Black and White
Yesterday's Feelings
Disclaimer: I own nothing
a/n: Okay, important note. The story is going to get wierd now. Like REALLY weird. So yeah, be warned. It is only so strange because I was on the phone while I wrote it. So yeah.
This chapter is dedicated to the memory of Brandon Michie. May he rest in peace. He had beautifull eyes. Even though he was a skank.
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The next day I didn't speak to Gaara. He was so happy. I didn't ask him anything because I didn't want to ruin his good mood. He didn't seem to care that I was unusally quiet. In fact it seemed to make him even more cheerful. Once I was dressed for the day I headed to class. I ran into Sasuke on the way to the first class. Surprisingly he didn't say anything to me either. I was puzzled. Usually he clung to me, but now it was like he couldn't get away from me. Shaking my head I walked into the classroom. All my classes went the same way. I sat alone and no one talked to me.
During Lunch I saw Gaara sitting at his usual table, but there was someone with him. A girl. She had long blond hair and a tan. She was hanging off Gaara like a cheap suit. Enraged, yet curious, I slowly walked nervously toward them. Standing awkwardly at the end of the table I asked in a tight voice, "Who's this?" Gaara's face lit up as he said, "This is Cassie Yearwood. She and I were best friends back in Suna." He then smiled and hooked his arm around her shoulders. I could say nothing as I turned and left the caffeteria.
I ran into the girl's bathroom and locked myself into a stall. I pulled down my pants and pulled my switch blade out of the back pocket. I pushed the blade against the inside of my thigh beside the multiple other cuts. I pulled the knife up slowly as I enjoyed the pain and the sight of blood. I enjoyed the adrenilalen that pumped through my veins. The exhilleration made me moan. I placed it once again on the skin and pushed harder than the last time. I closed my eyes in pure pleasure.
"Is anyone in there?" an annoying voice called out. It was that bitch Cassie. I wanted to kill her so bad that I had to cut myself again to stop myself from using the knife on her. I let out another moan, louder this time, to let her know the stall was occupied. When I saw her feet move I grabbed a bunch of tissue and cleaned the blood. I flushed it down the toilet and pulled my pants back up.
I walked out of the restroom and headed towards my next class. I felt high from the release.
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The next day I was sitting in the gaybar eating ice cream and collecting my thoughts in my journal while I watched the dancers twirl their batons.
I was still upset with Gaara. He had abondoned me again yesterday. I wasn't really upset at the fact that he was gone. What I was really upset at was the possibilities of what he could be doing. I knew these thoughts were rediculous. It wasn't like we had anything going on.
I was surprised at the hostility I had yesterday. I had no reason to cut again. Was I really that insecure? Disgusted with myself I finished eating and gathered my things. I headed outside and walked towards the school. It was Saturday afternoon. I had come here so I could collect myself. I didn't feel like acting anymore. It was time for me to be my real self.
I grinned as I remembered the sweet sound of agony. I ran the rest of the way to school. I rushed into my room and reached under my bed. Finding what I was looking for I pulled out a small box. Opening it I found various body rings. I looked in the mirror and thought long and hard. The girl looking back at me in the mirror
was not the real me. I had to stop pretending. I had to become... real. I took out five rings. I placed two in my right eyebrow and and one in my left. The fourth ring went into the middle of my lip and the final one went into my tongue.
I stood up and went to where I kept my clothes. I took out all my preppie clothes that my mother had sent with me. I went to the metal trashcan and took ot the bag. I put all the bright colored clothes in it and got a match. I threw it onto the clothes and watched it burn. I was letting go of the lie that I had lived since I got here. The lie that I had everyone believe. I turned an walked to the remaining clothes. These were all darkly colored with death written all over them.
I put on a long sleeved fishnet undershirt and a spaghetti srtapped black and red horizontally stripped shirt with a zipper going across the top, right above the chest. I then put on a pure black flared skirt that went above my fingertips, but not high enough to show my scars, and a studded belt. To top it all of I put on some combat boots, a spiked collar, and strapped my guitar onto my back. I looked in the mirror.
I looked like my old self, before I had come to this school, before I began a life of unceartanty. I had only changed myself so people would like me. Back in my home town everyone hated me because I was different. Here I thought I had a chance to be liked. But now I know it was the same as always. Everyone got to know me and they hated me, even if looked the same as all of them. It was time I enjoyed being me.
I walked out of the room and ran into...
TO BE CONTINUED...
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HAHAHA!!! cliffhanger!!! Again, in all seriousness, this chapter was dedicated to Brandon Michie. He commited social suicide at 3:47 pm today. He was being totally emo for about an hour, the decided to end it all!!! He ran into the middle of the Mall and... went in front of Mickey D's and asked for a couple of burgers. Then he shoved them into the clerks face and yelled, "DIE EMO FAG!!! EAT IT DADDY!!! EAT YOUR GOODBURGER!!!! home of the goodburger, may I take your order?" he was arrested and charged with harrassment. Well anyways r&r for me. Thanks.