A/N: Thank you again to everyone who reviewed! Here is the conclusion of The Bra Incident, as promised. I'll repeat this at the end of this chapter, but to forewarn you–I have the plots for Angel "meeting" several FF characters. Let me know who you'd like to see next, and the character with the most votes will be the next in Angel's sights!
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII. Not even a little part of it. Just a few bits of official merchandise I bought. But I'm working on that, so if you'll excuse me, I'll go back to searching for Vincent on eBay, which I also do not own even a little part of. :D
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Chapter Three: The Bra Incident, part 2–Tifa Gets Her Bra Back
"WHAT?!" Reno exclaimed.
"I'm not making it up!" Elena said in a nervous tone. "I opened it without thinking, and she was standing there saying one of her neighbors had seen Rude standing outside and she wanted to make sure he didn't need anything, and I panicked and told her I had to go change out my air fresheners and kind of slammed the door in her face." Elena wrung her hands together nervously.
"Great," Rude grumbled under his breath.
"Oh. Um, well...tell her you're having hot monkey sex with Rude right now, and he can't exactly talk to her," Reno suggested, still trying to cut the stubborn bra.
"Shut up, Reno," Elena and Rude snapped in unison.
"Well, we can't just leave her out there," Reno said defensively. "Tifa's determined to be nice to everyone, and if she thinks Rude wanted to talk to her for some reason, she'll eventually..."
The door quietly slid open as Tifa poked her head inside. "Elena?" she called. "I just thought I'd show myself in..."
"...come in looking for him," Reno finished with a sigh. "Hide!" he hissed to Rude, giving his co-worker a shove.
Rude jumped to his feet, looked around frantically for a moment, and then opened the refrigerator and stuck his head in.
Tifa hesitantly stepped into the kitchen, her confusion apparent. "Hi," she said, smiling awkwardly.
"Hey!" Elena said with a plastic smile, folding her hands behind her back and rocking on her heels. Reno gave Tifa an equally fake grin. "What can we do for you?" Elena asked.
"Um, well...my neighbor said that Rude was outside my house earlier today, while I was at the supermarket...and I found these in front of my porch," Tifa finished, holding up a pair of expensive-looking sunglasses. "I figured he must've been in a big hurry to drop them and not notice it, and now I see why! He was meeting up with you guys to...um..." She glanced around Elena's kitchen uncertainly, her brown gaze coming to rest on the scissors in Reno's hand.
Reno followed her gaze, frowning at the scissors as if they'd jumped into his grasp without his permission. "Coupon clipping," he said lamely. "We met up to clip some coupons."
"Coupons?" Tifa repeated, arching one brow skeptically.
"Yeah! Coupons!" Reno repeated, more enthusiastically.
"Right..." Tifa murmured, glancing around again. "Then where is all the leftover paper?"
"We bagged it up to recycle it," Elena hastily lied, her voice more perky than normal. "You know...we're all about helping the planet these days, and stuff."
Tifa's eyes lit up. "That's great!" she exclaimed. "Actually, I have to go right past a recycling center on my way home–why don't you give the bag of paper to me, and I can drop it off for you?"
Elena's smile froze. "Um, no," she argued. "I want the credit for it."
"Credit? It's just scrap paper, Elena," Tifa said, her voice gently disapproving.
Reno quickly grabbed his blonde co-worker by the shoulders, spinning her around. "Yes, why don't you go get that paper, Elena?" he asked in a too-cheerful tone, pushing her slightly toward the doorway.
"I don't have any scrap paper laying around my apartment!" Elena said in a panicked whisper.
"What? Everyone has scrap paper!"Reno protested under his breath.
"Not the people who clean their apartments out more than once a month!" Elena muttered in agitation.
Reno rolled his eyes. "So get messy!" he ordered her in an undertone, giving Elena a forceful shove toward the doorway. As his blonde co-worker stumbled out of the kitchen, Reno gave Tifa an overly cheerful smile. "Some people just want everyone to know that they're recycling," he said lamely.
"Sure." Tifa leaned to one side, trying to see past Reno. "Rude? Is that you with your head stuck in the fridge?"
Rude cursed silently in his mind. "Yes," he admitted after a brief pause.
"Oh! Well, I'm sorry I missed you earlier–I had to go get some puppy food," Tifa said brightly, taking a step forward.
Reno intercepted Tifa quickly. "He's not mad," he said. "Trust me. I can interpret Rude's feelings like a...um...an interpreter."
"Reno, get her out of here," Rude hissed. "My ears are getting frostbite!"
"You can just let me have those sunglasses," Reno went on, holding out one hand. "Rude's busy getting his snack and all."
"No way, Reno," Tifa replied, folding her arms. "Rude's told me how you take his sunglasses and won't give them back. Or do horrible pranks, like painting smiley faces on the lenses."
Reno glanced over his shoulder in disappointment. "You told her all that?" he asked in disbelief.
"Now's not the time for this, Reno," Rude answered flatly.
Tifa took advantage of Reno's distraction to walk around him quickly. "Look, Rude, if you'll just pull your head of the refrigerator for a minute, I can give you your sunglasses, and then I'll be out of your hair." She paused. "Or whatever. You know what I mean."
Just before she reached the refrigerator (and the bald Turk whose head it was hiding), Reno suddenly grabbed Tifa and pulled her against him.
Tifa's eyes narrowed as she stared at Reno. "What?" she demanded.
"Um..." Reno paused uncertainly. He hadn't had time to formulate this step in his plan. "I've always loved you?"
Tifa slapped Reno sharply, jerking out of his grasp. "Save it, Reno," she said in exasperation, turning to face the refrigerator...and finding it empty, the door shut. "Rude?" she asked in confusion. "Where'd you go?"
"Over here," Rude replied.
Tifa turned, her eyes immediately noticing a fully-spread-out newspaper that, presumably, had a certain Turk behind it. As if sensing her gaze, one of Rude's hands appeared from behind the paper. "Just set my sunglasses over here," he instructed, patting a spot on the kitchen table.
"Aren't you going to...I don't know...say something?" Tifa asked. "Like 'hi'?"
"Hi," Rude replied flatly. "Thanks for bringing my sunglasses to me." He patted the table again, then hastily reached up to grab the newspaper as it threatened to fall and expose his face.
Tifa frowned. "Okay, I know you guys normally act weird, but this is unusual behavior even for you three," she said, folding her arms. "Rude, look at me!"
Any other time Rude would have been happy to oblige, but this case was an exception. "Um...sorry," he replied lamely. "Reading this article."
"And it won't be there in the next two minutes if you don't read it nonstop right now?" Tifa asked skeptically.
"Maybe not," Rude answered, feeling horrible.
Tifa's eyes narrowed. "Rude, put down the paper!" she demanded, grabbing the edge of the newspaper. It ripped, its torn upper half falling away. Rude grimaced...
...but with uncanny timing, Elena chose precisely that moment to come barreling through the door, swinging a plastic bag full of odd bits and pieces of paper products. And, by an unseen hand of providence, the plastic bag managed to hit Tifa full in the face, stunning her briefly–and completely blocking her view of Rude.
"Ooh, sorry!" Elena said, sounding completely insincere. "I didn't know your head was there! But look, I found the paper we were going to recycle!" Tifa fought the bag away from her face and gave Elena an annoyed frown.
Rude took advantage of that split second to grab the nearest object with head-covering potential and throw it over his skull. He had a brief moment to wish he'd went to Reno's or Tseng's apartment–or his own–instead of Elena's, because then that head-covering object would have been something only mildly embarassing, like an empty beer case, or even a bland navy blue dish towel. He also wished that Elena didn't have a six-year-old girl for a neighbor, and that the six-year-old-girl in question didn't thoughtlessly leave parts of her Fairy Bride costume laying around in unfortunately convenient locations, like Elena's kitchen counter.
Nevertheless, desperate times called for desperate measures, and at least the über-girly bridal veil he'd thrown on his head did the trick–the layers of rosy-hued tulle netting drifted down around his head, hiding Tifa's troublemaking bra. It was a pink, flowered solution, but it was a solution.
Tifa looked up just as Rude got the veil situated on his skull. Her jaw dropped. "Well," she said at last.
Reno and Elena looked over at him as well. Elena, at the least, had the grace to look mildly apologetic. Reno, on the other hand, grabbed the digital camera again, smirking.
"Well," Tifa said again. "That's...that's a very interesting hat you have," she said.
"Thank you," Rude replied with as much dignity as he could muster.
"Very, um...very pink," Tifa continued, mentally fumbling for something appropriate to say. "I didn't know you liked those sorts of...accessories?"
"Sometimes a man needs to feel pretty," Rude replied calmly.
Reno choked back a laugh, looking anywhere but at his co-worker.
"Right," Tifa replied, her expression carefully blank. She gingerly laid the sunglasses on the counter. "I'll just be going, then..."
A sudden, ear-piercing sound jarred everyone in the room. It seemed to come from outside, and resembled nothing so much as a screech of sheer frustration and fury. Half a second later, a small projectile came hurtling through Elena's open kitchen window. It hit Rude's head with a squeak and bounced off harmlessly, but managed to unbalance the pink veil just enough that it slid off of Rude's head.
Tifa froze. "Is that..." She stared wordlessly, first in horror, then in anger. "That's my bra!" she finally snapped. "Is that what you were doing hanging around my house? Stealing my underwear?"
"No!" Rude answered instantly.
"Then why is my bra stuck to your head?" Tifa demanded, folding her arms.
"There's a really good reason!" Reno hastily interjected. "See, the bra accidentally got stuck to his head, and he can't get it off!"
"Stuck to his head?" Tifa repeated skeptically. With one sharp movement, she grabbed the loose end of her bra and pulled it free. "Oh, yeah, it's really stuck on there," she grumbled under her breath, folding up her bra and stuffing it into her purse as her cheeks turned a faint shade of pink.
"How did she...?" Elena breathed in shock, looking from Tifa to Rude in disbelief.
Tifa hastily started toward Elena's front door. "I know you three probably think this is hilarious," she remarked over her shoulder as she walked. "But I don't appreciate it at all. And don't even think about stopping by and trying to feed me some lame excuse, either. Just do me a favor and stay away, got it?" She slammed the door behind her, as if to emphasize her point.
"Wow, that could've gone better," Reno said after an awkward pause, sighing. "I'm sorry, Rude. I know you didn't want to make her mad."
"Don't apologize," Rude answered, frowning. "You two helped as much as you could."
Elena frowned at the small projectile which had knocked the pink veil loose. It was still lying on the floor; she knelt to get a better look at it. "Um, guys?" she interrupted.
"What now, Laney?" Reno asked, sounding slightly impatient.
Elena held up the projectile so her co-workers could view it more easily. "Who do you think threw a rubber dog bone in my window?"
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Tifa wearily entered her home, feeling embarrassed and angry all at once. "What a day," she sighed as she locked the door behind her.
Angel rushed up to Tifa, tail wagging a mile a minute, all affection and warmth. "Oh, hi, Angel," Tifa cooed, scooping up her newly acquired Shih Tzu and cuddling the small dog to her chest. "At least you're happy to see me, huh?"
Angel yipped her emphatic agreement, basking in Tifa's full attention.
"And," Tifa continued, setting Angel gently on the floor, "at least Cloud was nice enough to give me a ride over there and back."
Cloud? Who cared about Cloud? Angel gave a disgruntled bark.
"Yes, that's right, Angel." Tifa smiled at her puppy. "Once in a while, when he's not brooding about something, Cloud can be rather sweet." She smiled out the window. Angel looked out the window as well, but with a decidedly less pleasant gleam in her eye.
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Chapter Four Preview: (Open Chapter)
You pick Angel's next "friend"! Which character should she meet next? Review and let me know! (And also let me know what you think of the story so far, and such, if you don't mind.)
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