Chapter 15

I got to sleep the night before the wedding. It felt like the first night's I had been able to have in forever and I was more than enjoying it when my cell phone started ringing. I seriously thought about tossing it across the room before I gave in and picked it up. The only reason I had kept it on was because I knew that my sister might call needing help with the baby and I wanted to be there for her. It was why I had come home in the first place and I had barley been there for her.

When I looked at the caller ID, it didn't say that my sister was calling but that Teddy was calling me, and that was weird because she hardly ever called me for anything. While I was planning her wedding, I wasn't dealing with her most of the time. I was dealing with her mother, and even more confusing was it was 4 in the morning. If there was anything important that needed to be done then it wasn't going to get done tonight.

I finally picked up the phone. "Hello," I slurred sleepily.

I heard Teddy cry through the phone, and I was jolted awake by the sound, "What's wrong?"

"I called the wedding off."

That one really god me up, "You did what!" I shouted.

She repeated herself, "I couldn't go through with it Liz. I care about Conner and I want to get married and have a family but I don't think I'm ready for all of this. I mean, look at what the wedding turned into. I'm 22 years old and I still let my parents push me around. What kind of wife would I make?"

I couldn't believe this, "Teddy, you aren't thinking, you're just nervous because you're getting married in a couple of hours."

Teddy let out another sob, "I'm not ready for all of this. I'm not ready to be a mother to David anymore then I'm ready to be a wife to Conner."

I wouldn't let my personal feelings overshadow that I had to do the right thing so I continued to try and change her mind, but the more I tried to convince her that she was doing the wrong thing by letting panic rule her emotions, the more she became convinced that she was doing the right thing for once in her life. It got me angry and left me shocked, but by the time I finally got off the phone with Teddy, I realized that while I had been planning her wedding, Teddy had been slowly losing her nerve and was looking for a way to get out. I had no idea what was going on, but she told me not to worry about it. That everything was being taken care of. She finally hung up and I finally admitted to myself that I once again wasn't going to get any sleep.

With the sun, came the phone calls. I got the first one from Teddy's mother, who blamed this whole mess on me, and told me she was going to sue. Next, Jess's phone call was made to congratulate me on my good luck. She told me that not that Conner was free, I could have him. I knew that she was joking, and I took it in good humor. I needed it. I had to make a lot of phone calls, and make sure that everything was cancelled, and then it rained.

I was in the middle of eating a salad and working through my phone when Conner walked into the kitchen looking better than one would think one would look after being dumped. I got off the phone and gave him a hug, "I'm so sorry Conner."

"I should have known that this wasn't what she wanted, but I was too busy getting used to being a father and making sure that we got custody settled to do anything else. I was supposed to know her better than anyone else and I missed it," Conner went over to the kitchen table and took out a chair to fall into.

I went over to my place at the counter and let him think while I made a couple more calls. David slept over at Tia's for the night so I didn't have to worry about him. She called and asked if I wanted her to take him for another night so I could get a little break and I took it. As much as I loved David, I needed rest more than anything.

I was in the middle of making another call when Conner spoke. "I didn't love her like I should have," he admitted.

I rose and eyebrow and almost spit out my coffee, and I let him continue. "I loved her because I had grown to love her I guess, but I knew there was something missing. I know I sound like a sap, but I had to say it."

I was shocked that he was telling me this, "Why were you going to marry her if you didn't love her?"

"She reminded me of you a little. Teddy was someone I could talk to, and I was attracted to her and I figured that was more then I could hope to get with my track record. I wanted a family. I wanted to get married, and we were working out."

"When she came to me and told me she wasn't ready to do this. I didn't know what to think at first. I was mad in the beginning and there was a lot of yelling to start out with, but then she opened up and I listened. We worked through it and decided that it wasn't going to work and the right to do was to call off the wedding. Then we called her mother who…"

"Blamed the whole thing on me," I interrupted. "She called me this morning."

He winced, "Sorry about that."

I shrugged and didn't let my emotions show. "I had a part in this I won't deny that."

Conner finally looked at me then. He really looked at me and I wanted to look anywhere but at him. "I would have never called it off because I had feelings for you. I do and I realized that awhile ago, but I never back down from a promise, I did enough of that when I was in high school. Life isn't perfect and it doesn't work out the way you always wanted it too, so if she had wanted to get married I would have gone through with today, but that doesn't mean that I wished I could have done things a little differently in the past."

Conner was saying all the right things and I wanted to jump into his arms and never let go, but since this was real life and not some romance novel I stayed where I was and didn't let my emotions get into this.

"I love you Conner," I admitted bluntly.

He started to say something and a butted in, "The problem with that is that I can't handle a relationship right now. I don't know what I want any more then you do. I said that I wanted more kids, but not now. I can't even decide if I like living in Chicago or not. I don't know what school David's going to go to when summer is over. I don't know a lot of things that I should. I'm lost, and the last thing I need is a serious committed relationship right now."

"I think that we could make this work if we tried hard enough," Conner told me bluntly.

I had to give it to him. He wasn't seducing me into making the "right" decision. "I think that if we actually lived in a fictional world then it would work out to, but we're different people Conner, and right now your barely out of an engagement and I have so much stress right now, I'm about to see a psychologist. I need time."

He looked at me and for the first time I could see how much he had grown up. He didn't totally agree, but I knew that he would give me the space that I needed because he wanted it to work and that told me more than any words could. It told me that sometime down the road it just might work out. Maybe not next week, or next year, but when we were both ready to do this our feelings would still be there and we would both be ready for it.

Two months had passed since the almost wedding of the year and things were a little better. Conner had decided that it was time to make a change and he moved to Chicago to be close to David. David loved having his father so close and loved spending time with him. I loved the breaks that I got from being a mom. For a long time that had been all I had been and I liked having a couple days to myself once in awhile. I loved David more than itself and I always missed him, but I liked my freedom.

Conner wasn't dating anyone, but I was putting myself out there. I still loved Conner, and I felt that the time was coming when we would start something up again, but for the moment I was looking for something lighthearted. I wasn't looking for a serious relationship or anything. I was just looking for a night out. I never slept with any of them, and Conner was always more than willing to watch David for me while I went out.

I was nice to watch the colors he changed in whenever he ran across my dates. It was all in good fun, as crazy as that sounded and I got a kick of him getting so jealous over the guys that came to pick me up. Conner knew that this was something that I had to do and he wasn't going to stop me but he wasn't going to like it either.

I was going to make a good wife someday; I was just waiting for the right time. Right now I was just having fun being a little more carefree and not so serious. I was enjoying it too.