A/N: Hellooooo Nurse! Well, here's yet another chapter for you all, my lovely readers. I'm leaving on a week-long vacation tomorrow and I wanted you to have this chapter before I left so I stayed up very late last night finishing it. Please forgive any grammar or spelling errors that might have resulted from me attempting to edit at three in the morning. I'll try to work on the next chapter on the car ride down, but no guarantees. I hope you like it!
Tossed Aside
Chapter Eleven: Sake for the Pain
"Taichō, you're talking nonsense," Nanao breathed, unable to think of anything else through the haze of her shock.
Shunsui laughed hollowly. "I wish I was, Nanao. I wish I was."
Struggling to make sense of this sudden and completely unexpected revelation, Nanao picked up the book which had slipped out of her hands. She hoped desperately that the action would return to her at least a sense of normalcy.
It did not.
"What do you mean…he asked for me?" Nanao inquired quietly, sliding the book onto her desk. "There's no possible way that Ukitake Taichō could have… feelings for me."
"No Nanao, he didn't ask for you in that way," Shunsui assured her before mumbling, "It would have been better if he had. Then I could have just punched him."
Nanao ran a frustrated hand through her hair. "Then what is going on? Why are you sitting in the middle of the floor drinking like you normally do when somebody has died!"
Shunsui looked up at her in intoxicated indignation. "Don't I have a right to be drinking when I just found out you're going to be transferred?"
Nanao's stomach plummeted.
Her brain could not comprehend anything but the fact that her Taichō had just said the word transferred in a sentence about her. This can't be happening.
She had thought briefly about transferring that afternoon, but couldn't find the heart to seriously consider it. Yes, she had threatened Kyōraku Taichō earlier, but the truth was she liked being in the Eighth Division. Life was never boring. Even after over a century of being second in command, the squad members could do things that surprised even Nanao.
What am I going to do? she wondered in despair. She couldn't picture her life without her Taichō and his ridiculous pink haori. Whatever office she was sent to would seem so empty without his persistent snores drifting towards her desk from the couch.
"Where I am being transferred? When? Taichō, this doesn't make any sense," Nanao spluttered.
"You're going to the Thirteenth tomorrow evening," Shunsui replied, his hand gripping the sake bottle tightly. "And it makes perfect sense."
Nanao sank down to her knees in disbelief. She couldn't see the logic in it at all.
"But if Ukitake Taichō only asked for me, I'm already your Fukutaichō. They wouldn't transfer me because of one request! Everyone knows I'm the only reason the paperwork gets done around here."
Shunsui stared at her with bloodshot eyes. "Jushirō didn't request you because he wanted to, Nanao. Yama-ji ordered him to choose one of the existing fukutaichōs for transfer to the Thirteenth Division shortly after his relapse."
Nanao gaped at him in dismay. What a horrible thing to do hours after Ukitake Taichō fell ill again! Ukitake Taicho had faced plenty of spates with his disease without having a fukutaichō. Fukutaichōs were there to help their superior officer and run the division in case anything happened to the captain. Oftentimes, if the taichō died suddenly, the fukutaichō of the squad was selected as the next …
Oh gods, Nanao shuddered as she finally saw the common thread in it. They don't think Ukitake Taichō is going to get better this time.
"Have you figured it out yet?" Shunsui asked dully. "Ukitake had to choose the fukutaichō he thought would best replace…" he trailed off, staring into the shimmering flame of the single lamp. "They're priming you to be a taichō, Nanao."
"It won't come to that," Nanao said firmly, gazing at his expressive face. His usually animate eyes were leaden as they gazed unseeing at her desk. "It can't come to that. I'll…" her voice hitched and she was forced to take a steadying breath. "I'll… be back here before you know it. Just in time to do all of the end of spring paperwork that will have piled up in my absence."
Shunsui turned to her and she was surprised to see a solitary tear illuminated on his shadowed cheek, like a star in a darkened sky.
"You still couldn't lie to save your life, Nanao," he stated mournfully. The reiteration of the thing he ribbed her about most often only served to rub salt into their bleeding wounds. She shook her head slowly, trying to hold back her own tears.
"There now, Nanao-chan," Shunsui teased half-heartedly, trying to ease the hurt they both were feeling. "You look as if you just lost your best friend."
Their eyes locked. Everything that had happened between them recently suddenly seemed trivial next to the realization that they were going to be separated.
"That's because I have," she whispered.
Shunsui reached out to her with one slightly wavering hand. She slid her own into it easily and quickly spanned the gap separating them, kicking sake bottles out of her way. Nanao knelt in front of him for a few moments before flinging herself into his embrace.
The hand not clutching the bottle came up to stroke her hair tenderly. Nanao burrowed closer to him, laying her ear right against his heart.
This was agony.
Nanao clung to Shunsui, trying desperately to forget that she had less than a day before everything in changed. Shunsui's legs came up on either side of her. His warmth was comforting, the beat of his heart a soothing lullaby to Nanao's rapidly spinning emotions. But it wasn't enough.
Not enough to make her forget the fact that she was going to be separated from this man who had somehow become and integral part of her life. It wasn't enough to forget that she would never get to argue with him anymore on a daily basis. Not enough to make her forget that she had rejected the man holding her because of her own insecurities. And it definitely was not enough to make her forget that even as she sat there, her tears soaking through his uniform, a part of her was screaming that she should just pounce on him and damn the consequences. If he had been insincere, she would have little time, if any, to dwell on it once she was officially reassigned.
Shunsui lifted the bottle, downing a sizeable portion of the liquid as Nanao watched. Suddenly, drowning her sorrows in sake didn't seem like such a despicable idea.
Her hand closed around his on the neck of the bottle. Still grasping his hand, Nanao raised the bottle to her lips, taking a large swallow, letting the liquid smolder down her throat. Shunsui blinked in confusion. Nanao never drank. Well, almost never.
"Nanao-chan, what are you doing?" he asked quietly.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" she replied, prying the bottle gently from his fingers and taking another swig. "I'm joining you."
"But you don't drink," Shunsui protested. Nanao stared down into the darkness of the container, a perfect expression for the dark depth of her despair.
"It seems like a perfect time to start," she retorted almost inaudibly. "Aren't you always saying a person should never drink alone?" He reached out a sun-browned hand and cupped her cheek, wiping away the most recent tear which had fallen unchecked out of her eye. She leaned into his touch with a quiet sigh.
"You're quite right, Nanao," Shunsui returned, his voice just as soft. "As always."
She handed him the bottle and he polished it off. Nanao glanced around at the scattered bottles. "Do you have anymore?"
"Upstairs," Shunsui said, gesturing vaguely to the staircase somewhere behind them that led to the captain's quarters above the office. "But we could finish off my supply. Then I'll have to go and buy more tomorrow. I'll need it when you leave."
"That's fine," Nanao whispered.
He stood up, an impressive feat for one who had already drunk so much. Nanao wondered idly if her Taichō's alcohol tolerance was so high that he was barely affected anymore.
"I'll probably override the Division's budget again," he warned, turning to look at her as she made her way slowly to her feet.
"That's alright," Nanao replied, slipping her hand into his. "The Eighth Division budget is no longer my responsibility."
Shunsui let out a bark of humorless laughter and tugged her after him, up the stairs where more sake and emotional oblivion waited for them with open arms.
- - -
"Water," Nanao croaked as she opened her eyes blearily. Her throat felt as if it were coated in sandpaper. Her head was throbbing painfully and the sensation only intensified when the bright sunlight that was pouring in the open window stunned her blurred eyes.
"Here you go, Ise Fukutaichō," came a gentle voice and Nanao felt a hand come beneath her, lifting her into a sitting position. Groaning, Nanao took the glass of water which was being held out for her and gulped it greedily. Maybe this was the reason she didn't drink. Forcing herself to slow down before she made herself sick, Nanao moved a hand up to shield her eyes from the accursed light.
"Takahashi-san?" Nanao blinked in surprise as her vision cleared. "What are you doing in Kyōraku Taichō's quarters?"
Had something happened last night that she had been far too drunk to remember? The last thing she had recalled was lounging in Shunsui's bed, drinking sake and reminiscing. No, she assured herself glancing down quickly, swearing as the movement made her head throb, she was still clothed.
"I accompanied Matsumoto Fukutaichō here," Okuni supplied, taking the empty water glass from Nanao.
"Rangiku's here?" Nanao asked, now thoroughly confused. "Why?"
"Kyōraku-san asked me to come 'tend to his Nanao-chan' while he visited Ukitake Taichō," answered a bright voice from the doorway, its volume causing Nanao to wince.
Matsumoto smirked. "From the number of bottles around this place, I'd say you two had a rough night. And you," she scolded, turning to Okuni. "How many times must I tell you to call me Rangiku?"
"Sorry, Rangiku," the brunette apologized, distractedly fingering the hell butterfly suspended around her neck.
"Okuni beaded my scarf for me. Isn't it fun?" Matsumoto asked, holding up the edges of the pink cloth which usually completed her uniform for Nanao's inspection. It was now sporting sparkling rhinestones in a swirling arc. It flashed whenever she moved, forcing Nanao to close her eyes.
"It's lovely," Nanao responded, trying to muster up cheerfulness. Just because she was completely miserable didn't mean her friends had to be too. "It reminds me of Haineko."
"See! I told you Nanao would get it!" Matsumoto squealed in excitement, going to clap her hands together but found the action difficult as she was holding a glass in one hand. "Oh," she said sheepishly handing the glass to Nanao. "I forgot I had this."
Nanao surveyed the contents of the glass. She wasn't sure what was in it, but she was convinced that it was bound to cause food poisoning. "What is this supposed to be?"
Matsumoto gave her a look which clearly read 'And how high is your IQ supposed to be again?' "That is Matsumoto Rangiku's Famous Hangover Cure. Drink up," she ordered flicking her hair over her shoulder.
Nanao hesitated.
"What?" Matsumoto demanded. "I sell bottles of that to all of the Divisions, well, except the Fourth. It's how I make my extra shopping money." She sighed when Nanao continued to stare dubiously at the glass. "Just drink it, Nanao."
Deciding that the contents of the glass could not taste half as bad as she was feeling right then, Nanao raised the glass to her lips and forced herself to take a large swallow. Matsumoto looked on with pride, Okuni cringing in absolute apprehension and disgust.
"Now," Matsumoto said, flopping unceremoniously onto Shunsui's bed. "Do you mind telling me why you decided to drink yourself into a stupor last night instead of bagging your Taichō like you should have?"
Nanao almost spit out a mouthful of the rancid-tasting hangover cure. "Rangiku!" she exclaimed as Okuni stifled a giggle.
"Well?" Matsumoto asked, arching an eyebrow.
Sighing in frustration, Nanao tucked her hair behind her ear, cupping the glass in both hands. "I'm being transferred. I leave for the Thirteenth this afternoon," she replied, biting her lip as the emotional pain came rushing back to echo her physical discomfort. Glancing up she noticed the downcast looks on both of her friends' faces.
"We know," Okuni replied. "Kyōraku Taichō announced it to the squad this morning. Everyone knew something was wrong when the squad meeting was called for a quarter to ten. He usually doesn't wake up until eleven."
"I still don't understand," Matsumoto interjected, watching Nanao place her empty glass on the nightstand. "You're going to be ridiculously busy, basically running the Thirteenth Division and the Third too, I suppose, because Ukitake Taichō took on most of their work following the betrayal. You had a perfect opportunity to sleep with Kyōraku-san and you decide to drink sake instead!"
Nanao shook her head in disbelief. "I don't think like you do, Rangiku. Besides, that would have been unprofessional and…I don't feel that way for him," she finished, glancing swiftly at Okuni who was looking at her with wide, sympathetic eyes.
"Please Nanao, I think everyone present knows that you are at the very least attracted to Kyōraku Taichō," Matsumoto continued sardonically. Okuni blushed under Nanao's scrutiny.
"I was in the office two days ago, at the time it was quite obvious," she said sheepishly. "If it makes you feel any better, I think Taichō's quite attractive too."
Nanao massaged her temples roughly. Her headache had been improving before they had started this conversation.
"So…" Matsumoto prodded.
"So what?" Nanao responded, she was in no mood to discuss this right now.
"So why didn't you take action?" the strawberry-blonde demanded.
"I did act," Nanao snapped. "I ended it."
Nanao was on emotional overload after everything that had happened in the last few days; nearly having sex with her Taichō twice, having to drudge up memories she'd prayed to forget, and then finding out that she was being transferred. It didn't help that she had the mother of all hangovers and had spent the night wrapped in her Taichō's arms, both of them in an alcoholic daze which had been quite blissful at the time.
Matsumoto gaped at Nanao. She was fairly sure that her best friend had just admitted there had been something actually happening between her and Shunsui. From Okuni's expression of shock, Matsumoto gathered that she hadn't been hearing things.
"Then there was something going on," she began to pry but was cut off as Nanao fixed her with a look that was so desperately pleading and full of pain it caused the words to stick in Matsumoto's throat.
"I have to go…pack my things," Nanao said quietly, extracting herself from the sheets.
"I stopped by your quarters and brought you a uniform Ise Fukutaichō," Okuni said shyly. "It's on the table in the front hall."
"Thank you, Takahashi-san," Nanao replied with as much warmth as she could muster. "It's good to know that I'm leaving the division in capable hands." Nanao paused in the doorway.
"Promise me that you'll take care of my Taichō," she asked without looking over her shoulder.
"H-hai, Ise Fukutaichō," Okuni responded, taken aback. As Nanao left the room silently, the diminutive shinigami couldn't help but glance at Matsumoto who was sprawled on the bed, her usually bright eyes dimmed with sorrow.
"I wonder if she even realized," Matsumoto whispered, "that she called him 'my Taichō.'
- - -
Nanao lifted the small box that contained her most precious personal belongings. There was the first edition print of her favorite novel, the small etched silver box which Nanao used to store the ankle bracelet that Matsumoto had bought her decades ago as a symbol of their friendship. There were a few framed photographs, the letter in which she received notice that she was going to become Fukutaichō of the Eighth Division and the wreath of flowers, now mostly dry, which she had saved from the memorable party after her return from the Fourth Division. And, preserved in its own small frame, wrapped meticulously to prevent anything from happening to it, was the very first flower she had ever received from a man. Shunsui had placed the rose in her hair upon the successful completion of their first ever mission together in the real world.
Stepping out into the bright sunlight, Nanao walked slowly down the stairs that led to her quarters for the last time. She took a deep breath. Knowing that the squad had probably gathered to send her off, she was determined to not let them see how this was affecting her. A fukutaichō was supposed to set the example for the other shinigami, after all.
As she made her way into the square, clutching the box so tightly that her knuckles were white, Nanao felt her heart almost burst with warmth. The entire Division was gathered around the large bag which held all of the things she'd need until the rest of her belongings could be delivered to her new residence. Shunsui was standing in front of the throng, Okuni slightly behind him fingering the butterfly charm around her neck; a gesture which Nanao had come to realize meant she was uncomfortable or upset. She came to a stop in front of the assembled crowd.
"Thank you all for coming," she managed to call out, adjusting her glasses in a way which made her Taichō give a sad smile. A chorus of shouts followed her pronouncement such as 'No, thank you, Ise-Fukutaichō' and 'We'll miss you!'
"Um, Ise-Fukutaichō," Okuni said, stepping forward slightly. She held out a deep blue silk scarf which shimmered purple in the light. Beaded on it in a similar fashion to Matsumoto's was what appeared to be an exploding firework. "I made this for you, I know you probably won't wear it since it violates the dress code but I wanted to give you something anyway. I tried to make the design look like an exploding kidō spell."
"Thank you, Takahashi-san," Nanao said, draping the length of silk around her neck.
"Call me Okuni, please," the petite girl said before launching herself into a surprised Nanao's arms. "I'll miss you, Ise-Fukutaichō. I've only known you a few days but I feel like we're friends."
Nanao gave a small smile as she returned the girl's hug in an uncharacteristic move. "Then you must call me Nanao. It's what friends do, isn't it?" She drew back slightly, making eye contact. "Remember your promise."
"Hai… Nanao," Okuni said, brushing away a tear and moving to stand a few feet behind Shunsui. Following her lead, the crowd moved back, allowing their commanding officers the chance to say farewell with some privacy.
Shunsui took a step closer to Nanao, his eyes reflecting all of the pain and sorrow of one who has lived through too many goodbyes.
"It's been over a century since I first saw you walk in the office door, my beautiful Nanao-chan," Shunsui said remorsefully. "But it still seems too short a time to have you at my side." He gently stroked her cheek with calloused fingers. It was a mark of how monumental the occasion was that Nanao made no move to stop him. "May I give you one last present, lovely Nanao?"
She nodded, unable to find words. Reaching his hand inside his robe, Shunsui withdrew a length of delicate silver chain which was wrought to look as if it were comprised of flowers knotted together. In the center hung a glass pendant in which was encased a very familiar pink silk flower.
"Taicho, you cut your haori?" she stammered.
"Only one small flower from the hem," he replied, turning her gently so he could fasten the necklace. "Now a part of you Shunsui is with you wherever you go." His fingers lingered on the soft skin of her neck. "I shall miss you, Nanao-chan."
He made to kiss her, but Nanao deflected it with the fan she had tucked in her obi. He couldn't kiss her, not here in front of the entire division. It was not because she was worried about propriety but because she was sure she would turn into a blubbering wreck and be unable to leave when the time came.
Nanao tucked the fan away as he chuckled sadly. She had to leave soon. She was expected at the Thirteenth by six o'clock, and Ise Nanao had never been late for anything in her entire life.
"It was…an honor to serve under you, Kyōraku Taichō," Nanao whispered as a tear fell like a silent scream of agony down her cheek.
"No, my Nanao-chan," Shunsui said, brushing the tear away with his large thumb. "It was my honor to have you as my Fukutaichō."
Unable to contain herself any longer, Nanao threw her arms around his waist in a fierce embrace which he returned.
Nanao catalogued this moment, breathing in his scent, soaking up his warmth, the feel of his stubble against her forehead as he gently placed a kiss there. Then, in a move that surprised the entire division, Nanao stood on her tiptoes and placed a lingering kiss on his cheek.
"I'll miss you too, Taichō," she murmured into his ear.
Pulling away from him, Nanao turned and tucked the small box under her arm before slinging the bag over her shoulder.
Nanao took her first steps toward the Eighth Division gate, away from her teammates, her friends, and the man she could no longer deny she loved.
The last thing she saw before the gate swung closed behind her was her Taichō, his arms wrapped around the shoulders of a dark-haired, bespectacled shinigami. For a mere moment, Nanao thought she saw herself and what could have been. Then she realized that she was looking at what would happen. There would be many women through her Taichō's arms in her absence. Perhaps Okuni would be among them.
As her fingers closed around the pendant resting in the hollow of her throat, Nanao realized that she had never truly felt heartbreak until that moment.
A/N: Review or I'll force you to be Kenpachi's personal hairdresser. I wonder how he gets those spikes to stay in…not to mention the bells…