Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters no matter how much I wish I did. Once again, the title of the chapter isn't mine either. It belongs to Robert Frost or whoever he gave his rights to.
On a different note, this is the last chapter of Tourniquet. I would like to thank all of those who took the time to read it and especially those who reviewed. You guys really are too kind. Just so you know, I'm not too fond of this chapter. It just would not come out the way I wanted it to and I hate ending it this way. Maybe if inspiration strikes one day I can fix it.
The Sweet of Bitter Bark
As I practically carry Bella back into the gym I fruitlessly try to quell my rising terror. How can she be so…ready to end her life? To banish her soul to the depths of hell? It doesn't make any sense.
I have done everything in my power to keep her alive. I came so close to losing her not too long ago! And what does she start talking about the second she's safe? Death and damnation!
She acts like it's nothing. Just as risk-free and normal as breathing in and out. Key word: acts. I can tell that she is scared on some level and that's the only thing that keeps me from thinking that the doctors were wrong and Bella did sustain some permanent brain damage. This fear does me no good though. It only serves to indicate that she's clearly putting it into the corner of her mind so she can focus on what she believes is more important. Being with me. Forever.
I'm not going to lie. Not to myself at any rate. The idea of having Bella forever is incredibly appealing. Almost seductively so. But then I consider the price she would have to pay and it's all I can do not to shudder. I will not turn her into a monster. She should not have to struggle to be good when she was made that way in the first place. I don't want to see pain on my angel's face because she made the tiny mistake of getting too close to someone too soon. She just doesn't deserve to know that sort of anguish.
I want to protect her, keep her from learning things that no one as innocent as her should have to learn. Like the amount of time it takes to drain someone of their blood. I'd rather be banned from Bella's presence, her entire world, than let her find out. Than force her to find out.
I pull Bella even closer to me as the thoughts of others filter through my brain.
"Maybe, if I play my cards right…"
"I still can't believe he actually asked me"
"Why, oh, why did I wear this dress? I should have gone with the green one"
These were the type of thoughts that Bella deserved. Alright, maybe not these exact ones. But certainly those that followed the same vein of normalcy. While these children's thoughts had been mostly harmless I had been focused on the consequences of turning my love into a soulless demon.
"She is so gorgeous"
Well, there was one thought that I could find a common bond with; Bella was truly exquisite. And mine. To love and protect. I rolled my eyes just then, for I could practically hear Emmett taunting, "in sickness and in health". Even though that is true as well.
I look down at her, not quite as long a journey as usual since she's balanced on my feet. Oh, why can't she understand? Why can't she empathize?
I would do anything for her. Anything except the one thing she seemed to want the most.