A/N: I finished writing the last chapter today, and it ended up being rather lengthy, so I ended up splitting it into two parts. There is one more chapter after this and then a short epilogue. Please buckle your seat belts until the story comes to a complete stop…and don't forget to review!

Tossed Aside
Chapter Fourteen: Love According to Shunsui

This chapter is dedicated to stormtrooper1. Your subtext reading is just fine…

Thirty-five, thirty-six, thirty-seven…

Nanao ran the brush through her slightly damp and gleaming hair, seeking refuge from the chaotic events that had unfolded hours earlier in the simple and repetitive task.

Thirty-eight, thirty-nine, forty…

If it had been up to Nanao, she would have followed Okuni immediately and tried to sort out the situation before it was blown out of proportion. In fact, she had just about shunpo-ed out the door when Ukitake grabbed her, holding her steady as she swayed, still slightly unsteady on her feet.

"Ise-san," the white-haired taichō said sternly, his grip on her arm causing her to flinch. "You are in no condition to go after her right now, let alone be in what is bound to be a highly emotional setting." His grasp on her arm gentled and he gave her a meaningful look, no doubt thinking about her loss of control minutes earlier.

"But, what are we going to do?" she asked, fighting to remain standing as the room lurched erratically beneath her feet.

"You will do nothing until you've eaten and slept. When I am sure that you are going to be alright I will find Takahashi-san and explain what happened."

Nanao stared up at him. "What about Kyōraku Taichō? I'm sure she has told him by now."

Ukitake placed a hand on her lower back and guided her toward the small table she usually occupied at breakfast. "I think it would be best if you explained the misunderstanding to Shunsui," he said delicately.

Following the gentle push of his hand on her shoulder, Nanao sank down onto the cushion. "Surely he would prefer to hear the truth from you, sir?"

Ukitake shook his head, a sad smile playing about his lips as he sat on the bed. "Somehow I doubt that, Ise-san."

Confused, Nanao rubbed her temples trying to fight off the pounding headache that was swiftly attacking her. "Why?"

"Because, Ise-san," he said gently. "I will have been the best friend who supposedly betrayed him but you…" his voice softened as he tucked one long, elegant finger under her chin and brought her eyes up to meet his gaze. "You will be the woman who finally, truly broke Kyōraku Shunsui's heart."

Ukitake had watched Nanao consume the entire contents of a rather large tray of food which had been fetched by Kiyone. The third seat had looked thoroughly relieved to discover that the Taichō she was so devoted to still had some need of her.

After eating, Nanao had retreated to her quarters. Her body was so exhausted that she fell asleep almost immediately, despite the depressing atmosphere of the room.

She awoke sometime later. Unable to sleep any longer, Nanao had bathed while her barely reenergized brain wondered if Ukitake had caught up with Okuni yet.

Nanao let out a long breath of defeat and set the brush down on the bedside table. She traced her fingers over the chain at her throat before holding the glass pendant up for inspection.

The bright pink flower was just the perfect shade to match the simple yukata she was wearing; one that Matsumoto had forced her to buy many shopping trips ago. She had fallen in love with the garment because it reminded her so much of her Taichō. Even though she (like most other members of the Gotei Thirteen) often wore non-uniform clothing when attending unofficial events or during after office hours, Nanao had never worn this particular article. It had been the object of too many precious fantasies. One of the more innocent ones consisted of Nanao merely lying with Shunsui in his favorite spot on the roof of the Eighth Division Office while gazing at the stars. In the dream their pink garments blended so well, it was impossible to tell where Nanao ended and Shunsui began.

But that dream which was once so attainable seemed so distant now.

She had made it that way.

Though Nanao knew that no betrayal had occurred that afternoon, guilt still gnawed at her insides like a relentless beast. She had hurt her Taichō again.

And…she had hurt herself desperately in the process.

Hardly aware of what she was doing, Nanao slipped her small feet into a pair of slippers, slid the door open, and set off into the night.

- - -

Nanao slipped easily into the Fourth Division's infirmary.

Masking her reiastu, she padded silently past the unseated squad member who was assigned to watch the hushed ward and subsequently fallen fast asleep at his station. She made her way down the rows of beds (now mostly unoccupied) and into the back wing, which consisted of private rooms. She paused at the second door on the left, and pressed her ear against it. Shunsui's gentle snores greeted her.

Relieved, Nanao slid open the door and entered the room. She walked slowly over to sit in the high-backed chair by his bedside. Nanao could not help but notice that his face, which usually looked so peaceful and carefree in sleep, appeared troubled. A large crease was visible in between his eyes.

Guilt, pain, and love swirled together in an anguished mix, so strong that Nanao could no longer suppress the emotions. She reached her pale, trembling hands to grasp the large, tan one resting by his side. With a tremulous sigh, Nanao sunk forward until her forehead was resting on Shunsui's stomach, which rose and fell comfortingly beneath her.

"I am so sorry," she whispered, squeezing her eyes closed against the fresh wave of emotion.

"Sorry for what, Nanao-chan?"

Nanao snapped her head up to stare at Shunsui. Half-sure she had imagined his response; she was surprised to see that he was staring back at her.

"What are you sorry for Nanao-chan?" he repeated, pushing himself into a sitting position and regarding her with eyes that glinted in the darkness.

"I-I should go," she stammered, starting to rise from the chair. "I woke you up."

She turned to leave only to discover that she hadn't let go of his hand, a fact which he was now using against her.

"I really wasn't sleeping," he replied, tugging her down to sit on the bed next to him. There was so little space available that Nanao felt she was fairly sitting on top of him.

Uncomfortable with his closeness after having gone so long without seeing him, Nanao made to resume her perch in the chair but she was prevented as Shunsui grasped her other arm in his free hand.

"Stay right where you are," he commanded in the tone that Nanao both feared and adored because she was rendered almost powerless by it.

Shunsui moved farther down the bed, so that their hips, which were facing opposite directions, pressed against each other. He ran a hand down her arm, the action causing her eyes to dart up to his.

"What are you doing here, Nanao?" he asked, his eyes searching hers in the darkness.

"I came to apologize…" she said quietly. "And," she continued, "to tell you that…that what Okuni told you this afternoon…was a…a misunderstanding."

"Why should it matter?" Shunsui asked her, his gaze penetrating and serious.

"What do you mean?" she said, perplexed. "It matters because Ukitake Taichō is your best friend and he knows how you…how you feel about me. You would think he betrayed you." Nanao swallowed, her eyes falling on their still intertwined hands. "And…because if anything had happened…I would have known at the time…that you…loved me."

"And why would that have mattered? You quite clearly told me that you wanted no part of me. There was nothing to stop you from acting on any feelings you had developed. Jushirō perhaps had a reason, but not you."

Nanao stared at him dumfounded. "But― we didn't do anything! I lost control of my reiatsu and Ukitake Taichō was helping me. Nothing happened that wasn't completely innocent. That is what seems to matter the most to me right now."

"The question is not if you did anything Nanao," Shunsui responded, his grip tightening slightly on her. "The question is why you didn't do anything?"

Anger was starting to bubble behind the initial shock. Here she was, putting her pride aside, almost begging for his forgiveness and he was speaking in riddles.

She pushed back slightly out of his embrace, the fire that seemed to die within her weeks ago suddenly rekindled in his presence. "I never would have done anything because I hate the idea of hurting you!" she ground out, managing to get one hand free and placing against his chest as his close proximity suddenly seemed oppressive.

"But you've hurt me already, Nanao," Shunsui said quietly, trying to maintain eye contact as she turned her head away from him, ashamed.

"I know," she returned just as softly, the anger draining out of her voice like water through a sieve. "I know that I've…hurt you. And I hate myself for it."

She swallowed, trying to alleviate the catch in her throat. "You think I haven't noticed the pain you try so hard to hide behind your silly smiles and ridiculous flirtations? You've probably seen so much in your lifetime that no one should ever have to endure. Most of the time…you forget about it and go about your business but the times you can't…those days are the worst. Those are the days when I wanted so badly to just to give in, to go drink your stupid sake on the roof with you if it would make you smile …because it meant you didn't feel the pain as acutely anymore."

She laughed scathingly. "I was so successful at it too."

Shunsui took advantage of her distraction and wound his arm around her waist, bringing half of her torso flush against his.

"Why have you been avoiding me then?" he asked as she tucked her head into the crook of his neck impulsively. "Didn't you know that would hurt me too?"

"Yes, but I needed time to…sort some things out," she replied, drawing back so that their gazes met. "I'm so sorry, Taichō."

The words seemed far from sufficient.

"Yare, Nanao-chan," Shunsui said with a slight chuckle. "You could be the death of me. First, you resist me with every fiber of your being. Next, you let me kiss you, hold you, do all the things I dreamed about for half a century before threatening me with a harassment suit. And that was before you drank yourself into oblivion with me and then ignored me for two weeks. Now you come sneaking into my room at night, trying to reassure me that you aren't having an affair with Jyū."

"I am not having an affair with Ukitake Taichō," Nanao interjected firmly.

Shunsui bent his head so he was resting his forehead against hers. "I believed you the first time, Nanao."

Nanao blinked, confused. She hadn't expected it to be this… easy. "Why?" she asked, unable to stop herself.

Shunsui gave her the 'Oh Nanao, You're So Amusing' grin.

"That's what love is, my precious Nanao-chan. I've lived long enough to know that it isn't all sake and poetry. Love is not what you say you would do for the other person, it's what you actually do for them." He caressed her cheek gently as he continued.

"Love is the trust you have in each other. It's the trust that, despite my infamous history, when I tell you I want you in my bed, you'll be the last woman― the only woman lying beside me from now on."

He pulled her completely into his lap and Nanao found herself totally unable to resist.

"So, if I told you I loved you right now," Shunsui said, trailing kisses down the curve of her neck. "Would you believe me?"

"I-I do believe you," Nanao whispered, as his lips moved sensuously over her jaw. "That's what frightens me the most."

Shunsui's lips were hovering over hers and Nanao was absolutely positive that he was going to kiss her.

"In that case, you have a choice to make my lovely Nanao-chan," he said, his breath hot on her upturned lips, sending shivers coursing through her. "Unohana Taichō has declared that Jushirō has made a full recovery. He came to tell me this morning that he has petitioned Yama-ji for your return to the Eighth Division."

Half-delirious, Nanao found herself staring at his lips as he spoke. "What did Yamamoto say?"

"Yama-ji would prefer you return to your previous position where he believes you absolutely excel at 'keeping me in line.' However, he feels rather guilty about having made you settle in the Thirteenth only to make you move back so quickly. He says that if you prefer it there, as you have worked harder and lasted longer than any other fukutaichō under me, you may choose to stay there if you wish."

Shocked, Nanao barely responded when Shunsui ran a skilled hand down her side. His whiskers brushed her cheek as he placed his lips right next to her ear.

"I wanted to protest and say that I have never had the pleasure of having you under me," Nanao blushed at the blatant innuendo but promptly forgot about it as his hand brushed ever so lightly across her breast. "I am hoping to rectify that situation very soon."

"However," Shunsui continued, his tone growing serious. "If you chose to return to the Eighth, you must understand, Nanao that you cannot expect me to maintain a strictly profession relationship with you for very long."

"I understand," Nanao replied, still reeling from the news.

Shunsui tugged her hair jokingly. "I'm being released today," he told her, a small smile playing across his lips. "So, you know where to find me."

"Hai," Nanao responded, going to stand up. "I should leave, it's almost dawn."

Shunsui nodded, reluctantly releasing his hold on her waist.

"Nanao-chan," he said, tugging her hand once more. "If you choose to return to the Eighth, do bring that lovely Yukata with you." Shunsui placed a whiskered kiss to her knuckles. "I can think of many uses for it."

Blushing brighter than ever, her heart bursting with hope, Nanao fairly sprinted the distance back to the Thirteenth Division.

- - -

When Nanao arrived back at the Thirteenth Division, she was surprised to find a figure huddled on her front stoop. Panic set suddenly in on her rejoicing heart, squashing the ballooning feeling of elation within her. It was dark enough she couldn't make out the person's features, only their diminutive stature. What if it was Kiyone?

Had something happened to Ukitake Taichō while I've been gone?

Nanao lit a flare of reiatsu and held it up. The beam slithered across the dewy ground, illuminated Okuni's startled face. It appeared as if she had been crying.

"Ise Fukutaichō?" she asked breathlessly. Nanao advanced towards her with the ball of light and the girl scurried backwards until the door prevented her from going further. "Please, don't! I-I understand you must be furious with me. I came here to apologize!"

Nanao frowned wondering why the girl looked so threatened. Then she realized that Okuni probably thought she was preparing to lob a kidō spell at her head in retaliation for her earlier mistake. Nanao lowered the ball of light so that her face could be seen clearly.

"I wasn't going to attack you, I just couldn't see you."

Okuni got to her feet and came to stand before Nanao, her gaze fixed on her wringing hands.

"I'm so sorry, Nanao!" she wailed. "Ukitake explained everything to me. I feel so ridiculous! I probably ruined your relationship with Kyōraku Taichō forever! I just saw you two together and I felt… betrayed almost as if you had been lying to everyone the entire time, because everyone thought you were in love with Kyōraku Taichō and there you were in the arms of his best friend." She paused, gasping for breath.

"And all I could picture was Kyōraku Taichō thinking I was you and saying how much he loved you with what could have possibly been his dying breath and I just lost it!"

Okuni flung herself at Nanao, as more tears of remorse cascaded down her cheeks. "Please, forgive me!"

She continued sobbing for forgiveness even as a rather shocked Nanao finally wrapped her arms around her friend.

"It's alright. I forgive you," she said, stroking Okuni's disheveled hair the way she usually consoled Matsumoto when she both was drunk and depressed. "I just wish you would have given us a chance to explain… but it's over now."

"What do you mean it's over?' Okuni froze in her arms for a moment, her tone rather strange.

"The misunderstanding," Nanao replied, as Okuni broke away from her, wiping her puffy eyes. "I just went and saw Kyōraku Taichō."

Okuni blinked up at Nanao through her clumped eyelashes. "And?" she asked, her tone of expectation barely masked by her trepidation.

"Everything is fine," Nanao finished, going over and unlocking the door.

"I really am sorry," Okuni repeated softly, fingering the delicate hell butterfly which hung at her neck as she usually did when upset.

"I said it was fine, didn't I?" Nanao repeated in her usual no-nonsense tone. "Would you like to come in?" she asked, sliding the door to her quarters open and looking at her smaller friend expectantly. "You can help me pack."

"PACK?" Okuni asked incredulously, trotting up to the door as Nanao disappeared down the narrow hallway, lighting lamps along her way. "But you said everything was fine!" Okuni called after Nanao's retreating back.

"It is," Nanao said, sticking her head around the corner. "I've been transferred back to the Eighth."

Nanao found that she could no longer contain her own smile as her diminutive friend jumped into the air, whooping for joy.

"I can't believe it!" Okuni shouted, her hair flapping up and down as she hopped on the balls of her feet, clapping her hands, and squealing like a schoolgirl. "Aren't you happy?" Okuni asked, dragging her fukutaichō back around the corner, still jumping up and down. "Dance with me!"

What harm could it do to let go? Nanao thought, as Okuni twirled her like a ballroom dancer, causing Nanao to laugh.

Just this once.

A/N: Review! Jidanbo will be playing musical chairs with all the non-reviewers! And then I'm going to moonwalk over you lurker-pancakes!