Chapter 6

Conner looked like he didn't know what to say which really was alright since I wouldn't have known how to respond. My son had been all mine for a long time. It was going to be hard to have to share him if Conner wanted to be apart of his life. David had a lot of father figures, but this was going to be his real father.

"This is all surreal to me. I don't even know my own sons name," he wondered.

"It's David. His full name is David Colin Wakefield. He likes to be called David because it makes him feel older."

"Do Sandy and mom know about him?"

I nodded, "It took some convincing to keep them from telling you about the baby, but I think they realized just like I did that you wouldn't have took the news well," I said.

I laughed bitterly, "I love how everyone made assumptions about what I was ready for."

My heart went out to Conner. That had to be hard for Conner to hear. Knowing that those closest to him had lied, no matter what their intentions were.

"How did you feel when you found out that you were pregnant?" he said sounding a million miles away.

"Do you honestly want to know?" I asked.

When he nodded I told him, "I felt cheated." I said truthfully.

He looked surprised, "Conner you have to understand that even though I love our son more then the world at the time I was mad. I had spent my whole life living by the rules and then the one time that I broke them I end up pregnant. It took me a long time to find out that David was a gift. I didn't realize that until I held him he wasn't supposed to be a punishment, but something to be treasured."

I knew that Conner was surprised that I could feel resentment toward our child. I knew he thought that I always looked at the positive. It got to me a little; it made me realize that he really didn't know me. I don't think I realized how little he did know me until that minute. It made me wonder how little I knew about Conner. Had I really done the right thing by not telling him about David? I had no right to doubt myself now, but I couldn't help it.

I took pity on him, "I wouldn't worry too much about Teddy, Conner, really. If she really loved you then I don't think that this news will cause any major damage. She'll understand," I reassured.

He looked lost, "Was I really that screwed up in high school?"

I gave him a look, "You had a drinking problem, and you had to go into rehab Conner. I don't know. Do you think that you weren't screwed up in high school?"

He sighed, "I guess you had reason to doubt how I would take the news." He looked at me, "But I have to ask. If you thought I was so screwed up, why did you have a relationship with me?"

I shrugged because truthfully, it was years later and I still didn't know the answer to that. He was right; at the time I had known that he had issues.

"I liked you," I stated, "I don't know why. You didn't understand me as a person that was for sure because you were always making incorrect assumptions about me, but I was drawn to you I guess."

He slumped down on the overstuffed white love seat that was across from the couch were I was sitting. How I ended up sitting down I didn't know.

"I mad a really big mess of things."

I hesitated, "Conner I don't think that you understand that things aren't as bad as they look. I want you to know that you have a son. I want our son to meet you, but I don't want him to know who you are. Sure things are going to change, but it's not like your going to be responsible for him or anything.

He looked hurt and angry, "I take offence to that Liz. I can be a good father."

"I'm not saying that you can't be, but think about this from were I'm standing. You're not going to be a major part of his life. You're getting married. You move around a lot from what I here about you from Megan. David isn't in danger of being scared for life because he doesn't have a father. He has a lot of father figures," I pulled my hands through my hair.

"You don't understand what it's like not to have a dad. You always had one. There might be a lot of father figures in his life, but he doesn't have a real dad," he explained rather emotional about the subject.

"Conner, David has made it known that he would like to have a dad around. Yes I know that he wants to know why you aren't around, but the truth is that even if we did go to my house right now and tell David who you are, he's going to have unrealistic expectations what's going to happen."

His eyes hardened with anger, "I'll be there for him Liz," he promised.

"No you won't. You're getting married soon-"

"Two weeks. I came down here to tell the family. Teddy wants to get married here, so we're here," he cut me off.

I raised an eyebrow at his actions, but kept my mouth shut. He seemed nervous, but then I guess he had a right to be since he was getting married.

"You're not going to be a major part of his life. He can spend time with you any time you two want. After awhile he can even visit you. You can be a part of his life, but to say that your going to always be there for him isn't realistic, because you're getting married. You're going to have a life of your own," I pointed out.

He didn't say anything to that and I hoped that his silence meant that he saw my point. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts, and I let him think for a bit, but then I noticed that how late it was.

"Conner it's almost seven thirty. David is going to have to be in bed in about an hour. Do you want to stop by the house and see him?"

He nodded and got up. I jumped off the couch and stopped him before he could go anywhere, "You're not going to tell him who you are?"

"No, I can see what you're getting at. I won't tell him."

I sighed in relief. I wouldn't have prevented him from telling David who he was if he really felt that he had too. But it was better this way. I was convinced.

I smiled at him, "Don't worry about David, Conner. He has a lot of loving people around him. If he ever needs to talk to a male figure or anything he never has to search far. Todd is usually around al lot, and then there's Steven….." I trailed off when I noticed he tensed up on me.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I just was surprised when you mentioned Todd was all. You two didn't seem too friendly toward each other during our senior year."

I turned and went to go keys so we could leave, "It was awkward for us both that year, because of the break up, but we got close again when he found out that I was pregnant. We've known each other forever. It wasn't a surprise when we finally made up. He been around a lot these past couple of years," I explained as we walked out the door.

"Are you dating him?"

"No."

Conner wanted to take separate cars, but I pointed out that he could probably hitch a ride with his sister and mother when they left the house. They were at my parents house visiting David anyway. That seemed to bug Conner, but he didn't say anything so I let it drop. I understood that he was going to weary around them for awhile. I felt guilty for involving them into this, but there wasn't much I could have done about it.

"So what have you been up to all these years?" he asked to make conversation.

"Oh, wow. Let's see. After you left I stayed in here for awhile, but then I was getting a little smothered by everyone so I decided that I would try and go to college awhile so I went to Wisconsin and went to a community college there. Don't ask why I picked Wisconsin I still can't answer that one. Anyway, I went there for about a semester, but that wasn't working out and I missed home so I came back, and I had the baby. I stayed for a couple of months, but I wasn't comfortable with that much either so I moved to Chicago we're I've been for about four and a half years.

"I want to go back to college, but right now I'm to busy so I'm working for a small magazine company right now. I don't do much, because of my limited education, but it pays well. I started out as a secretary, but someone found my work one day, and so I've been writing small articles for the BIG GOSSIP, the magazine, ever since. You can tell by the title that there not real important articles.

"Anyway, right now I'm writing a book, working, and taking care of David, but that's about it. How about you?"

He laughed, "Well not as much as you that's for sure. When I left home I went to New York, and I tried college for about a year, but that didn't really work out so I dropped out. I don't know if I plan to go back or not. Since then I've traveled a lot and just been moving around. I'm still into music so I've been working with that for awhile. That's actually how I met Teddy. She's a singer/model and I ran into her at a club. Just recently we got engaged and I came down here to tell the family."

"That's nice," I said as we pulled into the driveway.

"Okay, before we go in I want to know a little about my son."

I turned to him and saw that he was nervous, "Don't worry. You'll be fine. Let's see. What can I tell you about our son? He lives for music just like you. He looks like you. He's really shy, and he doesn't like sports."

I smiled, "He's a very good boy, and you'll fall in love with him the second you meet him," I assured, getting out of the car.

We walked up the driveway with Conner close behind me. I could feel the tension coming out of him like waves, but I didn't say anything because I was almost positive that I was having the same problem. I didn't have to think about how to introduce the two of them though because David wasted no time rushing out the door to greet me as soon as I was about to put the key in the lock. I picked him up and he hugged my neck like he was never going to let go.

"David, mommy can't breathe," I joked laughing.

"I missed you," he confessed.

"Yes I can see that."

I remembered Conner and turned to him, "Conner I would like you to meet my son David," I introduced gesturing to our son in my arms, "David I want you to meet a friend of mine, Conner."