Desiring Other Times

Chapter 3 - Uncertainty

Disclaimer: Imagine a world where the person who owned Harry Potter was rich. I would be poor.

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In this world, there is no thick, distinctly marked line between good and evil. Some would go so far as to say that good and evil are ideas created by The Man to keep us under control. I believe that true evil is the inability to see, understand and make logical judgements about 'the other side of the argument'. Voldemort might be able to see and understand what the 'Light' side have to say about his policies, but most of the time, he doesn't act in a logical manner.

That will be the reason for his downfall, whether by the hand of Albus Dumbledore, of Jeremy Potter 'The Boy Who Lived', or by my hand. I may hold little love for either of them, but I acknowledge that in this war, either of them – indeed, almost any wizard or witch – could quite possibly be the one who destroys Voldemort.

We are all on the same 'side' against Voldemort. What remains to be seen is if the factions within this 'side' can stop fighting for long enough to win.

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Classes progressed smoothly, and I was careful to ensure that I wasn't performing far better than my peers – what worse way was there to reveal that I wasn't just another student? Not to mention people would say I was an attention-seeking brat that was jealous of my brother's fame. It wasn't as if I wanted it; having watched Jeremy deal with the paparazzi and the fans all these years had inured me of the fantasy that being rich and famous made you insanely happy – it was more likely to make you feel hassled and annoyed.

Double Potions in the dungeons rolled round on the third day of classes – apparently first year Gryffindor (and consequently Jeremy) had had Potions yesterday with Slytherin, and Professor Snape had laid into him, being completely unfair. Perhaps it was because Jeremy looked almost exactly like father – I hoped it was that rather than the fact that he was just a Potter, else I would also be in for the same treatment.

Professor Snape ordered all of us in when he arrived outside the classroom, then proceeded to mark the roll. When he got to my name, he paused, looked at my straight in the eye and probed about with Legilimency. Specifically for this class, I had removed the sugary fake memories I had floating about the first circle and replaced them with some of the memories of being ignored. Encountering these memories, Snape seemed to recoil a little, then recovered and proceeded with marking the roll without comment.

Stepping from behind the professor's bench, he regarded all of us for a half-minute. The expression he wore seemed to say he had judged us and found us wanting. He seemed to sigh, then launched into a rather well-rehearsed and oft-repeated speech about how we were all stupid and wouldn't understand the wonders of Potions. Many of the Ravenclaws looked scandalised while the Hufflepuffs took it stoically.

"Potter!" Snape whirled around suddenly and regarded me. I was sure this was what the Gryffindors had been talking about. "What would I get if I brewed a potion containing boomslang skin, lacewing flies, leeches, fluxweed, horn of bicorn, porcupine needles and knotgrass?" The rather odd order of ingredients (and the fact that a great many were missing from the typical list) threw me for a second.

"Uh…" I thought frantically for a way to answer without giving him a chance to think I was either a know-it-all brat or a dunderhead… but of course, being a Potter, he wouldn't give me that sort of chance. I straightened, and decided to stick with know-it-all – I was a Ravenclaw, after all. "You'd have the beginnings of Polyjuice Potion, sir."

Momentarily, Snape looked stunned but he hid it quickly. "Unicorn blood, ground Opaleye dragon scales, horned slugs and salt?" Was his next question.

"A… healing potion?" I twisted the last word so that it was phrased into a question. "I think… for cramped muscles?"

Snape's eyes narrowed, he probed my mind again and I experienced a moment of extreme panic when he almost crossed the threshold from the first circle into the next. Perhaps he got hit by the sudden wave of fear that I felt, but he quickly retreated from my mind.

"Well? Why aren't you writing?" He demanded of the class, and I let loose a breath of relief. The others seemed a little surprised that Snape hadn't done anything worse than quiz me on some OWL material (not that they knew that), but decided that trying to remember what I had said was more important.

An hour later of theory, and we were paired up to make a potion that could cure boils. Terry Boot was paired up with me, and he tried to pry out from me where I had learned so much about Potions but the presence of Snape sweeping past saved me from having to answer. It wasn't hard to ensure that Terry didn't make any mistakes whilst we were brewing – it wasn't as if he was an accident prone or forgetful person either – and when Snape came around to inspect the finished potions at the end of the lesson, he couldn't find any fault with it.

Snape looked at me piercingly as we packed up, then…

"Potter. Stay back, if you will." His voice brooked no argument, and the others looked at me worriedly then hurried off, not wanting to be caught up in whatever 'trouble' I had perpetrated.

I approached the front bench, and he stared at me for a little bit. "I hear from Draco that he was disappointed that you weren't Sorted into Slytherin." I blinked – this certainly wasn't what I was expecting. Perhaps he expected a reply from me, but when it was obvious I wasn't going to, Snape continued. "Now, you may have heard from your… father that Slytherins are a… 'nasty' lot, but I'm sure if you managed to impress even Draco, then you're certainly not the type who possesses such bigoted views." This time, it was obvious he really expected an answer from me.

"No sir." I decided that commenting further about assumptions would only make it clear that I had assumed too much in thinking I was 'allowed' to put forth an opinion.

Snape seemed satisfied with my two word answer. "Well, I hope you don't turn out like your fine brother has-" Perhaps he was trying to get on my good side by pointing out that neither of us liked Jeremy all that much, or perhaps he truly hoped I didn't turn out like Jeremy. "-but I suppose…" He trailed off, glanced at me. "I suppose that since you seem capable of grasping the concepts of the fine art of Potions, it seems unlikely that you will. Well! Draco would like to speak with you sometime – I'm sure the two of you would make fine friends." He paused.

I looked at him, inwardly wondering if the man was insane. Friends? With Draco Malfoy? As if my parents would ever let me hear the end of it! "I… I'm not quite sure if that's a good idea, sir… It's not that I don't like Draco!" I hurriedly added. "It's just… I don't think putting more… 'stress' on my parents is a good idea."

Snape nodded, and I sort of wished I had a video camera, with which to record a moment where Snape had agreed with a Potter. My father would have liked that. "That is a valid point, Mr Potter. Be as it may, don't forget that you've impressed the son of one of the most distinguished wizards in society." I couldn't help but notice how Snape had paused slightly before 'distinguished' – it seemed even he had a little sense of humour.

"You may leave, now." I hurried out of the laboratory and towards the Great Hall for lunch.

Terry and the others looked at me expectantly. "Well? What did he want? You didn't lose any points, did you?"

I shook my head, both to answer them and also to express my wonder that they could worry about something so mundane. "No, I didn't lose any points. He just wanted to talk about… about Potions." From there, they began to question me on just how I knew so much about the subject, and they looked at me in awe when I said I'd had a read through some of my parents' old textbooks.

"Wow! I tried to do that, but I couldn't understand half of what they were saying. In dad's old Charms' book, they were talking about the Cheering Charm, you know? And it said you had to…" The other first years (those with magical parents, of course) complained good naturedly about the lack of detail in the more advanced textbooks.

The table fell silent as somebody approached from behind me, their shadow creeping up over my shoulders. I turned – it was Jeremy, and he didn't look particularly happy.

"We need to talk." He hissed into my ear, then stalked out of the Great Hall.

I frowned, looked at the other Ravenclaws about me in confusion, and hurriedly finished my slice of pie then got up. Leaving the Great Hall, I felt somebody's – several somebody's, in fact – eyes on me. Glancing back, Dumbledore was watching me carefully, as was Snape and McGonagall.

Once out of the Great Hall, Jeremy confronted me. "I heard Snape didn't do anything to you – how'd you do it? He's been completely unfair to me, just because dad used to prank him!" He ranted on, not really giving me a chance to offer my advice – not that I had any, mind you.

"Well? Why didn't he take points off you? I heard he only asked you a few questions then backed off…" He looked at me, almost pleadingly.

"I…" I looked away, unsettled. "I don't know." Jeremy looked ready to fire up with indignation. "No, really! I really expected him to take points off me like he did with you, maybe even give me detention for giving him cheek just by answering his questions but…"

"You answered his questions? Hermione says the ones he asked me were almost OWL material, and the ones Parvati said her sister said he asked you were even higher!"

This time, I was really uncomfortable. "You know how I always read books? Well… sometimes I've been reading… reading our parents' old textbooks." I couldn't quite force the words 'mum and dad' out of my mouth, but Jeremy didn't seem to notice.

"Really?" He looked thoughtful for a bit – contrary to popular belief, not all Gryffindors were stupid and brash, Hermione Granger being one example. "Maybe I'll get mum to owl me those books… Unless you have them?" He looked at me hopefully.

"Um, sure. I mean, yeah, I have a few of them. Should I get them now?"

He nodded enthusiastically, and seemed ready to follow me to the Ravenclaw rooms. I held up a hand. "Uh… our… security only lets Ravenclaws in, so uh… just wait here, okay? I'll be back in five minutes." Jeremy looked a little off-put, but shrugged. "Ok, sure."

I hurried to the Ravenclaw dorms, mind buzzing. Why was I surprised that Jeremy might just be a little interested in studying? Had I already succumbed to the idea that just because he read less than me, he was stupid? I mean, we had the same parents, and they were both intelligent in their own right, with mother being quite the Hermione Granger, if the comparison were at all fair. Perhaps it was because Jeremy was always being spoiled, never really having to pull his own weight.

"So, when do you want them back?" Jeremy held the books carefully, knowing full well that they were our parents.

I shrugged. "It doesn't matter, they're not mine, after all. If I need them back, I'll ask."

"That's cool with me." Jeremy paused. "Although Hermione might… 'borrow' them for a while, if you catch my drift."

I snorted, then looked at him slyly. "What's this about Hermione? All I hear from you is Hermione this and Hermione that…" I trailed off playfully as Jeremy blushed.

"It's not like that! She's just really smart and I can't talk about schoolwork and, and Ron – he's lazy as anything. Or Neville – although I guess he's pretty awesome with Herbology. But you know, school and Hermione – they go hand in hand."

I sighed, shrugged. "Well, if that's all… I guess I'll see you around."

"Sure." He muttered absent-mindedly, already walking away and examining the books. He stopped and called back to me, though. "Make sure you Owl mum and dad once in a while – they've been waiting for you to send them a letter."

"Sure, sure, when I get around to it. Busy, busy, you know, keeping up with the other Ravenclaws!" I joked.

He laughed, and I wondered for the first time in a great many years if this was what I could have had if neither of us had been touched by the prophecy. If I could still have this sort of connection if I bothered to just keep up the act, keep the mask on.

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Author's Notes:- Clarifications:

1. Appearances - Harry no longer looks like canon Harry – less messy hair (it's more wavy), much taller (due to lack of malnutrition and the bungled potion) and healthier, brown hair, takes mostly after his mother. Jeremy is like canon Harry except taller (the malnutrition thing, remember) and healthier.

2. Snape – he doesn't like Jeremy because he reminds him of James too much. Harry does not, and there is the fact that Draco has been speaking of Harry to Snape. The potential friendship between Draco and Harry would not occur if Harry was belittled by Snape while Draco was favoured.

3. Occlumency – more like spheres that Harry utilizes to convince intruders that the first one is all there is in his mind. The 'circle' refers to the boundaries (like topside view of a sphere). First circle is outermost.

4. Learning from old books – this is less out there than learning from advanced texts that Harry bought from Knockturn Alley. The texts he did buy in Knockturn Alley are merely theory books for his extra-curricular program.

5. Hermione – yes, she's still as smart as ever.