Fear of Fire

Disclaimer - Don't own YYH.

Chapter 12 -Pain

XxXxX

Botan stood with Kurama in the park. It was a couple of days after she told him about her past. However, everything was still not in the clear. That and...both of them were seriously thinking about their relationship. The kitsune sat down on a bench and she did the same.

"I was just thinking about it and I...cannot see us going anywhere." His voice held a hint of sadness and regret. She looked at her feet and nodded.

"The feeling is...mutual. I can't see a future, either." She kicked at a pebble, sending it bouncing onto the path. "I just...don't love you like I used to. That and so much has happened. I only see friendship for us." He smiled slightly.

"I agree. We tried but it just didn't work out." She wouldn't meet his gaze. Even though they agreed with each other, it was still upsetting. He stood up. "Friends?" She looked up to see that he was holding his hand out.

"Friends." She put her own hand in his and they shook. They parted with smiles but they both felt pain from the way it happened. The events gave them both a clear picture that told them that they weren't ready for a relationship. She sat on the bench, not really wanting to leave that spot. A lone tear ran down her face before she looked up at the cloudy gray sky. The breeze fortold of a rainstorm but still she didn't move. The pain she felt for something that she herself had chosen was astounding.

If Kurama and I could not make it work...what am I going to do in other relationships? Will I even have any?

Five minutes went by and a light drizzle began to fall from the sky. It slowly turned into a downpour that soaked everything. Yet...she didn't even seem to notice. She had no intimate feelings for Kurama. She harbored no love for him in her soul. But she was hurting because they didn't get any further than half-way to first base. She wanted to have something special before this mission was up and she let go of the three realms. It was her decision that when she could no longer see the team of Spirit Detectives, she would move on.

"Botan?" She looked up to see Yuusuke standing over her. He held his hand out to her and she reluctantly took it. "I saw you from the gates. Are you okay?" She nodded slowly. "Come on, let's get you to my house. It's closer. You can dry off there." He pulled her quickly after him and she trailed listlessly behind. Once they were inside, he left her at the door, where she slipped out of her shoes. He came back out and pulled her into his room. "Dry off. I put a t-shirt and a pair of shorts out for you." Once she shed the wet clothes and dried off, she felt refreshed. Meanwhile, as she changed, he called Kurama to ask if they had a fight or something. They weren't on the phone very long because he knew she was in the other room.

Wow... I can't believe they both broke it off. Why is she like this if she told him that she wanted the same?

She came out with her wet clothes and he took them to a basket of clothes that had to be washed.

"You can stay the night, if you want." He said softly; watching as she sat down next to him on the couch. Reaching over, he pulled her against him. "I asked Kurama about what happened. I knew something was wrong. Why are you so upset?" She didn't cry. He didn't even see tears in her eyes.

"I just...want something. I don't want to be alone. I need someone with me." She answered in a calm voice. His fingers ran through her cerulean hair and encountered a few knots. That was to be expected, since her hair was wet. He didn't say anything. He wasn't wise to this type of thing and would probably say something stupid. "Thank you, Yuusuke." Her voice was quiet, wistful. She fell asleep in his arms. He wasn't surprised by it. He could tell that she hadn't slept good in days.

"You're welcome, Botan." He whispered. The door opened and Atsuko and Keiko walked in. After seeing Botan's shoes, the two walked quickly to the living room.

"Yuusuke...what happened?" His girlfriend could see that something had, indeed, happened. He looked up and sighed.

"They broke up." He moved and picked her up before going to his room and placing her on his bed. Keiko had followed him and pulled the covers back.

"Kurama...hurt her like this?" She asked in surprise. He shook his head and led her out of the room.

"Nah, they both decided to do it. All I know is that she wants something. She told me that she doesn't want to be alone." Her eyes grew wide and she looked at the door.

"She...is all alone." Yuusuke blinked; gazing at his girlfriend in curiosity after the mysterious reply.

XxXxX

"I'm home." Botan said to the empty apartment as she walked through the door the next day. Hiei would not be joining her...nor would anyone else. She heaved a frustrated sigh and threw herself onto the couch. Time for hours of mindlessly sitting in front of the television. She didn't know how long she sat there, mindlessly watching it. But she figured that she might as well make herself something to eat. After putting some instant ramen on, she ate then went to bed.

XxXxX

The ferry girl went on like that for days, not really bothering to think about things but mindlessly going about normal tasks and finally finish painting her apartment. Her mind was numb because of the realization that she could never have anything to do with love. But she knew that she had to fix things between her and Hiei. She had to find him soon. However, she wasn't really sure where he was.

Where would you be...? Would it be in Makai? I'll have to ask Koenma-sama.

She summoned her oar and flew to Reikai as fast as she could. Once she was there, she hurried to the office she knew so well.

"Koenma-sama! I need you to tell me...where..." Her voice trailed off as she stared at the scene before her. Hiei was right in front of her, probably asking permission to go back to Makai. "Hiei..." The koorime looked back at the small prince.

"I need to leave, Koenma." He met the suspicious gaze of the godling. "Hurry up and open the portal."

"No, Koenma-sama! Don't open it!" Botan ran forward and grabbed Hiei's arm. "Hiei, you can't leave now. I need to talk to you." She stared up at him with fire in her eyes. She wasn't going to let him go.

"Onna, I told you that I do not want to talk about this." He pulled away from her. "I want you to let me go to Makai."

"Why the hell do you want to run from your nightmares? From me? Hiei, I've been through hell these last few days! The least you could do is listen to what I have to say." Her amethyst eyes were narrowed dangerously. Her stance told him that she was angry and hurt at the same time.

"I don't want to be around you. Every time I see you-" He cut himself off. "I do not want to go there with you right now. Let me leave."

"Fine." She paused then walked toward the doors. "However, if you feel any friendship toward me then you won't go. If not, then you can leave. I hate to give you this decision but you have the choice to walk away." The next sound he heard was the slamming of the door.

"Hiei? What is all this about?" The koorime was still staring at where she had stood previously, before she even walked to the doors. After a long moment, he looked up at Koenma before walking out of the room. Hiei knew that his curiosity was would be the end of him but he couldn't walk away. He could not lie to himself about his feelings for her. He stood outside her door for what seemed like forever. Then he walked in with the full intention of setting her straight.

"Botan-" He stopped. She was standing by the window that overlooked the outside of Reikai, the window that overlooked the clouds. "I-I wanted you to think about what you said to me. Did you really think about it?"

"Yes, I did." She turned around to look at him. "I explained my life and my fear to Kurama. I will do the same for you. But I wanted to tell you that I bear no ill will toward you. Hiei, you are my friend and I wouldn't do anything to change that. I want you to forget that we ever found out. I can't move on if you don't. I accepted my life here a long time ago and, even then, I didn't hate you. For some reason, I knew it was wrong to feel hatred such as that. But I began to forget everything as my years here progressed." He watched as she stepped closer to him. "Both fires... I never escaped unscathed."

"W-What do you mean by...both?"

"When I was younger, I got the ones on my legs and arms." She lifted her hands to the obi of her kimono. He felt his face grow hot but he said nothing. The cloth dropped to the floor and she turned around, lowering the kimono to her elbows so he could see her back. It took a moment but there was a small red glow and the huge scar appeared. It took up most of her back. "This was from you." She paused. "I also had a few on my stomach and I had one right on my face...below my left eye." She put her kimono back on and just held it as she turned around to reveal the small stripe beneath her eye. Then, in a flash, it was gone again. "When I came here, they healed me and allowed me to see myself without those ugly scars." He lifted his hand and brushed the spot where it had been, on her smooth skin.

"You...never seemed the type to go through such horrors." His voice was soft. "I never would have expected this type of thing to occur." She lifted her hand to his and held it there.

"I was scared that you had already left." He stared down at her. "I wanted to find you so badly that I was willing to go to Makai again." The soft tone in her voice made him stop.

"What happened? What's wrong?" She leaned foward, resting against him. "Botan..."

"It's over..." She whispered. He stiffened. "Kurama and I are over. We broke up." His eyes went wide. She rested her head on his shoulder. "Now I have no one. I'm alone again." He pulled her closer.

"How could this have happened?" She closed her eyes. "I thought for sure that you two would make it."

"We didn't." She hesitantly wrapped her arms around him. "I just...thought that the loneliness had passed." They stood there silently for a while after that. Hiei felt so much better knowing that she wanted him to forget about it and move on. Finally, he pulled away and sat down on her bed.

"What is going to happen now?" He asked. "What will happen?" She sighed and went over to her dresser before pulling out a sash. She wasn't going to play with the obi.

"I don't know." She said softly; picking up the pieces of cloth that had fallen to the ground. "But I do hope that something changes for the better." He nodded before standing up.

"Take me back to Ningenkai."

XxXxX

Botan was usually a bubbly person but ever since she was with Hiei for those six days, she went through a lot of changes.

I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. I've changed in more ways than one.

First, she had never revealed anything about herself if she could. That was the point of the cheerful, easy-going attitude. Second, she barely ever lived in her past. Now it seemed like that was all she was doing. And last but not least, she wasn't doing anything like she used to. Before, she always used to take nightly rides on her oar. Now, she slept in a world of nightmares. She looked up when she heard a sound in her living room. She was in her bedroom, lying on her back and staring at the ceiling as she thought.

W-Who in the hell...?

Her eyes never left her doorway as she stood on shaky legs.

"Onna!" Recognition hit her hard, forcing her to fall back on her bed. "Botan, are you awake?" Hiei found his way to her room. He peered in with a frown on his face.

"What are you doing here, Hiei?" She asked in an irate tone. "Besides giving me a heart attack." He walked in and looked around before even bothering to answer her.

"I wanted to see if you were doing anything important." His answer made her suspicious. She figured that he read her expression because he shrugged. "It doesn't seem like anything terribly exciting is going on here."

"Maybe I was sleeping. Or it was possible that I was so deep in thought that I never expected you to come barging into my apartment. Take your guess." His eyes narrowed at her. She looked like she had aged a few years in the span of two days, which was completely impossible.

"Is there something wrong with you?" The question seemed innocent enough but she wasn't buying into his routine.

"Why the hell would that be important? You're the one who said there's nothing exciting going on around here!" She snapped. Then she crossed her arms. "Well? Tell me what you wanted." He smirked.

"That's for me to know and you to find out." He tossed her sneakers onto the floor in front of her. As soon as she put them on, she was suddenly swept off her feet and the koorime leaped out of the window with her. She hid her face in his cloak. "You should get some rest before we get there. It's a long way off."

"Then...shouldn't you carry me on your back? Wouldn't that be easier for you?" He slid to a stop in the park and thought for a moment. Then he set her on her feet and bent so she could climb on. Her arms went around his neck and he hung onto her legs. She rested her cheek against his back and drifted off to the sound of wind and the soft scent of cinnamon.

XxXxX

So ends another exciting chapter of FoF. Anyway, I kind of feel in a cheery mood. Don't ask why. I woke up miserable and now I feel better! Look at that!