-1Tales of symphonia is namcos.

Tales of Symphonia Dating Chronicles

Chapter 3. Magnius gets his replies and Forcystus reveals his wife

Lloyd and his friends were stuck in there cells in Cruxis Headquarters. That and they were creeped the fuck out. Standing outside their cells were the desian grand cardinals, all five of them. As they remembered they killed Magnius and Kvar but there they were as plain as day. "How in the hell are you living? We killed you sorry asses and blew you guys up in the ranches!" Yelled Lloyd.

"Uh-Duh! Kratos in on our side. Remember?" Said Magnius. "He pulled us out. Well he willingly helped me anyways. Kvar had some serious ass kissing to do before he was saved."

"Shut it, scar face!" yelled Kvar who looked ready to kill his fellow cardinal.

"Both of you shut up!" Forcystus yelled at the weakest of the cardinals.

All of a sudden an angel descended in front of the cardinals and said quite monotonously, "Mail call. Five packages for Magnius Elm. Three love letters for Pronmya. Jury Duty notice for Rodyle. Cable bill for Kvar. Credit card application for Forcystus. Thank you have a nice day." And with that the angel left with an unimpressive conformist flight pattern.

"I thought I paid them already. Now their saying that if I don't pay they'll cut me off." said Kvar.

Magnius looked over his shoulder and then said, "Shave My Genitals? I Lick Myself? I love Crabs?" He looked at Kvar directly and the asked, "Seriously. Have you ever thought that you may have a pornography problem?"

"Well what about you?" Asked Kvar. "Aren't those naughty videos?"

"Actually, I think these are the responses from my dating video." said Magnius eyeing the tapes as if they were bombs.

"Well," Rodyle said, "Put them on."

For some strange reason, quite possibly the authors twisted imagination, a huge ass TV and VCR were present. Magnius grabbed one of his tapes and put it in. Instantly he wished that for all that was good to kill him as the ugliest looking rat faced hag showed herself on the screen. "Hey there handsome. My name is Granny Thong and I have a thing for strong men like yourself. Just watch me dance for you."

"Someone hit eject." The Grand Cardinals were too scared to move but luckily, Kratos and Mithos arrived and hit eject before the woman got to dancing.

Rodyle said, "I don't remember sending a video to my mother. Oh well. Put in the next one."

Magnius did not want to but did anyway. He immediately regretted it. All the people present except Magnius burst out laughing as a transvestite in need of a shave popped on the screen. He didn't give the video five seconds before ejecting it and smashing it on his knee. He grabbed the next one thinking it couldn't be any worse but he thought wrong. This one came from his mother and happened to be his potty training days. He was getting pissed as he ejected that one and put in the next one to reveal, his prom night spent stagging with his cousin Rego who scared away every girl in a fifty mile radius. He quickly ejected that one grabbed the last one and put it in knowing that whatever god in heaven didn't hate him that much. And he was right. There on the screen was a half elf girl about nineteen years old. She had blue hair and green eyes. She also had a light blush on her cheeks. "Hi. My name is Marissa Lander. I'm a student at Altamira's academy of culinary arts. Like you I find that food tastes better if you make it yourself. I also hate people who have surgery on themselves to make themselves look younger. My hobbies include cooking, and writing. And I am available on weekends if you want to meet up. I spend most of my free time at a small café in the educational district. Well, that's all I wanted to say. Um, bye."

Magnius stood up and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we've found a winner." he ejected the video and held it close to him.

Rodyle then said, "Alright. It is now your turn Forcystus." He pulled out a camera and pointed it at Forcystus. "So what do you have to say to the ladies?"

Forcystus said, "I'm Married."

Kvar said, "I thought we said that Pronmya was not the best match."

Forcystus then said, "Perhaps if you idiots would stop thinking with your wangs you would have noticed that Pronmya is not attracted to creatures of the male persuasion. Or if you need it dumbed down, she is a Lesbian."

All stared in shock at Pronmya who shrugged and said, "So I like women. I don't care if the world knows."

Magnius then said, "But, the time you spend by Lord Yggdrasil and the time you spend flirting with others."

"Okay. First off the only thing between Yggdrasil and I is a mutual friendship. Secondly I only flirted because my parents are still hoping for grandchildren. I have been looking for the perfect specimen who I can stand to be around for more than a few hours."

Rodyle then said, "Well then, that means that Forcystus wasn't lying. Spill it. If Pronmya and you aren't married then who is your wife?"

Forcystus walked over to one of the cells. "My wife happens to be in this cell dressed in a teachers uniform." He pointed to Raine. A lot of jaws dropped at this statement.

Kratos then said, "I want to hear this one."

To Be Continued

R&R.