A/N: Various errors have been corrected. I also made Ron's conversation a bit easier to follow with proper formatting…

Chapter Two

A Dark Day

Morning broke on the third day after the final battle. Hermione awoke from a troubled sleep, dreading the day. That day they were to bury many people, including Ginny.

She stood over her trunk to get a set of black robes out. Her thoughts drifted back through the last few days. The light side suffered many losses, but the one that affected everyone the most was Harry. Though he did not die, his mind was one of the most serious of casualties. She had found a note written hastily by Harry the night he disappeared.

Hermione,

Please don't try to find me. Hedwig will not be able to find me, so don't send her. Please look after her for me.

I need to get out of here, and find a place that I can live without hurting anyone else. Now that the war is done, I don't know if there is anything to live for anymore. I need to find out if there is a reason for me to go on, now that Ginny is gone. I know you would try to convince me that it was not my fault, but in a roundabout way, it is. She would not have been there if it weren't for me.

Watch out for Ron for me. He will need it after I go. Just know that I care for you all too much to put you in harms way again. Someday I might make it back, but I don't know at this point.

Don't try to contact me, I will contact you.

Love,

Harry

Hermione looked at the note again, and sighed. What she would not give to get Harry back. She pulled on her robes, deep in thought. Her thoughts once again drifted to Harry. She smiled at the memory of when she had been petrified, and the first person to greet her when she was revived, was Harry.

'Since when did I start thinking of Harry so much?' she thought to herself.

'Yes you have always been concerned for Harry, but only recently since he took the curse for you while finding the Hufflepuff cup…" a voice in her head said.

Hermione rolled her eyes and answered, 'Oh come off it. Ron would have done the same!'

'Ah, but where was Ron at that time, hmm? He was cowering behind a bookshelf as the boggart took shape!' the voice countered.

'Hmph. Well, there were a lot of curses raining down on us that day! Anyone would have tried to shield themselves.' Hermione retorted.

'True, but who was the one who saw you in danger and took the curse?' the voice shot back.

Hermione sighed. Now she knew she had been through too much. She was arguing with herself.

She slowly walked down the stairs to the common room, only to find Ron sitting in front of the fire, where he had been most of the time since Ginny died. He had the same blank and void expression that had become his normal demeanor. She cautiously approached Ron, making sure not to startle him.

"Ron? You need to get dressed for the service…" she said in a quiet voice. He looked up at her with an empty expression.

"I know, but I shouldn't have to. She wasn't supposed to die!" he said hotly. He got up and started to rapidly pace in front of the fire. "Things were supposed to turn out differently. Harry should be here, we should be having a party to celebrate his victory. We were all supposed to grow old together, and watch our children play quiddtich here at the school!"

"I know, Ron. But you do need to get dressed. You haven't changed for three days now," Hermione said, hoping she would be able to get him moving. Instead he whirled around and glared at her.

"I KNOW!" he yelled. "I don't need you nagging me to get dressed! What, do you think that we are supposed to be all cheerful? Do you think, 'yeah she died, but you need to move on and get a grip'? WELL I CAN'T!! Nothing will ever be the same now! I won't be the same! But you, you'll always be nagging others around like the know-it-all you think yourself to be!"

"Ron, I–…" she said through her tears, but Ron cut her off.

"NO! Don't even try! You don't know what it's like! Dad won't even talk to anyone, Mum won't stop crying and fussing. George and Fred haven't even smiled at all. Charlie and Bill have been drinking since it happened, and what does that leave me? I get you nagging at me! What, I can't even mourn my sister's death without you telling me how to do it?! Save it Hermione," Ron said coldly.

Hermione stood there, not knowing what to say. Tears were flowing down her cheeks. She calmly walked forward, and laid a hand on his arm.

"Ron, all I was going to say, is that I know you are grieving, and you have to do that in your own way. I know things are different than we hoped they would go, but they didn't. Life is going to change for you and your family, but please don't make it for the worse."

"Hermione, like I said, save it for someone who cares," he said coldly. He jerked his arm away as if she had burned him. "You don't know what it's like…" Ron turned and ran up the stairs to his room and slammed the door.

Hermione wiped the tears from her eyes and stormed out of the common room. She ran through the corridors and did not stop until she ended up on the lakeshore. She collapsed, sobbing into her hands. She partly understood why Ron reacted the way he did, but she did not expect him to forget she had lost her parents during the previous winter. She knew all too well what it was like.

She felt a gentle hand placed on her shoulder, and looked up to see Remus Lupin.

"What's troubling you, Hermione? I mean besides the obvious," he asked.

She went into a long explanation about what Ron had said. He listened patiently to her story, and nodded when she finished.

"Well, Hermione, I know this is not an easy time, but you have to give Ron some time to work through this. I don't think he meant to forget about your parents, but in a way I think he is so wrapped up in his grief, that he just did not think of it," Remus explained.

They talked for a while, about where they thought Harry had gone, and other subjects. The two eventually got up from sitting by the lake, and walked to the field where the service was to be. All around them, some of the terrain was still scarred from the battle a few days before.

They arrived at the service, and some others were filing in as well. She saw the Weasley family towards the front. Ron glared at her when she walked towards Mrs. Weasley.

"Hermione, dear, would you like to sit with us?" Mrs. Weasley asked.

"I don't think I should, but I just wanted to see how you all were. I also wanted to thank you for the lovely flowers you sent after my parent's funeral," she said as she glared at Ron. Realization dawned on his face and his face crumpled as he remembered the services. He started to get up to apologize to Hermione, but she waved him to sit back down. She did not think it was the right time for Ron to do this. He sat down with a remorseful look on his face.

Hermione tuned out most of the service, remembering all those who had fallen during the war. When it came time for people to share memories, she found she could not bring herself to say anything. The memories of her parent's deaths were too fresh in her mind, and the tears started to fall. Remus put his arm around her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her.

The service concluded, and a memorial had been created with every name of those who had died during the war. As others cleared out, she slowly walked up to the memorial, and gently traced the names of her parents. When she came to Ginny's name, her tears resurfaced and she sank to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably.

She felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her. At first she thought it was Ron. Then she heard the voice she thought she would never hear again.

"Give it time, Hermione. I will be back, but not yet. Stay strong, and watch for my return," Harry said.

Her head shot up and she spun around to see Harry there, but everyone else was gone. She looked up into his bright green eyes, and saw the pain in them. A moment later, he was gone.

"Harry…" she whispered. Then she saw an envelope in her lap. It had her name on it, and it said to open it in private. She hastily stuffed the envelope into her pocket when she saw Ron coming out to talk to her. She stood up and wiped her eyes, waiting for Ron to approach.

"Hermione, I am so sorry for what I said. I completely forgot about your parents… I guess you do know…" he said. He furiously wiped at his eyes. "I just lost my temper earlier, and I know I can never make it up to you." Hermione sighed.

"Ron, I know you are hurting. I was just trying to make sure you had enough time to prepare for the service. I would never want you to forget about Ginny. I know I will never be able to…" she trailed off.

Ron nodded, and then his face fell.

"I can't believe that Harry wasn't here! I mean, after all, he was her boyfriend! Wouldn't a boyfriend want to attend his girlfriend's funeral?!" he said frustratedly. "I don't care how much he's hurting, but he should have been here! We could have helped him get through this…"

"Ron, did you ever think that he might have been here, but not want the attention? What, would you want some nosy reporter coming up to you asking 'How do you feel after your girlfriend's death and Voldemort's destruction'? Would you want hundreds of people crawling all over you just to get a handshake or something? I'm sure he would be worse off, especially after all he has been through the last few years!" Hermione yelled. Ron started to say something, but Hermione cut him off. "No, Ronald. Don't. You have been Harry's best friend for years, but you were always still jealous of him. Whether it was about girls he was going out with, the whole Tri-Wizard issue, and many other things! You always held that in the back of your mind. You were jealous that he had so much money and fame when all he wanted was someone he could call mum or dad! All he wanted was a family!"

Ron wisely stayed silent and let her finish.

"I can't believe you would turn on him especially after this! You know how he felt about Ginny! I know he would not miss this! And for why he probably didn't face your family is because HE CAN'T! He is probably under the impression that if he had not been with Ginny, she would not have died! I bet he feels that he has destroyed your family just because he loved her and all of you. He probably feels that he has nothing to live for since this happened. He probably thinks that your family would abandon him over what happened." Ron looked at her sighed.

"I know Mum would never allow that to happen. You know I could never do that either," Ron said quietly. "Harry has been my best mate for seven years now. I could never turn my back on him. I can't speak for the others, but I know I will never give up on him."

Ron sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He saw that Hermione was still a bit worked up.

"Yeah, I know I hit him, but I was not thinking straight. I know my temper gets the best of me a lot of the time. Which brings me to this…" he said as he took a deep breath to steel himself for this. "Hermione, I think it might be best if we weren't together anymore." He held up his hand when she started to speak. He had to finish what he had to say.

"I know what you are going to say. You think we need to sit down and talk about this. Well, I have been thinking about it a lot over the last couple of days. I still am planning on going into the Auror program. I don't want you to get a message one night that my temper got me killed on a mission. I couldn't do that to you. You deserve better than that. You deserve a better man, who will be home every night, and who can control himself better. Because I know, that when I go on mission, I will be doing this for Ginny, and I know I will probably lose control here and there. I can't put you through that. We can still be best friends, but I can't do more than that."

Hermione stood there with her mouth hanging open. She didn't know what to say or think.

"I'm leaving tomorrow for the Auror program, and I won't be back for a while. I'll write to you, and if I can sometime, drop by for a visit. Don't try to change my mind, 'Mione. It won't work," Ron said. He walked closer to her, and pulled her into a gentle hug. He placed a quick kiss on her forehead. He backed up and held her at arms length. "Keep in touch, and don't forget to nag me on my class work when you can."

He released her arms, and gave her a half smile. He turned and walked back to the castle, leaving her alone. She couldn't believe what was happening. First Harry leaves, then Ron. She had no one left. Tears crept down her cheeks, watching Ron walk away from her. She felt an invisible finger brush her cheek, wiping the tears away. She heard a whisper.

"Don't forget about the letter," the voice said sadly. She knew it was Harry, and that he had watched the whole exchange between her and Ron.

"Harry, promise me that you will come back," she said aloud. "Please, come back to me." She heard the whispered voice once more.

"Perhaps, in time," Harry whispered. She heard a soft pop, and knew he was gone. She slowly walked back to the castle, her mind reeling from the day's events. She was lost, unsure of what to do. She had always known what to do, but now her mind was too confused to put a coherent plan together. She had no home, no friends left by her side, and her boyfriend had left her.

Hermione ignored the people trying to talk to her, and made her way to the Griffyndor common room. She climbed the stairs, and locked her door with a spell. She sat on the edge of her bed, thinking. She had enough money left to her by her parents, that she could get a flat somewhere. She looked around the room that had been her home for the last seven years. She had graduated at the top of her class, and had her choice of careers available to her.

She laid there on her bed for what seemed like hours. Silent tears fell from her eyes until there were no more tears left. Hermione finally got up from the bed and started to change out of her black robes. As she tossed them to the bed, Harry's letter fell out. She picked up the envelope, and sat down at her desk. Her hands shook a little as she opened the letter.

Hermione,

I find it difficult to figure out how to write this. There are so many things running through my head, and I don't know where to begin.

There is this hole inside of me. It's like part of me has been carved out and the hurt is unimaginable. I don't know if it will ever be filled again. Ginny was my life, as far as I could see. Now that she's gone, I can't figure out how to live. I know Ron is probably still furious with me and the rest of the family as well. I let them down. Because of my involvement with Ginny, it ended up with her getting killed. I know that you would tell me it was not my fault, but in a way, it is. Because I was destined to defeat Tom, her relationship with me put her in the crossfire of the whole conflict. Because I had to fight, she was right there with me. Because of the love we shared, it gave me the power to defeat him. I wish things had turned out different, but fate must have it in for me. Maybe someday I will be able to outwit fate and be a better person.

I did write Ron a short letter apologizing, but I bet he will tear up the letter and he will hate me for a long time. I hope in time he can somewhat forgive me, as I also need to forgive myself.

I want to thank you for all of the times you believed in me and stood by me. You understand me better than anyone. You have been a true friend through everything. You helped me when everyone else turned their back on me. For that, I can never thank you enough. Promise me that will never change, no matter what happens down the road.

This brings me to the point of this letter. I feel I need to see if there is anything out there for me after training to defeat him. I need to know if I can find anything to live for after my soul has been ripped apart. I can practically hear you thinking right now, 'Oh Harry, there is so much to live for. You have Ron, his family, and myself'. I know that would help a bit, but I need to find something I can do to heal myself. I need to find the true purpose in my life. I need to find out if I am good for anything else but being a weapon. I need some time to, as cliché as it sounds, to 'find myself'.

I will try to write from time to time, and please, watch over Ron. I know he is going to need it. I bet he will still go into the Auror program. The only problem is, he will fuel his drive to work as an Auror with Ginny's death. I'm afraid he will push things too far one day, and end up getting seriously hurt or even killed. Please try to keep him centered. His thirst for revenge over Ginny's death will hollow him out. Trust me; I know what that feels like now.

Please do not try to track me down. I need time to clear my head and to find out if I have a truly valuable place in this world. I might send you something down the road with a way that we can contact each other, but I'm not sure yet.

I hope you can forgive me for leaving like this. I'll try to write soon.

With love,

Harry

Her eyes were filled with tears as she finished reading the letter. She looked over it again, and noticed the dried tear drops that must have fallen from Harry's eyes as he wrote it. She carefully folded the letter and pressed it to her chest, and let her tears fall.

ooo

Ron returned to his room to start packing. He noticed a letter addressed to him on his desk. He immediately recognized Harry's hand writing, and tore open the letter.

Ron,

I know I am probably the last person you would want to hear from right now. I want you to know how sorry I am. Trust me when I say that I know how you feel.

I'm betting that you are still furious with me. And you have good reason to. Because of my relationship with her, she is now dead. I hope that my mum, dad, Sirius, and Albus will welcome her and take care of her.

Please, try to keep your sense of revenge in check. I fear it will get the better of you one day. Then, because of my selfishness, our family will have lost three of their children. I could not bear that. So please, if you have any hope for our friendship down the road, take good care of yourself and don't do something rash.

I am going away for a long time. I know we said we would go into the Auror program together, but I can't take anymore of hunting down dark wizards. It has caused nothing but pain for me. I already have blood on my hands, and it will take a very long time to try and seek redemption for all the death I have caused through my actions or inaction.

If you ever do forgive me, send a message with Dobby. I know that where ever I go, he will most likely know how to find me. But he is under strict orders not to reveal to anyone how to track me down. So don't even try. Also, please don't tell Hermione about Dobby. She would try something to track me down. As of right now, I will be a ghost. I'll see everything, but no one will see me.

Please, take care of your mum and dad. Tell them that I am forever regretful of taking their little girl away.

Hopefully someday your Best Mate again,

Harry

Ron bowed his head and wept bitterly. He didn't know how long he stayed that way until he felt a pair of arms circle his shoulders from behind. He recognized Hermione's soft whispers, and they sat together and cried. Ron felt like such a fool. He had turned on Harry when Harry needed him the most. He felt like he was the worst friend in the world. He vowed to himself that he would make it up to Harry as soon as he could.

Ron and Hermione finally broke apart. Hermione spoke first after several minutes of silence.

"Ron, is there anything I can do?" she asked quietly. Ron shook his head.

"No, Hermione. There isn't. I'm going to go and pass Harry's message on to my family," Ron said quietly. He took a few steps and then turned around and faced Hermione. "I've been such a wanker towards Harry. How can he be so forgiving of others, and not to himself? I don't deserve a friend like him."

"None of us deserve a friend like Harry, but that's just the way it is. Just remember that Harry has forgiven you for the other night. I guess that it will take a while, but you need to forgive yourself for the way you acted towards him. It won't be easy. Just look at what Harry wrote. He needs to do the same thing for himself," Hermione explained.

Ron just nodded as he stared at the floor wondering if Harry would make it through everything. Ron hoped this would be the last difficult thing that Harry would have to get past.