Fear of Fire

Do not own.

20

Botan

XxXxX

She stood on the chair, on her tip-toes, with a coffee cup in her hands. She had been rearranging her apartment and moving all of the older dishes into the top cabinet. Hearing her door open and then close made her jump, losing her balance and falling to the floor, the cup shattering into little pieces. Unfortunately, her head hit the table before she crashed to the floor. Tears stung her eyes and her mouth opened to cry out but nothing left her lips but air as she felt the shards of glass pierce and cut the skin of her arm along with her back. Looking over at the doorway, she noticed Koenma in his teenage form standing there.

"K-Koenma-sama?" She tried to sit up but her head was spinning and her body ached. "W-What are you...?" He ran over to her, his brown eyes wide.

"I'm sorry that I startled you so badly. I didn't mean it." He helped her sit up before he noticed the blood on the floor and in her hair. "Botan-" She winced and gave him a look.

"Don't shout in my ear, sir..." Getting up on shaking legs wasn't something she wanted to do but she really had no other choice. She couldn't just lie there on the floor. "Will you clean up this mess while I clean and bandage these?" Her head was throbbing and she was sort of surprised that she wasn't unconscious. Of course, some of the minor cuts could be healed but she didn't have the energy right then so she opted to bandage them. It would be hard to get to the ones on her back and shoulders but she would have to manage. After cleaning them, she wrapped herself in a dark towel and went to her room with the supplies. She found her window open... "I don't remember opening this..." Mumbling to herself wasn't usually something she did but maybe it was just the hit to the head that made her do it.

"That's because I opened it." Sitting on her bed was none other than Hiei. Botan gave him an exhasperated sigh.

"Now isn't exactly the greatest time. I need to get dressed so..." He would've complied if he couldn't smell her blood. Standing up, the koorime pushed her down onto her bed and removed her towel. Then he grabbed her kit and began bandaging her wounds.

"How did this happen?" His question was cold, just like the breeze coming through the window. She shivered. "Onna-"

"I was just being careless. I fell and...hit my head. There's a nice mess in my kitchen but that's being taken care of." He dug a shard of glass from her deepest wound before tossing in her wastebasket next to her nightstand. "Why are you here, anyway?"

"Hn." As soon as he was finished, he closed the window and remained turned around so that she could dress. With a soft smile on her face, she pulled out what she needed and dressed. She went to the door and set her hand on the knob before freezing at the sound of his voice. "I told her." It was quiet and soft, so unlike Hiei that she just had to turn around to look at him. Realization hit her after a brief moment. "She...didn't look happy at first. But...today she looked at me like I was all she ever wanted." He was surprised at her words when she spoke.

"You idiot. You were all she ever wanted." Then she left the room. He heard her say something to someone then he heard a man's voice. He decided to listen closer. Well...he did have excellent hearing. It wasn't his fault if he happened to hear certain conversations on accident. "Don't worry about it. I just wanted to put them up because I haven't used them. But...I can't help but wonder why you're even here."

"Oh, about that. I wanted you to come up to Reikai for a few days. Your work is really piling up. No one else can do it because it isn't their job but I doubt that your office could hold much more." She sighed. So, the 'man' had been Koenma.

"I'll be there in the morning. Was that the only reason? You could've just called." He didn't answer for several seconds. "Koenma." She didn't use honorifics. That meant that something was up.

"Did you talk to Hiei yet?" Silence. Koenma tapped the toe of his shoe against the tile floor. "Botan, he came to see me a few days ago. I was wondering if he talked to you yet." Hiei heard a rustle of clothing and then a sigh. She had probably shaken her head.

"What is this about?" Koenma muttered something before walking from the apartment. When Hiei was sure he was gone, he went out into the kitchen. He froze when he heard the sound of her voice. He hadn't caught what she said but the look on her face was all he needed to see. She stared at him calmly but he saw sadness in those bright eyes. "Why can't you tell me? I feel...left out. I-It's fine if you don't want me interfering in your life...but don't come around and act like you care." He stared at her impassively. Then he decided to tell her. It would be a start, another stepping stone. It had to be done.

"I don't know what you mean to me." Her eyes instantly stung. What did he mean? "I have a curse, one that I have always had. I don't understand what it means to...love. I have to figure everything out. Give me time and soon... I don't know..." He was expecting her to cry like Kurama had even though she didn't know the depths of his condition like the kitsune had. The tears were there but they never fell.

"Take as much time as you need, Hiei." He frowned when she smiled slightly. "I can only hope that you discover what you want." He turned around, preparing to leave. Everything was so confusing to him. Heat spread through his body whenever he was near her. His heart raced and he felt weak yet immortal at the same time. As he reached the door, he hesitated. "I would wait forever." There was no hesitation in her voice. There was only promise. He felt his stomach tighten. She was truly amazing to make such a promise with such abandon. Had she really known what she said?

Yes...she did. Her voice was pure and confident. Her intentions were nothing but pure... Thank you, Botan.

XxXxX

He sat in his tree, staring into space. For how long, he had no idea. He hadn't slept, hadn't eaten, hadn't trained, and hadn't communicated with anyone. Like he had done with his emotions for Yukina, he tried pinpointing when he began to feel strangely around Botan through all of his memories. It was during that week after the test. Botan had made him experience a lot. Jealousy was discovered...thanks to Yukina's bright observation. What he remembered most vividly were their fights. They fought so much. That had changed when he ran away. What he hadn't comprehended was that she had cared about him...so much. Her eyes had always been bright with concern. He had thought nothing of it since she cared about everyone else. He hadn't been anything special until he had lived with her, shared memories with her. He thought about the love he had discovered for Yukina. It was such a pure emotion that he was embarrassed to feel it. Ashamed, even. But she was so happy that he was her brother and he definitely couldn't deny the feelings he had when she had smiled. Botan smiled a lot, though not recently. He had changed her, made her feel things she should never have felt. He hurt her, took her for granted because he believed she would always be there, smiling. And he would always be there, emotionless and dark. Just like Yukina, she was like the sun. So bright, casting a glow upon everyone that, if taken away, would leave everything to wilt and die.

Why does this have to be so hard to figure out? She is obviously not just a friend. She's...so different.

She made him feel differently. No wonder Koenma couldn't give him an answer. He growled. Why couldn't he figure it out? What exactly was she to him? He never wanted to hurt her, never wanted to leave her, and never wanted to just be with her. He had hated her in the very beginning. He had been envious of what she had. He knew envy, he knew hatred, but he didn't know what he felt then.

What did she do to me?

The emotion was like what he felt for Yukina but yet it was completely different. So many similarities but so many differences. It had to be love. She made him worry, she enabled him to feel fear. She had destroyed a part of him. But he could never be angry. He could never hate her again. Then, something entered his mind. Botan was so pure, so lighthearted. Why had he...chosen her? He was anything but pure. He was a demon, for goodness sake! He recalled the moment that the curse had actually weakened and when he let his instincts take over. He had kissed her. She allowed it, for she didn't have the violent reaction he had expected her to have. But for allowing himself the pleasure of kissing such a pure being, he felt shame. Was he following in his father's footsteps? Yes, he was. His father had found attraction for a pure ice maiden.

"Hiei?" A sweet voice called for him. "Where are you?" He jumped down, surprised that she would visit him. The smile that graced her lips when she saw him made him feel better. "What is it? You look upset..."

"Nothing for you to worry over, Yukina." She grabbed his hand and pulled him from the woods, into the bright sunlight. "Why are you here?" She said nothing, just pulled him along behind her. In a way, she understood what was going on. He was deciding, as he must have done for her.

"I wish to spend some time with you." She wanted to help him discover what it meant to love. But how could she when she didn't really understand it herself? All she wanted was to be with him for one day. She wanted to laugh with him, smile with him, and share memories with him. "No one has seen you for a few days. We were really worried." He looked away from her. He looked miserable. How was it that he was suffering so much? She wanted to curse their father. Her twin was suffering because of him. She felt her empathy take in his pain and she wished that she hadn't felt it. Suddenly, she felt his anger. He wanted to run. She could feel him tense. Gripping his hand tighter, she silently told him that it wasn't the time to run. "You've yet to figure it out?"

"It... I've never..." Frustrated, he gave up and remained silent. Yukina felt bad for him but it was something he needed to do on his own. He needed to recognize and face his emotions. But she wanted him to know that she would always be there for him. "I need to be alone for this..."

"But you also need to take a breather. You look terrible, Hiei. I'm worried about you." He looked over at her. She was looking ahead, a small frown gracing her lovely face. He had always thought purity was beautiful. His sister was beautiful. Botan was...beautiful. But he wasn't pure. So he thought he was hideous. Youko wasn't pure, either but no one called him ugly. They all thought he was a masterpiece. Then again, there were exceptions to every rule. "I wanted to take you and spend some time with you." She smiled a little when he glanced at her.

"Yukina..." He clasped her hand just as tightly as she had gripped his before. She was something else, that was for sure.

XxXxX

Hiei looked up at the night sky, his crimson eyes searching for answers among the stars. Though, he knew he wouldn't find them there. Botan was such a mystery. What she was to him was an even greater mystery. He heaved a heavy sigh. How he hated that sound more than anything. But he had been doing it for the past few hours. He was getting on his own nerves.

"Baka onna..." He whispered as he leaned his head against the trunk of his tree and settled in. How long would it take him to figure out just what it was that he felt for her? It clearly was more than friendship. It was clearly different than the love he felt for his sister. What other emotions were there? He was worried about her. All the time. Like when that idiot had come to kill him and she stumbled into the fight. He had taken a hit for her. Not to mention his nightmares... And when he learned that he had taken her life. He had wanted to get away from her before she told him that she couldn't forgive him. However, that had not been the case. She was afraid of fire but she was willing to face her fear every time he was around her. Sure, he sort of...admired her to an extent. Then...there had been that time when she'd told him that she would never abandon him. She'd kept to her promise. Even when he ran, she'd chased after him. She cared for him enough to face Makai by herself just to plead with him to go back to Ningenkai. Getting frustrated, he put his face in his hands and growled. He wanted to pull his hair out. Why wasn't it working?

This is how I figured out how I felt about my sister! Why can't I figure out what I feel for the onna? How the hell am I supposed to figure this out?

To say the least, he was angry. He was tired. He was frustrated. He wanted to give up. However, if he did, he would never be able to return to Botan. Eyes squeezed shut, he tried to force himself to calm down. The emotion that he was thinking of had to be love. But it was so complicated to think of what kind of love it was.

I am getting nowhere fast. Onna, why is this so hard...?

He was more than aware of the fact that he was stuck. Love was difficult to pin, especially the feeling that he had around Botan. He always wanted to keep an eye on her to make sure that she was safe. He wanted her to smile, even though sometimes her cheery nature drove him insane. He never wanted to see her tears. He wanted to spend as much time with her as he could. In fact, the thought kept crossing his mind that he wanted to mark her as his mate. She was something he didn't want to let go of. Was that all love was? Or was there more left in the dark? She was precious to him in so many ways.

I don't know what to do...

It was late. Hell, he knew he shouldn't have been there. But he had to see her. He had to see if he was right. She was fast asleep in her bed, a peaceful look on her face. He walked silently over to the bed, staring down at her. He really didn't want to wake her up. But he wasn't going to be patient enough later. Settling a hand on her shoulder, he gently shook her. She opened her eyes almost immediately upon being touched. She looked over and sat up, turning on the lamp at her bedside.

"Hiei? What's wrong?" She rubbed her eyes, squinting briefly from the sudden brightness of the light. He leaned over and lightly placed his lips against hers. She didn't get the chance to respond since he pulled away quickly. Silence enveloped them. "Are you okay?" He sat down next to her, his expression blank as he contemplated the thoughts racing through his mind. He looked up at her, his crimson eyes gazing into her own amethyst ones.

"Baka onna..." He whispered as he closed the distance once more. She responded before hesitantly pulling away. Her gaze was questioning. Almost instantly, he was embracing her. "I don't think I've completely figured you out just yet. But...I can't isolate myself from you or else I never will." She smiled tiredly and wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head on his shoulder. He was really...comfortable. After a few moments, she was fast asleep in his arms. "Sleep well, Botan." His voice was soft as he gingerly untangled himself from her and settled her back into her bed. After turning the light off, he went to the window and left, as though he were never even there.

XxXxX

Kurama gazed meaningfully at his friend. It had been the first time in a while that the koorime had visited him. He could tell that something new had happened. After all, it wasn't often that Hiei visited anymore. Especially so early in the morning.

"What are you doing here, Hiei? Shouldn't you be out figuring things out?" The kitsune questioned lightly as he dressed himself for school. The koorime didn't even flinch. Instead, he waited a minute before turning his stoic expression to his best friend.

"I can't do it that way. I have to be around her." He looked down at his hands and then looked back up. "I was thinking about making her my mate. I still have a while yet before I can but I can't stay away." He stopped himself from saying anything else. Kurama dropped his gaze to the floor. He was really happy for his friend but...so soon? He really should have known, since Hiei hated to wait almost as much as Yuusuke.

"I wish you luck, Hiei. But, really, you shouldn't move so fast with her. Give her time to adjust to it. Sit with her and talk about it." The kitsune looked back up before realizing that Hiei was watching him with a light frown on his face. He flushed lightly before gathering his school supplies and placing them in his bag.

"Kurama..." The koorime hesitated briefly before turning away and dropping his own gaze. "I'll see you later." Before Kurama could say anything, his friend left him alone.

"I know, Hiei... But, it'll be fine." The kitsune grabbed his bag then walked out of his room to the stairs. His friend knew about the way he felt about Botan. There was nothing he could do. He knew that Botan didn't feel the same and it hadn't been like he thought it should've been for him, either. But he still missed being close to her. After all, when they were last together, he had gotten her to admit that she loved his best friend. It was cold, the way things were happening. Hiei, who thought he could never find happiness, found a solution to his problem by going to Koenma and asking about it. But it was especially lucky for Botan, otherwise she never would've gotten the opportunity to be with him because of the 'curse.'

I remember the time that I talked to him...and he told me about it. It will always be there. If he hadn't killed his father, I would have.

Kurama sighed in irritation. He would just have to move on and continue with how things were before he'd asked Botan to go out with him. There would be plenty of other opportunities for him. After all, there were plenty of girls that would like to be with him, although, he didn't really care to go out with them. They only wanted him to flaunt him and brag about him to all of their friends. That was certainly something he didn't need.

XxXxX

Botan opened her eyes before sitting up completely, remembering what had transpired before she fell asleep. Her eyes searched her room but found no trace of the koorime. He had probably left when she had fallen asleep. Quickly getting up and pulling on her clothes, she ran into her kitchen to grab something quick to eat before she went to find Hiei. The park was the first place she went to look. It was odd, how strongly she felt for him. Her eyes searched around until she sat down on her favorite bench. He was sure to find her there before too long. Unless he was training. He hadn't done so in quite some time, to her surprise. She got up and decided to check that spot, just to be sure. After all, she wanted to ask him what he had been talking about and why he'd woken her up. Remembering the last time she'd gone looking for him in his training area, she shuddered. But that wasn't why she was there. She had to talk to him. As she'd expected, he was training. In fact, she could hardly see him but when she did, she knew he'd been going at it for quite some time. He was sweating. So, she sat down and waited patiently for him to finish.

"What is it, onna?" He asked softly, sheathing his katana as he walked over to her. "You came here for a reason, didn't you?" She nodded and patted the ground next to her. He sat down wordlessly, his eyes refusing to meet hers.

"I wanted to ask you about last night, Hiei. What did you mean?" He let out a strange sound before leaning against the tree. "You said that you needed to be near me... Have you...figured it out?" The koorime shook his head slowly, much to her disappointment.

"I wanted you to...help me." He reached over and caressed her face before pulling her into his arms. "I can't do it with just memories." His lips gently brushed her own, sending heat flaring through her body.

"Of course I'll help you... I told you that I would wait for you forever. I'll be here for you forever." She grinned when he shoved her to the ground, sitting on top of her. "Let me up!" He raised a brow before smirking maliciously. She grew nervous when he leaned down, nipping at her throat. He ran his tongue over one certain spot and she jumped, her eyes wide.

"Stop it, onna. I would never force you. Besides, it is much too early. Just enjoy this for now." He growled low in his throat as she relaxed, her hands gently weaving into his gravity-defying hair.

"Hiei..." His name left her lips as their eyes met. He wanted her. But he could not rush. Face turning red, he vanished from on top of her and stood back in his training area.

"I need time alone to think right now, Botan." She flushed before sitting up. He heard her leave, feeling his body cool slightly. "Dammit!" He punched the ground, baring his fangs. Perhaps he should wait to see her again. He was reacting far too strongly for his own liking. It felt so unbelievable. He couldn't control himself. If he'd gone any further...

I cannot lose her to something like this. Why are these feelings, these reactions, so strong?

His eyes narrowed as he fell forward, hitting the ground with a soft thud. He would have to figure it out after a nap... His own training had worn him out.

When I get back up... I will just train more. Until exhaustion takes over. Then...I will not do anything so stupid.

XxXxX

"Kurama?" He turned around and noticed Botan staring at him with a concerned look on her face. "I need to talk to you." Kurama smiled calmly. He knew she would need to question things. The kitsune would be more than happy to provide answers for her.

"It must be about Hiei." She flushed and looked away from him. "Did you speak with him?"

"He's nervous." Kurama froze. "He... He is almost scared. You should've seen the look on his face..." His wide eyes met her narrowed ones. "Tell me what's going on with him. He wouldn't really explain anything except that he couldn't figure out how he feels about me from memories alone." She stepped closer to him. "Did you tell him something?"

"He wants you to be his mate, Botan." It was her turn to stare at him with wide eyes. "But it best if neither of you rush into something so complex. You should think about keeping apart for a while, letting things cool off. He is not used to such complexity."

"We were apart for a while! But...he's different now than he was before."

"He's realized more. He needs time on his own right now." Kurama's voice dropped. "My suggestion would be normal ningen dating. It could be good for you. Just do not rush. Mating is delicate. More so than ningen minds can understand." She glared at him.

"I want what's best for him."

"Then wait."

"I told him I would." He smiled at her fiery attitude. Perhaps Hiei was rubbing off on her... "I would wait forever..." He turned away from her. "So...you suggest that we date and take things slow."

"Indeed." He flashed her an emotionless smile. "Watch over him, Botan." She watched as he walked away, even more confused than when she had gone to him. Hiei wanted to make her his mate? But he wanted to wait, which was why he'd pulled away so quickly.

"Dating, hmm?" She smiled slowly. That was something she could do.

XxXxX

Well, this is the next chapter that I've got for you. I hope you like it. It was quite challenging. I sort of had a bout of writer's block in the middle so I wrote a few one-shots that should be posted soon enough. I wanted to get this out first. I hope I did well enough for you.

Of course, I figured that it would be harder on him to understand Botan than it was to understand Yukina. Lump in the new conflict of physical reactions and Hiei's really got it bad... So, Dr. Kurama suggests dating? We'll have to see what becomes of this in the next chapter, won't we? Man, even after all of that, he still doesn't know what he feels for her. Poor Hiei. I sort of feel bad for him...

Thanks to all of you who've stuck with me through this. I love you all! Please tell me how I did!