A/N: School's out! So, in celebration, here's a brand new chapter! I'm going to try and publish the next one before I go on vacation next week, but I have a friend who's leaving to go work in Disney World, so I'm making him a good luck gift which could eat into some of my time. While I'm sure that you're all going to hate me after you read this chapter, hopefully it won't prevent you from reviewing it anyway!

Tossed Aside
Chapter Ten: Young and in Love

A shadow fell across Shunsui as he lay on a large blanket, his hat pulled low over his eyes to shade them from the brilliant sunshine. Noticing the change in light filtering through the straw, he tipped the brim up to view his guest better.

"Ah, Nanao-chan, it's really you." He tilted his head to better view how wonderful she looked framed in sunlight and floating sakura blossoms. "When that adorable Okuni found me the last time, I thought it was you at first. I must say that despite the fact that the girl is enjoyable company I was severely disappointed," he stated, clutching his heart melodramatically. "I thought that you had sought me out to finish what we started last night."

Noticing that she hadn't moved at all, he patted the space on the blanket next to him. "Won't you come and sit down with me?"

Hesitantly, Nanao moved to kneel on the blanket. She carefully placed the food-laden basket between them, maintaining as much distance as possible. "I brought the comestibles you requested, sir," she said, attempting to keep her tone cold and even.

"The comest-what? Oh, the food. Thank you, Nanao-chan," Shunsui replied, sitting up and going to open the rim of the basket. Her hand was still resting distractedly on the handle and he covered it with his own. Nanao stared at their hands for a moment, before tearing hers out of Shunsui's grip. She placed it pointedly in her lap, turning her head away from him.

"Taichō what―" she began, but he was already busy unloading the contents of the basket.

"You didn't happen to bring any sake with you, Nanao-chan?" he asked, glancing up at her in inquiry.

"You know how much I detest it, sir," she replied stonily, her face still turned away from him.

Shunsui was very tempted bring up the last time she had drunk sake and what a lovely time it had turned out to be, but decided not to push his luck.

"Ah, how many disappointments can a man take in one day?" he sighed dramatically. "First I had to send for you and now there's no sake to be had. Oh well," he continued, "I cannot be too disappointed. After all, I have the sakura blossoms, a lovely lunch, and my Nanao-chan to share it with."

Shunsui regarded her face carefully. "Won't you eat something? I can't have my Nanao-chan wasting away on me." She blanched visibly, biting her lip.

"With all due respect sir, I realized long ago that despite my protests you would continue to call me by that deplorable nickname but I would ask you if you would please refrain from placing the word 'my' in front of it." His brow furrowed as her voice remained devoid of the quiet passion he had grown accustomed to.

"But you have always been my Nanao-chan," he replied, fighting the urge to turn his body so that she would be forced to look at him.

"I belong to no one sir, especially you."

Was she trying to break his heart as well as her own? Did she always have to be so difficult? Of course, came the answer. Otherwise you wouldn't love her like you do.

"Well, what I call you won't even matter to you if you die of starvation," he said, forcing himself to change the subject. "Eat something. That's an order." Nanao looked up at him, her eyes wide in shock. "If you're going to be so damn formal, then I will be too. Eat."

She obeyed automatically still slightly taken aback at the naked command in his voice. "Thank you," she said quietly, accepting the food he offered. She was careful not to touch his hand in the process.

"You're welcome, my Nanao-chan," he replied warmly before taking a large bite out of the sandwich he was holding. They ate in silence. While silence was not unusual between them, both of them noticed that something was different. The air was charged with the words both wanted to express but neither knew quite how. It was far from the accustomed, comfortable peace which frequently filled their lulls in conversation.

Shunsui studied his favorite subject as he thoughtfully chewed the remaining bites of his sandwich, observing that she had barely eaten hers. Her back was ramrod strait, her movements harsh and automatic, possessing none of the inherent grace he always attributed to his Nanao.

"You should relax Nanao, I'm surprised your spine hasn't cracked from how rigidly you are sitting," he commented, watching her bristle. Washing down his sandwich with a swig of water, Shunsui could not hide his concern as his Fukutaichō finished the first half of her own, wrapping the second half neatly in its napkin and placing it back into the basket. Glancing up, their eyes caught and she ducked her head hastily, just like before.

It disturbed him deeply. Usually, whenever their gazes held, Nanao regarded it as a challenge, her stubborn nature refusing to let her be the first to look away.

"Please don't look at me like that," she demanded, her voice low.

He bent his head, trying to peer into her face. "Like what, Nanao-chan?"

"Like you think you need to take care of me," she replied coldly. "I am not a child."

Shunsui could not help the mischievous smile from flitting across his face. "I am certain that you are not a child, Nanao," he replied, his eyes wandering over her form. "But I do feel the need to take care of you. Is it not natural to want to take care of the person who looks after me?"

"I don't―" Nanao started, her head snapping up. She found herself unable to finish the sentence as she looked at him, her shoulders slumping in defeat.

"See, you can't even say it, because you know it's not true. You've always been a terrible liar." He grinned nostalgically. "Even from the first week you stepped into my office, we have looked out for one another. You prevent me from drinking too much and I stop you from working too hard. Now," he said, moving the basket off of the blanket and brushing crumbs off of its surface. "You should lie down and enjoy the beautiful sunshine, Nanao-chan."

"No thank you, Taichō," she replied, adjusting her glasses. Now he knew he wasn't going to like the conversation that was bound to occur soon, but that didn't mean he couldn't delay it.

"Lie down, Nanao," he repeated firmly. "I promise I won't touch you," he said gently, guessing the reason she had been trying so hard to seem detached.

"Taichō―," she began but he cut her off.

"Do I have to make it an order, Nanao-chan?" Her eyes flashed briefly behind the lenses of her glasses and he couldn't deny himself the small spark of smug pride that flared in his chest as he finally coaxed a reaction from her. He was beginning to think he was loosing his touch.

Grudgingly, Nanao lay down on the blanket, folding her hands neatly over her stomach. Her heart was pounding fiercely and she cursed her weakness for not being able to broach the subject she had come to discuss. Ignorant of her inner turmoil, Shunsui picked up a well worn book she had not noticed previously. Opening it to one of the dog-eared pages he began to read aloud.

It was love poetry.

Nanao had to hold back an incredulous laugh at how absurd the situation was. She had come here to draw the proverbial line in the sand and he had her basking in the sun listening to him read love poetry.

Why couldn't it be easy? she thought helplessly. Has anything ever been easy when dealing with him? rejoined a sly voice. Sighing, Nanao tried to relax. His deep voice was melodic and soothing. Her eyes drifted shut as she let the words wash over her. She didn't even notice when the shadowy figures of the poem's subjects in her imagination gradually took on very familiar forms.

- - -

"The hot slide of tongues. Heat flows through veins, like lava down the side of a volcano melting away resistance. Hands entwine, an anchor in the storm as bodies undulate like the tide, rising and falling."

Nanao's hands fisted in the blanket. She was now thoroughly not relaxed. She should not have been affected like this. Her Taichō was only reading a poem and a rather bad poem at that. But to hear him say those words…

"Come move with me," he read, his voice low and husky. Nanao didn't think she could take anymore before her control snapped and she did the exact opposite of what she came here to do. "Let the passion build until we crash upon the shore―"

"This is ridiculous!" Nanao burst out furiously. Startled, Shunsui turned to face his flushed fukutaichō.

"Do you not like the poem, Nanao-chan?"

"It has nothing to do with the poem. We can't do this!" she stated emphatically, sitting up. Shunsui arched an eyebrow, folding down the corner of a page, making Nanao cringe at the action despite her agitation.

"Do what?" he asked, setting the book down on the blanket.

"Lie here in the grass while you read me poetry. Like …lovers!"

"Isn't that what we are, Nanao?" Shunsui asked, reaching a hand out to caress her cheek. "Or at least what I hope we will be in the near future."

"No. No we are not lovers." She jerked her face of out of his grasp as if his touch had suddenly turned caustic. "We aren't…we can't be…" Nanao swallowed as her voice broke.

"Why not, Nanao?" Shunsui asked gently, his arm circling her waist and pulling her to his side. "You're young and I'm in love, I don't see what is so impossible about it."

He chuckled when her sad violet eyes met his, her mouth slightly open in alarm at what he had just admitted. "You hadn't figured that out yet on your own, my intelligent Nanao-chan?" he asked, drawing her even closer. Her hand shot out as she braced herself on his arm, preventing him from bringing her onto his lap. He frowned as she leaned back away from him.

"This isn't the type of treatment a man expects when he's just told a woman he loves her."

"You should know," Nanao responded bitterly.

"Now, what's that supposed to mean?"

Shunsui tightened his grip on her as she attempted to rise. "We shouldn't be having this conversation," Nanao tried desperately, struggling against him.

"It's about time we have this conversation," he objected. "I refuse to let you go until answer my question. Why is it so hard for you to accept the fact that I'm in love with you?"

"Fine," Nanao snapped, jerking her gaze up to his. "Maybe it's difficult to accept because you've probably said it to every woman you ever seduced into the sheets!"

"Is that what you think this is?" His eyes searched hers.

"I don't know what to think anymore," she replied, tears rising to her eyes. "I'm just so tired of fighting you. You and your stupid presents and silly nicknames. I'm tired of being attracted to you against my better judgment and not being able to do anything about." She let out a bitter laugh, wiping away the hot tears that she could no longer hold back. "I've been thinking for a while now that I should just let you have me so you can toss me aside and move on to the next woman and I can finally gain control of my life again!"

Nanao turned her head away from him, attempting to stifle the sobs that threatened to overwhelm her. She would not break down in front of him.

"Look at me, Nanao," he commanded quietly. When she refused to comply, he lifted her chin in his hand and held it there, willing her to see the truth in his eyes.

"It's true that I haven't loved every woman who has come to my bed, but I have loved some of them. The others knew the truth full well and the relationships we had were satisfying at the time and mutually enjoyable. What's between us is something totally different, Nanao. I have never met anyone like you in my entire lifetime and I'm not stupid enough to think I'll find another. I love you and I still can't believe that after everything we've been through, you're still questioning me. Why can't you believe it?"

Her gaze dropped to her hands. "I…I believe that you think you love me," she said quietly. "But what would happen if others found out? We would be breaking a serious protocol. What will happen when you wake up one morning and realize that I'm not enough for you anymore and you decide to move on to someone less plain? Am I supposed to transfer divisions? Resign?"

Shunsui could not miss how different the second question sounded from the first one. She was convinced that he was bound to 'toss her aside' as she put it. And the utterly hollow way she had said the last part struck a chord in him. Instinctively, he knew that someone had said that to her before. He did not realize that he had voiced the last part of the statement aloud until she stiffened in his embrace.

"Tell me," Shunsui pleaded softly, resting his head on top of hers. "Please."

It was when she began to speak without truly knowing why, that Nanao finally acknowledged that she could not deny him something that was in her power to give. It scared her more than anything had in her entire life.

"It was a long time ago at the academy," she said ruefully. "I had always been quiet. I didn't know many people until I met Rangiku and she adopted me into her group of friends. I was still slightly reserved and preferred to keep my feelings to myself. There was a boy who used to hang around Rangiku after school." She paused, recalling a memory she had tried so hard to forget.

"He had a reputation as a womanizer, but he was always so gentlemanly around us. He had this self-deprecating sense of humor and an intellect which I found incredibly attractive. I soon realized that he had feelings for Rangiku but that didn't stop me from falling in love with him." Nanao snorted at how pathetic she had been.

"They eventually dated for two weeks before she ended it. Less than three days later, he found me when I was sitting alone in the library. He sat too close and said all the right things. He said he realized he loved me, that he had wasted his time with Rangiku when I had been in front of him all along. He took me to dinner that night and then back to his quarters." Her voice broke once more but she continued, trying to finish before she lost it completely.

"I…gave myself to him and he…he called her name. In the morning, when I confronted him about it he told me that he had… had a nice time but needed someone… less plain. He was killed by a hollow two weeks later during a training session in the real world. Even after he broke my heart, I still cried for him." Unable to hold back the tears anymore, the feelings of her own inadequacy, she buried her face in his shoulder.

The sound filled silence was deafening.

"Does Matsumoto know?" Shunsui asked finally, his brain reeling as he finally understood why Nanao kept resisting him. Why she kept denying both of them because this ass led her to think so little of herself. To make her believe she would never be enough to make anyone happy.

"No," Nanao replied, wiping her eyes forcibly with her sleeve. "I never told her. It wasn't her fault."

"Is that why you left last night?" he asked pulling away from her slightly to gauge her reaction.

Her jaw was set and determined despite the fact that a rebel tear was trailing down her cheek. "I left because I realized that I let this progress too far. We do not belong together and that's the end of it."

"If the reason you left is because you're scared of getting hurt, then there's nothing stopping us," Shunsui protested. "And don't give me that bullshit about rank, either," he interrupted when she opened her mouth to reply. "We wouldn't be the first taichō and fukutaichō to have a relationship and I daresay we won't be the last if Rangiku-san has her way."

He took one of the hands resting in her lap in his own, winding their fingers together. He drew her closer, eliminating the space between them. "I am sorry that you were hurt, Nanao-chan," he said gently. "But the man couldn't have been as intelligent as you claim because you are anything but plain." He cupped her chin in his free hand. "I'm not sorry that it turned out this way however, or else you might not have worked so hard and been transferred to the Eighth. I told you once that we are inevitable and I still believe it."

Her glassy eyes met his. Shunsui leaned forward so that their lips were almost touching.

"Won't you give me your heart, my beautiful Nanao? I promise I'll take good care of it." Without waiting for an answer, he meshed their mouths together.

The glide of his lips was soft, the tangible form of the burning question still hanging in the air between them.

The painful sting of her slap was answer enough.

Nanao wrenched herself out of his hold and scrambled to her feet. "If you don't stop pursuing me like this, I swear I will file for harassment."

"Nanao―" Shunsui began desperately, but she had already shunpo-ed away.

He sighed, running his fingers though his hair in despair.

Nature almost seemed empathetic to his plight as blossoms swirled about him in the warm breeze. Glancing around, it looked as if the trees were weeping.

Shunsui couldn't help but wonder if locked tight in her quarters, as she no doubt was, if his Nanao was doing the same.

- - -

Nanao awoke with a start. Sighing, she rolled over, staring at the ceiling.

She had blubbered herself into a fitful sleep hours earlier, despite her best efforts to pull herself together. She was surprised she hadn't overrun the bathtub when she decided that a hot bath would make her feel better. It hadn't done anything but make her remember the warmth of her Taicho's embrace.

Nanao rolled off of the mattress, thinking she might walk down to the mess hall to make herself a cup of tea. No one would be around at this time of night; she probably wouldn't even have to change. She made her way over to her closet and drew out the robe made of deep purple silk that Matsumoto had given her last year for her birthday, wrapping it around herself. It made her think of his haori. Nanao swore into the silence.

She slid open the door to her second floor residence and padded barefoot across the boards to lean on the railing of the walkway, gazing despondently into the night. She paused, startled to see that a light was on in the office.

Even though she hadn't been in the office all afternoon she was certain that no one should be there this time of night. Usually, she was the first one to arrive and the last one to leave. The longer she gazed at the building, the light from its window flickering in the darkness, the more her own instinct hummed.

Something is wrong.

Swiftly, Nanao darted back into her apartment, donning a pair of sandals and stowing her zanpakutō inside her robe. Not even pausing to pull her hair up, she grabbed the large ledger she usually carried around to give her an excuse if the disturbance turned it out to be one of the squad members. She slid the door shut behind her, making her way down the stairs and across the square.

She turned the knob of the office door slowly, trying not to alert the potential intruder to her presence. With a creak the door swung open to reveal…

"Taichō!" Nanao gasped in a combination of surprise and in relief before the uneasiness settled in.

Shunsui was sitting sprawled in the middle of the office floor, staring blankly at her desk and clutching a bottle of sake. What looked to be at least ten more bottles were lying scattered around him. He usually only engaged in drinking this heavily when a squad member was lost during battle, an event he always blamed on himself.

Is this because I rejected him? she thought.

"Nanao-chan?" he blinked blearily up at her. "Is that you?"

"Hai, Taichō," she replied, shutting the door behind her and wondering why she couldn't manage avoid him. "I saw the light on in the office and thought something was amiss. Are …are you alright?"

Clutching the tome protectively to her chest, Nanao took a few cautious steps into the room.

"I went to see Jushirō after you left me. He had a relapse right before I arrived," Shunsui replied, his voice a mere echo in the oppressive stillness of the room.

"How is he?" Nanao asked.

"It's never been this bad, before," he stated, washing the statement down with a swig of sake.

"I'll take over your duties tomorrow, so you can be with him," Nanao offered, fearing that Ukitake had finally lost the battle with his illness.

There was a long, drawn out silence.

"I would give anything to Jyū if he asked me for it," Shunsui stated suddenly, startling Nanao.

"I'm sure he knows that," Nanao replied, trying to comfort her obviously distressed Taichō.

Shunsui laughed derisively. "Damn right he knows it. He also knows there's only one thing I couldn't give him but…he asked for it anyway."

"What did he ask you for?" Nanao whispered. She had a feeling that she wouldn't like the answer at all. Shunsui raised his eyes to meet hers and she found herself unable to turn away.

"You, Nanao-chan. He asked for you."

The book slipped from Nanao's numb fingers, falling to floor with a resound thud.

A/N: Review or I will leave you to be suffocated in Matsumoto's Hug of Death!