In the months following the incident with the bullies, I withdrew into myself. I was not afraid of others, but of myself. I was afraid of what I could do caught unaware, either with magic or with my condition. So from that point on, I held more control on myself and my emotions than I had before. I refused to allow my emotions to clutter my thoughts. I turned instead to books, reading Muggle and Wizard classics alike. Yet the weight of what happened and what may happen was always on my chest; carried around like a dead weight, not eased in any way by Oliver Twist or The Day My Cat Turned Purple.

Another challenge during this time, for me was to ignore my dreams of going to Hogwarts. I had always wanted to go to Hogwarts since I heard the stories my parents used to tell. My mind told me my chances were less than zero.

Although my parents had warned me not to get my hopes up too high, and no matter how hard I tried not to hope, I did in fact nurture a secret hope that one day I would be allowed to go to Hogwarts. Especially when my mum sent out a letter to the Headmaster, Professor Dippet explaining the situation and asking what should be done.

This hope was crushed not two months later; my parents had received a letter that went:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Lupin,

I am sorry that it had taken me so long to respond to your letter, but life at Hogwarts has always been very busy. In response to your letter, I'm afraid that we cannot permit your son to attend Hogwarts. Although I understand the difficulty in your situation, and I pity you to have such a thing happen, I must say that it is entirely impossible.

You must put yourself in my position; although your son was a Wizarding child, and had magical abilities, he is now a werewolf, and therefore unable to attend. I cannot put the other students in danger for the purpose of his education. I am very sorry for being so brusque, but there really is no nice way to say such a thing. There is really nothing further that can be done in this situation. I have spoken it over with the Deputy Headmaster; and we didn't quite see eye-to-eye in the matter; but I think it is for the best.

I am very sorry for you, it must be really terrible for you to loose your son at such a young age, especially in the…er…circumstances of the time. When he becomes of age where, had he been human, he would have come to Hogwarts….perhaps we will send you a curriculum and other aids that will help you educate him, but there is nothing else I can do.

I wish both of you the best in your situation. If you would like to reach me, feel free to owl me at any time. Again, I am very sorry.

Sincerely,

Professor A. Dippet.

I felt waves of disappointment as my last hope for a real life in the Wizarding world was crushed. And yet it didn't hurt as much as I had expected. Rather, it felt like I had experienced the entire thing outside of my body, like a spectator watching a play. My mind had told me all along that there was no point, even though my heart had hoped against hope. I guessed what hurt the most in Professor Dippet's letter, was the way that he pitied my parents, and regarded me as a monster, or a slug. That stung more, but I was already used to that reaction from most wizards.

One thing that really helped me to "accept" what had happened was my parent's support. Although they did not want me to feel any self-pity; in fact they encouraged me to live the same life that a "normal" person would; they said and did the exact things that made me feel better.

Despite their support, for the second time in my short life, I had to deal with a terrible disappointment. For the second time, I had to force myself to cope with a horrible twist of faith. Once again, I would have to suffer without hopes of changing a horrible situation that I did not cause.

That night I lay awake in bed for hours, unable to fall asleep. I stared up at the ceiling of my room watching the shadows cast by the bright half-moon and the tree outside my window. I lay trying to figure what I could possibly do in life…trying to think of where to turn…what to make of myself. Without a proper education in magic, I would be at yet another disadvantage.

I finally gave up and clamoured out of bed with the intention of getting a glass of water. I stopped outside my door quietly in the dark hall frowning. I heard my parents having a heated conversation in the kitchen. Although I didn't want to eavesdrop, I couldn't help but overhear what was being said.

"I can't believe Dippet answered so coldly! I always considered him to be a slightly old-fashioned grandfather; not a prejudice person. And what did he mean by the deputy headmaster and him not seeing eye-to-eye."

They must be arguing over the letter, I thought. I heard my dad mutter a response. I edged closer.

"I feel so terrible about the entire thing. It's my fault that Remus can't go to Hogwarts….it is my fault that he can't have a future," said dad vehemently. I was startled by the emotion in his voice.

"Shh," whispered mum in her soothing way, "That's utterly ridiculous, David, you can't possibly be suggesting that-"

"I can't suggest?" he responded "What do you mean? If I hadn't-"

"You couldn't have possibly handled the situation any better than you did! It's not your fault what happened, he's a madman…you know he is. Do you think he would have left us alone? Even if you did what he wanted, he would still have tried to hurt us. I feel bad about what happened, but it's in the past. We can't change it no matter how hard we try, so we might as well accept it. Remus has…why can't you? Let go of it, it's not your fault…let go for your own sake and for Remus's".

"Remus," said my dad, "I have to tell him-" I heard the scrape of a chair as he got up.

"You mustn't!" cried my mum, "Don't tell him yet, he's too young, he can't handle it, the poor boy has bee through enough already."

"Exactly my point!" said my dad, "Remus is a lot tougher than you think, Anne, what if he shows up again? I can't risk it. I can't stand to cause him anymore pain. I don't want to loose my son."

"Remus is fine…wait until he is a bit older; until he's ready. He's already been through too much…he's tough, that I know, but there's only so much he can take. I love him, and I don't want to see him hurt. I think the knowledge of the full situation will be more likely to hurt him than-"

"Remus!" said my dad suddenly. I started, he had just noticed me in the shadows of the kitchen doorway.

"Remus," said my mum quickly trying to speak before my dad had a chance to say anything, "What are you doing up so late?"

Looking up at them both questioningly, I responded "I wanted to get some water, but I heard you arguing, and didn't want to bother…" letting my voice trail off, I met their eyes trying to get some answers; what was the 'whole situation' that they were talking about?

"We weren't arguing, just discussing…You wanted water? I'll get it for you, love" said my mother.

My dad looked at me carefully. Hoping that I could get some answers from him, I asked, "What's going on?" For a moment, he looked on the verge of telling me, but a moment later, he seemed to decide against it, "Nothing, Remus. Don't worry, just a friendly discussion."

I knew he was lying, and he knew that I knew he was lying, but he answered me in a way that said the discussion was over. I nodded. Then, we all left the kitchen and went to bed.

For the second time that night I lay awake. What could this situation be? Why don't they want me to know? It involves me, I can tell, but who is this 'madman'? Heaving a sign, I turned around and fell asleep, hoping that this new mystery would be answered before long.

Time passed as it always does. My transformations remained as painful as ever, and, while I still dreaded them, and never got 'used' to them, per-say, I grew into the habit of the painful cycle; the complete loss of the sense of self; the pain; the weakness; the usual.

I tried to get myself used to the idea that I would never be a real Wizard. The though still hurt, but like my transformations, while I didn't accept it, I knew there was nothing I could do, so I stopped worrying about it.

I began to think of jobs that I could take in the Muggle world to try to support myself. I found that I had a strong talent in literature. I was always receiving top marks in English. There was one particular short story that I was very proud of, which I had entered into the grade-wide writing contest. I won top place in the contest, and was so proud of myself. For the first time in my life, I got recognition for my talents.

I remember how happy my parents were when they found out the news. They were so proud of me. Although I was still an outcast in school, I did receive some recognition for my writing abilities. Of course that made me even more of a "nerd" but I honestly didn't care. To me, it proved that eventually in life, hard-work pays off; and rather than mourning over loss, one should move on, gather the broken pieces of their life, and continue plotting on.

And that was how my life continued. By the time of my 10th birthday, I had given up all hope of Hogwarts.

All that changed, however, one morning when I sat down to breakfast. A Daily Prophet owl flew in through the open kitchen window, and knocked into my tea, spilling it across the table top. My mum wiped it up with a wave of her wand, while absentmindedly picking up the newspaper.

"OH MY!" she exclaimed.

"What is it?" asked my dad, chocking on his toast.

I turned my head trying to read over her shoulder.

"Here, I'll read it aloud"

Death at Hogwarts

Professor Armando Dippet, headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry passed away last night. Professor Dippet died peacefully in his sleep, of natural causes. For more, see pages 7 and 8.

Professor Dippet is to be replaced by none other than current Deputy-Headmaster and transfiguration professor, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, arguably one of the most famous wizards of our time. Slightly eccentric, Dumbledore is famous for his defeat of the dark lord Grindelwald in 1945, and for his discovery of the 12 uses of dragon blood. Declining an interview with our reporter, Dumbledore set to work right away, hiring as a replacement transfiguration professor, a Minerva McGonagall …etcetera, etcetera…if you want me to go on, it spans quite a few pages."

My dad took the paper and disappeared behind it. Just then a second owl, large tawny and majestic flew in through our window, and landed, to my complete surprise, on my shoulder.

I took the letter tied to its leg, and started when I noticed it was addressed to me. I NEVER receive post! With shaking hands I flipped the letter over, the thick parchment feeling good in my hands. I noticed it bore a purple wax seal stamped with…THE HOGWARTS CREST!...I nearly fainted.

Instead I forced myself to open the note.

Dear Remus J. Lupin,

You might not know me. I am Professor Albus Dumbledore, former transfiguration professor of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Do to the death of the former headmaster, I have taken the position of headmaster at Hogwarts. I am aware that you and your parents have received correspondence from Professor Dippet regarding your admission to Hogwarts.

Now, I am fully aware of your condition, and the current state of affairs. When Professor Dippet informed me of his decision regarding your position, I…well, much more will be said upon the matter later. I would very much like to meet with you and your parents to discuss the matter fully. Please pass this note onto your parents and have them owl me as soon as possible to schedule a meeting.

All the best to you,

Sincerely,

Professor A. Dumbledore

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Arthur's note: Sorry about how long and possibly confusing this note will be, but I just have to explain a few things. (Warning: I will be rambling) Firstly, I am sorry about the wait between chapters. My life has suddenly become extremely hectic, leaving me little time to organize my story.

Second, and most importantly, this chapter isn't exact in terms of the dates. I know that according to OotP, Professor McGonagall was teaching for 39 years, and that she started in December, so technically, the time does not fit together all that accurately…but considering the fact that Remus, Sirius and James were approx. 21 or 22, when Voldemort killed Lily and James...then Professor McGonagall had been teaching at Hogwarts about 28 years then; at least 17 years before Remus started Hogwarts; 7 years before he was born. This confused me, because according PoA, Dippet died after Remus was born, and before he attended school. My logic behind my story is based on the following facts and inferences: Professor Dumbledore was Professor of Transfiguration; Professor McGonagall started in December rather than September…the only explanation I could think of, was that Professor Dippet died in December, Professor Dumbledore became Headmaster, and Professor McGonagall took his place as Professor of Transfiguration. Unfortunately, this does not fit seamlessly with the calculations based on other information in the book…so I decided to sacrifice date accuracy to fit into detail accuracy. With the information I have, I figured it would make more sense to write the story as thus. If I really am off in any of my reasoning, please let me know, and I will attempt to fix it, regardless of how much I have to change. One thing I really want in my writing is accuracy according to JK Rowling's actual work.