This is a short chapter, but I felt the need to update since I haven't in so long.

Chapter Fourteen

"They've got you trapped"

The tour with Mr. Andrews was quite interesting and more informative than I imagined it would be. I forgot my problems for a while as he talked about the many, many intricacies of running a ship the size and stature of the Titanic.

As we made our way down the boat deck, I addressed one issue that had been on my mind from nearly the start of the tour. "Mr. Andrews, forgive me, but I've done the sum in my head and with the number of lifeboats times the capacity you've mentioned, forgive me, but it seems there's not enough for everyone aboard."

"About half, actually," he responded with a surprised and yet pleased smile. "Rose, you miss nothing, do you?"

I know I should have felt warmed by the compliment, but I didn't. It seemed to me that by not having enough lifeboats for every passenger, it put many people at risk if something, God forbid, should happen while we were out to sea.

"In fact," he continued. "I put in these new type davits which could take a whole row of boats inside this one but it was thought, by some, that the deck would look too cluttered. So, I was overruled."

Cal passed us at that point and slapped his cane against the hull of one of the lifeboats. "A waste of deck space as it is for an unsinkable ship," he said as my mother smiled up at him and took his arm.

"Sleep well, young Rose, I have built you a good ship, strong and true," Mr. Andrews assured me. "She's all the lifeboat you'll need. Keep heading aft," he pointed. "The next stop will be the engine room."

I had barely made two steps when I felt a hand touch my arm. I turned, and to my surprise, I was looking at Jack. "Come on," he whispered urgently and pulled me. Frantically I looked back to Mother and Cal in hopes that they had not seen me with him. After the morning episodes with both of them, I didn't want to risk being caught with him in a compromising position.

He opened the door to the gym and pulled me in. I stepped inside and waited for him to turn to me. "Jack," I started quickly when he did. "This is impossible, I can't see you." I tried to push past him, but he pinned me to the wall and held me there.

"I just want to talk to you," he pleaded.

"No, Jack," I told him. I was frightened for him, I was frightened for myself. If Cal saw me with Jack I knew he would do more than turn over a table. I couldn't put Jack at risk like that, so the only recourse I had was to never see him again.

"I'm engaged, Jack. I'm marrying Cal. I love Cal," I said weakly hoping I sounded more convincing than I felt, but Jack's expression gave me my answer.

"Rose, you're no picnic… you're a spoiled little brat even. But, under that you're the most astounding, wonderful girl," he paused, "woman, I've ever known. And-"

"Jack, no," I couldn't hear more. I tried to push him away again. Couldn't he see how impossible this was?

"Let me get this out," he persisted as he held me. "You're amazing," and then he stopped and closed his eyes before opening them and looking straight at me. "I'm not an idiot. I know how the world works. I have ten bucks in my pocket and I have nothing to offer you and I know that… I understand. But, I'm too involved now. You jump, I jump, remember? I can't turn away without knowing you're alright. That's all I want."

I couldn't let his words persuade me. Jack and I were on opposite ends of the universe and I didn't belong in his world and he didn't belong in mine. My choices had been made long ago and I had to live with it. Jack had no place in my life no matter how he made me feel or what I felt for him. I stared back at him pushed my emotions aside.

"Well, I'm fine, I'll be fine… really," I answered him.

"Really?" he replied softly. "I don't think so. They've got you trapped, Rose and you're gonna die if you don't break free. Maybe not right away because you're strong but sooner or later that fire I love about you, Rose, that fire is gonna burn out."

He had reached up to touch my face while he was speaking and it was all I could do to continue standing there. I couldn't look at him, it was too hard. In his face I saw all of the feelings that should not have been there. "It's not up to you save me, Jack."

"You're right, only you can do that."

For a moment, for a brief and wild moment I wanted to jump into his arms and forget my life as it was. I wanted to forget Cal and everything associated with him, but I could not. There were too many responsibilities, too many ties to hold me down. I was trapped, but there was nothing I could do about it and neither could he.

"I'm going back, leave me alone," I pushed past him and made my way back down the deck to join Mother and Cal. When I joined them, Cal turned to me, frowning.

"Sweet pea, just where did you get off to?"

"I'm sorry, darling," I smiled and took his arm, hoping he wouldn't be able to read my true feelings. "I was looking at the boats and lost track of myself."

"Boats? I can't imagine why? It's not as if we're going to actually use them," he scoffed and adjusted his hat.

"Of course," I smiled slightly and looked back over my shoulder. I didn't see Jack, but somehow I knew he was watching us and I felt my heart shudder in misery. I didn't want him to care because it wouldn't change anything… anything at all.