A/N: Sorry for the delay everyone. This chapter does not have much, but it is the key to setup the rest of the story.

Enjoy!

Chapter Thirteen

Tabula Rasa? Not Quite…

"HARRY!" Hermione screamed as she watched him collapse onto the floor.

Hermione rushed to Harry's side in an instant. She couldn't believe that Harry had done this. The sword was starting to glow and his body started to convulse. She reached around him to start to pull the sword out, when his hand grabbed her wrist to stop her. Through the convulsing, she saw him shake his head adamantly to warn her not to intervene. Hermione's face fell as she watched Harry's shaking get worse.

After what seemed like an eternity, his body went rigid and there was a bright flash from the orb on the end of the grip. The orb swirled with a murky black mist. Harry released her wrist, and tried to pull the sword out of his chest. His strength was gone, so Hermione hesitantly wrapped her hands around the grip. She pulled the sword and slowly it began to move. Harry's back arched in pain and his eyes were closed as tight against the pain.

Hermione finished pulling out the sword with a quick movement, and Harry relaxed. To her shock, the wound had already healed. She ran her hand over where the sword had pierced his chest and felt nothing but smooth skin. Harry's breath came back to him and he opened his eyes. His face set into a grimace and he closed his eyes again. He curled up into a ball on the floor and drew in a shaky breath.

"What have I done?" he asked to no one in particular. He wrapped his arms around himself and started to shiver. Hermione laid her hand on his back, only to have him flinch away from her. "Please, don't touch me, Mione. I don't deserve you after what I have done."

Hermione drew in a surprised breath. He must be in the stage of the curse that forced him to relive all the wrong things he had done. His eyes were shut tightly, but not tight enough for a few tears to leak out. Hermione reached out again, and this time pulled Harry to her and she wrapped her arms around him. He struggled for a moment to get free, but he realized that she was there for him, no matter what. She laid his head on her lap and she ran her fingers through his hair. He relaxed a little, but not enough to stop shaking.

Hermione called out to Dobby and he popped into the room with a worried look on his face. After explaining what had happened, Dobby managed to get both of them upstairs and into the bedroom. She laid Harry on the bed. He continued to have a far off look in his eyes, reliving all of the things he had done.

Flashback

Harry had been working in the preserve for a month now. His friendship with the dragon he had saved had grown and the dragon had finally let Harry ride him for a little while. While they were gliding over a small lake, the dragon suddenly roared and changed directions. It seemed there was a poacher nearby, going after a hatchling. Harry jumped off of the dragon and confronted the poacher.

"Hey! What do you think you are doing?!" Harry yelled. The poacher jumped and fired off a spell in Harry's direction. Harry went on the offensive while the hatchling was being protected by the larger dragon.

Harry and the poacher had dueled for a bit, but when the poacher fired a spell that missed Harry and hit the hatchling, Harry lost control. Harry fired back with a very dark spell. The spell started to peel the skin off of the man's hand. The man cried out in pain and fired another spell at Harry. Unfortunately, the man had fired the killing curse.

Harry dodged it and concentrated all of his power into a reductor curse and it hit the poacher in the face. The man didn't die from the spell right away, but he lay there, choking on his own blood. Harry just sat there and watched him die. He figured that the man deserved to die for attempting to kill a young dragon. He smiled a cruel smile when the man finally died.

End Flashback

The scenes kept changing in Harry's mind while the curse forced everything to replay in his mind. Harry started to shiver again when his mind had moved onto that evening's events. He started to shake even worse than before, and Hermione did her best to hold onto him. She conjured a cold and wet washcloth, and pressed it to Harry's forehead. He sighed at her touch and he drifted off to sleep.

The curse had run its course, but it had taken its toll on Harry. He was mentally and physically exhausted, and he fell into a fitful sleep. Hermione sat there and just held him as he twitched and trembled in his sleep. Once in a while he would suddenly cry out in despair. Hermione felt completely helpless as he continued to remember everything he had done. She did the only thing she could do. She continued to be there for him and gave him the strength and support he needed to get through this.

ooo

Harry's eyes snapped open, and he looked around. He noticed his head was in Hermione's lap, and her arms were wrapped protectively around him. He relaxed and shifted his body a little closer to hers. He felt her grip of him tighten a bit, but he reveled in the contact he had with her. Judging by the light in the room, he had been asleep for a few hours. She had fallen asleep, but she had never let go of him. He recalled his dreams and shuddered. He couldn't believe he had done some of the things he had, while still not really caring while he had done them.

He felt ashamed that he had killed those men so brutally. He knew with some of the things they had done to others, they had deserved to die. But what he couldn't believe was that he was so sadistic in the way he killed them. His mind flashed on Hermione's face in Diagon Alley. The look of horror and revulsion was more than he could take. His stomach made a sudden lurch and he quickly broke free from her grasp, and ran for the bathroom.

Hermione woke instantly when Harry got loose and bolted for the bathroom. She walked quickly to the closed door, hearing Harry getting sick. Her heart twisted painfully hearing him being that miserable. When she heard the toilet flush, she hesitantly knocked on the door. Harry asked her to wait for a moment while he cleaned himself up. She sat on the bed and waited for a few moments. Harry opened the door and it looked like he had aged several years. The normal confident look on Harry's face had been replaced by one of doubt and revulsion. He sat down in the chair next to the bed and looked at his feet.

"Harry?" she said softly. "Are you alright, love?" Harry shook his head slightly.

"Not really," he said. He wrung his hands nervously. He tentatively looked up at Hermione expecting to see her still mad at him for what he had done. He was confused for a moment at the look of concern and love she had on her face. He cleared his throat. "Hermione, can I ask you something? It's probably a dumb question considering what I have done."

"Harry, you can ask me anything," she said. She reached out a hand and tried to take Harry's. His pulled his hand away and looked back down at his feet.

"How can you still love me?" he asked quietly. "How can you stand to be in the same room as me after what I have done? Why are you still here when I'm nothing but a sadistic murderer like Voldemort?" Hermione sat there stunned at his questions. She moved off of the bed and sat on her knees and forced his chin up.

"Harry, you are nothing like him. The fact that you faced what you have done and it makes you think like this is what it really means to be human," she said patiently. "I know you think that some of the thing you have done in the last few years seem like you might have acted like him, but you feel the pain and remorse. That is why you are nothing like him, and you will never be like him."

Harry shook his head, trying to convince himself that she was just saying that to make him feel better. She couldn't believe that. No one could love him anymore. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve to have her in his life. She must have caught on to what he was thinking.

"Oh no you don't Harry," she said sternly. "You stand very little to no chance of losing me now. Can't you see that?" Harry was confused by her comment.

"But after what I did in front of you, how can you stand to be near me? I tortured a man for Merlin's sake!" he said with a raised voice. "I'm a monster! It took using the sword on myself just to see that!" He ran his hand through his hair in a frustrated manner. He took a deep breath and cursed under his breath. "I don't deserve to have you after what I have done." He stood up and started for the door. He was yanked around by a very frustrated woman.

"Harry Potter!" she said quietly and menacingly. He cringed a little at the tone of her voice. "If you think you are walking away from me now, you will need a much better reason than that. If you had ignore what I said earlier, and continued down that path, you would have a right to say that. Would I do this to a monster?!"

She reached behind his head, pulled him closer and kissed him. She poured every bit of emotion into the kiss as she could. She could almost feel his worries disappear. He broke the kiss and leaned back for a moment. He gazed into her eyes, and reached his hand up to her face expecting her to flinch away. Instead, she leaned into his touch and covered his hand with hers and smiled. He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and pulled her back to his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head.

"How is it that I am so lucky to have you?" he whispered. She smiled into his chest and sighed. She looked up at him and saw him looking at her with such an intense look of love. She reached up and brushed his hair back from his head and her eyes went wide and she gasped.

"Harry! Your scar!" she said. His hand shot up to it and he felt the smooth skin where his scar had always been. He let go of her and rushed to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. He stared into the mirror. His scar was gone. Only a very faint pink lightning bolt remained. The scar had been there for so long, that the mark would never truly fade, but now it looked just like it had been a deep cut that left a faint mark. He rubbed his forehead, thinking about what this meant. Hermione stood in the doorway to the bathroom. She smiled at his expression. He looked so relieved and happy for once.

"Mione, do you realize what happened?" Harry said. "I think when he tried to kill me the first time he left a bit of himself in me when the spell backfired, and not just some of his abilities."

"You mean he made you into a horcrux?" Hermione said. Harry shook his head.

"No I don't think so. I think he just left a bit of an echo of himself in me. And because of all of the things that happened to me in the past it became its own consciousness. It was always a voice that was mine, but it had Tom's attitude behind it," he explained. Hermione looked thoughtful at his explanation.

"So what you are saying is," she started. "Because of the backfire of the curse, it created something like another personality." Harry nodded. "So when it got strong enough from you bottling up everything, it created its own personality. Imagine that, a case of magical multiple personality disorder." Harry made a face at her.

"Just what I need," he grumbled as he nodded. "People to know I really was a nutter." Hermione rolled her eyes and lightly punched his shoulder.

"Alright Harry, enough beating yourself up," she said with a grin. She leaned her head against his shoulder and put her arms around his waist, sighing. "You know Harry, there is a down side to the scar going away." He raised an eyebrow in a questioning manner. "You can't sense him anymore. You won't know when he is happy, angry, or excited. We lost our 'radar' of his activities."

His face drained of all its color as he realized that she was right. They were flying blind now, and who knew when or where Voldemort would strike next. His face settled into a determined expression.

"Hermione, I have something I have to say," he said. She lifted herself onto the counter and listened to him. "I know what I have to do. He must be stopped. I can't promise I will not kill anyone anymore, but I can tell you this. If I have to kill a person again, it will be fast and as painless as I can make it. I won't be soft and forgiving to a fault. I know now that how I was going about things was the wrong way, but some sacrifices have to be made.

Some more will most likely die by my hand. I will still do what I know needs to be done. But I swear to you on my life, no person shall ever suffer needlessly by my hand ever again. No matter what happens, I will never cross that line ever again."

Hermione had a little problem with him still willing to kill someone, but she also understood that some people were beyond saving. She was relieved to hear him say that it would be quick, rather than drawn out. He had finally found the balance he needed to become the leader he was meant to be.

ooo

Hermione woke a couple of hours later, and found Harry was missing. She sat up quickly and looked into the bathroom. He was nowhere to be seen. Her heart skipped a beat as she thought he had run off again. She threw the covers off of herself and quickly got dressed in a pair of jeans and a simple tee shirt.

"Dobby!" she hollered out. A loud snap signaled the arrival of Dobby. "Dobby! Is Harry still in the house?"

"No, Master Harry is not in the house," Dobby said. Her stomach dropped as soon as he said his answer. "Master Harry is outside on the quidditch pitch, flying dangerously. Dobby is not knowing what to do miss. Master Harry is troubled and is not listening to his friend Dobby."

Hermione breathed a slight sigh of relief and ran for the front door, shouting out a quick thank you to Dobby. She ran out the front door and around the side of the manor. Her heart fell a bit to see Harry pushing the broom as fast as it would go and doing some very risky feints and dives. It almost looked like he was trying to outrun his demons.

"Harry! Please come down here," she shouted, hoping to get his attention. He continued flying for a while until he was exhausted from pushing the limit for so long. He made a serious miscalculation on his landing and ended up rolling for several feet after he hit the ground rather hard. "Harry!"

Hermione ran across the pitch and found him lying in a bit of an awkward position. Thankfully he was still breathing and awake. His eyes gazed up at the sky, and he let a long breath out.

"Sorry about that, Mione. But, I think I need some help," he said as he grimaced. "I have a feeling I have twisted something."

Hermione reached over and found that him leg was a bit twisted under him. She helped him get his leg free. She ran her wand over him and found he had just sprained his left knee. Thankfully, he had not broken any bones. She put his arm over her shoulder and brought him back inside the manor. They walked up to the bedroom in silence, Harry still brooding over his personal demons. She laid him on the bed and figured that she needed some reinforcements. She walked to the edge of the wards and apparated to Ron's flat. She knocked on the door and heard a loud curse as it sounded like Ron had tripped over something.

"Hermione! It's good to see you! Everyone was worried after the battle the other night!" Ron said, but then he saw the worried look on her face. "Hermione? What's wrong? Is Harry ok?" She shook her head slightly.

"Ron, he used his sword on himself," she said, pausing to let the words sink in. Ron's jaw hung slightly open and his faced paled a bit. "He's not really injured, but his mind is the thing I am worried about. All of the curses he put on the blade worked like they were supposed to. He considers himself a bit of a monster over what he has done in the past."

Ron's eyebrow rose in a questioning manner but he nodded. He invited her in while he got ready. Sharon stumbled out of the kitchen and mumbled a tired greeting to Hermione. Hermione smiled and cast a warming charm on Sharon's coffee, as she had let it cool by dozing in the kitchen. Sharon took a drink and it seemed to wake her up a bit. They talked a bit and Hermione told Sharon what happened the night before. Sharon said she was coming with, especially since after she and Ron got married, she would be like a sister to Harry. The four of them started to walk out of the door, when Ron stopped suddenly.

"Hermione, how are we getting there? Isn't Harry the secret keeper for his own home?" Ron asked. Hermione smiled and pulled out a small scrap of parchment. It was in Harry's writing, that way they could get the address.

Potter Manor is located at 52 Bull Lane, Sutton Green.

Ron had never been to Sutton Green before, but he had been to Guilford. Hermione told them to get a late breakfast there and she would bring the car to pick them up. They apparated to their destinations, and Hermione arrived back at the edge of the wards. She hurried inside and asked Harry if she could borrow his car to pick up Ron and Sharon. He gave her the keys and kissed her quickly. Then he sank back into his brooding state. Hermione sighed and brushed his hair from his eyes and kissed him again on the top of his head.

The drive was short, only about fifteen minutes to get to Guilford. Hermione picked Ron and Sharon up, and Ron started to play with some of the controls right away. Hermione rolled her eyes and shook her head with a smile. He evidently had learned a lot about muggle technology from Sharon, and he was actually calling things by the right names. He had got a kick out of the power windows and the sunroof, as he had never actually owned a car before. Sharon tapped him on the shoulder from the backseat and told him to stop playing.

They arrived in a short amount of time, and Ron was gaping at the house. He didn't make any snide or jealous comments though. Hermione took them up to the front door and they were about to enter when they heard a cry of despair. All three of them drew their wands and charged into the manor.

They heard Harry scream again and they followed the sound across the house. Hermione thought it came from the training room. She ran to the door and tried to open it, but Harry had locked the door. She pointed her wand at the door and cast alohamora. The lock released, but she still could not open the door. It was like it was barricaded closed from the inside. Ron gently moved her aside and backed up a few steps.

He barreled forward and impacted the doors with his shoulder. The wood started to splinter a bit, but it still held. He backed up a few more steps and motioned for the ladies to move aside. He raised his wand and shouted a blasting curse as he started running. The spell impacted the door a moment before his shoulder hit the door as well. The doors crashed open and Ron fell over the chair that Harry had propped against the door.

Hermione and Sharon rushed into the room and helped Ron up. Hermione turned to see that Harry was kneeling dejectedly on the floor, about fifteen feet from a stone target. The surface was steaming a bit, but otherwise it looked unharmed. Ron, who had recovered from his fall, had run over with Sharon in tow. Ron looked between Harry and the stone target, his face paling as he realized what had happened.

"Harry? Love, what's wrong?" Hermione asked quietly. He looked up at her with empty eyes. She dropped to his side and pulled him into her arms. "Harry, please tell me." She reached up and brushed his sweaty hair. She was afraid this would have happened.

"My magic," Harry mumbled pitifully. "It's too weak now." Hermione's face fell as her fears were realized. He raised his wand past her and his eyes narrowed with concentration. He started to sweat and the vein on his forehead was throbbing as he pushed with everything he had.

"REDUCTO!!" he bellowed.

The spell left his wand and impacted the stone target and a small chip of rock broke from the surface. But otherwise the stone was unharmed. Before Harry used the sword, his reductor curse would have reduced the stone to fine sand. But now, it merely touched the surface. Harry's head dropped into her shoulder as he passed out with exhaustion.