach told you."
Although it was aimed to hurt, Malfoy's eyes told a different story.
"Daniel says he…"
"Daniel says what?"
"Daniel says he…"
Malfoy's hands closed around Harry's arms and pushed him to the wall. "What did Daniel say?"
Harry held the parchment up and Malfoy took without a thought and read through it.
Harry's eyes widened as Malfoy started swearing and cursing. "Hey! That's me you're dissing!"
"He isn't you, Potter. He isn't like you. He's-"
"Well what is he like then?"
"He's not a lucky shit asshole who thinks the world revolves around him. He isn't a sod about anything and doesn't gloat about his Mudblood and Co. friends! He's good at potions and…"
"Next you'll tell me he was a Slytherin."
Malfoy looked at him. "He was."
Stop talking about me in the past tense you pricks, I'm still here. "Shut up, Dan." Someone grew a bone.
"Huh? What?" He paused. "Just get the fuck out, Potter."
Don't walk out, Harry. Don't ruin this. Harry made his way to the exit. What are you doing? Hey! He swung it open and froze at the door.
"Well, well, well… what do we have here?"
Malfoy slowly turned to the door. "It's not what you think Zabini. Now fuck off."
"You'll be in so much trouble, Malfoy."
"I don't give a shit right now, so fuck off before Hogwarts has your guts for breakfast."
"Gross, Malfoy," Harry said, a bitter taste making its way to the tip of his tongue.
"Guess who's not eating breakfast," Zabini said.
"Get the hell out, both of you!"
"Unlike you, Draco, I care, so you better not get in trouble for this.
Malfoy rolled is eyes. "I know exactly how supportive you are of what I do with my life, Blaise, so why don't you just screw off to bed and show poor, little, confused Pothead here the way out."
When the exit sealed, Malfoy took his robes and shoes off then loosened up his clothes before lying down. "You fucking bastard, Potter. You think you own the world." He reread the parchment. "Idiot." He folded it and returned it into the envelope before tucking it safely in the bedstead's drawer. "Fucking idiot," he muttered before falling asleep.
Harry walked into Gryffindor Tower and paused, looking around. "Now this is more familiar."
"Harry! Where have you been?" Hermione exclaimed, running down the stairs towards him. "Professor Dumbledore gave me this to pass to you." She held out a tiny dove, about 3x4x2.5 inches big (law of lwh [length-width-height, anyone?).
"What's that?"
"It's a messenger bird. It senses when you need help and calls for it when you do."
"Isn't it kind of tiny to be a ghetto bodyguard?"
Hermione giggled.
"Harry!"
"Hey Ron."
"And these are from Madame Pomfrey."
Harry looked at the small pouch in Hermione's hand, knowing exactly what was in there. He looked at his friends' expressions. They seem sincerely worried… not afraid… not disgusted.
"Also… there was a note for each of us… we know about…" she started to say.
Harry looked down. Yes, they know I'm mad.
"Well, if it helps you, then I guess we can accept it. He did after all join our undercover alliance."
Harry looked up, "huh?" Very smooth, Harry. Very smooth. "Shut up."
Hermione and Ron looked at him surprised.
"Uh… sorry. I was imagining… Professor Snape, telling me I had homework." He swallowed.
Hermione frowned. "Well… take the potions and change into something comfortable then come back down so we can go for dinner."
He nodded.
He went up and looked for something to wear. His eyes fell on a note stuck to the door of the closet. 'With all due respect to my other self, your taste sucks. Thusly, I took the liberty of 'aiding' with that. Enjoy! (And for the love of God, match them right.)' He had an odd expression on his face as he opened the closet door and looked through the stuff. My God.
Twenty-five minutes later, Ron barged into the room. "GOD DAMN IT HARRY, WE'RE HUNGRY!" He paused and stood. "New look?"
"Robes." He put on the robes and grinned.
"Come on, mate. Let's go."
The trio walked to the Great Hall, Hermione and Ron not noticing Harry's change in demeanor.
"Love the new look, man. You should stick with it instead of going back and forth all the time," Seamus said, winking.
"Are you hitting on me, Seamus?"
"Me? I might be," Seamus said, drawing a halo with his finger over his head. He leaned over. "I know you swing both ways, mate, so if you ever…" he did a motion with his eyes, "you know where to find me."
"Sure Seamus, perhaps somewhere between 1 and 5 am."
"I'll be asleep then."
"Exactly."
"But anything for you, Harrykins!"
Ron rolled his eyes as some others chuckled.
"Go away, Seamus, I found him first!" Ginny dramatically mocked.
"Ladies, stop fighting. Everyone will get a turn in said time," Harry joked, winking at them.
"Oh, Harry!" Seamus sighed, mock-fainting against Harry, starting another round of laughter.
Once more, Harry, found himself staring at the portrait before it swung open.
"Do you know what time it is?"
"Apparently not."
"What do you want?"
Daniel I will kill you. He frowned.
Malfoy sighed. "Get in."
Harry entered and followed Malfoy.
"Ok. What?"
"I don't know what. Frankly, I'd rather be asleep right now."
"Ditto. Now tell me what you want and just sod off to bed."
"Why are you nice to me lately, Malfoy?"
Malfoy gave him a bored look but said nothing.
Harry sighed. "Tell me about your relationship with Dan."
Malfoy's lips twitched and remained still.
"Come on, Malfoy. I know there was something."
Malfoy frowned. "We were good friends."
"Just good friends?"
"Just good friends. With benefits."
"Ew."
Malfoy snorted.
"So you two…"
"Yeah."
"Ew."
Malfoy's brow rose.
"That's it?"
Malfoy shrugged.
"Is that why you stop being an asshole and pledged allegiance to the alliance?"
"He was very enticing about it," Malfoy chuckled.
"Please don't go into details," Harry said, grimacing. His expression turned thoughtful. "So this has been going on for a bit over a month then."
Malfoy nodded.
"And nobody bothered to tell me."
"I didn't know it was… like this. I thought you just wanted… a different identity or something. Perhaps thought of it as a fetish in the beginning."
Harry made a face. "So you were willing to be my… beneficial… friend?"
"Face it, Potty. Quidditch did well for you and whipped your physique in shape. Besides, you were quite willing."
"It wasn't me!"
"Whatever." Malfoy shifted. "Are you done?"
"No."
"What else do you want to know?"
"Did we… you know?"
"Not the whole way."
"Oh. Well. Thank God," Harry said, almost relieved.
"We almost did on many occasions though."
"Too much information, ferret."
"If you're done, I'd like to go back to sleep, although tomorrow's Saturday."
"So are we going to be friends at this rate, Malfoy? Because if we are, we have to work out something with Ron and Hermione."
"Right, forget it then."
Harry frowned. "You'd give up Dan for that?"
Malfoy's face tightened. "Don't you dare speak to me that way you inane imbecile."
"Look, no, I'm sorry. I just… let's try, ok?"
Malfoy waited.
"For some seriously misguided reason, I feel at ease with you, though I can't imagine how I hate your guts at the same time," Harry said, avoiding Malfoy's gaze. "I know there's a good person in there somewhere and you've shown it."
"Don't goodie-two-shoes me at goddamn 2 fucking am, Potter."
"Sorry. I just… he said you'll help me…"
Something in Malfoy's eyes changed at Harry's expression. "Look, I normally don't talk like that to people aren't… well, me, but you have to believe in yourself."
He'll take care of you, Harry. Just like I did. Harry's eyes welled up a little. Draco loves you. Trust me for once, dork. He took a step closer to Malfoy. That's it, Harry. That's it. One step at a time. You'll be ok.
Malfoy held out his hand and Harry reached for it. There were no interruptions this time, nothing surreal… Just him. And Draco.
Draco took his hand and pulled him closer, wrapping his arm around Harry's waist. Then there was darkness and different kind of shimmering light. But this time, it wasn't lost time. Not anymore. Draco made sure Harry was there for every moment until he was well again. Neither of them missed Daniel Radcliffe, because he was always there, in Draco's heart and Harry's eyes.
Harry pulled back and again when Draco came closer. "Wait."
"What?" Draco asked, sobering up like a screeching tire.
"What about Ron and Hermione?"
"Social hour is not till six and a half more hours."
Harry smiled.
Sometimes the most unlikely things come together so well, life's art of catharsis. And that was how it all ended… and began.